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Thursday, January 26, 2012

Jim Bakker showcases Godzilla, awful preaching chops

Unfortunately, the Blogger 'autosave' feature resulted in the first part of my post being completely lost. As a creative person and one who takes his work seriously, this really hits me very hard. Please don't let this dampen your reading experience though. For my readers, my desire is to bring you some laughs, and the best comfort I can receive is knowing that I was successful in doing so.

This is part two. Enjoy!

What would George Washington think about you, Jim?
Bakker begins doing something that's rare for him nowadays: preaching. It's actually sort of a quasi-preaching, since everything he tells us ties into sales instead of message. In the past few weeks, I've noticed that the show format has changed around a little bit too. He's now front-loading his show with scary stories and gabbing. Then when he gets to the mid-point of the show, he hits us with custom produced commercials for foodbuckets and everything else in his inbred-friendly arsenal. We'll see how long it lasts.

Pastor Bakker starts his sermon with a lie. He tells us that George "Warshington" as he calls him was sworn into office at 'Ground Zero', what Jim also refers to as '9/11 site'. George Washington was not sworn into office at 'Ground Zero', he was sworn in four blocks away at Federal Hall. Sorry Jim, four blocks is four blocks. However much you want people to believe you so that you can sell your shitty book, the truth is that you're lying. You're lying, purposely, to sell a book. Would Jesus lie to sell a book?

Jim showing off his new bell-bottoms
Now Jim's taking credit after the fact for predicting an earthquake in Japan on December 31st, 1999. There's a lot of earthquakes in Japan, Jim. How about predicting a tornado in Oklahoma, or drought in Africa? Jim tells us that Lori was there when he received this prophesy, as if that actually means something. He adds that God told him on February 23, 2011, that there would be a 9.0 earthquake in Japan. Says who? Says the pastor who just lied to us about where George Washington was sworn in? The last prophesy I heard come out of Jim Bakker's mouth had to do with the United States running out of corn in August 2011. I also heard one about mudslides that were supposed to occur in June 2011. Where are they Jim?

The Godzilla statue, covered to prevent bird poop
I take back what I said about Jim's suit. He just came up in front of the pulpit to yell at people for not paying attention, and I see that his pants aren't cut right. His fat little frog legs are too tight in the thigh, while everything below the knee is bloused out like a bell-bottom. Are those Lori's pants?

While Jim's giving people the business, he gets a laugh out of Lori when Jim tells us that some people pressure us to take drugs. Jim tells us in the same breath that some people pressure us not to take drugs, and Lori laughs even louder. One of the Master's Media students even looks over at her while she's laughing. The camera closes in on Jim but we still hear Lori giggle and sort of apologize quietly. Are you feeling alright Lori? You're only taking those prescription drugs orally right? Just to be clear, you're not supposed to snort that stuff.

Bakker craning neck
Has anyone checked on the Jesus statue outside? What if a bird flies over and poops on it? We're also in the middle of winter now. Are we sure that sucker's not gonna crack and crumble from the cold? That's your baby Jim, you brought the thing into existence so you better take care of it or else you and your followers will have nothing to pray to.

Jim moves to his '#1 word for 2012': Confusion. He rattles off all the synonyms he can find for it and tenuously ties those words to current events. I'm noticing that Jim is really building himself into a frenzy with this. He tells us that there is no world leader, and that the Antichrist is going to step up and become the leader if we're not careful.

"Get Back! Get Back, I'm warning you!"
Does Bakker not realize that the world is made up of individual countries with their own leaders? Why would there be a leader for the entire world...are we negotiating humanity's fate with other planetary bodies? This is absurdity, but don't tell that to Jim because in his current state, he might take a swing at you. I haven't seen him like this in months. He's craning his neck above his collar like a rooster in heat, jutting out his jaw as he speaks. He ends his tirade with a Barney Fife Karate chop combo, hi-Ya!


"hiiiiiiii-YAAAA!"
I stand corrected, he hasn't ended it yet. In fact, I think he might just be getting started. Now he's talking about 'pickers' and 'hoarders'. He's out among the inbreds and he's yelling in their ears. He's so intense that I fear he's actually spitting in their faces when he says his S's and P's (like "Spiritual Picker"). That's nothing new for Jim though, he basically spits in the face of every taxpayer when he doesn't repay the millions he still owes the IRS. And considering that the thousands of people who gave Jim Bakker $1,000 for Heritage time shares received only $6.54 in return when he wrecked it, I'd call that spitting in their face too.

Jim Bakker's out of control!
Bakker stumbles back on stage like the town drunk, ranting and raving. He's literally shouting at the top of his lungs, I think someone needs to go up there and sit him down. He gets near the Master's Media kids for whom he seems to hold so much disdain. and shouts, 'It's confusing!'. When he hits the word 'confusing', his voice suddenly drops to what can best be described as a growl.

Jim Bakker stands on a public street corner in the middle of the city, shouting at passersby. A shop owner, noticing his erratic behavior, calls the police. They arrive.

[Officer Justice] "This is the guy right? Yeah dispatch said it was an old crazy guy with a frog face. That's him."

The officers approach.

Bakker spitting out, 'Spiritual Pickers!'
[Officer Steele] "Hello sir. How are we doing today?"
[Jim Bakker] "It's confusing!!"
[Officer Steele] "Yes sir, I understand. How much have you had to drink today sir?
[Jim Bakker] "Are you even listening!?"
[Officer Justice] "Yeah yeah buddy, we've heard it all before. How 'bout a ride downtown to the soup kitchen huh? Get you showered and shaved?"
[Jim Bakker] "You're hoarders, Spiritual Pickers!" [Jim inadvertently spits in the face of the policemen]

Both officers take Jim down, hard

[Jim Bakker] "Why are you doing this to me!!??"
[Officers Justice] "You did it to yourself buddy."

"It's confusing!!"
Jim circles behind his pulpit and comes out again, this time walking straight-legged and waving his arms fearlessly. Man, the guy is clenching his fists and probably his buttcheeks too because he's really turned up full blast. It looks like that 5-star ministry-paid vacation looks to have hit the spot for ol' Jim because he's got a whole lot of energy right now. Bakker takes a sort of superhero pose just as Kevin Shorey raises an arm in gesture towards someone in the audience, and an edit occurs. A big edit. Uh oh, did someone dare rise to use the restroom in the middle of Jim's rant? Did the noise of a cell phone, vibrating on 'silent mode' in someone's pocket, happen to catch Jim's ear?

We see Jim looking straight into the camera after the edit, probably fresh off barking at some confused old bastard in the audience. He picks up where he left off, this time just a little below full blast.

Jim tells us that God says if we want to be blessed, we have to give. "Don't give to get, just give." Sounds good Jim, so what are you giving? Are you giving us food, or are you charging us for it? How about that book you have that's so important for us all to read...is it free? When is it our time to get from you?

Bakker zeros in on the new girl, clapping her to attention
Now one more edit, and someone must have thrown water on Jim because he appears much calmer. He's talking about a new word, 'Order'. He feels like giving the Master's Media kids some shit, so he tosses it over quickly to them and asks them what Order means. Zach seems to answer as if awoken from a nap. I wonder if Jim's getting tired of Zach just sort of lounging around Morningside now, picking up on the new Mater's Media chicks? In Zach's tiny world, life probably doesn't get much better than this. But Bakker knows he can't just let the giant sloth hang around the girls and eat up all the guest mints forever, especially one with a growing ego.We'll see if Zach lasts the year.

Pizza Rat Nolan
Zach answers for the kids, but Jim ignores the answer and focuses in on the fat black girl sitting next to Pizza Rat Nolan. I don't know her name and I'm not sure that I've even seen her before. But today, she got what might be her only chance up on stage, and now Bakker's staring her down while he's talking. She doesn't know he's approaching her since her eyes are glued to what appears to be the Morningside Cafe breakfast menu? Bakker claps two times to get her attention, and she snaps back to attention. I don't think Pastor Jimmy will be having her back next semester.

Jim's now done three full laps around his pulpit, and the last of the three looks the fastest. Is he vying for pole position at the Morningside 500? Or is he just pacing off how much space he'll need for that 12-ton Godzilla statue, the expensive monument to Bakker vanity?

Jim Bakker fake sobs while bragging about himself
Having hit the 'fear' emotion in his followers, Bakker now presses the 'sympathy' button. He tells them how important it is for them to prepare their storehouses to feed the poor, then he tells us of the thousands of people his crew is feeding through all of his stored food. Jim adds that he doesn't want to brag about this, then through a fake sob he insists that this is 'just business as usual for the church'. It's amazing to see Jim saddened almost to the point of crying, then immediately happy and joyous again while telling us the wonders his food will do for people in the last days. It's almost as if he's purposely dragging us through different emotions to wear us down until we just give him what he wants. Jim would make a killer time-share salesman.

Jerry Jones, manager of high-volume distribution business
What the hell, did Jim just do a story tease? He told us that if we listen to him for the next two days, we'll find out about the hell to come on earth due to food shortages. Then Zach voiced-over with the message, "Don't go away, we'll be right back with a special message from Jim Bakker". Now we're at a commercial starring Jim, Jerry Jones and a woman in yellow who doesn't get to speak. Jerry Jones is a fat guy with a sort of Kermit the Frog voice that Jim calls 'the vice president of our ministry'. The first thing I thought when I heard Jerry speak was that he sounded like a guy who would work in the sales and distribution department of a warehouse. Bakker's grilling him on all the different foodbucket deals on offer, and Jerry reads them right down like a pro. He knows all the dollar amounts, bucket quantities, he even knows how many servings are in each foodbucket deal. Then I realized that the reason Jerry sounds like a guy working and selling from a warehouse is because that is actually his job for Bakker. Jim's basically just running a foodbucket distribution business, and Jerry is the guy that puts cold plastic foodbuckets into almost-cold human hands.

