tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-92214883260876490962024-03-05T14:15:39.438-08:00The Jim Bakker Foodbucket FanpageJim Bakker, convicted felon and purported man of Christ, continues fleecing the faithful each weekday at 7am through The Jim Bakker Show at Morningside church. I blog about it here.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger45110tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9221488326087649096.post-41236435530087868842012-05-20T17:00:00.000-07:002012-05-20T17:00:31.385-07:00An Interview with Foodbucket Fanpage blogger Ron Johnson<div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
Ron Johnson is on a
mission from God. The Colorado-based blogger's wicked satire covers
the ongoing misadventures of televangelist Jim Bakker. Yes, <i>that</i>
Jim Bakker, the man who once ruled the Christian television world
through PTL and Heritage USA before spectacularly imploding in front
of an international television audience. Jim Bakker was charged and ultimately
served time in federal prison on multiple counts of
mail and wire fraud, including a single count of conspiracy. He
claims to be a changed man. According to Ron Johnson, he isn't.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
Ron Johnson's blog
makes for fascinating and often-times hysterical reading. I reached
out to him through his blog, to see if he would agree to an interview
with me. After multiple verifications of my identity, he agreed to
meet me at a busy Starbucks in Boulder. He arrives early, wide-eyed
and jumpy, with an awkward swagger about him. His brow is heavily
furrowed, yet his eyes are warm and he wears a nervous smile. We
greet each other, he shakes my hand, and I'm immediately hit with the
sense that this Ron Johnson, the person receiving so much hate from
his underground blog, is just a normal chap. I like him already.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] Thank you
for taking the time to sit down with us Ron.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] Hey no problem
dude. I'm honored.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] Honored?</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] Sure. Who
would ever think I'd be interviewed for making fun of some obscure
televangelist and his tv show? Certainly not me.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] Are you
surprised?</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] [laughs] Very.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] You seem a
little nervous?</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] [laughs] I'm a
nervous guy. Well, not nervous, but fidgety. It's hard for me to sit
still because my mind is always running.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] Alright, so
tell us a little bit about yourself.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] Well, there's
not much to say really. I'm a pretty boring guy. I work a lot and I
watch a lot of tv.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] By a lot of
tv, do you mean The Jim Bakker Show?</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] Actually, no.
I only watch Jim Bakker when I'm gearing up for a blog post.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] [surprised]
Really?</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] Yeah. When I
first started this thing, I would watch him pretty regularly to find
out what kind of shady stuff he was up to. Now, I just don't have the
time. When I'm writing, it's an all-consuming thing. I have to lay
off a lot nowadays, otherwise I'd never sleep. My mind is very active
when I'm writing.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] So describe
your blog to me.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] Well, my blog
began as just a hobby. I had watched Bakker during the preceding
years [of the blog], and was just completely disgusted with him. So I
thought, what the hell, I'll start writing about him online, giving
my opinion on what I see going on.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] Just like
that?</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] Yeah, just
like that. I had no idea where I was going with it, I just started
writing. I remember one of my first posts, Bakker had this guy named
Glen Eschelstein or Eschelman, something like that, he had him on and
the guy had a big bleach stain on his jacket. Or maybe it was makeup.
Either way, this Eschelman dude is on tv with a big obnoxious mark on
his jacket and I thought it was funny, so I mentioned it.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] I remember
that post, and I remember the stain. I think it was makeup.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] [laughs] You'd
think someone would have caught that and fixed it before showtime,
right?</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgowiuWSfmKrIbuDz0MkTOabnR5GwkDcJe7PnsXT3mQwEC5oCaXvebw1_YL_MDfRFGJmHwdvmQ2ARtVQsQfxQ6mC5EAYPIXO-GtWWFbbN8o8XxxUFFoH_oLBCXP1smeOtuWqKzo8Ltdtlw/s1600/jason+wert+and+morningside+band.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgowiuWSfmKrIbuDz0MkTOabnR5GwkDcJe7PnsXT3mQwEC5oCaXvebw1_YL_MDfRFGJmHwdvmQ2ARtVQsQfxQ6mC5EAYPIXO-GtWWFbbN8o8XxxUFFoH_oLBCXP1smeOtuWqKzo8Ltdtlw/s320/jason+wert+and+morningside+band.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">F-B: Hairless Ape, Waterhead, Morningside Strangler</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<i>Directly over the
Hairless Ape's shoulder is another person who makes me suspicious; I
suspect that Jim may have actually hired a waterhead for piano
duties. I know waterhead is not a nice word, but I first heard it
from Jim's own mouth when he used it to describe a retarded person.
And I think that's what I'm seeing wearing a blue vest and pounding
away on the Morningside piano right now. Maybe Slick Jim reversed the
musician payment deal on him, telling him that instead of being paid
to play on the show, he has to pay Jim to play. However it happened,
somehow, some way, he's there.</i></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><br /></i>
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>I don't know where
in the hell the old piano player Chubbs went. The band is probably
wondering the same thing. That is, except for Guitarist Joey. As
discussed a few times over the past year, I suspect the smooth-handed
Joey may be moonlighting as the Morningside Strangler, luring people
into his van to check out 8-tracks, then giving his smooth hands a
workout. I don't think Joey's wondering about Chubbs:</i></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><br /></i>
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUOfy8c8jQnULct3QydbhSqXrLkAG3zB5AdO24-IJWDhEBCEtF1Vt_qfi2DKRk6cS-4RmCXxl3QqX5GJOR6gjIVK5KVLu1z8uxW_9ydZ-vsf0p6UMWXyypujxgH-tXU7ug7tiA4DbueoA/s1600/guitarist+joey+morningside+band.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUOfy8c8jQnULct3QydbhSqXrLkAG3zB5AdO24-IJWDhEBCEtF1Vt_qfi2DKRk6cS-4RmCXxl3QqX5GJOR6gjIVK5KVLu1z8uxW_9ydZ-vsf0p6UMWXyypujxgH-tXU7ug7tiA4DbueoA/s320/guitarist+joey+morningside+band.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Guitarist Joey: "Ain't nobody seeing Chubbs again."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<i>[<b>Drummer</b>] "Hey Joey,
you seen Chubbertini around lately?"</i></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>[<b>Guitarist Joey</b>] [dismissive
tone] "Nah, I ain't seen him."</i></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>[<b>Pops the Bass Player</b>] "Say,
wasn't he going to help you install a tape deck in your van last
weekend?"</i></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>[<b>Joey</b>] [gruffly] "He
didn't show up."</i></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>[<b>Pops</b>]
[innocently] "Didn't show up? That's strange. it's not like Chubbs to
not meet his appointments. Say, you don't have his number lying
around do ya? Maybe you can call him up?"</i></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>[<b>Joey</b>] [eyes lower
threateningly] "No pops, I don't have his number lying around."</i></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>[<b>Pops</b>] "Joey,
calm down will ya? I just wanna find out where he is, maybe ask
around a bit to see if anyone's seen him."</i></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>[<b>Joey</b>] [smirking]
"Ain't nobody seeing him, pops."</i></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><br /></i>
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>And now this new,
defenseless piano player has been dropped in there with Joey, defenseless as a feed mouse in a snake tank. Will the Morningside Strangler strike
again?</i></div>
</blockquote>
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] [laughs]
Now, I've noticed that your writing style seemed to change from those
early posts. Would you agree?</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] Oh yeah, for
sure. I started out just sort of summarizing the show, giving my
opinion of what I saw, drawing conclusions based on my observations,
that sort of thing. Then at some point, probably around July or so, I
started giving a narrative instead. The posts got longer, and in my
opinion funnier, as I started writing what I thought real-time as
opposed to having to go back in my mind and recall events to
summarize the show.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] You seem to
have gotten more comedic too.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] Well, I think
it's always been satire. I'm not a professional comedian and I'm not
an English major, so it's not that I planned to make it satire. It
just is, that's the way I write naturally I guess. Frankly, it's the
way I see the world.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] [laughing]
Must be an interesting world?</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] [laughing] Oh,
if you only knew. It's like, anytime I engage my critical eye, which
is frequently, I can't help but think of stuff which makes me
chuckle. This applies to myself too by the way, my sense of humor
includes self-deprecation, and if someone makes a joke about me, I
laugh. If it's funny, of course.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] So your
blog was always satire, but you just changed the way you approached
writing? Is that correct?</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] Exactly. I
went from memory recall for summary, to real-time thought for
narrative, if that's the correct word. I started watching the show
and writing real-time as I watched. That's why my posts grew so large
over time. It's not on purpose, it's just the nature of the beast.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] How do you
want people to approach your blog?</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] What do you
mean?</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] I mean,
should people read it for humor, read it as an expose, or something
else?</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] I would say
that people should read it for humor and for my commentary, but with
a critical eye. I express my opinion about Jim Bakker and his guests,
sometimes fiercely, but I could always be wrong. That's the nature of
opinion, it's not fact and it can be debated. If I'm wrong about
something, I'm more than happy to change my views. But you gotta show
me where I'm wrong. I'm watching a television show and making
jokes, giving my opinion on what I see, and drawing conclusions based
on my observations. I think that is abundantly clear to my audience.
If it isn't, then you shouldn't be reading it, and you probably
shouldn't be handling knives or other sharp objects either.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEga44eHZF-1xilGKk61EfT44NPalL0AmYlIO4b8Vzko7fqjIiIu26hw7IqXZwvTfkqbVJzJ8FQw_btcu5hDJgHbask2C4oioqojlen3GC1lxFoa4RyBQ8KMd335Rn9rov9Tb6pb_ms-8w0/s1600/Jim+Bakker+plastic+surgery.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEga44eHZF-1xilGKk61EfT44NPalL0AmYlIO4b8Vzko7fqjIiIu26hw7IqXZwvTfkqbVJzJ8FQw_btcu5hDJgHbask2C4oioqojlen3GC1lxFoa4RyBQ8KMd335Rn9rov9Tb6pb_ms-8w0/s320/Jim+Bakker+plastic+surgery.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Did Jim just return from Florida?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
[<b>Stone</b>] So what
you're saying is that when you say Jim and Lori are heading down to
Florida to their plastic surgeon, that shouldn't be taken as fact?</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] [laughing] How
the fuck would I even know that? What I do know is that Jim and Lori
look remarkable for their age, though please don't confuse
'remarkable' for 'beautiful'. Jim himself had his skin pulled back
tight like a snare drum on the show once, there's a picture of it in
one my posts. That shit was so tight his ears wiggled when he smiled.
And every few months Lori shows up on the show with duck lips or
wearing a hat. Indoors, by the way. She's wearing a hat indoors,
which makes no sense and in some circles is considered rude unless
you're bald. Lori is obviously not bald, so why would she suddenly
show up wearing a hat on the show? To me, that means they're getting
plastic surgery or botox. And when I think plastic surgery, I think
Florida.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
I know Lori has
gone to Florida a few times because she's mentioned it on the show.
So I connect the dots to impart my opinion in a funny way, within the
context of whichever blog post it shows up in. So no, I don't know
for sure that they go to Florida for 2-for-1 plastic surgery trips.