Jim Bakker confused about Confusion
After the commercial break, we're back with Bakker talking about instability. He says, with a straight-face, that the United States is the most unstable of all the nations. He tells us that "the Euro is at the bottom of the world's money." This is all so untrue, Jim is completely talking out of his ass with this. He then gives us his #2 word for 2012: Explosions. He tells us to watch Iran and the Middle East. How stupid must a person be to fall for this crap? Explosions in the Middle East...is this punchline to a joke, Jim? Can't you come up with something better than that?

Right about this time, I figure the bird that just crapped on the Godzilla statue has probably realized it can make a nest in the armpit area. Don't get too comfortable in there little birdy. When Jim's ready to unveil his glorious idol to his followers, your ass is grass. Try Shorey's armpit instead...he's so fat, he'll never even know you're there.

Jim's preaching from his Bible that people who brag do so to hide the truth. He then preaches that the love of money is the root of all evil. Jim better shut his Bible quickly, because everything he's reading is fingering himself as the prime suspect. He just got done bragging about feeding 'thousands' of poor people with his food, and his entire show is devoted to making money through product sales. Will Jim's next Bible verse discuss 15-foot tall graven images?

Another edit. Why does Jim keep editing his message? This time out of the edit, he restarts and yells something incoherent. I hear the words 'God' and 'above all' but aside from that, it's all curling tongues and gnashing teeth spewing from Bakker's mouth. It looks like his mini-seizure derailed his train of thought because now he's in a really strange zone. He's telling us now that the love money is just 'some' of evil. When he says this, he moves his hands in a gesture that makes it look as if he's pleading for his life.



Jim's probably doing a dry run of the case he'll make for his eternal soul when he's standing at the gates of hell. Kevin Shorey seems uneasy with this, he just shifted in his chair and started rocking as if to say, 'I don't want to be here when Jim gets struck by lightning'. Jim turns to Kevin to get his nod of agreement, but Kevin just shakes his head and looks at him, thinking 'You're on your own with that one, bud.' Jim just effectively changed the well-known Bible verse to say that 'money is the root of some evil'. Convenient!

Jim Bakker on the march
Jim needs to bring back guests and get off the pulpit because he's hurting himself more than he's helping. It seems that everything he preaches implicates himself. He tells us, while reaching for his cup of coffee, that he's "seeing too many church people conning each other". He takes a good long drink, then hoarsely adds, "And then you wonder why people don't want to come to your church."  Bakker digs his hypocrisy hole even deeper, "Why would anybody want to go to your church if you're not fair and honest?" Exactly Jim! How fair are you when you're charging people more, much more, than they would pay outside of Morningside for the same product? And honesty? How about opening up your church books for all the 'partners' to see how much money Morningside brings in every year?

Bakker bracing for impact
Jim just slapped himself silly. He's building up to a frenzy again, and he said fighting and arguing within the church makes him want to vomit. Then, to illustrate turning the other cheek, he slapped himself with his own hand. In slow-motion, we see Bakker flinch before the hand hits his face. Now after the slap, he's moving in front of the pulpit again and wagging his tongue around in his mouth while speaking gibberish to make fun of people who have bad things to say about his church. It's disgusting to observe these actions coming from an old man, and I'm beginning to think Jim's getting senile. His behavior is erratic and he's losing his train of thought often. Now he's squeezing his nose to make his voice nasally as he insults those who don't forgive others.

Bam!
Lori's giggling a lot at this, but again it doesn't seem that Kevin is on-board with it. Shouldn't Jim practice what he preaches, turn the other cheek and forgive those that criticize him? Where in the Bible does it say that a man of God, when confronting his enemies, should wag his tongue in his mouth like a lunatic and hold his nose like a child while making fun of them? Jim's making a fool of himself with the bad preaching and needs to return to the old show format, pronto. Bring Dino out for song and cake, no more of this church charade Jim. You and I both know that this isn't really a church at all...wink wink.

All of these edits are making it difficult to follow Jim. This is more like a 'Hypocrisy Jim's Greatest Hits' film reel than a sermon. I wish I knew what was going on between the edits. Maybe Bakker is giving the stink-eye to a rambunctious toddler's parents, or telling a fountain-seeking child to 'sit your thirsty-ass down until the show is over'? Maybe Kevin Shorey is taking a break to go blow up stall #2, with Lori following closely behind to powder her nose in the ladies room?

Bakker wagging his tongue like a lunatic
Now Jim's back to fear. "What are you going to do when the roving gangs come for your children and you, and your food?" Jim says this is the one question he's asked the most by people. "What happens when the gangs come and want to kill my kids? What can I do?" Bakker, ever the vile snake that he is, tells us that we're gonna find out this year. Why not now, Jim? If you care so deeply about your followers and want to help us out with your message from God, then why don't you tell us immediately instead of requiring us to continue watching throughout the year? Is it because you want to keep your dumb audience glued to their 19" television screens all year long, buying your crap and preparing for the 'roving gangs' that you and I both know will never come? Maybe Lori taught you how crack dealers work: String people along with a little taste here and there to make sure they never leave you or your product. That's exactly what you're doing with your claimed 'message from God'. You are a liar, Jim Bakker, and you know it. God does not speak to you, you speak to yourself.

More tongue-wagging from a senile old man
Bakker reminds us not to miss tomorrow's show, as he has a message that God showed him this week which "is probably the most shocking, the most disturbing information on this subject that you'll ever hear." He says he has to bring it to us. So bring it Jim, what are you waiting for?

Apparently he's waiting for Kevin Shorey to sing first. It seems that Shorey's shitty song is more important to Jim than getting God's important message out to the masses. Kevin's song is as expected, terrible and elementary. He jiggles his jowls during one verse. He opens that big pie hole and grunts out the words, raising his hooves to the sky like a horse spooked by thunder. I see Kevin dressed in those human clothes, and I can't help but think he'd be much more comfortable naked, in a big open field, trotting about on all fours. Instead he's in the 'people room' with Jim, doing tricks for him and being forced to sit on his haunches or stand on his hind legs. Is this really a good fit for you, Kevin? Seriously, why not reconsider your future before it's too late?

A full-grown Shorey stands on its hind legs
After the song, Jim wraps with a prayer in a way I've never seen from a pastor. He reads his prayer like a speech. He even moves his hand along his notes as he 'prays', and gets tongue-tied on a couple words. Wow, well I guess he gets a couple points from God for being prepared...then has every point he's ever earned subtracted into negative territory for being a liar who prays from his notes instead of his heart. But hey, what else can we expect from a ex-con foodbucket salesman fronting as a pastor?

Did I say Jim wrapped with a prayer? Silly me, nope he's wrapping with a push for foodbuckets and books. Why not use this time to give us God's very important message, Jim? Would God approve of you making us wait?


As a final note for my readers, I'm terribly disappointed in losing the first part of my post but I don't have the time or energy to go back and figure out everything I worked on. Some highlights:

Bakker snorts a booger
Jim had airway issues caused by a booger.









This is how circus animals are transported




Jim's graven image, the Godzilla statue, arrived and was unloaded by crane...the same way circus animals are unloaded.

Exodus 20:4 “You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth."

How can Pastor Bakker possibly defend buying a 12-ton, 15-foot graven image of Jesus? Did he buy it for his followers to worship and pray to?


Zach's tie can be used to wipe his own ass in a pinch!
Zach's tie was extra long, and looks to have been starched.










Would you trust this man in a Shower House?




Jim unveiled the Morningside Wet N' Wild Showerhouse.













Bakker profiting off September 11
In case you missed it the first time 'round, Jim replayed video of September 11 for us to watch so he could stun our brains with scariness while grabbing a quick $20 out of our pockets. Or $55, if buying The Harbinger DVD set. What a nice guy, that Pastor Bakker.

204 comments:

1 – 200 of 204   Newer›   Newest»
Grandma Maxine said...

That's too bad that the first part of the blog was lost because the rest was hilarious. I have also noticed for the past few weeks that Jimbo is wearing a suit and tie and no tacky hats! One question, if God is always speaking to him, why doesnt he ever tell us before a disaster strikes and let us know exactly when and where it will occur?

Ron said...

I wonder how Bakker zombies justify their Lord Jim creating a 15 foot tall graven image of Jesus with their money? How can this possibly be defended?

Not a Pastor Jim said...

Nobody will take a skinny little guy with a tight t-shirt and funny hat seriously. I mean nobody but hillbillys and old folks. I think he works himself up more when he wears a suit.

Anonymous said...

As previously mentioned I love when Jim says something that he did and then turns to Lori and asks her to confirm it. Then she giggles and bobbles her head in agreement. That really makes me believe him then

Anonymous said...

It seems like when he wears the tight suits and ties he acts more dramatic and goes into rants which are pure comedy. How can he justify spending $35,000 for that Jesus statue?

Kool-Aid Kid said...

Why does Jim have so many edits in his show? I believe the edits are caused by his brain farts and the studio zombies causing distractions.

Brother Dortch said...

Hey Ron--Look at the top of this box. The "older, oldest, newer, newest" links are gone and that means that once you hit 200 comments your audience is locked out again. Google must not be set up to handle the many comments your blog is getting.

Ron said...

hey bro d,i think those links show up after the comments are plentiful enough to require them, so should be okay this time around...however,i am considering moving to WordPress...just takes time which I don't have a lot of at the moment ...besides the obvious issues I (and we) have here,WP would allow flexibility to do other Jim Bakker things...always wanted to do an open invitation JBS art contest, where everyone submits their artwork...think it'd be hilarious to see what you guys and gals can come up with!

by the time I get around to doing that though, Jim will probably be back in the slammer

Brother Dortch said...