Do I think they do? Yeah. I think them going to Florida for plastic
surgery is more likely than them visiting some cross-eyed Ozark
plastic surgeon who's going to fuck up their faces. Oh
wait...[laughs]</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] So it
sounds li...</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] [interrupting]
Let me say something else to this effect too. I don't lie and I don't
mislead, it's not in my character. I write what I think and I try and
make it funny for readers. Yes, I feel an obligation to expose Jim
Bakker and his buddies for what I feel is very suspicious behavior
down in ZombieLand. But I don't need to lie to do that. The fair way
to do this is to do exactly what I do: Express opinion through satire
and commentary. Lying is, frankly, not an option for me. If anyone
feels I've lied, just let me know what it is and why it's a lie. If I
believe you, or if you show me evidence which corrects me, I would
correct myself. The draw of my blog, I think, is that people can see
that I'm not making shit up in the way I express my views. For all
the jokes, there is also that seed of truth which I provide. I don't
mean truth as in this part is true and this part is false. I mean
truth as in, my readers are seeing the same thing I'm seeing. I had a
comment once that said something to that effect, that I am able to
put <i>their</i> thoughts into words for them to read. I don't know
if that makes sense or not?</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] Sounds like
you take truth seriously?</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] Absolutely I
do. Everyone deserves a fair shot. Truth is fair. Lies are not.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] Do you have
any proof-reading or editor or something, like a relative or friend
to check your work before you're done with it?</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] Nope, it's
just me. I don't let anyone see my work before I'm done with it. It's
all rough draft until that last second when I hit 'post'. The only
thing worse than seeing my jokes out of context are seeing them
unfinished. I consider myself an artist in a sense, and I don't want
people seeing stuff that's incomplete.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] An artist
eh? Do you paint?</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] [laughing] I
can't draw for shit. I guess what I mean is that...umm... I've found
out through writing this blog that I'm actually a pretty creative
person. I don't physically paint things, but I think I sort of paint
mental pictures for people, and take them down a fun little road in
their minds while they're reading. Let's face it, The Jim Bakker Show
is atrocious to watch for a variety of different reasons. But I make
it fun for people. I've even seen some people leave comments which
sort of copy my flavor and style. I love it! That brings pleasure to
people. Maybe it doesn't bring it to Jim and his buddies, but that's
not my fault. They know what they're doing is wrong, so I really
don't give a fuck whether our laughs are at their expense or not. I
don't have sympathy for people like that. I'm a real polarized dude.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] [laughs]
Polarized...you know they have medication for that.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] [laughs] Nah
not like that. I mean, I personally feel that I exist on both ends of
some sort of emotional spectrum. I am very kind-hearted. I don't like
saying that because it's inappropriate to label yourself like that,
but what the hell, as I get older I think I'm just going to accept
it. I feel a very genuine, innate sense of wanting to help people, to
add some kindness to the world. But on the other hand, I feel a
powerful sense of justice. I suppose there's some interplay between
those two poles. [thinking] I would explain it like this: Those
people who are kind and unassuming, just normal people living their
lives, when they are hurt by someone who is taking advantage of them
in some way, then I have no problem at all with treating the
perpetrators like dirt [laughs]. For instance, consider the death
penalty. I'm all for it. I'd even support the death penalty for
something like armed robbery. [laughing] It's not that simple of
course, circumstances are important, but if it's cut and dried, like
you took a gun, you terrorized a person, and you stole their money,
then I say: Goodbye to you. There are good people on this planet, and
you aren't one of them.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] Let me play
devil's advocate then: What about bloggers who make fun of people in
Jim Bakker's audience by calling them inbreds and zombies?</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] I don't have
sympathy for people who are willfully ignorant. They are perpetuating
Jim's behavior and allowing it to spread to others who may be
unintentionally ignorant. They are not helping the world, in fact
they are detracting from it.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] But what if
they aren't? What if they're just working a job to try and make ends
meet?</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] Well, if that
is truly the case, then I'm sorry. I don't deny that some people over
in ZombieLand might be in that situation. But consider it this way:
If you are only working there to support yourself, then I hope you'd
understand that any jokes I'd be making in your direction are just
that: jokes. If it were me, I'd sort of be honored.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] Honored at
being made fun of?</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] [laughing]
Yeah, why not? So I call you fat, or stupid, or cross-eyed? They're
words, who cares. I'm not the prettiest guy in the world, I have
flaws. And people I know make fun of my physical flaws, shit I make
fun of them myself! So what? You're a character in the world I've
created, and you're giving people laughs. Is that so bad? Geez dude,
go smoke a joint and relax. Don't take yourself so seriously.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] I'm
interested in knowing how long it takes you to construct a blog post.
I know some of them extend to multiple pieces, and in reading the
know they can get pretty complicated. That must take a lot of time?</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] It takes a
shit load of time. Hours upon hours, over multiple days. Keep in
mind, it's not just the writing, it's the image capturing too. I
probably take about a hundred and twenty pictures for each blog post.
Then I choose which ones to use, edit them, and integrate them into
the blog. Then I have to caption them. And keep in mind, all the
while I'm still re-reading and re-writing the text to make it better.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] And this
isn't your full-time job?</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] [laughing]
Nah. For awhile there, it felt like a full-time job though. Every
weekend I'd be writing this shit, through the afternoon and sometimes
into the night. It became too much man, that's why I started pulling
back a little bit.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] So would
you say it was burning you out?</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] Oh yeah,
definitely. But the responses I was getting from my readers was worth
it. They thought it was hilarious, and I was very proud to know that
I could make people laugh while also doing what I felt, and still
feel, was a good thing. I was exposing Jim Bakker to the masses.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] I'm
interested in that. Why do you think Jim Bakker needs exposing?</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] Because he's
insulting to me.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9I1sik40rcmSEj9XsuQOFZuK0c_3KuQFN1kr3Sr1nBiTc73xjk3_WpZqAIqxjPodBELLLOu_J0GIJ6XAsMpANd-2V5xLmhGAFMfYuoXu3fBZpKQqWe14g1zQZyMOEhCb88bVuRp4_BSs/s1600/Jimmy+Bakker+fake+crying.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9I1sik40rcmSEj9XsuQOFZuK0c_3KuQFN1kr3Sr1nBiTc73xjk3_WpZqAIqxjPodBELLLOu_J0GIJ6XAsMpANd-2V5xLmhGAFMfYuoXu3fBZpKQqWe14g1zQZyMOEhCb88bVuRp4_BSs/s320/Jimmy+Bakker+fake+crying.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jim Bakker insults my intelligence</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
[<b>Stone</b>] In what
way?</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] He's on my
television, telling me the world is going to end and that my money
will be worthless, yet he's happy to take my money in return for all
the junk he sells. That insults me because it assumes that I'm too stupid
to see the hypocrisy of it. Add in the fact that this guy
already went to prison for fraud, and it's just too much. I had to
speak up, to speak the truth as I see it.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] You sound
pissed?</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] [laughing] I'm
not pissed, I'm just frustrated. I'm a principled guy, and I know
right from wrong. What I see him doing on television is wrong. He's
scaring people unnecessarily. You don't do that. I don't care if his
people are suckers, or stupid, or whatever. It's not right. Make an
honest living, don't be a dickhead who has to stretch the truth and
make shit up about hearing from God in order to make money. I like to
think I'm above stooping that low simply to make a buck. Money dude,
that's what it's all about for him. At least from what I see from his
show.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] But in his
defense, doesn't he have to make money in order to sustain being on
television?</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] He doesn't
have to be on tv.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] But he's a
televangelist?</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] He doesn't
have to be a televangelist. He can just be a preacher at a church.
Nothing wrong with that. This would be like saying that, as a drug
dealer, I have to sell crack to continue being a drug dealer. The
solution to the problem, if I'm an honest man, is not to be a drug
dealer in the first place. And that's not to say that Jim can't
continue to be a televangelist. But if he is one, he needs to do
things correctly. Jimmy Swaggart is back on tv, and you know what
he's doing? He's preaching sermons, giving legitimate teaching, and
selling bibles and cds to keep himself on the air. He ain't selling
sleep bands and chintzy jewelry named after his wife.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] Now see,
you sound pissed again.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] [laughing]
Okay, maybe a little bit. But it's borne of frustration. I just want
to see people do the right thing, bring some good into the world for
a change. Not all this slinking in the shadows, preying on the
weak-minded.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>Larry Bates is on
the witness stand. The tense courtroom is packed with onlookers and media.
Ron Johnson sits behind his lawyer's desk, a blue-plumed bird perched
protectively on his shoulder. Twelve jurors listen intently as Bates
is questioned.</i></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><br /></i>
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>[<b>Defense Attorney</b>]
“Mr Bates, can you describe the word 'integrity' to me please?”</i></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>[<b>Larry Bates</b>]
“Sure. Integrity is being upstanding and moral.”</i></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>[<b>Defense Attorney</b>]
“How about honesty, Mr Bates? Does integrity include honesty?”</i></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>[<b>Larry Bates</b>] “Yeah
sure.”</i></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>[<b>Defense Attorney</b>]
“Sure? How about 'yes' or 'no'?”</i></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>[<b>Larry Bates</b>]
[slightly ruffled] “Yes, integrity includes being honest.”</i></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>[<b>DA</b>] “And being
honest means not lying, would you agree Mr Bates?”</i></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>[Bates] “Yes, I
would agree.”</i></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>[<b>DA</b>] “Do you have
integrity, Mr Bates?”</i></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>[Bates] “Of
course I do. What kind of question is that?”</i></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>[<b>DA</b>] “Very well.
I would like to play you several video clips, Mr Bates. In these
clips, you are going to see Jim Bakker on camera. After each clip, I
will ask you one question.”</i></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>[<b>Bates</b>] [squirms in
chair] “Okay.”</i></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><br /></i>
</div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqO79-tJnwdYcFCh7uut1Gh20kybjJeTyzOIvJ76I1JLWr8LeUOCZkU9S49fA0eiBaA23XAtN_zujGUo_aRPnPjjqzpU_rjMXfJnP1iuiQFNI-dfVrDL_dWgUUWH2CWmEQKZvrtqZEHhQ/s1600/Jim+Bakker+fake+cry.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqO79-tJnwdYcFCh7uut1Gh20kybjJeTyzOIvJ76I1JLWr8LeUOCZkU9S49fA0eiBaA23XAtN_zujGUo_aRPnPjjqzpU_rjMXfJnP1iuiQFNI-dfVrDL_dWgUUWH2CWmEQKZvrtqZEHhQ/s320/Jim+Bakker+fake+cry.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jim Bakker weeping uncontrollably</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>The courtroom
watches as video is played of Jim Bakker, fake-crying while talking
about Lori's House fundraising.</i></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><br /></i>
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>[<b>DA</b>] “Did you see
that video clearly, Mr Bates?”</i></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>[<b>Bates</b>] “Yes.”</i></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>[<b>DA</b>] “And do you
think Jim Bakker was really crying in that video, or was he faking
it?”</i> </div>
</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>Larry Bates appears
very uncomfortable in the witness box. A long pause ensues as Larry
Bates considers his answer.</i></div>
</blockquote>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>[<b>DA</b>] “Cat got
your tongue, Mr Bates?”</i></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>[<b>Bates</b>] “I would
say yes, he is really crying.”</i></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>[<b>DA</b>] “Can you
repeat your answer, Mr Bates, this time addressing the jury?”</i></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><br /></i>
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>Bates turns
nervously towards the jury.</i></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><br /></i>
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>[<b>Bates</b>] “Yes, he
is really crying.”</i></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>[<b>DA</b>] “Thank you
Mr Bates. Now please watch the monitor again as I play another clip
for you.”</i></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><br /></i>
</div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhtM0XVkwWy4isw-1spMPpoh2Iq5scRGgjs04T-cBFzaHZoUglUkWHQexHdAC2ssGYDmXSAynlOp-MjQVs4Ri0ZGVvM3xW4yGb0pxrDlHoYfW-czPK9h16qVgK0hovkVhptqb-zYtnlw4/s1600/Jim+Bakker+fake+cries.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhtM0XVkwWy4isw-1spMPpoh2Iq5scRGgjs04T-cBFzaHZoUglUkWHQexHdAC2ssGYDmXSAynlOp-MjQVs4Ri0ZGVvM3xW4yGb0pxrDlHoYfW-czPK9h16qVgK0hovkVhptqb-zYtnlw4/s320/Jim+Bakker+fake+cries.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Tears stream down the face of a sobbing Jim Bakker</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>A new clip is
played of Jim Bakker, this time choking up while talking about road
building. A juror laughs. Bates again shifts uncomfortably in the witness box.</i></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><br /></i>
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>[<b>DA</b>] “Do you
think Jim Bakker was really crying in that clip, Mr Bates? Or was he
faking it?”</i></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>[<b>Bates</b>] “Where is
this going? What are you getting at?”</i></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>[<b>DA</b>] “Answer the
question, Mr Bates.”</i></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>[<b>Bates</b>] “I'm not
answering your question.”</i></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>[<b>DA</b>] “Why not, Mr
Bates?”</i></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>[Bates] [angry]
“Because it's a stupid question.”</i></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>[<b>DA</b>] [petitioning
judge] “Your honor, can you please compel the witness to answer my
question?”</i></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>[<b>Judge</b>] “Answer
the question, Mr Bates.”</i></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>[<b>Bates</b>] [turning
red] “Yes, he's really crying.”</i></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>[<b>DA</b>] “Can you
please repeat that to the jury so that they can hear you?”</i></div>
</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>[<b>Bates</b>] [turns
abruptly to jury] “Yes, he's really crying.”</i></div>
</blockquote>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>[<b>DA</b>] “Mr Bates, I
have one final question, just for clarification purposes. Part of
having integrity means not lying, right?”</i></div>
</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>[<b>Bates</b>] [face has
turned bright red] “That's right.”</i></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>[<b>DA</b>] “I'm done
with this witness, your honor.”</i></div>
</blockquote>
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] Okay so
let's move on. You left a comment on your blog a few months ago
suggesting that you had another project going on in the background.