One more thing...the speechless lady in yellow seated in Bakker's office next to Jerry Jones is the infamous Wendy Youngblood and, if you knew what is allegedly going on with her and her sister (who runs the restaurant there) you will very quickly agree that staying quiet is indeed the smartest thing for her to do!

Brother Dortch said...

Ron--The links are not functioning correctly. At the bottom of your prior blog, it showed the correct number of comments (about 315) then when you open the box to read the comments, the box says "200 comments" and all readers were shut out yet again! It is still like that now. Once you hit 200, say goodbye to everyone, including me, as Google is choking under the pressure and is constantly messing up. Open the box now on your prior Rabbi blog. If you see the links you are only seeing them because you are the moderator. they are dead and gone here for the past 4 or 5 days.

Ron said...

Works fine for me dude, from multiple computers even when I'm not moderating. Maybe it's your browser? I can see all the comments now, no problem. Still not happy with Blogger though, wanna see what I can do with WordPress.

And after re-reading I realize this post turned out better than I thought even while missing the first half lol. I wonder if Jim was inhabited by a demon spirit just prior to the show? Maybe it hopped into him from the idol?

Kool-Aid Kid said...

Very funny post Ron. Keep up the excellent work.

Put your hand in the hand of the man........ said...

I enjoyed your Post, good job. Bakker has been preaching like he has been studing up on his "Adolf Hitler's guide to Public Speaking", with a few hints by Joeseph Goebbels. Hit them with the fear thing then proceed to the big lie. bakker commented on the size of the statue's hand, he has those people in his hand. Which is on a scale infinetly larger.

Anonymous said...

Bakker = Senior moments, Take it easy on him!!!!

Anonymous said...

If everything Mr. Bakker did could be explained away as a senior's moment then why was he placed in jail???? Answer that.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous....the Bakker fan won't be able to answer your question. It's not a senior moment, it's called brain damage. The people who support Bakker are nothing but fools following the biggest fool ever. There is a God and there is a judgement day. Jims day is coming!

Kool-Aid Kid said...

I truly believe that Jimbo will never let "hat days" go to the wayside on his tv show. What better attire for kickin' back with a ginormous Jesus statue or boiling some foam food in the parking lot in front of someone's RV.

Hyacinth (food) Bucket said...

Wow, the show broadcast today is a keeper. Starting out with Tebow worship, followed by warehouse minister scaring people about a "potato famine"(there actually isn't, numbers released indicate a larger crop than expected and incrases year over year: http://www.thepacker.com/fruit-vegetable-news/Orange-estimate-down-potato-estimate-up-137205458.html?ref=458 ), followed by the Ozark Mongoloid band doing an unimaginative send up of Blueberry Hill, called, of course, Calvary hill.

Now Jim's startin' to "preach." He picks up a copy of Wired, with #riots on the front. he asks the Masters kids what the number sign means and they reply with "hashtag." Lori pipes up and says, "Hash like what you smoke and tag like shopping."

No, seriously. She said "Hash like what you smoke." Can't make this stuff up.

No Nonsense Norski said...

Great post, Ron! We need your humor! Keep 'em comin'! :-)))

There seems to be an increased sense of panic or urgency in the shows lately.

It's as if Jim and Tammy - er, Lori are Shootin' From The Hip with Rootin' Tootin' garbage they can't fabricate fast enough to make any sense.

It's SELL, sell - sell - sell Sell Sell SELL! Push that crap as fast as you can.

Who cares if you don't make sense! Just scare the living SHIT out of the morons in the audience, and then berate them if they don't knee-jerk react to what Jim says fast enough.

Zack is so smug, you just want to slap him silly, the big idiot. Nate is trying mightily to play catch-up, and that poor new girl that's placed in the middle looks absolutely miserable. Beam her up, Scotty!

Every time the camera pans to Kevin, he gives a little shrug, like "Sorry, Folks - I'm just too hopeless to move on. "

....and the Money Machine keeps chuggin' along.

Thanks again, Ron!

Anonymous said...

What happened with Kevin? Was he starting a revival show of his own and failed? I notice he is on the show more now, he is the musical entertainment I gather, and is more or less a sounding board for Jim. Bakker must have some big plans for Zach with him becoming a lot more vocal, Nolan is relegated to a seat filler and I suspect is not long for that show.

Cindy said...

Kevin tried to make it on his own but failed miserably and had to crawl back to Jimbo with his tail between his legs and beg to come back. Now he pretty much stays quiet until it is time for a song.

Welcome to new country. said...

Bakker looks like an immigrant Italian tomato farmer on his first visit to America with his tightly buttoned up K-mart suit. Zach's got on an extra long tie to hide the boner he gets when he thinks of the new Morningside maidens he'll be preaching to this Sunday.

Kool-Aid Kid said...

I'm totally pleased with the warehouse manager dude. He looks exactly like who I would expect to see come out of the compound's warehouse and talk to me about loading pails of foam crap into my mini van. He should be fitted for a flashy pair of bib overalls with a big honking TJBS on the back.

Anonymous said...

The Jim Bakker Show should be nominated for an Emmy for Best Comedy Series!!! It's 1 am and I'm watching it right now, love it and I love your blog. You really need to find time to update it more often!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The talk is about Tim Tebow right now, damn it's hilarious.

Anonymous said...

Has anyone else noticed during the opening shots of the audience during the past few weeks there is the same old zombie that is clapping very hard and slowly like some sort of Twilight Zone robot?? How do people buy into his slop bucket of "prophecy"????

Anonymous said...

I actually would love to go to a taping of the show just to see what we miss with all those edits.

Ron said...

Haha yeah, I commented on that guy in my post that was accidentally deleted. He's extending his arms beyond shoulder width as he claps, it probably makes a whop-whop-whop noise like a chopper coming in for a landing.

I've seen only a little bit from this week but I almost can't believe my eyes with some of the things flashing on-screen. He had a full frontal shot of Grandma Maxine being spoonfed. Very disturbing to see adults being fed like this, it's weird.

Hey Anonymous, compliments like that make me feel like going and writing another one up next week haha! Thanks :) Hopefully I'll have the time though, foodbuckets have been flying out of the factory so fast we had to hire on a couple more hands to help keep up! Damn that Jim Bakker and his fear-mongering!

Anonymous said...

Bakker is his own worst enemy. You pretty much can read this guy and his actions like a book. He corrals his audience with death and destruction jibe then at the cresendo he hits them with the sales pitch, always the same method, I picture hundreds of old folk reaching for the phone and charge card at that moment. I would love to see this show 'riffed' like the old Science Theatre 3000 bits. That would be hilarious.

Anonymous said...

Grandma Maxine getting spoonfed corn and chewing it with her dentures was very awkward and reminded me of a baby bird getting fed a worm by mama bird. If you want to see the show tapings go to www.jimbakkershow.com and watch them on weekday afternoons. You can see the live shows being taped before the edits are done. There are always bloopers along with things being said that wont make it on air and it is even more comical.

Anonymous said...

I'll pass on the spoon feeding of Grandma. It's nice to see that God is such a football fan though. Glad he can kick back on a Sunday (I mean it's his day) and watch the big games. Take a break from all the death and destruction troubleshooting.

Anonymous said...

National Geographic station has a new show that is going to debut. The show is called "Doomsday Preppers". The folks on the show look like they just stepped off the the Jim Bakker stage....wait maybe they did....there can't be that many goofy people in the world, can there be?

If this isn't Jims show he may want to tune in. The people had bomb shelters, machine guns, gas masks etc. Jim needs to up his merchandise offerings. Doesn't everyone need a gas mask? Maybe Jim can invent a new one of those, one that gives you fresh air, and lets you eat bucket food at the same time!

bakkersajerk said...

Did Lori actually say "hash like you smoke"? That would be too funny. See what fine examples jim and Lori are for the inbreds...

Jim's brother from another mother said...

Jim really is a Prophet.

"Soon, I believe, the Scriptures will be twisted by unscrupulous teachers to support their own perverse actions,.....”
Jim Bakker in "The Refuge"

Only thing he is the subject of his own prophesies.

Anonymous said...

this was a great post. i lost it laughing when i saw jim snorting a booger.

Jim's off course, but I like him. said...

Jim means well, it's just he has a 60s mentality in a 2012 world. It's like those "Doomsday Folk" on NG channel. They've come full circle, back to the 50s early 60s with the cold war bomb shelter day of destruction stuff. The thing is though Jim will profit big time by that Doomsday way of thinking. If Jim is a legit preacher, he'd be preaching repentence, prepare your soul for the end. Not your physical being and form, he has the stuff all backwards.

Kool-Aid Kid said...

Jim's off course, but I like him,

Interesting comments. I agree with all you have to say with exception to your opening three words. Mr. Bakker is an opportunist that takes advantage of situations that he can profit from, 9-11 for instance. No one "means well" when they try to make profit from horrific events like that. It makes my blood boil.

Anonymous said...

I agree with this blogger and what he is doing, the real victims are those young folk on the show. Maybe they have their hearts in the right place, but all I see of that show is one growing cult. I would not say dangerous but something to be monitored.

Anonymous said...

Like the above entry, there are better ways for Jim to help prepare for the end times. How about repentance, and living the way God wants us to.

Prepare to meet thy doom. said...

That's my point. If you really believe in the salvation of the soul, if you lived your life according to scripture and the Golden Rule. Heck, death and destruction should not have such a fearful hold on you, you might get "butterflies in the gut" when you think of it, but what's with this hoarding of stuff to maintain a hold on life for maybe a few more days. Why is it the most so-called religious, the most pious like the Bakker Bunch fear death the most. I would think they be saying" hallejuah, let it come I'm ready for it, bring it on"!!

Buddy's Buddy said...

In the words of Peter Tosh: “Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.”

Kool-Aid Kid said...

Bakker must and does stay clear of any Bible passages that declare "Hallejuah I'm Coming Home Lord!" simply because his tv money making engine can not run on that sort of thing. It would sputter and die.