Were you serious?</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>]Right, yeah a
few months ago I mentioned that I had something 'bigger' planned. I
had this idea that I was going to document myself covering Bakker,
sort of create a cheap indie documentary. I know that my personality
is a little different than most people, and I thought it might be
compelling to see me doing what I do when I sit down to cover Bakker,
because it's a lotta shit. But I ended up getting so bogged down in
writing and working my real job that it just never happened. I had a
whole idea thought out, I think it woulda' been really cool. I'll bet
I would have had some of Bakker's numbskulls watching it too. Those
people are fucking stupid man [laughs]. I'll bet Jim could physically
grab one of those people by the cheeks, look them in the eyes and
call them a dumbshit to their face, then turn around and sell them a
bible for a hundred bucks. They are that stupid.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] [laughing]
That stupid huh?</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] [laughing] I
mean, Jim actually sold these people magic stickers that were
supposed to somehow<i> give you more strength</i>. [laughing] Do you
know how fucking retarded you have to be to buy something like that?
And now I've poked their cage. They're all starting to wander onto
the internet and attack me like rabid lemmings. I don't need that in
my life man, I got enough to take care of day-to-day in my life to
not need to be calling the cops all the time on lunatic stalkers.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>][laughing]
You sound a touch serious in how you say that. Are you really
concerned about lunatic stalkers?</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] Yeah dude,
Bakker's zombies are nuts.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] I'm going
to read off a list of words to you, and I want you to give me the
first word that comes to mind. Okay?</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] [laughing]
Alright.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] Lori
Bakker.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] Airhead.
[laughs]</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] Foodbucket.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] Disgusting.
[laughs]</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlpY_HV5FjqQj46bGhpd6M6pjXdbMi9hPcLu_SVq8X3MYoGQQNtgrlhc3zWFdYro_Rrwi7xEE1V3K8pqkPfArdSnV1eqZoM3BvXcn0VfIQncjwx1Iaam-ZCdDJjWs1yn43mZ4Y0bs2J5s/s1600/morningside+band.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlpY_HV5FjqQj46bGhpd6M6pjXdbMi9hPcLu_SVq8X3MYoGQQNtgrlhc3zWFdYro_Rrwi7xEE1V3K8pqkPfArdSnV1eqZoM3BvXcn0VfIQncjwx1Iaam-ZCdDJjWs1yn43mZ4Y0bs2J5s/s320/morningside+band.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Joey: "Wanna check out some 8-tracks in my van?"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
[<b>Stone</b>] Guitarist
Joey.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] [laughs loudly]
Man I love Joey! He's my favorite character of the whole bunch!</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] Why is
that?</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] I don't know,
I think it's the Captain Stubing hairdo and the way he plays that
axe. He also gets this look on his face sometimes like he's too cool
for school, you know?</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] So you
don't really think he's a serial killer?</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] [laughing] Nah
man, no way. The only thing Joey's killing are guitar notes, and
maybe a few hearts of lovelorn ladies. Those are jokes, it's satire. It's
funny. In fact, and I mean this sincerely, I hope Guitarist Joey
laughs at what I write about him. He looks like a cool guy.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5XvmAm5D7uNVhfTJluQgDFfxL6MdKTnXswKZpNITwVqnDIdGsogrTAbE10oNjQcE2Usiyn3pTY3QV3p0cgk4Ex5FfKBAZj_bhgLD8fajJVvUdeGpcshp-eMKzQgs_vUdxXJqn-0kjNwU/s1600/Philip+Cameron-001.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5XvmAm5D7uNVhfTJluQgDFfxL6MdKTnXswKZpNITwVqnDIdGsogrTAbE10oNjQcE2Usiyn3pTY3QV3p0cgk4Ex5FfKBAZj_bhgLD8fajJVvUdeGpcshp-eMKzQgs_vUdxXJqn-0kjNwU/s320/Philip+Cameron-001.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Enjoying yourself in Moldova, Flip?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
[<b>Stone</b>] [laughs]
Okay, back to the word association. Philip Cameron.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] I don't think I can come up with a single word that's strong enough to express my feelings about Philip Cameron.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] What do you
mean by that?</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] I can't stand
Philip Cameron. I think I've mentioned before in a blog post that I
dislike Philip Cameron even more than I dislike Jim Bakker. Cameron
is just...I don't see anything even remotely redeeming about that
guy. At least Bakker is capable of being likable. Cameron doesn't even have that.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] Yes I've
read your posts about him. They're pretty brutal.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] Right. I don't
like him at all. I'd love to do a whole satirical blog on him in
particular, but apparently the fat fuck likes to hide in Moldova a
lot with his orphaned girls and boys so we don't see him that much. Ugh.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] Moving on.
Jim Bakker.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] [thinking]
Intelligent.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] Intelligent
huh?</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] Yeah, Bakker
is a smart guy. Look at how successful he is at making a living, and
how he makes that living? That doesn't mean he's a good guy, or that
he should be lauded for it, but he certainly knows how to ring the
dinner bell for inbreds.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] How do you
think he does it?</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] I don't know
man, but he does it. I've always felt that he's successful because he
has that 'aww-shucks' demeanor that everyone trusts. It's hard to
believe that a guy that looks like a kindly old frog would be lying
to you about receiving special prophecy from God, then use that as a
means to take your money. But he does it, at least in my opinion he
does. I don't know how anyone of sound mind could think otherwise
after watching his show a couple times. It's pretty blatant.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] Is there
redemption for Jim Bakker, in your eyes?</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] You mean
personally, with me?</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] Yes.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] Of course
there is. Everyone can redeem themselves in my view. I'm a fair guy,
in fact that's something I pride myself in. If someone told me that I
wasn't being fair it would be like an alarm going off in my head, and
my thoughts would come to a screeching halt. For Bakker, if he folded
up shop tomorrow and admitted that he's been wrong these past few
years, then I'd be done. In fact, I would applaud him for
it...publicly. People can change if they want to, and that change can
be startling. I know, because I changed. So if Jim Bakker changed his
tune, I would support him for that.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] So you
would actually lend your support to Jim Bakker if he changed
tomorrow?</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] Sorry man, I
know I'm being a little unclear here. My thoughts come very quickly
so sometimes I figure them out while I'm speaking. Support isn't the
right word here so let me clarify. [thinking] If Jim Bakker stopped running Salesville tomorrow, I would give him praise for it because he
would deserve praise. I don't think I'd ever fully support him or
stake my reputation on him, that seems fairly impossible to me. There
are very, very few people who I mix my name with. [laughing]</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] Like?</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] The only
person I can think of right now is my wife [laughing]. I wouldn't
even put my reputation on the line for some of my family. Everyone
has to prove themselves to me before I stake my reputation, and let me
tell you...that takes a long time.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] I just have
one more on this to follow up. So you don't hold grudges?</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] I wouldn't say
that I don't hold grudges. I think it's more accurate to say that any
grudges I hold are temporary in nature. I am always open to changing
my mind.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] So outside
of the Foodbucket Fanpage, have you considered other topics to write
about?</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] Actually yeah,
there's a few different things I'm interested in doing.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] Would you
care to enlighten us or are you keeping them private?</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] Well, what I
do with Bakker could translate very well to politicians or other
people who I consider to be shysters. I absolutely can't stomach
politicians. They're all liars looking out for their own
self-interests. I'd love to cover political debates or something like
that, or maybe just pick whichever politician is the sleaziest and
cover them, solely. The problem, unfortunately, is that the creative
process for me comes very slowly. I could cover a political debate
with satire, with nobody getting out unscathed, but I can't churn it
out in a timely fashion.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] People want
stuff quickly, you're saying?</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] Right. Reading
about a debate from a month ago, something that's already happened, I
think people may just sort of move on and not care. But I could be
wrong on that. Maybe people would be interested, maybe the timeliness
of it isn't important when people are looking for laughs at the
expense of disgusting people. I wouldn't know until I try, I suppose.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] I'd read
it, sign me up!</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] [laughs] Yeah,
well, it takes time that I don't have much of anymore. You know what
though? All these shitheads who can't stand me because I make fun of
Jim Bakker and expose him, I'll bet you they'd love me if I went
after a politician they didn't like. They'd be telling me I'm the
best and go get 'em, that sort of thing. I really believe that.
Superficial people man, they're really strange. Insult their God [Jim Bakker] and
their vicious. [laughing]</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] Other
ideas?</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] [laughing]
Actually, yeah there are a few other ideas floating around. I'm a big
mixed martial arts fan and I've thought about maybe covering the UFC
and other organizations in a comedic way. Not in the sense of putting
it down, because I love it. It would be more like, creating
characters out of the fighters and sort of covering different fights
while pointing out the humorous things I see while I'm watching. The ref's haircut. People in the crowd on their cell phones. Fighter gear malfunctions, stuff like that. That
one might be a long shot, but it's something.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] So what
about the...</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] [interrupts]
You know what I really wanted to do but I had no time? I wanted to
cover the funeral of Kim Jong-Il. Did you see that thing?</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] Yes I do,
we actually covered it on an article.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] Yeah well,
nobody would have covered it like me. That thing went on for hours
and hours, with the soldiers freezing their balls off on the side of
the road and everyone beating their chests in feigned sadness. I
actually served in Korea when I was in the Army, so those wacky North
Koreans always interest me. I only caught about an hour of the
funeral, but I'm telling you, I could have made that thing hilarious.