Ron said...

Wow Buddy's Buddy, would you believe that just a few minutes prior to reading your comment I was adding a Peter Tosh album that I bought to my music player? Pretty wild.

I'm shooting to start work on a new post this week guys, gals, and zombies. Maybe I can get something done by the weekend but you know how that goes...I'm even less reliable as a prophet than Jim.

Anonymous said...

Everytime a disaster happens in the world, Jimbo "doom and gloom" Baker takes credit for predicting it. Why cant he tell us exactly when and where destruction will occur before it happens so no lives will be lost?

Anonymous said...

Jim Bakker says those that speak out against his immoral con game are going to suffer harm. Those are Jims words not Gods!

To Jim,

I would be more afraid of what God says about you!........

He who leads the upright along an evil path will fall into his own trap, but the honest will inherit good things. Proverbs 28:10

Anonymous said...

HA! Instead of predicting after the fact disasters, Jim and his boy wonder Zach should predict the winning number in the mega-millions jackpot game. Problems of finance solved and he doesn't have to sell trinkets and notions/potions.

bakkersajerk said...

The only thing thing jim can predict with any accuracy is Kevin and zachs next bowel movements. Talk about explosions....!!!

Anonymous said...

lol. i bet if zach and shorey took a dump at morningside at the same time the place would disintigrate. just a big crater from their poo-nuke

Anonymous said...

The kids looked bored on that show. Kevin is taking down notes while the kids are daydreaming. I guess they figure why bother to take down note when they can rerun the shows over. Is that program accredited? Are any credits transferable to a college level degree program?

burnjimburn said...

no, the college is not accredited. it is pointless and expensive. they are all wasting their time there. its kinda sad. but hey i guess if you have your head shoved up your own butt to far to realize jim is a thief and liar that is what you get.

Anonymous said...

When you watch Bakker's show enough it starts to get pretty predictable but still has fun entertainment to be had. Everyone on the set starts to drift off and daydream at certain points and it's interesting to watch for it. When he sees that happening Jim will look at them and scream out their name and ask them a question to wake them up.

Anonymous said...

I've noticed that, referring to the above comment, Jim needs to be put out to pasture, he tries to be dynamic but only results in a tantrum display with that Drill Instructor nonsense. Zach does come across as a nice guy, easy going and likable, Kevin looks exhausted all the time. I'm worried one of these days he'll go into full cardiac arrest belting out a tune. Those kids must go through "Hell and High water" surpressing a yawn, which if it ever happened would prove to be fatal to their exposure on the set.

fencesitter said...

zach is a mentally handicapped tool. not a nice guy. he is helping a convicted felon steal from old people. he is a liar and a con artist in training who will do whatever jim bakker tells him to do.

Kool-Aid Kid said...

Zach suffers from guilt from association. That cheesy grin he has when he talks is completely fake and stupid looking.

Anonymous said...

These kids are really not knowledgeable about Bakker's prior history. A simile or analogy would be comparing the PTL fiasco to the movie "the Producers", where the culprits end up selling thousands and thousands of percentage of the play "Springtime for Hitler" to little old ladies. Same idea but different methods, same ultimate goal.

Kool-Aid Kid said...

These kids are really not knowledgeable about Bakker's prior history??? A Google search for Jim Bakker has Wikipedia as the second hit. Wikipedia has all the sorted details of this elderly fraudster for all to see.

bakkersajerk said...

Ditto koolaid.

Kool-Aid Kid said...

It would be remiss of me not to mention Ron's excellent "Jim Bakker Foodbucket Fan Page". Lots of information here for the zombie students to reflect on. I'm pretty sure zombies visit often and sometimes leave a comment.

Look beyond................... said...

That's the deference between Christians, real Christians, the type you would see on the Jim Bakker show if you removed the railroad ties from your eyes. Chrisitans, who have recieved the message of salvation know that the most essential rule of that salvation is "forgiveness". Sure we know of the Pastor's indiscretions, of his past fallings, heck he wouldn't be human if he was perfect. But we also realize when it is time to move on and create a new beginning complete with a redeeming message of forgiveness and Love. Some of the greatest men of God and Christian Apologist were former sinners (Saint Augustine, Paul of Tarsas). That's what it's all about!!!

bakkersajerk said...

@lookbeyond.
How stupid are you?

burnjimburn said...

you forget that those men were not originally preachers who got busted in adultery and thieving. they came to God from sins, they did not use God as a way to commit their sins.

bakkersajerk,
lookbeyond is very stupid, and in all likely hood zach drew.

bakkersajerk said...

Yep, burnjimburn.
They are spiritually bankrupt. Nothing can help the bakker zombies.

Anonymous said...

"Look beyond" -- no one is saying that there is no redemption nor forgiveness. It is just hard to forgive someone when they return to the same fraudulent behaviour that got them in trouble in the first place. Bakker does not seem to be seeking to live a Christian life, or to lead a Christian community. He was a salesman for PTL and he's a salesman now. He wasn't honest then, and he is dishonest now. I would have a more forgiving attitude if I thought he had changed.

Ron, thank you for this blog. When I begin to wonder if I'm just too cynical, it's nice to turn to a place that reminds that I am seeing straight. And consistently gives me a laugh. Thank you for all you do!

The Rev. Fartswell said...

HMM!! Where did that GOOD looking Chick singer come from????

Sinners hang together said...

I agree with the Bakker supportors. If Jim asked for God's forgiveness, he got it. I should then also forgive and I do. But to be forgiven then to turn around and start this crap all over again is a complete slap of God's face. He is scamming people out of their money in the name of God which is an ongoing sin. If you support this con then you are aiding in his sin and you are just as guilty as he is. It would not surprise me if Zach is scamming Jim. Suck up to him and he will put you on TV.

Anonymous said...

To Look Beyond,

I know a few people at Morningside. I've spent time out there and quite frankly not many of the people I met seemed like christians. I know atheist who are friendlier, kinder people.

Christians should be warned, Jim is telling the biggest lie of all when he says that place is a place of love and worship! It's more like Satan's cesspool. I was shocked by what I saw there. A real disappointment.

Only the gullible would say it's loving to forgive a con man who's back fleecing the flock. You forgive and bring back into the church only one who repents. Real christians would hold him accountable and not join him in his con game! Jesus's teachings tell us it's more loving to hold Jim accountable for his sins. What I observed is the Jim Bakker ministry is what Jesus called a den of thieves! The definition of love and forgiveness by those who support Bakker would mean that Jesus owes all the Pharisees an apology! Jesus told the Pharisees they were, "nothing but whitewash tombs, beautiful on the outside by full of deadman's bones on the inside!" Actually, even the Pharisees were better than the people at Morningside, at least they cleaned themselves up enough to look good on the outside. What I observed, and came to know, is the people at Morningside are outwardly prideful, boastful, gossipy, and critical! They are the type of people that Jesus warned about in Matthew 15: 8&9 "These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. They worship in vain, their teachings are but rules taught by man." In the case of Bakkerites the rules are taught by one man, and that is the con man Jim Bakker himself.

Kool-Aid Kid said...

It doesn't take too much imagination to see that Jim Bakker is playing God at Morningside. Lori does not hear God ... she hears Jim. Jim does not hear God ... he hears himself.

Anonymous said...

The Lord giveth.....Jim taketh away.

Anonymous said...

What's up with Lori's sexual moaning. Oh yah, why are her tits shaped like that????

Anonymous said...

I've seen a recent show that had both Lori and Kevin moaning along together as they responded to old Jimbo's words of wisdom. Too damn funny>

Anonymous said...

They place a plaque beneath the giant Jesus with people who donated $1,000 to bring that to fruition, a lot of names there. If that many gave 1,000, I can just imagine the scores who donate 5 0r 10 dollars which add up Jim's initial backers saw this as a big scheme to make a lot of money. This going concern is not concerned with souls saved.

bakkersajerk said...

Lori's porn soundtrack is hilarious. She's probably stoned on hash and thinking about the Dino cakes. Mmmmmmmm.

going to be a good year said...

Pastor B. is going to get Tim Tebow to appear on his program. If he does it'll be a coup for the show. You know that!!!!

bakkersajerk said...

Goodyear,
You must be spending quality time with Lori and her pipe. Does jim join in or does he just watch?

Anonymous said...

@bakkersajerk
lmao, that about sums morningside up.

Morningside Friend said...

you all keep forgetting that jim was accused of rape...ACCUSED. you just keep spouting lies calling him homosexual or a cheater, how do you know? he had an affair before he was convicted for something he did not do...remember why he was released early? he is just trying to give fair warning to people who need it.

bakkersajerk said...

morningside friend,
You're an idiot. jim was convicted, guilty as charged. He paid money to Jessica because he raped her, guilty as charged. He admitted to affairs with both sexes, guilty as charged.
If you think these are lies, feel free to google jim bakker.
Again, you're an idiot.

Anonymous said...

What I've seen lately on my favorite comedy show is "the NEW mad prophet of the airways" spouting Bible verses, acting both crazy and senile.

Yeah, I, too saw the "hash" reference and my wife and I laughed our heads off. Jimmy should invite Cheech and Chong on to sell some food bucket slop and do their stoner routine.

I hate to say it, but those kids on the program are so clueless I feel embarrassed for them. Do they actually have high school diplomas or is a GED the only requirement to qualify for Jimmy's institute of higher learning?

Anonymous said...

It taste like corn off the cob, and the tatoes brown so good, mmm.

Kool-Aid Kid said...

The Morningside Band is somewhat of an oddity and has had my attention for the last while. My question is how the hell are they contributing to the show? Kevin and all the vocal guests are using professional backtracks that eliminate the need of the band's instruments and singer. Funny to watch the band pretend to play along. The singer just sits there. Very odd. Chubs on the keyboard irritates me.