Oh man, that's really the one that got away.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] I'm sorry
you missed it.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] Oh believe me,
I'm sorry too.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] So what's
up with the Foodbucket Fanpage? I notice that you're speaking about
it in the past tense?</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] For the past
few months, I've been thinking of ending it. That's why the time
between my posts started getting so stretched out. I think the
time has come now. I just don't have the time or desire anymore, and I
think I've said all that needs to be said. If my heart isn't into it,
then I'm going to start writing things that aren't my best work. I'm
not cool with that. It's either the best from me or nothing at all.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] So you're
admitting defeat?</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] [laughs] Call
it what you want. I've poured a lot of time and energy into it, and
I'm happy with what I've done and accomplished. I've brought a lot of
enjoyment to people, brought a lot of critical attention to Jim
Bakker, and I think my readers will remember Ron Johnson and the fact
that I fought the good fight. I'm honestly sad to say goodbye to my
readers, but I have my own life to live. At some point, you have to
finish the chapter and start a new one. At the height of my writing,
I was spending entire weekends hacking away on my keyboard. I would
drive to work reviewing lines in my head, coming up with better ways
to write things. My wife would speak to me at home, but all I'd hear
was my inner monologue as I focused on my latest blog post. My wife
never once complained, but now I'm complaining. I'm tired of writing
about Bakker, I've been tired of it for a few months now.<br />
<br />
I'm ready
to do something different, and I've already started laying the
groundwork for the next chapter of my life. We're new to Colorado,
and it's beautiful here dude. Lots of natural stuff to see, shit that
I like. I'm actually going to take a layoff from my job pretty soon
and go back to school to study the earth sciences. And I suppose Jim
Bakker is going to continue doing what he does. Oh well, I've done
all I can. Either good will triumph here, or it won't.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>Stone</b>] So the
Foodbucket Fanpage is done then?</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
[<b>RJ</b>] Yeah, I'm done.<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGGPcRW-NB96FQMeCcovxugMvv8rxaPmnT1xrXOHSquzbpxnEq4LAkm36KwKfXi311t3GA75_MYTpzH_VUrd0S1JGPQ2RTofLz6myX_ODrMH09M6p4bEIUvWBTVWRqp47scskZ0dLi7ek/s1600/Ron+Johnson+Foodbucket+Fanpage.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGGPcRW-NB96FQMeCcovxugMvv8rxaPmnT1xrXOHSquzbpxnEq4LAkm36KwKfXi311t3GA75_MYTpzH_VUrd0S1JGPQ2RTofLz6myX_ODrMH09M6p4bEIUvWBTVWRqp47scskZ0dLi7ek/s400/Ron+Johnson+Foodbucket+Fanpage.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
THE FOODBUCKET
FANPAGE</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
Thank you to all my
readers.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
“<i>Against the
assault of laughter, nothing can stand.</i>” Mark Twain</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com642tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9221488326087649096.post-7947900174238063142012-05-12T16:51:00.002-07:002012-05-12T16:54:58.719-07:00Jim Bakker exploits 9/11 attacks to sell product, censors YouTube videos of his own show<div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyP3BKLHQ-tfql4Goricof8r66pC6n4yaUrwI_Db8DUAzr84z3RHpaLB5AJtuY9Lyk8J1pkrwZtAepK36kGvkmNHI6AqV2VMLhEB5fZEc0ASlOGLRCCGK2hmWy0fuz4WuSSN2kowWrguo/s1600/Jim+Bakker+yelling.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="241" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyP3BKLHQ-tfql4Goricof8r66pC6n4yaUrwI_Db8DUAzr84z3RHpaLB5AJtuY9Lyk8J1pkrwZtAepK36kGvkmNHI6AqV2VMLhEB5fZEc0ASlOGLRCCGK2hmWy0fuz4WuSSN2kowWrguo/s320/Jim+Bakker+yelling.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pastor Jim Bakker throwing a temper tantrum</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
If you hadn't
already noticed, Jim Bakker and <i>Morningside Church, Inc</i> requested that the
Foodbucket Fanpage YouTube videos documenting his slimy actions be
taken down out of public view. This confuses me, Pastor Jim. Because
if you're preaching the gospel, that divine truth provided by God for
all mankind to hear, shouldn't you want this message being spread as
far and wide as possible? Isn't that what a true man of God would
want?</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
To be clear, the
videos of Jim Bakker that were on YouTube were no different than
those Jim puts out every weekday morning, they were only shorter in
duration. Small clips, unedited and unchanged. The only thing added
to them was my critique, which was apparently <i>spot on</i> since Jim
couldn't bear having them available for the world to read.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
Let me tell you a
little something, Pastor Bakker. Real preachers don't sacrifice
Christ's message in order to save themselves from scorn. In taking
down videos of your very own show, you did just that.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIPvLwucWtOTnyG_H6CZiK-_9fbXpHIXGGhLn19uiF7gNBTpd8NV0II6yJq7BA-VJMoUUTXYoXP0i3IzItt1i4Bqmn23adOhBgTVDwD4-lXiikytzB3eIvq5YPa194MsU_FYJitF5QRlM/s1600/Morningside+Inc+censoring+YouTube+videos.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIPvLwucWtOTnyG_H6CZiK-_9fbXpHIXGGhLn19uiF7gNBTpd8NV0II6yJq7BA-VJMoUUTXYoXP0i3IzItt1i4Bqmn23adOhBgTVDwD4-lXiikytzB3eIvq5YPa194MsU_FYJitF5QRlM/s640/Morningside+Inc+censoring+YouTube+videos.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Morningside Church Inc doesn't want God's message on YouTube?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Wait, I take that back. You didn't sacrifice Christ's message to save yourself, because the truth of
the matter is that you, Jim Bakker, didn't deliver any gospel message. You aren't a real preacher at
all, you just play one on tv. You're a convicted con man who
exploits old people, dumb people, and the tax code in order to leech yourself a
livelihood. You had the videos removed because you don't want people
getting clued-in to your game. Considering that nearly your entire show consists of
peddling <i><span style="text-decoration: none;">fear</span></i>-buckets
and other garbage, and that you are, in fact, a convicted fraud who
served time in federal prison, it's not too hard to reach that conclusion. A real preacher wouldn't use their entire show to sell
product, Jim. And if they were selling anything to fund-raise it
would be sermon CDs, not <a href="http://jimbakker666.blogspot.com/2011/08/bearded-bakker-back-from-vacation.html" target="_blank">Jim Bakker-branded Cereal</a>.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
While I could
petition YouTube to reinstate the Foodbucket Fanpage videos, I don't
have the time or the desire to fight Jim Bakker's <i>Morningside Inc</i>
over them. However, I treat my own words and thoughts with far more
reverence. As a member of the media and with Fair Use and the 1<sup>st</sup>Amendment on my side, you will not silence me here, Jim.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvWrnKakI483mjPFYantn5WNZ5NPCgb_B8cw3Havw_nyqkV9-VUGFKMPDb-_ahES6wp48rq3xhu6cbtDYdUrJl4m8_LP_L8NaOzpjrPkV63OeEipyA66n_1o4QXc6ZKZIRNx3OFinTJFU/s1600/Jim+Bakker+profiting+off+911.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvWrnKakI483mjPFYantn5WNZ5NPCgb_B8cw3Havw_nyqkV9-VUGFKMPDb-_ahES6wp48rq3xhu6cbtDYdUrJl4m8_LP_L8NaOzpjrPkV63OeEipyA66n_1o4QXc6ZKZIRNx3OFinTJFU/s320/Jim+Bakker+profiting+off+911.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">9/11 victims being exploited for a $55 book</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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You are corrupt, Jim Bakker, and you are a
corrupting influence on everything around you. The kids you've duped
into 'attending' your fake college have been corrupted by you. The
presumably well-meaning Christians who follow you have been
corrupted as well. Instead of worshiping God, they worship you. They give you money so you can spend it on 15-foot gargoyles and self-serving projects like Lori's House, then they come to this blog and defend
you as if you were Christ himself.</div>
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You are so
corrupting that you are able to use video of the 9/11 terrorist
attacks as a scare tactic to sell product without anybody within your
cult questioning it. Nearly 3,000 people died in those attacks, Pastor
Jim, yet you have no qualms whatsoever with replaying those attacks
over and over again, from multiple angles, to scare people into
buying your products. And your followers, amazingly, see nothing
wrong with this. I guess it's true what they say: One bad apple
spoils the bunch. And guess who that bad apple is, Jim?</div>
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Try as hard as you want, Jim, but you will not silence me here. If we ever found ourselves in a courtroom over your trouncing of my 1st Amendment rights, it would be a dream come true for this blogger.</div>
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQ-fUFajn-veIWZzacmU2E_aa7Y4OWyt3OVpM_VrurVkiVLycpOLrnGb-90kwjp7gJPPYa5IG8pkaiE6bafmX9Xel8ggIQM9pGcGRT0AAy5uSlBjcQqTpeVvLTp6TOhiP73srwMOPy7Zc/s1600/Jim+Bakker+blogger+Ron+Johnson+arrives+on+stilts.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQ-fUFajn-veIWZzacmU2E_aa7Y4OWyt3OVpM_VrurVkiVLycpOLrnGb-90kwjp7gJPPYa5IG8pkaiE6bafmX9Xel8ggIQM9pGcGRT0AAy5uSlBjcQqTpeVvLTp6TOhiP73srwMOPy7Zc/s320/Jim+Bakker+blogger+Ron+Johnson+arrives+on+stilts.jpg" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ron Johnson arriving for court</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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It will be a circus atmosphere, because I'll make it one. I'll arrive to court wearing stilts and maybe a big parrot perched on my shoulder. Aspiring young actors will be hired to give both comedic and dramatic readings of each of my blog posts to the captive audience of 12 jurors, a judge, and courtroom spectators. Together, we'll watch exhibit A, your show. We will compare your shows to my posts and dissect them, over and over again. The jury will hear you speak about Lori's five abortions. They'll see you <a href="http://jimbakker666.blogspot.com/2011/06/creepathon-day-6-bakker-fake-cries.html" target="_blank">fake cry</a>. <a href="http://jimbakker666.blogspot.com/2011/11/bakker-spoon-feeds-inbreds-wows-them_07.html" target="_blank">They'll hear you give phony prophecy about Steve Jobs</a>...remember that one, Jim? Remember when you forgot the late Mr Job's first name? It was hilarious, but you didn't laugh because you were concentrating on telling your lie.</div>
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Just as you lost pathetically in your first courtroom appearance, you would lose again in your second. That's because you are wrong, Jim Bakker, and you know it. As this blog gains more and more attention, the likelihood of you being investigated increases. You and <i>Morningside Church, Inc</i> can censor Jim Bakker Show videos on YouTube to your evil heart's content, but you will not censor my own thoughts and words without a fight.</div>
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</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com457tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9221488326087649096.post-11149884443712335552012-03-24T16:42:00.000-07:002012-04-13T14:21:28.060-07:00Jim Bakker scribbles on Zach, talks junk with Bill Whaley part 3<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZSj_hGMGYBA-hUtaaNY4vjOL696bxcFudIU7J7EAh_pm2upW2Cu4Wh4qu1T432MQGdC4HhKQLySlnuGtjDuQKfK4u5wSun01geh173tpV6uJeE15JErZ95OhDe2kvYdXE-Sd1Qxg0Bz4/s1600/fake+dr+gordon+pedersen+%27how+does+that+silver+sol+shit+work+again%27.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZSj_hGMGYBA-hUtaaNY4vjOL696bxcFudIU7J7EAh_pm2upW2Cu4Wh4qu1T432MQGdC4HhKQLySlnuGtjDuQKfK4u5wSun01geh173tpV6uJeE15JErZ95OhDe2kvYdXE-Sd1Qxg0Bz4/s320/fake+dr+gordon+pedersen+%27how+does+that+silver+sol+shit+work+again%27.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Gord Pedersen: 'How does that Silver Sol shit work again?'</td></tr>
</tbody></table>This is the final post for this episode. If you haven't already read the first part, please click here for <a href="http://jimbakker666.blogspot.com/2012/03/jim-bakker-scribbles-on-zach-talks-junk.html">part 1 of Jim Bakker scribbles on Zach, talks junk with Bill Whaley</a>.<br />
<br />
I wasn't aware that Dr Gordon Pedersen was the man behind Silver Sol, but he's the one in the commercial so now he owns it in my book. He tells us some gobbledy-gook about his miracle tonic, explaining that the particles of silver are so tiny that they can 'enter a red blood cell'. He says this is good because there's nothing to 'irritate or agitate', and that the particles of silver are just there to 'kill the germs'. I haven't been following the Silver Sol scene, but this sounds very, very stupid to me. Why would anyone voluntarily ingest something that is going to enter their blood cells and 'kill the germs'? How does silver know the difference between a germ and a blood cell? This sounds like an experiment the Japanese would do on Allied POWs to see how long they'd survive. Why would anyone even waste their time with this? It's so stupid it's laughable.</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhenb6Scvb9gisY_9sk-1Z3LECQTSUppOUH2hswZ0urHO_060P3T46BBs9_TowS-HxO9azmw6HqYbr83JNs2CSVfmHsOS9enldxA6F3NI7eIfmCnymqRGF4XDByd-5fw_aSOCWz0FX8T4o/s1600/Man+turns+blue+from+Silver+Sol.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhenb6Scvb9gisY_9sk-1Z3LECQTSUppOUH2hswZ0urHO_060P3T46BBs9_TowS-HxO9azmw6HqYbr83JNs2CSVfmHsOS9enldxA6F3NI7eIfmCnymqRGF4XDByd-5fw_aSOCWz0FX8T4o/s320/Man+turns+blue+from+Silver+Sol.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is what happens when you follow Jim Bakker's advice</td></tr>
</tbody></table>I did a little looking on this Dr Gordon Pedersen. Don't let the white lab coat fool you, because Gordon Pedersen is not a medical doctor. He has a PhD from a toxicology program which sounds promising, but <a href="http://www.prlog.org/11572653-dr-gordon-pedersen-joins-forces-with-mxi-corp-to-develop-new-highly-effective-xocai-product-lines.html" target="_blank">in this press release</a> he's billed as the “<i>Anti-Aging Master Formulator</i>” which causes my quack-alert siren to whoop loudly inside my head. I don't feel very comfortable here, Mr Pedersen. <a href="http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,317564,00.html" target="_blank">Didn't this silver stuff turn some guy's skin blue like a smurf not too long ago</a>? I think I'll pass on your miracle tonic this time around. My body already does a good enough job 'killing the germs' and you know what they say: If it ain't broke, don't fix it. I'll tell you what though: When I'm on my deathbed, I'll take a swig and see if it does anything for me. Does it cure dying?</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhw0EX9LitkP1RQ1uLiSjnQanPLWfspAOG9PZSN0W0cUa0o23fqqzctbMkFues6RcjvSIavLF-9OTC5db7a8_sVzV28NDw1P8xJARET6X6K89y_Mhia2BNEWooZ2OvaPlrp0OPWsGh7IOk/s1600/silver+sol+blue+skin+ointment+and+neti+amoeba+pots.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhw0EX9LitkP1RQ1uLiSjnQanPLWfspAOG9PZSN0W0cUa0o23fqqzctbMkFues6RcjvSIavLF-9OTC5db7a8_sVzV28NDw1P8xJARET6X6K89y_Mhia2BNEWooZ2OvaPlrp0OPWsGh7IOk/s320/silver+sol+blue+skin+ointment+and+neti+amoeba+pots.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jim Bakker's Blue Skin Ointment w/ bonus Amoeba Pot, $88</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Zach announces a Silver Sol package for $600, then Sasha announces a case of 50 for $900. These packages come with Neti Pots. Why hasn't Jim told us the scary stories involving Neti Pots and brain-eating amoebas? Hasn't he heard about <a href="http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2011/12/19/143960631/second-neti-pot-death-from-amoeba-prompts-tap-water-warning" target="_blank">the people who have died after using them</a>? It's strange to think that nobody on that stage has heard about the Neti Pot amoebas, and it makes me wonder if Jim's hiding the truth a little bit there so as not to cut into his own product sales. Blue skin coloring and brain-eating amoebas...that's two strikes against this Silver Sol package already. Yet Jim Bakker is still selling it with no mention at all about these serious risks? Doesn't sound very honest to me, <i>Pastor Bakker</i>.</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjekcf01hMt07VIZl2WtsQoCp0eqzlEqL5_EB2YykUnzvDO62uZYiOurUf4ABkWwJn0AxD3BoISJg-GZywLkje3egBTRyEAyiS3sFTAhXrYWCEHQlKJRRQt5Fb7H5iRQeSvDjCNwt59l-k/s1600/lori+bakker+says+wow+while+jim+gulps+air.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjekcf01hMt07VIZl2WtsQoCp0eqzlEqL5_EB2YykUnzvDO62uZYiOurUf4ABkWwJn0AxD3BoISJg-GZywLkje3egBTRyEAyiS3sFTAhXrYWCEHQlKJRRQt5Fb7H5iRQeSvDjCNwt59l-k/s320/lori+bakker+says+wow+while+jim+gulps+air.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lori says "Wow!" while Jim gulps air</td></tr>
</tbody></table>We're out of the commercial and back to the Junk Man Show with Jim Bakker. Jim asks a question designed to lead Whaley into a product demonstration, but the Junk Man's having none of it. These are direct quotes:</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"></div><blockquote class="tr_bq"><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><b>Jim:</b> “<i>I've read that you help street people stay warm...One of the biggest problems people are going to have is when the power goes out. How do you keep from freezing</i>?”</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><b>Junk Man:</b> “<i>Let's go to the street first</i>.”</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><b>Jim:</b> “<i>Okay.</i>”</div></blockquote><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"></div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">Jim just has to sit there and take it. He's on the couch, leaning on his knee and staring at Whaley, but he's powerless to do anything. The old coot just keeps going on. For her part, Lori loves listening to this guy. She turns to the camera and mouths the word 'Wow!' as Whaley talks.</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGDJih1td_MfV3IHP2lCxggqIi-vcZoGhyebB4RTwjieBE51GqaF0nhlCETjMSuq7AueR70NNUd6_AQUz5VKUOeDpuwLgw2KouZmdYjeuEm7_ehlAWwIpChxUTjERAhlKIcVCEeIpjVOo/s1600/Bill+Whaley+reaching+for+papers+as+Jim+Bakker+cringes.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGDJih1td_MfV3IHP2lCxggqIi-vcZoGhyebB4RTwjieBE51GqaF0nhlCETjMSuq7AueR70NNUd6_AQUz5VKUOeDpuwLgw2KouZmdYjeuEm7_ehlAWwIpChxUTjERAhlKIcVCEeIpjVOo/s320/Bill+Whaley+reaching+for+papers+as+Jim+Bakker+cringes.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Whaley grabs his papers as Jim dreams of a happy place</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Uh oh, Whaley just stepped over into la-la land. Now he's talking governmental conspiracy against the poor, the homeless, and the 'working people'. He's using the fingers on his hands to count off each targeted group. Jim, you need to step in and stop this now. A man uncovering conspiracy at this level is a man that the government will do everything to silence. The FBI probably has a file as a thick as a book on this Whaley character, hell there's probably agents in your audience right now keeping tabs on him. You don't need this kind of heat Jim, you don't need it!</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimCW_iG0zOEGRN1JWhBqb5u7de_fiysGQm1Ea4Dosu0y6H_J-CiRmmZ4kvO5eAkFGAj1M0bS4IkoMMFgl6Sy1EB_1zFQ_PnXTJBj7vIHZDyJBNzg8DNuhqb-Ynd74KMhWnyj7HYXBUq4E/s1600/bill+whaley+counting+conspiracy.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimCW_iG0zOEGRN1JWhBqb5u7de_fiysGQm1Ea4Dosu0y6H_J-CiRmmZ4kvO5eAkFGAj1M0bS4IkoMMFgl6Sy1EB_1zFQ_PnXTJBj7vIHZDyJBNzg8DNuhqb-Ynd74KMhWnyj7HYXBUq4E/s320/bill+whaley+counting+conspiracy.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Junk Kook spices things up with conspiracy talk</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Whaley has now reached for a stack of papers to expose a Senate Bill designed, according to the Junk Kook, to outlaw people from growing gardens. Lori's little mind has been blown by this conspiracy. We hear her off-camera saying, "Unbelievable. Unbelievable". With his stack of papers in one hand, Whaley employs use of his other hand to count off even more targeted groups. He's talking farming, saying something about us controlling the food. He then says, '<i>Guess who else we control</i>?' Then bam, an edit arrives just in time. Just in time to <i>save Whaley's life</i>, and possibly everyone at Morningside. Whatever information he had was bound to uncover conspiracy at the highest levels of government. They will stop at nothing, Bill, nothing. Now I understand why you live 'off the grid'.</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdk7SnKjgV_XarbCah6sT1I6zIAyxAX0763Bo-X-h1lryQkBRBvnsnW1aDIgQFjZb6YvujUqXZAI8CdJUSi4c9_Xlcw12e-xxkU0NnSrhuUpzOGQBTAkHyyupNhXFoNoBID1OKJ2yJRcc/s1600/Bill+Whaley+pointing+at+papers+uncovering+conspiracy.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdk7SnKjgV_XarbCah6sT1I6zIAyxAX0763Bo-X-h1lryQkBRBvnsnW1aDIgQFjZb6YvujUqXZAI8CdJUSi4c9_Xlcw12e-xxkU0NnSrhuUpzOGQBTAkHyyupNhXFoNoBID1OKJ2yJRcc/s320/Bill+Whaley+pointing+at+papers+uncovering+conspiracy.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Junk Kook's audio was cut. What secrets did he expose?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>The edit was abrupt, and now it goes straight to Bakker. Jim feeds into Whaley's conspiracy a little bit, talking about some weird government crackdown on an Amish farmer selling raw milk. The camera shows Whaley with a smirk on his face while he points to his papers and speaks, but there's no sound because it's an edit job. Wow, I wonder how long he droned on for before the kids cut him off in the editing room? How much more conspiracy is lying on the Jim Bakker Show cutting room floor? Maybe Jim Bakker himself is part of the conspiracy to silence the Junk Kook...you ever think of that one, Bill?</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">Finally, Bakker has taken back a little control. He moves from the Amish farmer straight into Lori's House, telling us that he's being called 'evil' for building a home to save babies. No Jim, that's not why you are called evil. You are called evil because you prey on the elderly and mentally-incompetent, earning their trust specifically so you can take their money. You are called evil not because you are building a home to save babies, Jim, but because <i>you lie about why people call you evil</i>.</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6wrpv_eykNVs2USo547IfHd4YJu2LDuQnkREK3tW-aW903TrThHBW_KnT7VEjFED6l8aLoFWUoWMwyh56SS9BwP0r7Z2jpJuOU3_0maaWzXTUh2wyM6X0-k-wErslDzFOhPEGT6pjg8Q/s1600/bakker+tries+to+figure+out+how+to+deal+with+lunatic+bill+whaley.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6wrpv_eykNVs2USo547IfHd4YJu2LDuQnkREK3tW-aW903TrThHBW_KnT7VEjFED6l8aLoFWUoWMwyh56SS9BwP0r7Z2jpJuOU3_0maaWzXTUh2wyM6X0-k-wErslDzFOhPEGT6pjg8Q/s320/bakker+tries+to+figure+out+how+to+deal+with+lunatic+bill+whaley.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bakker: 'Oh my God, I've invited a lunatic onto my show.'</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Jim turns back to Bill and pleads with him, “<i>We can't get political. They'll put me away, Bill.</i>” That's Jim's way of saying, 'Knock off the soapbox shit and get to the trinkets'. Bakker asks the Junk Kook how we can stay warm if the power grid goes down. Hey Bill, I'll take this one for you. Jim, the secret is layers. Thermals, jackets, whatever you have in the closet. You know the way you're dressed when you go outside in the cold? Just dress like that inside. Add a blanket if you need to. Burn some wood in a fireplace, maybe even roast some marshmallows! Next question please.</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEdFfYCpQ1gqQCj09btzt1rYpHorDacTOPKsE6b3SCAg8jS_CNXTvnlq5e34SluI0Uq8J06ekE5LL_wm-1q0-0hqpXaQ7Ma_EoHZBEDMYT1ZfdsQv7nFJVVV4kpU00x2oXhDH1XF418p4/s1600/bill+whaley+pouting.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEdFfYCpQ1gqQCj09btzt1rYpHorDacTOPKsE6b3SCAg8jS_CNXTvnlq5e34SluI0Uq8J06ekE5LL_wm-1q0-0hqpXaQ7Ma_EoHZBEDMYT1ZfdsQv7nFJVVV4kpU00x2oXhDH1XF418p4/s320/bill+whaley+pouting.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Whaley pouts after Jim shoots down his conspiracy theory</td></tr>