The false prophets are here said...

Yes I remember why he was released early. It is called parole. He was not pardoned and his conviction was not thrown out of court. He was a convicted felon released before his sentence was completed.

From bean to beaners said...

Green beans like your Grandma used to pick. What does hell does that mean? My Grandma never picked veggies. Maybe he means the beans that were available to my Grandma 70 years ago.

Anonymous said...

If Tim Tebow accepts the invitation to be on the Jim Bakker show I will stop supporting him. I pray he's not that foolish!

No Nonsense Norski said...

Anyone hear Bakker mention that Jerry Crawford has offered to sell Morningside to the JB Ministry?

He slipped that in at the beginning of a recent show.

The Big Push for $$$ has just begun, folks.

Anonymous said...

Jim's "word" for each episode reminds me of little kid's tv shows that are brought to you by the letter "M" for example. Whole thing he's doing sounds and looks laughable.

Pastor is here to stay. Hey! Hey! said...

I have not heard one solid credible argument of indictment against the new Jim Bakker. All the specious accusations are based on attacking the person (ad hominem) by the same individuals "ad naseum". In fact I would notbe supprised if the kool-aid kid, backersajerk and the other guy are all the same individual supporting his own argument. Looks that way.

Anonymous said...

To Pastor,

There has been many good arguments made about Jim ripping off the flock. They are to numerous to go over, and it would be pointless to anyways since you obviously want to remain ignorant.

Go back to your corner, put your dunce cap back on, face the wall, and keep talking to yourself. The rest of us intelligent people really don't need to entertain your stupid remarks.

Linda said...

A couple of months ago I filed a complaint against "The Jim Bakker Show" with the MO Attorney Generals Office. The reason being...my 85 year old mother is a JB fan and, as you might expect, has been frightened into purchasing everything Jim promotes. Not only does she purchase for herself, she is purchasing foodbuckets, water pictures, dry veggies, etc. for everyone she loves as she is terrified and wants us all to be ready for end times! She has spent thousands of dollars...money she can not afford to give away. She refuses to believe that Jim is a huckster and, because she is still of sound mind, my sisters can't do anything about stopping her. However, I don't want to just complain to others about this...there must be something I can do so I filed my complaint. I wasn't sure the Attorney General's Office would take my complaint seriously since there really isn't anything they can technically go after. However, I was wrong! They took me completely seriously and followed up with JBS. Of course, the responded with all the usual garbage (won't take time to elaborate). The Attorney General told me they were keeping my complaint on file and would watch for other JBS complaints and would act on it if more were received. So, I am writing this comment in the hope that others will do something besides comment in JB blogs. Also, I am writing to ask if anyone else knows of others institutions that will allow me to file an official complaint? Has anyone else filed with anyone such as the IRS? Dept. of Justice? My sisters and I have had it and I am ready to complain to any institution that has the ability or interest in shutting this evil (and I mean evil in every sense of the word) racket down.

Kool-Aid Kid said...

Pastor here to stay,

I'm the one and only Kool-Aid Kid and I guessing you're a hopeless Bakker zombie!

Anonymous said...

Seriously, to the above, I'd set up an appointment to see an Attorney, think about what's happening, is she in a rest home? She blowing all her money which should be set aside in case she eventually needs t be. I don't know the law but that money needs to be placed in a trust or any eventuality. If she ends up needing constant care, an invalid, where's the money going to come from. You think Bakker cares about things like that and financial hardships he places on families when the senile members do crazy things like that. Think of the future, not Bakker's crazy idea of the future but yours. See a Lawyer.

Anonymous said...

Bakker's tv show should be called " Be Scared, Be Very Scared".

Give this creep enough rope and he will hang himself again. You can count on it.

The IRS said...

Linda,
Kudos to you for attempting to do something about Jim Bakker. That takes a lot of courage.

The FTC has a complaint form that can be filled out. I would suggest complaining about Jim Bakker's blatant sales of expensive merchandise while also operating under IRS non-profit requirements. He is effectively running a business under the guise of a ministry.
The form is located here: https://www.ftccomplaintassistant.gov/

You could also write your congressman about him requesting action. I personally drafted a letter to my congressman but haven't sent it yet because I was waiting for them to return from recess. You've just reminded me...I might even post it here as a template for anyone else who would like to print it and mail it out.

The big hitter, of course, is the IRS. It seems that reporting suspicious activity at Morningside is more difficult than just telling them what you see; they want a lot of specific information that only a JBS insider could provide. However, if you have the time and energy, go for it! http://www.irs.gov/individuals/article/0,,id=106778,00.html

If you can contact a consumer protection lawyer OR a consumer advocate reporter from your local news station, I imagine that would work out very well too. Keep in mind, a nosy reporter was the person who started the dominoes falling on Jim the first time.

Once Jim is exposed by a journalist with all their ducks in a row, the big hitters like the IRS will have no choice but to investigate. Imagine if 60 Minutes did a piece on Jim? He'd be investigated within the week.

Sorry to hear that your mom has been taken in by this shyster. Jim Bakker is very, very conniving, and I think that older people are more trusting of people like him because they come from an era of relative innocence. That's what makes him such a scumbag. If it's any condolence, it sounds like she means well in her purchases.

I commend you for taking action. If you have any more news, please keep us posted. Good Luck!

Linda said...

Anonymous: Thanks for the lawyer tip! My 85 year old mother, apart from being legally blind, lives on her own and is still mentally as sharp as sharp can be (except for when it comes to JB that is)! We can't do anything legally at this point to stop her spending her money the way she wants to because she is completely competent. Thus, my hope there were actual agencies in addition to the AG's Office out there that could help. I'm new to all this and was hoping to find someone w/ experience in filing actual complains & had helpful resources that could head me in the right direction and save me a little time. Will continue to explore FBI, IRS, DOJ websites and anything else I can think of!

Linda said...

IRS: THANK YOU so much for all the helpful information!!!! Oh my gosh..this is exactly the sort of help I was hoping for! Will definitely follow up on all your suggestions. If you haven't already done so, file a complaint with the Missouri Attorney General's Office. I totally thought they would blow me off but they didn't! They followed up with JBS and kept me in the loop. Thanks again!

Linda said...

IRS: Oops...I forgot one thing...I think posting a copy of your congressman's template would be great.

Kool-Aid Kid said...

My heart goes out to you Linda.

All the best.

Linda said...

Thank you Kool-Aid! I can't stop my mom but that doesn't mean I can't do something. I had no idea how awful things were (can't bring myself to watch program) until this started getting out of control with my mom. My sisters and I are so angry...not only for my mom, but also every other older and vulnerable elderly person getting screwed over! It's easy to feel powerless to do anything but I refuse to just sit home and not do anything.

bakkersajerk said...

Linda,
Try talking to the MO Dept. Of Revenue. bakker had to file for tax exempt status with them, they would be interested in what he's doing with that exemption. Also, the state dept. Of criminal investigation would like to hear about the silver sol claims he's made over the airwaves (I believe that's known as wire fraud). Good luck.

Jym Baker said...

How could anyone read this forum and state that they have not seen one solid credible argument of indictment against the new Jim Bakker? Let's say that he had done nothing legally wrong. What is worse is that he is scamming people in the name of God. That is where the problem lies.

bakkersajerk said...

@pastor is here.
I was thinking the same about the bakker backers on here. I think it is only one person since you never use the same screen name.
Just because you don't like the facts doesn't make them false. However, everything about morningside is false and that's a fact.

Anonymous said...

Hey!!!!! People got to start taking responsibility for their own actions. I mean if they are that stupid to send money to guys like Bakker or anyone of these "fly-by-nights" prophets I say to hell with them. I mean when the PTL case was settled and they recieved a paltry 6 dollars for their thousand dollar purchase of time shares, a lot of them signed the 6 bucks over to Bakker. There is no reasoning with fools like that! I mean a lot of those folks had hard jobs, coal miners, farmers, foresters and to send anything to Bakker which gets channeled down to a lazy sit on his ass Zach or Nolan is ludicrous. "A fool and his money............."!

Anonymous said...

Linda,

I am sorry about your mom. There are a lot of elderly people being scammed. I was one of those suckers. Not to the degree your mother is being sucked in. I am in contact with MO attorney General, have talked to 2 lawyers who say I have a case, and will be talking to the FBI.

There is a pastor like Jim in my home town, albeit to a much smaller degree. Juries don't look favorably on people who scam the elderly. His attorney advised him not to let it go to a jury. This pastor knew he was fighting a losing battle so pleaded guilty. He will be getting his sentence this month.

Keep praying Linda and pursue all the resources IRS gave. I pray that more people are doing the same. Collectively we will make a difference and save others from this snake. Thanks IRS, you gave me some more ways to report what I know that I wasn't aware of.

Susand3935 said...

Linda,
I went through the samething with my Grandmother. I had to take control of her checkbook, and creditcard. She was giving more money to these TV preachers then she gave to her own church. Its a sad situation!

The IRS said...

Jim claimed that silver sill cured malaria, and it pissed me off so much that I reported him to the ftc... one person can't make a difference, but many together can...keep fighting guys, the more we speak out the greater chance the snake meets justice...seriously, if you get a reporter on the case I think that would work 'miracles'...consider how far this blog has reached with very little public exposure...imagine what a full time, mainstream journalist could uncover?

for the record,i can barely bring myself to watch the show too...its disgusting what goes on

Anonymous said...

Hey this is Zach Drew himself, u guys are obviously just jealous of the pastor. For every bad thing he did in the past, he does 100 good things today(Moldova). The pastor is pioneering a new kind of power in the world of Christian ministry, and spreading the message around the world. He constantly tells every associate at morningside to not respond to the online enemy, but for the life of me, I just could not tolerate this filthy blog. Oh yah, don't you just love the odd shape of Lori's tits after she stuffs them in her hag bra, mmmmm. I also love when pastor Jim punishes us sexually,mmm. Last but not least, the sexy inner city bunny rabbit toothed sasha, mmmm. By the way, my tie is extra long because I like to stuff it in the pastors ass. P.s.... rabbi Cahn does have a couple of pairs of face panties for his grotesque facial pubes(just like the guys in the Costco hot dog stand). Om idc

bakkersajerk said...

I wish I still lived in sw MO. I'd go by jim's cult headquarters just to see what the braindead zombies were up to. I would also call my state rep and let him know what a scam morningside is. But I no longer am a resident, I hope any readers of Ron's blog in the area will let their rep know of the fraud taking place in Blue Eye.

Anonymous said...

who is this Matt Musgrove fellow that attends The masters He seems like he has problems.

Anonymous said...

Fuck u anonymous, you'll never know who I am, I could be the pastor himself?????? mwhahahaha

Anonymous said...

lol, love the comments from the next generation of christian broadcasters, oh and a future pastor! Doesn't give me a whole lot of hope for the future of christianity. Looks like Baker is teaching them everything he knows, lol. Everyone donating to this stupid college needs to see the sick stuff coming from these kids.

To the people sending their kids to this ministry aren't you proud of your kids! You send your kids to Bakker and this is what you get for your money! (((Keep up the good work Bakker bunch, your doing Jesus proud! NOT!!!)))

By the way does using the F word make you feel better? Could you point out the scripture(s) in the Bible that use that word. Thanks for being a shining example of a christian!

Anonymous said...

"any institution that has the ability or interest in shutting this evil (and I mean evil in every sense of the word) racket down."

There has been a U.S. Senator working on trying to bring these corrupt TV preachers to justice. I can't remember his name or his state, but I would suggest that you contact your own senator and/or congress person. You might be able to find this particular senator by doing an internet search.

Having been a newspaper and magazine reporter for 25 years (now retired), I also join others in strongly suggesting that you go to the news media with this story.

I've got a feeling that someday soon the national networks are going to catch on to "Jim Bakker is back and wheeling and dealing once again." It's somewhat amazing to me that the national news networks haven't caught up to this story yet. But they will.

I would recommend sending news media the link to this website so they can get an idea of what is going on with the Wizard of Odd and His Minions.

Anonymous said...

Okay, I'm the person who posted the above message and I couldn't resist the temptation (kind of like Jimmy Boy not resisting temptations) to track down the U.S. Senator who has been investigating corrupt practices of TV preachers. His name is Charles Grassley and he is a senator from Iowa.

Anonymous said...

This is not about protecting fools and their money. Or maybe it is. A lot of old folks fall for cons and I think we should try to help that from not happening.

Anonymous said...

Hey this is Zach Drew again. You guys should come to Morningside and hang out at the bathhouse with me and Jim. You would really see how friendly he really is.

No Nonsense Norski said...

Years ago, we learned about a friend's mother who was completely hooked on Jim & Tammy and PTL.

Without her husband's or her family's knowledge, she kept sending money to the ministry until there was nothing left in their retirement accounts.

They were left to depend entirely on the generosity of their kids, which created an interesting, dysfunctional dynamic.

With SO MANY exclusively religious cable & satellite channels available, it is way past time to investigate these professional thieves.

In addition to instituting regulations, it's time to TAX THE CHURCH!

Jimbo said...

Good luck to all the Bakker Busters. We have more State Senators and Representative and local Politicians in our audience then you can believe. Write, if it makes you feel good and complain. About what?? This is america and we have a doctrine of freedom. No one is putting a gun to the heads and demanding. You're gonna have a better chance of stuffing a red hot iron up a wild cat's ass then shutting down this Ministry. But you're more then welcome to try!!!!!!!

Kool-Aid Kid said...

Thanks Zombie Jimbo! You've probably given me the biggest laugh of the day!!!!!

Anonymous said...

There are more senators and represenatives in the JB audience, why doesn't that surprise me? After all birds of a feather flock together. I wouldn't be bragging that thieves, liars, and cheats are my friends and supporters. Look at Washington and where our country is at. LOL, at the bakkerites.....having friends like that is nothing to boast about! Such simpletons! Who cares if the wordly corrupt system doesn't shut down JB ministries. All you crooks will stand before God some day. There is a bigger price to pay then any court in this world could hand out. Sorry for you all then!

Anonymous said...

"stuffing a iron up a wild cat's ass" lol at the hillbilly that posted his stupid comments. Lovely christians out there in hicksville.

Hyacinth (food) Bucket said...

If you want to see the "Hash like you smoke" clip go here: http://jimbakkershow.com/video/show-2003/

it's 31:20 in

Anonymous said...

"stuffing a iron up a wild cat's ass"

Is that in the Book of Psalms or 1st Corinthians?

Such holy, saintly Bakker lovers. He teaches them well, huh?

Anonymous said...

The zombie's use of the expression "stuffing a iron up a wild cat's ass" in his/her comment tells me it's coming from a socially backward hick.

Kool-Aid Kid said...

Thanks Hyacinth (food) Bucket!

Ron said...

Jimbo,
State politicians cannot protect the Bakker Snake when the Fed comes knocking. As much as you want to believe that your Lord Bakker is untouchable, you are wrong. Surely his actual prison time will attest to that fact...and that spectacular fall came when Bakker actually had a little political sway. He has none now. We will continue in our efforts to see him back in a courtroom, sniveling like a little girl. Will you be outside the courthouse holding flowers for him like a teenage groupie?

In case anyone is wondering, the only politician I've ever seen in the JBS crowd was the World's Oldest Living Dinosaur, Senator julian Carroll.
http://jimbakker666.blogspot.com/2011/10/bakker-on-trampoline-dr-larry-bates-as.html

Pardon me for being a little underwhelmed by this political heavy-hitter...

Anonymous said...

Thanks Hyancith for the link for the hash remark. Trying to endure listening to the hucksters Jerry and Jim scaring the old folks.....potatoes are on the endangered lists again. Now they are pushing the churches to buy. The gull of these guys!

Finally at the hash comments by Lori. Did you hear Jim trying to drown Lori out and Lori shouting over him. What a goofy pair.

Anonymous said...

Lori's vocabulary on the show consists mostly of "Yeaaaaa", "Wow" and moaning sounds. I'm guessing she's not highly educated.

Anonymous said...

Jim must have a lot of Irish folk donating to his cause, he's forever pushing the potato scare. They grew up with horror stories about the potato famine in the old country. Jim is a shrewd business man.

bakkersajerk said...

To the stupid zombies that think Tebow is appearing on jim bakker's flying circus show:
Tebow just canceled out of the "Contending for the Faith Weekend" sponsered by Ron Paisley. Kenneth Copeland is the main speaker for this hoe down (maybe some of you zombies want to go).
Anyway, Tebow bailed out because his PR people advised him against it. Lol, no way in hell you'll ever see him around morningside.

Anonymous said...

Maybe Morningside will be approved by the PR people and Tebow will appear. Bakker is no phoney baloney like the Copeland Clan. The girl was married about 3 times, what does that say about her.

Anonymous said...

No way would Tebow be approved to be on the Bakker show. All we have to do is call his PR people and have them visit this website. Tebow and his crew are real christians and I am sure they would be shocked to see the "F" word and comments "like stuffing a iron up a will cat's ass" to shut down that idea.

About the Copeland girl being married 3 times...Jim Bakker went to jail for the same things he's doing today. His shame is worse than hers. Copeland, Hinn, Paula White. Bakker and on and on are all the same....bunch of crooks.

Holy toledo said...

To the above^^^^^^You ever hear the shit that goes on in a Football Locker Room. Knock out that virgin ears routine and get with the program. Wild cat's ass is nothing!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

HA, Ha, Ha to Holy Toledo! and you call yourself a christian! Thanks for making my point that the Bakker fans aren't christians. You'd expect to hear swearing and stupid talk in a guys locker room, most of those guys aren't christians. duh. Only a fool would compare locker room talk to the way a christian should talk and conduct themselves. This is why Jim can't get anyone credible in the christian community to appear on his show. Anybody with wisdom and discernment wouldn't get next to this garbage! I am glad to have virgin ears, better than a sewer mouth.

bakkersajerk said...

Lol, jim's sterling reputation will shine through. Everyone should want to be one his show. Convicted felon, tax dodger, rapist, con man, etc.
Yep, very enticing to be on his show.

Zach is my homeboy said...

It looks like Zach is getting ready to be another charismatic TV preacher. So what will be his big claim to fame? Caught having fun with a prostitute? Driving under the influence? Or making advances on another man?

Anonymous said...

Zach is there to garner in all the female fans and women's financial contribution . Jim has all angles covered. You might say Zach's presense is "something for the ladies"!! a female magnet.

Buddy's Buddy said...

Speaking of questionable people appearing on the JB Show, there was an interesting write up on Rick Joyner today on another web site. He's the one that really got Jimbo fired up on the End Times.

Well... he's got some "prophecies" he wants to sell you... er, warn you about:

http://www.politicususa.com/en/fundamentalist-flushes-brain-down-toilet-wants-yours-too

burnjimburn said...

zach is for the ladies!!!? he is there to represent the fat grandkid most old people have. that is it...unless ladies are into obese twenty somethings without any money, good looks or a bright future.

zach when are you gonna quit getting on here?

Kelsey said...

Oh Ron - what excellent material you'll have for your next blog... yesterday the show was dedicated to installing the enormous Jesus statue. This was the first time that the show got so awesomely bad that I couldn't watch anymore.

No Nonsense Norski said...

Yeah, Kelsey - I had to turn it off too. Just couldn't sit through that one.

Watching Jim fondling the statue's hands and scars -referring to it as if it were alive - camera panning to a weeping Grandma Maxine dabbing at her eyes, wrapped in swaddling cloth just about made me puke.