</tbody></table>The Junk Kook was still thumbing the pages of his conspiracy documents when Jim told him to knock it off. I'm pretty sure he's pissed off now because he's acting like a bratty child who was just told to sit still at a Christmas party. He's back to flopping his hands up and down on the arms of his chair, and he has a little smirk on his face. Bill Whaley, a sixty-something man who once flew choppers in Vietnam, is pouting.</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">The Junk Kook doesn't like being silenced. Without neighbors, he pretty much lives in silence all the time save for his dumpster divin' wife. Deep down inside, I think what Bill Whaley wants are friends, people to talk to and people to listen. Unfortunately, years of living like a mountain man have made him strange. Picking through garbage is strange. Dreaming up conspiracy is strange. If he were a kid, he could break out of that strangeness bubble and live normally like everyone else. But the Junk Kook is already into his sixties. There's no changing a man who's had that much time to become weird. So, the Junk Kook's inner desire for friendship will never be satisfied unless he finds a friend who is also strange. And that'll just make him weirder.</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWU0dHSukC2GIQr3LzdVoVmYqJBgDiP9G7LljmVU-n-y4ScAbN5JwMGMKkUweBekZ4Aslh5gAgsBvErPy0yhqvB-lERLtO93otE_fps6XB-5Eps-ESnoFC4KYjBldqu6zYe09BQf00JqE/s1600/survivalist+bill+whaley+snatches+bag+like+angry+child.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWU0dHSukC2GIQr3LzdVoVmYqJBgDiP9G7LljmVU-n-y4ScAbN5JwMGMKkUweBekZ4Aslh5gAgsBvErPy0yhqvB-lERLtO93otE_fps6XB-5Eps-ESnoFC4KYjBldqu6zYe09BQf00JqE/s320/survivalist+bill+whaley+snatches+bag+like+angry+child.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bill Whaley angrily snatches bag off table</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Since the Junk Kook is pouting, he didn't accept Jim's first invitation to tell us all how to keep warm. Now Jim has to really prod him into action. Jim chooses his words carefully, saying “<i>You have so many things, I don't know which ones you want to go to first. Do you want me to pick or do you want to tell me?</i>” That bratty child who was told to sit down is now being told to pick a present and open it while everyone watches. Whaley angrily snatches an empty plastic bread bag off the table. This guy is cracking me up, he's really pissed off that Jim told him to stop with the conspiracy crap. He hoists the bag over his head and, in a condescending tone, asks everyone on stage what they would do with it. He has such a look of disdain on his face as he asks this, he's just dying to point his finger at everyone on stage and call them dummies.</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVKlWB3RseYzJOC38mfKAm76aFZwuHqCEoxJKd2_RCQPSlrRihOzdbuxLLEfTqAZpiyIDCOwT_5rvvx63RO03a4d0AKmd7S5pukX4iKuvLVogPkChKJKIOHh0I2DzAwxV3TehspA0VPz8/s1600/survivalist+bill+whaley+asks+what+would+you+do+with+it+dummies.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVKlWB3RseYzJOC38mfKAm76aFZwuHqCEoxJKd2_RCQPSlrRihOzdbuxLLEfTqAZpiyIDCOwT_5rvvx63RO03a4d0AKmd7S5pukX4iKuvLVogPkChKJKIOHh0I2DzAwxV3TehspA0VPz8/s320/survivalist+bill+whaley+asks+what+would+you+do+with+it+dummies.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bill Whaley: 'I'm holding gasoline in my hand you dummies.'</td></tr>
</tbody></table>After a pause, Bakker says he would throw the bag away. Kevin follows the leader and says he would throw it away too. At this point, I think they want to throw Bill Whaley away with the bag too. The Junk Kook looks down his nose at us and says, “<i>I'm holding gasoline in my hand.</i>” Kevin Shorey feigns shock at this announcement, and Whaley reiterates that the plastic bag can be converted to gasoline. He once again holds his prized plastic bag up, and then we get a very long, awkward pause. I thought my DVR froze, but nope that's just the deafening sound of silence on stage. Whaley has completely killed any amount of viewer interest in him with his pouting act, and now he's going nuts with the bread bag. Everyone, and I mean every single person on that stage, is on the defensive with him. They've all now realized that he's a lunatic.</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqUMie7CnRJ2stw_HDRWnWLGjwPhDqHJupuVK_8aI0DUSl5KYXYje2qWlaaibyJOIn_BUSEdbajMYaFXU8fQZN5Qao0xnSC7vn791rSnl_bOPp1dZS4k6-BQTaOmNyD8x97QefAh6CDww/s1600/bill+whaley%27s+latex+inspection+glove+the+bane+of+canines+everywhere.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqUMie7CnRJ2stw_HDRWnWLGjwPhDqHJupuVK_8aI0DUSl5KYXYje2qWlaaibyJOIn_BUSEdbajMYaFXU8fQZN5Qao0xnSC7vn791rSnl_bOPp1dZS4k6-BQTaOmNyD8x97QefAh6CDww/s320/bill+whaley%27s+latex+inspection+glove+the+bane+of+canines+everywhere.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Whaley's 'latex glove': The bane of canines everywhere.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>The plastic bag is not just gasoline, Whaley tells us. It's also a latex glove that can be used to pick up dog 'droppings'. I'm very suspicious of this statement, Bill. Out in my neck of the woods, we don't associate latex gloves with dog crap. We associate them with people crap, and more specifically, the holes where the people crap comes from. Are you bread-bagging your hands and giving rectal examinations out there in 'off-the-grid' land? And who are you examining? There are exactly two people in those woods where you live, plus one unlucky dog. Please don't tell me you're...I just...<u>don't you dare hurt that dog, Bill</u>.</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1JN90xoIRIBKtSMcImCF1gJ6LS-kvSPIijKlXQdfmj2NecMDzqxOAjJ4v9mhr7tdhyphenhyphenkdFBq6eL52_niIisiBYEumhp8MzUstYLjuX27w5FuyZUrDkxH3t4DTVFty8EcJquoHrMZxUpIY/s1600/Bill+Whaley%27s+dog+being+inspected+for+worms.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1JN90xoIRIBKtSMcImCF1gJ6LS-kvSPIijKlXQdfmj2NecMDzqxOAjJ4v9mhr7tdhyphenhyphenkdFBq6eL52_niIisiBYEumhp8MzUstYLjuX27w5FuyZUrDkxH3t4DTVFty8EcJquoHrMZxUpIY/s320/Bill+Whaley%27s+dog+being+inspected+for+worms.jpg" width="298" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bill Whaley's dog being inspected for worms</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Whaley goes on about the multi-use bread bag. He uses it to store butchered chickens in the freezer, and god knows what else. He also puts his skid-marked underwear, ratty t-shirts and mismatched socks in the bag so they don't get wet. What about bread, Bill, do you ever put bread in the bag?</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">Bill wears the bags on his feet in the wintertime. He says he puts them on his feet, then puts socks over them to keep his feet warm. You're a military man, Bill. Isn't that a recipe for trench foot? Or do you use the water generated by your sweaty, suffocating feet for brushing your teeth?</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">Whaley ends his childish tirade by asking a question. With his prized bag once again held up with both hands and a voice filled with utter contempt, he turns to Jim and Lori and asks, “Why would I throw it away?” As he asks, he jingles the bag ends so that the plastic makes noise.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpUPFFrAchPB3k8qowi_wK1w7akaRic_qxAJjnDpKGcXjiZzMSzUsBZs4MrBiI3o8ZzqWJstDVapT3UQZt3Ozn8uHFNzY6qBe3FoTtSYUt0af5MvhhNofTG1tWrz9komHyiqy6EvxELSc/s1600/jim+bakker+tries+to+talk+whaley+down+off+the+ledge.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpUPFFrAchPB3k8qowi_wK1w7akaRic_qxAJjnDpKGcXjiZzMSzUsBZs4MrBiI3o8ZzqWJstDVapT3UQZt3Ozn8uHFNzY6qBe3FoTtSYUt0af5MvhhNofTG1tWrz9komHyiqy6EvxELSc/s320/jim+bakker+tries+to+talk+whaley+down+off+the+ledge.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jim talks Whaley down off the ledge as Lori daydreams</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Jim got a lot more than he bargained for with this guest. Jim is sweating, oh man is he sweating. He moves to a new question, and as he poses it he sounds like a psychiatrist trying to keep a wild-eyed mental patient from setting himself on fire.</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">Bakker is really shaken. He says, “<i>Bill, what you're telling us is we can use the things around us to survive. We don't have to lay down and die.</i>” Whaley is folding the plastic bag into a neat square as Jim speaks. Bakker looks to the audience for applause and gets it, and then we see Jim with a look of worry on his face as he gulps down a mouthful of air. Disaster averted, but what's up next?</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFgTK23LwjdduisGVPBrkZRefNYQ-5BuRoxmJJUxi0VCHZ_2AIZ3ceO55bhghTVN7ePvQQLxYas3_OHjDcLBrZuO9EOvr0syv0UWPNKpRN0SN7n8vgj646TBmvbTAp3G-Z6AFZS3OYjQE/s1600/bill+whaley+takes+delight+in+showing+us+up.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFgTK23LwjdduisGVPBrkZRefNYQ-5BuRoxmJJUxi0VCHZ_2AIZ3ceO55bhghTVN7ePvQQLxYas3_OHjDcLBrZuO9EOvr0syv0UWPNKpRN0SN7n8vgj646TBmvbTAp3G-Z6AFZS3OYjQE/s320/bill+whaley+takes+delight+in+showing+us+up.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bill Whaley loves knowing more about garbage than we do</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Whaley has lightened up now. The tension was cut by the applause, and now Bill Whaley feels respected again. He grabs another piece of garbage, an empty spaghetti sauce jar. Actually, I wouldn't classify this one as garbage if you have liquids you want to store. It depends on the liquid, of course. I might use it for pickled eggs, while the Junk Kook might use it for urine bombs. Let's see.</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">God, Whaley is so obnoxious. He has a way of speaking that is demeaning to all around him. Lori picks up on it subconsciously, because now she's referring to him as 'sir'. He's an asshole without justification. He tells all of us dummies that we can use the sauce jar as a measuring cup. He also says that we can use it to serve drinks in. He suggests giving it to children to drink from, so if they break it they “<i>don't break your good stuff</i>.” You know what I would use your glass jar for, Bill? A baseball. I would tee that sucker right up, then shatter it into a million unusable pieces with a baseball bat. Oh hey, give me that bread bag too, it'll make a great noise maker. Just blow it up full of air, hold the open side closed, then clap your hands together quickly. Pop!</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJ2hAWFyYvsPSAh-SJo8oTE9QLQcfCmLTsaq9JUwsVh766Iwat79pdhED_m_EzugeaJGDm13wZ0QdeDZR5BfwOn9FGKnvo8ywjCK6Dtks10JBQh1XJHMPGy-t1dLhj79UHg4tCzjVCEy4/s1600/jim+bakker+frozen+by+bill+whaleys+aggression.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJ2hAWFyYvsPSAh-SJo8oTE9QLQcfCmLTsaq9JUwsVh766Iwat79pdhED_m_EzugeaJGDm13wZ0QdeDZR5BfwOn9FGKnvo8ywjCK6Dtks10JBQh1XJHMPGy-t1dLhj79UHg4tCzjVCEy4/s320/jim+bakker+frozen+by+bill+whaleys+aggression.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A frozen Jim Bakker tries to figure a way out of this debacle</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Jim is frozen solid on the couch. Lori reacts well to assholes, she likes that sort of leadership, but Jim doesn't. He's not quite sure what to do here.</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">Now the Junk Kook grabs a 2-liter bottle that he chopped in half. It's not chopped well, it looks like he hacked it in half with a butter knife or clipped it down with nail clippers. I also can't rule out the possibility that he had his wife bite through it. Whaley is finding his groove now. He leans back in the chair and asks, “<i>What can you do with a 2-liter bottle?</i>” See that's the problem, Bill, it's the way you introduce your items. Stop asking us what we can do with your garbage and just show us instead.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_yhydUTRUTadFbEA8msLoGrXgR_uKJkmR87rjHHPO9WRPhxkjs18MNrTklQJNCC1VSDkgWHxyd-Pc3alwHuFOLZWUNi1jSO_GuFwF4h7KCK2o_2IBBrr5YDk1z03chFdpu0twpvHlFIk/s1600/survivalist+bill+whaley%27s+jagged+plastic+bottle.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="241" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_yhydUTRUTadFbEA8msLoGrXgR_uKJkmR87rjHHPO9WRPhxkjs18MNrTklQJNCC1VSDkgWHxyd-Pc3alwHuFOLZWUNi1jSO_GuFwF4h7KCK2o_2IBBrr5YDk1z03chFdpu0twpvHlFIk/s320/survivalist+bill+whaley%27s+jagged+plastic+bottle.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Plastic bottle that Whaley's wife bit in half</td></tr>
</tbody></table>You ask us questions that you think we can't answer in order to make us feel small. But it's not that we can't answer them, it's that we don't really care. You deal in garbage, the stuff I toss out with a smile on my face. Whenever I have to go back into my garbage to find something that was thrown out accidentally, I don't smile. I grimace and I hold my nose, and sometimes I even ask my wife for help because it's so disgusting to me. When you pose questions designed to make people feel dumb for not knowing the ins-and-outs of the garbage heap, you fail in your quest for friendship. Normal people don't like that.</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">From the 2-liter bottle, Whaley says he can make a water filter, ice holder, and funnel. Bakker breaks free from his daze and jumps on the funnel idea. Jim grabs the funnel from the table and tells us how we could use it to add gas to our cars if we needed to. Does Jim not know that gas cans come with spouts? I'll go one further: Does Jim not know that funnels can be purchased for a couple dollars at Home Depot? With the dollar Jim gave Lori earlier in the show, they're already halfway down the road to funnel ownership. See how easy that is, Jim?</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgEvUZpv7G8azrg2daxwHxyFNJtXqQyS_gTzDNQC1_LKJ6ib-0hLdjSL2nGFYR3_UyyXQBAir4OUmUbo5JXpnluHpLsjhYAkARch9wSF-9B_5_vTJLVsMRDVyspzKc6x519VSr2hMF6Qc/s1600/bill+whaley+confiscates+funnel+from+jim+bakker.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgEvUZpv7G8azrg2daxwHxyFNJtXqQyS_gTzDNQC1_LKJ6ib-0hLdjSL2nGFYR3_UyyXQBAir4OUmUbo5JXpnluHpLsjhYAkARch9wSF-9B_5_vTJLVsMRDVyspzKc6x519VSr2hMF6Qc/s320/bill+whaley+confiscates+funnel+from+jim+bakker.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Papa Whaley took little Jimmy's funnel toy away from him</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Whaley isn't having any of Jim's gas-can funnel crap. He takes the funnel away from Bakker like a parent taking scissors from a toddler and completely ignores Jim's suggestion. I get the feeling that the Junk Man is thinking, 'Thanks for humoring us buddy, but let's leave the survival stuff <i>to the experts.</i>' Jim was still talking as Whaley took the funnel back from him, he even looked to his audience for support while stammering out, “<i>Isn't that a good..good idea?</i>” I hate to say it, but I'm actually starting to pull for Bakker in this fight. Whaley's a total jackass and needs to be put in his place. If Bill were an ass because he doesn't like Bakker, I'd be on his side. He isn't though. Bill Whaley's an ass because Bill Whaley's an ass.</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCFrfsgurx8ZvYbzj9MjMyW1HXoyWhMSWN562h_E1GYqQLl3OVSzQRKt9Uk8h1dHDwNNtpNVae3unaq6AVam-BP6K3gDyafuLuhBj6xkkVrELsr_71sQH_Wi4llB6IVt2ucNW6dusn0Q4/s1600/...teach+a+man+to+fish+and+feed+him+for+a+lifetime.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCFrfsgurx8ZvYbzj9MjMyW1HXoyWhMSWN562h_E1GYqQLl3OVSzQRKt9Uk8h1dHDwNNtpNVae3unaq6AVam-BP6K3gDyafuLuhBj6xkkVrELsr_71sQH_Wi4llB6IVt2ucNW6dusn0Q4/s320/...teach+a+man+to+fish+and+feed+him+for+a+lifetime.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"...teach a man to fish, feed him for a lifetime."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Ugh, the Junk Man tells us something about poking holes in the bottle, stitching it with twine, and adding bread crumbs to make a 'minnow catcher' for fishing. What happened to you out there in that Vietnamese jungle, Bill? What did you see that's got you so spooked? You're back home in America now, Bill. You don't need to do this, we are friendlies and you are safe. You can go to the store and buy bait from an honest man who is happy to sell to you. Hell, you can even skip the bait and just buy a fish! Don't worry, you will not encounter any VC here. No land mines, no crushed glass in your Pepsi. Just relax sir and calm down. Now please tell me: Are you carrying any knives or other weapons on your person right now?</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgefvmHaMzesDGpt409pdeluiHoVIjKyrh1ylP2NXaa4XzYqZaTwfvNA7EuEP0dPBkckD5VRWCwqXi46IzQ9eEj_5-a-2HXmBLQ7t7oUpEpMzM8ggERs3WYmQeGi0CPDVWlq5mmo9UDbMY/s1600/survivalist+bill+whaley+holds+urine+bomb+for+the+feds.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgefvmHaMzesDGpt409pdeluiHoVIjKyrh1ylP2NXaa4XzYqZaTwfvNA7EuEP0dPBkckD5VRWCwqXi46IzQ9eEj_5-a-2HXmBLQ7t7oUpEpMzM8ggERs3WYmQeGi0CPDVWlq5mmo9UDbMY/s320/survivalist+bill+whaley+holds+urine+bomb+for+the+feds.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">'Wait 'till the Feds get a load of my urine bombs, muhahaha!'</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Whaley is still obsessing over the bottle. He's showing us how he can add one of his black-painted glass bottles inside the larger plastic bottle, fill one of the two with soup (I don't know which), and cook the soup outside in the sun. As he's configuring this thing, it's making all kinds of annoying ripping and tearing noises as he tries to fit everything together. Why Bill? Why would I waste my time? What you are showing us is so unimportant, it really is. If I had a choice between doing all that menial crap to sun-cook my soup, or just eating cold soup...I'll eat cold soup, Bill. Really, I would.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">[<b>Bill Whaley</b>] [<i>showing me how to configure the soup cooker</i>] "So you just take this piece here and add this part...wait, hold on, I think I'm missing something."<br />
[<b>Ron</b>] [<i>eyes glossing over</i>] "It's okay Bill, I don't need all that stuff. I'll just eat it cold."<br />
[<b>Bill Whaley</b>] [<i>shock bordering on offense</i>] "Cold soup? Who wants to eat cold soup!? Just gimme a second, there's a piece missing. We'll get your soup cooking in no time!"<br />
[<b>Ron</b>] [<i>looks at watch</i>] "Bill, it's...it's fine. Can I have my soup back please?<br />
[<b>Bill Whaley</b>] [<i>red-faced and aggressive</i>] "No you cannot have your soup back please, I haven't shown you how to heat it yet! Just give me a second."<br />
[<b>Ron</b>] "These aren't seconds anymore, these are minutes now and I'm hungry."<br />
<br />
<i>Bill growls threateningly.</i><br />
<br />
[<b>Ron</b>] [<i>laughing</i>] "Why are you getting so upset?"<br />
[<b>Bill Whaley</b>] [<i>screaming</i>] "I'm not upset!"</blockquote><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivx37xIFtJu0fvgLfpXBZfJT351wZyQiJ7BzUbhV1iJbcfJP1Mvr4yjibqQF3eNFBrcDe2B5HHObddQLKLOX6XBLBm7ag4PJKAEHtOnKUy-TlIi4RnOTTq5xJn6k6L5gp-K6VMYilC5NY/s1600/survivalist+bill+whaley%27s+not+all+business+he%27s+pleasure+too.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivx37xIFtJu0fvgLfpXBZfJT351wZyQiJ7BzUbhV1iJbcfJP1Mvr4yjibqQF3eNFBrcDe2B5HHObddQLKLOX6XBLBm7ag4PJKAEHtOnKUy-TlIi4RnOTTq5xJn6k6L5gp-K6VMYilC5NY/s320/survivalist+bill+whaley%27s+not+all+business+he%27s+pleasure+too.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bill Whaley rubs his 40-grit palms together</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Jim refers to Whaley's soup-warming contraption as a 'solar cooker'. I'm not sure that 'cooker' is the right word as I don't think anyone will be sizzling bacon in it anytime soon, but whatever. It gets hot, wow. Bill also says we can take a sand-filled soda can, paint it black, then set it in the sun to make a hand warmer. Ahhh, Bill knows just how to make things nice and cozy on those crisp Ozark mornin's. Bill really lays it on us thick with the hand warmer, even rubbing his hands together as he describes it. The sound his hands make when rubbed together are like sandpaper on a wood deck. Don't let the dumpy looks fool you, because the Junk Man isn't all about business: He's pleasure too.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNPCOOYltukqv6UMfT5fNB4r_vC-s2BNtYg4ey2gp5EcfQGpF7uKwLyuqcuKtIio5mKNR104jHBVIgR-q_B83YQHX12wZJht18iKssl9xAv5hhW1b9jnxHCnb_0MWtVS2Uea46x5rQC-I/s1600/bill+whaley+snaps+off+rubber+band.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNPCOOYltukqv6UMfT5fNB4r_vC-s2BNtYg4ey2gp5EcfQGpF7uKwLyuqcuKtIio5mKNR104jHBVIgR-q_B83YQHX12wZJht18iKssl9xAv5hhW1b9jnxHCnb_0MWtVS2Uea46x5rQC-I/s320/bill+whaley+snaps+off+rubber+band.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Junk Kook snaps rubber band off yet more garbage</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Jim asks Bill what else he has for show-and-tell. I hope this is over soon because my Bill Whaley Junk-O-Meter is running into the red zone. I'm very near to experiencing a junk overdose, and I'm considering buying a furnace for all of my garbage to prevent it from falling into the hands of the other Bill Whaleys of the world.<br />
<br />
Bill asks one of the Master's Media kids to pass him a piece of garbage that's out of reach. It's yet another crinkly piece of plastic. If this guy lived next door to me, he would drive me bonkers. I recycle. I have plastic and glass bottles wrapped up in bags on the side of my house, not stacked, just lying out there nice and clean, awaiting the few times each year when I have time to unload it all at the recycling center. If Bill lived next door, I just know that guy would be breaking my balls every couple weeks or so, asking if he could have my plastic. I'd have to tell him no, but then I'd realize that he's looking at my house and probably rooting through my garbage at night when I'm sleeping. I'd be powerless to stop him. It would drive me nuts.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3UoJH0vl0AYA3eaGe7i7jtWyXYMfwvecQ2MTnZEiiH-ZlOc2hsaZZ4ev7UkfRccFGoKCXUAC35zai6sAJPaau_WiZus540Uj1q7WXMYTDtNsGR_8BaovAo5Ya-Eha1wpegMAzSdywlBE/s1600/survivalist+bill+whaley+unwraps+his+gift+while+lori+is+still+talking.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3UoJH0vl0AYA3eaGe7i7jtWyXYMfwvecQ2MTnZEiiH-ZlOc2hsaZZ4ev7UkfRccFGoKCXUAC35zai6sAJPaau_WiZus540Uj1q7WXMYTDtNsGR_8BaovAo5Ya-Eha1wpegMAzSdywlBE/s320/survivalist+bill+whaley+unwraps+his+gift+while+lori+is+still+talking.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Junk Tornado unwraps loudly while Lori tries to speak</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Whatever Whaley's next piece of garbage is, he has it encased in a plastic bag. Is that to keep it clean? He snaps off two rubber bands from the bag and starts unraveling the treasure inside. Meanwhile, Lori is talking, or at least trying to talk. She's saying something about the Master's Media kids, but Bill keeps driving on with his unpacking. He's like a Junk Tornado: All we see and hear is the crinkling of plastic, rubber bands snapping, and cups or pieces of cups flying about. Whaley's in his zone now, he has no time for Lori's child's play and small talk. Lori's voice trails off as she completes her sentence and stares at Bill, then we all listen and watch for a few awkward seconds as the Junk Tornado finishes unpacking. The ball is back in Whaley's court now.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjM1yFxaLS0joBFtgj5VJ0PfAhdcyIE8MT25nZbTVzMCooAul6-ORRor6V_PvWdL4gG6448fuLx10YE-HZbtL5tEFrvJfrEz_5Ew_-frXkDMDv_mv3fjZGADBxcS51U3QTZONJXm-Es7I/s1600/survivalist+bill+whaley+struggling+with+filter.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjM1yFxaLS0joBFtgj5VJ0PfAhdcyIE8MT25nZbTVzMCooAul6-ORRor6V_PvWdL4gG6448fuLx10YE-HZbtL5tEFrvJfrEz_5Ew_-frXkDMDv_mv3fjZGADBxcS51U3QTZONJXm-Es7I/s320/survivalist+bill+whaley+struggling+with+filter.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bill Whaley struggling to snug his water filter down tight</td></tr>
</tbody></table>"<i>This is a coffee creamer bottle. I just cut the bottom off of it.</i>" Whaley's face is glowing, he loves this stuff. "<i>I went down to Walmart for $7 and bought me one of those Brita pitcher filters.</i>" Bill then drops one of those 'Brita pitcher filters' into his creamer bottle. It's a near perfect fit. Bill pulls down hard on the other end of the filter, you can see the strain on his face as he snugs the filter into the plastic bottle and seats it. He holds it up for us to see and declares proudly, "<i>Now I got a water filter that'll filter 40 gallons of water anywhere I want to go with it.</i>" Bill, my good man...what you call a water filter, I call a smoking gun. Did you know that Jim Bakker actually sells expensive Seychelle water filters for over 3 times the price you just mentioned? In fact, the chair your sitting in was probably still warm from Dr Seychelle's last visit! Don't know who Dr Seychelle is, Bill? Well let me describe him for you, you might like him!<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirsRPc6w8o0BcQul0zTH-vvKXXsVxza5L_mlFEtQHzyUldPx9WL3-_zJLNcXAu7lCfohcFgCmXvlAwiE17LOMp6xCeelvQ0iMH6k6k7FCbgy3PvCTAz18sy3_9Z40chiRF76vWReKmo8Q/s1600/survivalist+bill+whaley+holds+smoking+gun+a+7+dollar+water+filter.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirsRPc6w8o0BcQul0zTH-vvKXXsVxza5L_mlFEtQHzyUldPx9WL3-_zJLNcXAu7lCfohcFgCmXvlAwiE17LOMp6xCeelvQ0iMH6k6k7FCbgy3PvCTAz18sy3_9Z40chiRF76vWReKmo8Q/s320/survivalist+bill+whaley+holds+smoking+gun+a+7+dollar+water+filter.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Detective Bill Whaley holds the smoking gun for all to see</td></tr>