That show's a keeper for sure.

Anonymous said...

Jim is teaching that the Godly are going to suffer persecution and tribulation.
He says he suffered persecution the 5 years he was in prison.
Why is he always a victim?

Almighty said...

OK! Pilgrims, front and center!! This is God speaking!! I'm going to say this only once LAY OFF THE PASTOR!! He's my special guy, on a mission from me and doing an excellent job I might add. Yes, I give him words and I'm going to give you all one, "THUNDERBOLT", yes I have a thunderbolt of lightning with Your Name On It. If you don't cease and desist this persecution. Hossanna!!!!

Anonymous said...

Hey sasha.... Jesus told me to tell you to lick my ballz!

bakkersajerk said...

@Almighty. Why'd you pick a guy that looks like frog?
Ha. Missed me.

Kool-Aid Kid said...

I agree with you No Nonsense Norski about that barf fest episode. The whole thing about them all talking about the statue like it was real was major creepy. It's a chunk of carved marble not flesh and blood for godness sakes!

Anonymous said...

i sure hope since they ordered the statue from china that it is irradiated (which is common with stone products from that country) and they all die

Anonymous said...

The artist who did the sculpture in China gave the eyes an Asian slant, he must have been a Christian convinced that Jesus was a Chinese guy. Actually he probably right, Jesus was closer to Asian genetically on his mom's side.

Anonymous said...

Jim will never, ever mention that the statue was made in China. He always says overseas. Statue probably cost around $2,000 give or take a couple hundred.

Liar Liar ball caps on fire said...

After the statute was up he went into this bizarre rate about Lori's ring. He even brought Mondo up into the conversation. Then he said something to the effect, I said or Lori said I forgot who said it,,,. Then Lori said something about I forgot, I would have to read it from my book. That was crazy. Sounds to me that they made stuff up for her book and they have to revert back to it so that they can keep their story straight.

Anonymous said...

Jim is such a sleasy salesman. On his Feb. 3rd show he overpriced the Jesus statue to make it appear that he got it for a hell of a deal. Jim tries to come off as an art appraiser when he tells the viewers that he estimates the statue at $250,000. He next tells the views after a brief pause that he picked it up for only $35,000. Yes, only $35,000. Lori pipes up and says a nice diamond would cost alot more than that. She calls a $35,000 plus diamond just "nice"? These two people are clowns.

bakkersajerk said...

A new fake college course.
ART101 Introduction to fake art. Learn how to be amazed by cheap Chinese sculptues and compare them to Italian masters in order to overestimate their value.

Kool-Aid KId said...

LOL !!!

Tanya said...

Several weeks ago, I came across Bakker's show in the wee hours. At first I couldn't believe he was back on TV, then I watched with amusement as he used scare tactics to sell junk - which later turned to disgust/anger as I watched him use scare tactics to sell junk.
Now I can't believe myself, because here I am, recording and watching this show. It is so wrong, on so many levels, that I can't look away. I found this blog when looking up "foodbuckets" because I wanted to see what the insane mark-up was. And who charges shipping on a "love gift" anyways?
And while I'm asking questions, Jim keeps fondling the statue and making a huge deal out of the nail marks on that statue's palm - didn't it come out ages ago that the nail would have had to be through the wrist? I'm just thinking accuracy here, you know, like a person who lived when Jesus is said to have lived would not have been blonde and blue-eyed.
Looking forward to the next post!

Anonymous said...

What happened to Mondo? He certainly was no so-called prophet and Jim should be ashamed of himself if he refers to Mondo as one. Mondo cites scripture like 3rd grade kid, using such phrases as "this is my favorite part" and 'what he says here is really cool". I'm sorry but if he get's his own ministry or show it's going to be just too much for a critical thinker to handle.

Anonymous said...

My Great, great granpa says they used to sell Silver Sol when he was a kid. They sold it under various names like Magic Indian Tonic, Dr. Edgar's elixiar of Health, and Ruben's Snake Oil linament. Really, Really Works!!!

No Nonsense Norski said...

I hesitate to crack the whip, but we need a new post, Ron!

You can't do this to us! Ply us with great posts and then leave us hangin' forever for the next segment.

It's like the wait between the Sopranos, or Deadwood, or Six Feet Under seasons.

This is an instant gratification generation! Chop Chop!

:-)))

Kelsey said...

I read on Jim's website that Mondo was filming a reality show in Florida. I'm sure that is why he hasn't been spending much time at Morningside.

Tanya - I agree with your comments!

HillBilly Bill said...

I think I am going to call up that Chinamen and order me a couple of them there $35K Jesus statues and sell them for $250K each. Thanks Jim for you insight look into art and investments.

Anonymous said...

Nobody's gonna buy a statue like that. And do what? Put it in their front lawn under a giagantic submerged old fashion bath tub? I mean it's OK to have a 3 ft one, people are going to think you want to outdo the neighbors and show your more religious then they are.^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Tanya said...

The recent (heavily edited)shows are celebrating the 2000th show? I had no idea Jim had been back on TV for that long - or done so much building. The montage of the different sets/breaking ground/construction made me ill when I thought about how many people had actually sent money to this convicted criminal.
And is it just me, or have some of Jim's comments in the past couple of shows seemed to be a direct reaction to the kinds of things that are said on this site and others? I don't think I could think less of him than I already do, but he is an expert in the Art of Manipulation and Damage Control. Maybe he could give himself a fake doctorate in that.
One of the kids said that cooking up the dehydrated food was super-easy and maybe could be "a test in his [Jim's] school." Probably not too far off the mark.
Kelsey - thanks!

Ron said...

No Nonsense, as a matter of fact I'm knee-deep in a post right now (been working on it since the weekend). I'm shooting to complete by Friday.

If anyone missed this fantastic episode where Jim breathes life into his Idol, don't worry I'm covering it.

Welcome Tanya!

I use the Magic Indian Tonic myself: just a couple drops under the tongue for that racing-heart feeling that tells me I'm alive!

Winter's cold. said...

Figures!!! Why do all these dudes do Religious reality shows in places like Florida, Hawaii, Southern Calif. why not the cold places, there's no bad happening there I guess? That guy Mondo is hanging out on the beach throwing back pina coladas as we speak. Anybody who donates money so these shysters and sky pilots can take nice tropical vacations is a first class sucker!!!!!!!!!!

bakkersajerk said...

@Tanya. You figured out his game very quickly. It's all about churning the bucks. The faster he tskes it in the he builds, can you imagine trying to audit morningside and its affiliates? The money is moving so fast in all directions, finding the graft would take forever.

Tanya said...

Thanks for the welcome, Ron. I really appreciate your site and the effort you put into it - it entertains me greatly, and it is nice to see I am not alone in my thoughts/feelings about Bakker and his show.
@bakkersajerk: I was wondering just yesterday what the books must look like. Also wondered how long he will milk this "2000th show, one-day only offer (uh-huh), the potatoes are going to be gone (uh-huh), imagine how well you will be eating during the End of Days (much as I enjoy a nice meal, I might not be too concerned about re-hydrating junk food during the End of Days... that's just my guess, though), hurry-and-buy-now" infomercial. Maybe all week. There must be hours of rambling for the unpaid workers - oops, students - to edit.

Kelsey said...

The little bit I caught of the show yesterday featured Bakker preaching, "A volcano could explode or we could have a tsunami... and you'll be in your house eating Jim Bakker chili!"

I'm pretty sure if waves of liquid hot magma were rolling toward me, I wouldn't be mixing up a batch of space stew. And hopefully everyone is using their paracord bracelets to tie down their food buckets for that tsunami that's going to hit Blue Eye, Missouri.

Kool-Aid Kid said...

Fake Morningside school.

Fake Morningside band.

Fake Morningside bucket food.

Fake Morningside preacher.

Nuff said.

Kool-Aid Kid said...

Ron,

I hope the new post has a pic of Grandma Maxine wrapped in that white blanket as she sat in the front row during the Morningside statue event. She looked like an unfortunate moth that could not struggle out of her silk cocoon.

Ron said...

haha kool aid, I don't like giving away my posts before they air, but yes I did notice granny max wrapped in her cocoon...I'll also say that I almost couldn't finish watching because Baloney Bakker was starting to make me ill from all the blatant deception...how on earth do people fall for his lies?

bakkersajerk said...

Ron, your last question is the puzzle. Without the zombies, jim is just an excon burger flipper. His bullshit isn't even believable and he isn't a very charismatic preacher (even comical). Not sure what drives anyone to send him money except maybe they're so dumb they shouldn've had money to start with.

Buddy's Buddy said...

Great belly laugh, Kelsey! Thanks!!

Anonymous said...

How wonderful it was to see my home in the background when they did the panoramic view of the site of Lori's House. So glad I moved out to the boonies for peace and quite. I guess the money is flowing because last week a truckload or two of wood was delivered. No Construction has started and as far as I have been informed, no building permits have been awarded and there are no scheduled hearings at the present time. I am so thrilled that they are going to run fiber optic cables up to the Lori's House site so they can show the progress of the project on the air. Watch for me, I'll be the guy in the background on my front porch waving, if they don't edit me out that is. Joe C Blue eye

Anonymous said...

You eat Jim's chili and your ass will be exploding like a volcano.

Anonymous said...

Grandma Maximum must give Bakker a lot of money. The reason why he is wrapping her up is because once she kicks the bucket he is going to keep her around like Weekend At Bernies. She will be dead yet still donating to Bakker.

No Nonsense Norski said...

Joe C.,

You have an opportunity to turn lemons into lemonade, here.

If you are interested in selling your rural paradise, you may consider investing in a GIANT BILLBOARD featuring sale info, positioned as close to, and directly at the Lori's House site.

The best that could happen is you get your property sold.

At the very least, it would be a monumental editing job to keep your billboard out of their TV screen, giving those Master Media kids some real work!

Good luck!

SusanD said...

I find it interesting that Jim Bakker is now saying that world will not end this year....but will end as we know it! I wonder what made him have this change of heart?

PS Ron I love you lol

Tanya said...

I have no justification for why I did this, but I was curious about the heavy edits on the show - just clicked on "Watch Us Live" on the Bakker website, not really expecting it to be running... but it is, and this happened:
Jim to Lori: "where did we meet?"
Lori: "in the alley, at the ghetto."
Immediate correction from Jim: "at the Dream Centre."
I thought Jim's job is to keep Lori on track, but after correcting her, he ran a little further down the path, and said he saw this beautiful woman (Lori) helping people in the ghetto and he said "sweetheart, I'd like to help you." Gross.
I had to post this, because it is hurting my brain, I'm trying to get it out.
Note to self: take as a given that the heavy edits exist for a very good reason. Considering what they leave in to air on TV, I really should have squashed the curiosity.

Anonymous said...

@Tanya, Your reasoning about the nail wounds are correct. Spikes would have been driven through the wrist, it being the strongest area to suspend a body. It was not used as a reference point on the statue because most people are not familiar with that historical fact and would have been perplexed and confused. If we were to be have been truly accurate the wounds would appear more severe, flesh being elastic, the nail holes would look more graphic and not as polite as the statues. That statue is beautiful and when illuminated a nice meditation spot for the faithful. I'm sure you would be taken back with it's scale.

Anonymous said...

Please remember our handy donation boxes, located in and around the statue area. Bless you!!

Anonymous said...

Grandma Maxine is the current posterchild of Morningside. She was left a small fortune when her husband died and has no children. She got mixed up with Jim and now he is fleecing her. He calls her Grandma and acts like her son but as soon as the well is dry he will move on to the next victim as he has in the past.

Anonymous said...

Anybody catch the show when Jim called over Jerry Crawford and asked him what he thought of the statue. Jerry started to speak then Jim reminded him they were on camera. After an edit, Jerry said he was 5 minutes late to see it, just like he is with " everything that goes on around here" There is a shot from another camera and poof, Jerry Crawford vanished into thin air. Cant help but wonder if Mr. Crawford is second guessing his relationship with Mr. Bakker. To No Nonsense Norski, I love the idea of the billboard. I was thinking of blaring music in that direction 24/7 but my wife thinks it would be a bad idea.Considering my property line is within feet of the Lori's House site I am sure the Master Media head bobbers would have a very hard time editing my sign out. Thanks for a great idea. Joe C, Blue eye

Anonymous said...

Most, if not everyone on this blog needs no convincing that Jim Bakker is a liar. But just in case you do, some of the body language signs that show when a person is lying is touching your nose/face and break eye contact. Watch Jim during his 2000th show part 2 at almost the 37th minute mark. He is going on about God talking to him the day before. As he fumbles for words watch as he breaks eye contact with the camera and touches his nose.

Kool-Aid Kid said...

Joe C,

Yes that whole thing with Crawford caught my attention too. He looked like he didn't give a crap about the big event that Jim planned. I think Jim was nervous about what Crawford could have said and quickly informed him he was on camera.

starrcade76 said...

Satan must have had a hold on me while watching the 2/8 TV episode. I couldn't help but notice from looking closely at Lori, that is must have been very cold in Morningside.

I do enjoy when Jim forgets something, he quickly asks the Masters students for the answer. And plays it off like he was purposely giving them a quiz.

Tanya said...

I wondered how long it would take an "anonymous" to tell me how wonderful the statue is. I agree; I would be taken aback if I saw it - taken aback that anyone at all gives Bakker money.
Sounds nice - change things and pretty them up so that people are not "perplexed and confused."
I guess it doesn't take much to perplex and confuse - must be how Bakker is so successful at fleecing his flock.

Kool-Aid Kid said...

Tanya, You've just had your first encounter with a Bakker zombie. They watch the posts and respond from time to time.

Ron said...

Tread lightly Tanya, for even the Zombie Master himself is scared of his brainless ghouls. Did you see the episode where Bakker went on inbred safari? He had to bring Sasha along for security, with instructions to beat them back with a stick if they became aggressive: http://jimbakker666.blogspot.com/2011/11/bakker-spoon-feeds-inbreds-wows-them.html

shunshine said...

To Joe C Blue eye: You're more then welcome to come over and help with the construction of Lori's House. Always can use a friendly hand. We can't pay you but will quarantee you a free meal and a big slice of Dino's reknown carrot cake, we know you love that. "Many hands make light work".

Anonymous said...

i watched this mornings show and jim said a little electric fan created 40mph wind!!!
he also was selling 3 jesus statues for $200. just cant believe it.

No Nonsense Norski said...

Whatta show last night. Something's up....

Lori's demeanor was completely different. No constant moaning or cackling laugh. No cutesy smiling for the camera. Puffy face, subdued reactions to everything JB was saying.

She and JB had a verbal jousting match, talking over each other until JB finally gave in to let her talk.

One of her rambles was about how she loves to stare at Jesus, and if the camera catches her staring off into space, she's actually looking at Jesus - look into his eyes - because the eyes are the windows to the soul!

Um, Lori? you're looking at a stone cold statue....no soul dwells within.

Whenever the camera caught her, she seemed to be glaring at JB, or screwing up her face in a cockeyed grimace.

Just a very different show. Something tells me Miss Lori may have found some soothing barbiturates. Probably needs drugs to withstand the relentless drone of JB.

Kool-Aid Kid said...

Bakker Bucket's lack of proper vocabulary never fails to crack me up. On the 2000th barf fest show Bakker is spooning foam food in his mouth and is begging Kevin and Lori to ask what he's eating. When asked he says he's eating chili but pronounces it like the country Chile. LOL

Anonymous said...

All of you critics about the bucket slop.....er, I mean "food." What you don't understand is that the REAL reason for the food is not being revealed by Jimmy Boy until he has gotten the word from his Cosmic Sources that the nukes have been launched.

Then, Jimbo will tell his followers that the actual purpose for the dried bucket slop is to feed it to all of the mutant insects (caused by nuke radiation). If you feed a 50-foot-tall mutant garden slug a bucket of dried pinto beans, well then maybe that will keep his nasty slug-fangs away from your dachshund.

You'd better stock up now because when all of those red ants start mutating.......

Kool-Aid Kid said...

LOL LOL LOL

Buddy's Buddy said...

No Nonsense Norski, I totally agree. Lori did indeed seem higher than a kite. In addition to the weird facial contortions, she laughed at totally inappropriate times, she failed to reach for JB's "Prosperity" book fast enough when Jim said, "Lori, hand me my book," and once when Jim said, "Amen?" thereby looking for a response, Lori blurted, "Alriiiiiight!"

This was the weirdest dynamic between the two I have ever seen.

She was truly "Stoned for Jesus!"

Joe C Blue eye, Missouri said...

Thank you for the invite Sunshine but I am afraid I am going to be too busy building my large for sale sign that I am going to erect on my property line and face Jimbos compound. Maybe I should hit Jim up and see if I can borrow some of his slave labor to help me. I am sure I have a couple packs of stale top roman noodles laying around to feed them.

No Nonsense Norski said...

Oh, and how about Jim's pronouncement of Zach's promising future as a television evangelist.

He said something like: "Zach is going to be a great TV evangelist and do you know why? Because I've taught him how to raise money!"

JB also mentioned that he just got all the wooden beams for Lori's House from a lumber company in town that was going out of business. He said Morningside is getting Tens of Thousands of Dollars of lumber for only $500 ! Hmmmm.

Sounds like a money laundering smoke screen to me....

Poor Jimbo gets caught up in his own head and forgets himself.

They can't edit out everything that dipshit says or they wouldn't have a show!

Joe C: I'm good with a paintbrush. Let me know if you need some artistic help on that sign. :-)))

Tanya said...

Lions and tigers and zombies, oh my!
Ron and Kool Aid Kid: yes,I will need to watch myself. Especially as I don't have Sasha to watch my back.
The last show I saw had to be at least 80% selling. That is not raising money to be on the airways, that's just plain raising money. I noticed the changes onstage too - Lori seemed high as a kite, only the more attractive of the students on stage, some nice plush chairs for everyone... makin' things pretty for Jesus (the statue, that is).

Anonymous said...

Check out the first few seconds of his 2000th show. It has a clip from his days in the coffee shop. The audience is normal, average, middle aged folks. Now it looks like a casting call for Hee Haw at and an old folks home.

Grandma Maxine said...

That is his target audience, old gullable people that have money but not much left upstairs. Jimbo keeps mentioning that Zach was a football star but he doesnt look the least bit athletic or coordinated, and that stringbean Nolan looks like he still does crack.

Awaiting The Sex Scandal said...

Lori does look like she's back on drugs again. That's what you get for marrying a man two years younger than your own mother for purely financial reasons. And the man is a con artist to boot! At least now she can afford the drugs and doesn't have to trade sex for it!

Anonymous said...

Lori smokes weed and pops pills, seen her

Anonymous said...

Jule the cafe ladie sleeps with the Mexican cook Abel who is married with children. Julie's sister works at morningside also and is married but sleeping wiith 2 guys that work also at morningside. Lots of adultery going on there and on property.One guy is general manager and one is shipping. She spends all the good stories around blue eye. Seems pretty proud of herself.

Anonymous said...

Maybe we should watch for a spike in STD rates at Morningside? Imagine if you will a Jim Bakker Four Star Rated condom available at the Morningside store.

No Nonsense Norski said...

Well, if Lori suddenly fails to appear on the show in the future, she'll most probably be in a rehab facility.

What is it with the Bakker wives?

First Tammy Faye and now Lori - both users ???

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