</tbody></table>First off, <a href="http://investing.businessweek.com/research/stocks/people/person.asp?personId=1828496&ticker=SYEV:US" target="_blank">Dr Seychelle is not really a doctor at all</a>, but Jim insists on calling him one and the fake doctor doesn't seem to mind. His real name is Carl Palmer. He has a face full of plastic surgery, is the CEO of a multi-million dollar company, and has what might be called a 'trophy wife' who operates as a 'Holistic Dental Hygienist'. That sound like your kinda' people, Bill? Or can I just call you 'Dr Whaley'...it'll make people trust you more!<br />
<br />
You want conspiracy, Bill, well you just got one. A real one this time. You are now in competition with the fake Dr Seychelle and his froggy little buddy, Jim Bakker. You are on a show whose sole intent is to sell product. You, Bill, with all your quirks, are still at heart trying to help people. If you thought that's what Jim Bakker was about, you've made a mistake. The Jim Bakker Show is designed for product-sales, not people-helping. Showing people how to make a cheap water filter is a noble effort on your part, but in Jim's calculating mind, why would he give people something for free when he can charge them for it instead?<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCD5ciTij8XrKJkLuxweA3Y2Xrm7lIQY-ELnPukz4EfqwxjXZj-O1Qfttdhep8n3vGGPNi0RuTtklnHMBdwjmTO7rfsYbYCN_Czak1YND_bEkLfIr9uzQVV3eNwd5njDC37Cp9oZt7Tk0/s1600/jim+bakker+ignores+cheap+water+filter.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCD5ciTij8XrKJkLuxweA3Y2Xrm7lIQY-ELnPukz4EfqwxjXZj-O1Qfttdhep8n3vGGPNi0RuTtklnHMBdwjmTO7rfsYbYCN_Czak1YND_bEkLfIr9uzQVV3eNwd5njDC37Cp9oZt7Tk0/s320/jim+bakker+ignores+cheap+water+filter.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jim got away from the $7 water filter real quick</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Jim's subdued response to Bill's water filter: "<i>Oh my lamb.</i>" Bakker had no idea this was going to happen and I can see the wheels turning in his mind, trying to figure out how to brush this under the rug as fast as possible without people catching on. We get one more sentence from Bill before edit: "<i>That's how simple it is to have good clean water.</i>" Jim says, haltingly, "<i>It really is. What's next?</i>" Lori is next to Jim with a smile plastered on her face, but I can see her little mind chugging along as well. I'm pretty sure she caught on to the water filter fiasco too, but hell for all I know she's daydreaming about sex and crack-pipes. You never really know with Lori...one minute she's thinking about abortion, the next minute she's thinking about balloons.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi25xy7O8m7PKgTEG2p7whFJ092DFb6oZdqgYHK-nOPDF2TUzSKL5zh34z3Pr_Bl4F6HR0vc7nnT915ejzf_bo2ViwCmbxIEs25yp438v-7osVmgqqfQtfcXoWuniR_Aob81uBKT8tAz1Y/s1600/old+biker+chick+listens+to+jim+bakker+morningside.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi25xy7O8m7PKgTEG2p7whFJ092DFb6oZdqgYHK-nOPDF2TUzSKL5zh34z3Pr_Bl4F6HR0vc7nnT915ejzf_bo2ViwCmbxIEs25yp438v-7osVmgqqfQtfcXoWuniR_Aob81uBKT8tAz1Y/s320/old+biker+chick+listens+to+jim+bakker+morningside.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Biker Chick Max tries to remember how much Jim's filters cost</td></tr>
</tbody></table>As I said, a heavy edit took place here. The next time we see Bill he's snapping a rubber band back onto the plastic-covered water filter set that took him so long to unwrap earlier. No statement on this, Pastor Bakker? Shouldn't you be suggesting to us all that we save our money on pricey Seychelle filters and just build Dr Whaley's $7 filters instead?<br />
<br />
We're back to Jim's first question about how to keep people warm, and Bakker once again refers to homeless people as 'street people'. Whaley grabs a large tin can and starts pulling metal objects out of it while Jim is still talking. Clank, clink, clunk. I know you're off the grid Bill, but I think someone is eventually going to find you out there because of all the noise you make. Do you get a lot of hungry bears out your way?<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEOngLDiuuuguUKGBKGgMJUlLqnxwOAvuDxNIqA20nAzhbKklCq50G_nYuVcIC_iUGKdQW0hIfD4R9lCoFkFmfyqbQ_eu8T97maIFBKV1gb_JYfSLiHAfcSLB8I5JF9QGLsWfVXrHwB2M/s1600/survivalist+bill+whaley+junk+kook+clunks+around+with+metal+pots.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEOngLDiuuuguUKGBKGgMJUlLqnxwOAvuDxNIqA20nAzhbKklCq50G_nYuVcIC_iUGKdQW0hIfD4R9lCoFkFmfyqbQ_eu8T97maIFBKV1gb_JYfSLiHAfcSLB8I5JF9QGLsWfVXrHwB2M/s320/survivalist+bill+whaley+junk+kook+clunks+around+with+metal+pots.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bill Whaley removes small metal can from large metal can</td></tr>
</tbody></table>The Junk Man is glowing again. I get the feeling he could talk junk, garbage and scavenging all day and night, then continuing on into the morning. Bill Whaley fails among men, but at the garbage heap he reigns supreme. Bill grabs Jim's sharpie, the same one used to write on Zach's forehead, and draws a square on the tin can. He tells us that we can cut out the square of tin, bend it over a stick, and 'put a nail through it' to make a frying pan. I have to say, when Bil grabbed the Zach sharpie and started drawing I was expecting a little more from him then a piece of tin attached to a stick. Let's throw that one out Bill, it's sort of lame. Even a gorilla could figure that one out. And by gorilla, I mean Zach Drew.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzHUqVR6ZCGgguytADFi6tCSch0FPfMZBujKka5duMBivPy7dej-p-Tiqpp7DIWTFQcYnE-KILXjcaDa4FHrDEQ5iPtDKEXNOr_-Q4oLELWUfOK9TWZMsHraB4zbClDPOmQ2q0D3Qk7js/s1600/train+hobo+with+knapsack.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzHUqVR6ZCGgguytADFi6tCSch0FPfMZBujKka5duMBivPy7dej-p-Tiqpp7DIWTFQcYnE-KILXjcaDa4FHrDEQ5iPtDKEXNOr_-Q4oLELWUfOK9TWZMsHraB4zbClDPOmQ2q0D3Qk7js/s320/train+hobo+with+knapsack.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">'Scuse me brother, any sausage cans to spare?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>If we want to make a heater instead, Bill tells us to add a couple inches of dirt or sand to the tin can. Then we take a Vienna Sausage tin can, add wax and some pipe cleaners to make a candle. Bill, this one's even more lame. Where am I going to find an empty Vienna Sausage can? Do I need to find a hobo in a train car and rifle through his plaid knapsack while he's passed out drunk? And if I already have wax, wouldn't I also <i>already have a candle</i>? Bill, did you know they make things called <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B001DIF3LO/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=erwegtojsd-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B001DIF3LO" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">tealight candles</a> that can be purchased for less than a <i>twenty cents</i> a piece? You need to get out more and stop handling so much garbage, I think all the toxic metals have started to turn your brain into pudding.<br />
<br />
Bill's still driving on with his candle heater. He tells us to place the sausage-can candle into the big tin can, then take a "<i>big 62 oz juice can</i>", poke holes in it and place it over the top of this unwieldy contraption to make a tiny, ineffective heater. I wouldn't even know what a 62 oz juice can looks like, but Bill has the sucker memorized. You've been hanging around the garbage heap for far too long Bill. Here's a life tip: If you converse with more rodents each day than people, then you need a serious change of lifestyle. It's not healthy for your mind.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGVYX0H_ZIhRTahI1a49MBuMMZ8yLBj0bBMk9yw0iTFE2_-cYp5fe-zrSz86NtlwQjWIYfU6Qle4cK1xyeqEXNRdc60miyxuqKcEOnNaTeoBmGTqNu4CAATXmEnjOqtX2HcXlkXP72bsw/s1600/jim+bakker+asks+survivalist+bill+whaley+junk+kook+for+his+thoughts+on+economy.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGVYX0H_ZIhRTahI1a49MBuMMZ8yLBj0bBMk9yw0iTFE2_-cYp5fe-zrSz86NtlwQjWIYfU6Qle4cK1xyeqEXNRdc60miyxuqKcEOnNaTeoBmGTqNu4CAATXmEnjOqtX2HcXlkXP72bsw/s320/jim+bakker+asks+survivalist+bill+whaley+junk+kook+for+his+thoughts+on+economy.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jim asked the Junk Kook for his thoughts on the economy</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Bakker wants some fear-mongering from Whaley to close the show with. Jim asks the Junk Kook, a man completely unqualified to give answers on, well, anything, if he thinks the dollar is going to 'totally collapse'. Whaley says that this year the 'financial institution' is going to hit everybody and it's going to hit us hard. Jim Bakker, of course, loves hearing the unqualified Bill Whaley predict economic disaster. He looks to the audience and says, "<i>Now listen to what he's saying people. This is what I've been trying to warn you and warn you and warn you...</i>"<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUDZrSBJ9pYK6rCpqPF9tZxBNcZUA_wnk1eMdkA1V30_g3QgZZYdA8riiRTYyyXDA309nBTIlQCRHRQPQ6cIpMnjSgnMU4zAnbU4VvshOI_v5Eoa9WqR2X3gE9AGWUNKeXVO-Y5o6hyQA/s1600/bill+whaley+holds+%27gasoline%27+in+his+hands.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUDZrSBJ9pYK6rCpqPF9tZxBNcZUA_wnk1eMdkA1V30_g3QgZZYdA8riiRTYyyXDA309nBTIlQCRHRQPQ6cIpMnjSgnMU4zAnbU4VvshOI_v5Eoa9WqR2X3gE9AGWUNKeXVO-Y5o6hyQA/s320/bill+whaley+holds+%27gasoline%27+in+his+hands.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'll get by just fine without your plastic bread bag, Bill</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Finally, the show winds down. Bakker asks Whaley to address the critics who call his gimmick stupid. Whaley tells us "<i>your dollar's gettin' littler every day</i>", and asks, "<i>What happens when you can't buy this</i>?" Bill, if I'm so stupid that I can't figure out how to stay warm with all the extra clothes in my closet, or how to crack open a can of Campbell's soup and eat it, then I guess I'll just die. That really sums it up for me, I'd rather lose out and die then spend my life living in fear of ridiculous things like roving gangs, dying of thirst, starving, or freezing to death. I'm not a settler on the frontier.<br />
<br />
But let's be honest here: The scary world you describe is not going to happen in our lifetime. We don't live in Sudan, we live in America. Among other things, we have police, military, business, and multiple layers of government filled with fellow citizens who have a vested interest in keeping everything under control. The doom-speakers and fear-mongers like Jim Bakker know this too. That's why they take cold hard cash as payment for their products and speaking engagements. They prey on dimwits who've been watching too many scary movies. Think about it for a second: if Jim Bakker really thought the world was going to fall apart, wouldn't he be doing something to prevent it instead of <i>catering to it</i>?<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYvUmWMgcaaAFpax_ihLsW6A1T4gIStqPN_bJ6946yJGV5kAdw2Q6MFTdREXW_jvWd8uxNFyaYnWq1Xd3-FB1Z4cKKqkPBDND6hHJRbeHSwzshCCw7qmkxJbFfmXGhzkas_2y5dsVwcvU/s1600/survivalist+bill+whaley+has+just+swallowed+a+canary.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYvUmWMgcaaAFpax_ihLsW6A1T4gIStqPN_bJ6946yJGV5kAdw2Q6MFTdREXW_jvWd8uxNFyaYnWq1Xd3-FB1Z4cKKqkPBDND6hHJRbeHSwzshCCw7qmkxJbFfmXGhzkas_2y5dsVwcvU/s320/survivalist+bill+whaley+has+just+swallowed+a+canary.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">How much did Jim Bakker pay for your integrity, Bill?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Bakker ends the show with one final pitch for his Wheat Buckets. The high hopes I had for Bill Whaley's integrity have now vanished, because Jim tells us that every $100 Wheat Bucket sold today comes with a free DVD of the Junk Kook in action. We see Bill sitting in his chair, twiddling his thumbs and smiling as if he just swallowed a canary. Bill must be thinking that he pulled a fast one over on Jim, but believe me Bill, the only one pulling a fast one in this relationship is Jim Bakker. You are a tadpole swimming with the largest toad in the swamp, and he's been swimming in this swamp for years. <br />
<br />
The show ends, then we get a five-minute commercial for foodbuckets.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2815tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9221488326087649096.post-6148934008048178752012-03-18T14:02:00.001-07:002012-04-13T14:21:28.073-07:00Jim Bakker scribbles on Zach, talks junk with Bill Whaley part 2<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiY3F6EK_Qhn4HF8WCrueozBEDXrnIAc_FuImHT7jXV77Spt2WxkawkPpdm65iyItSCj5iJ8_0K8KUnPnlvx-mL6LKcYKB-db9e6PryYEPLgB21NTYDeJJlTTgRCUC5API6t-cEolVLaYM/s1600/Morningside+Zombie+awaits+orders+from+Jim+Bakker.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiY3F6EK_Qhn4HF8WCrueozBEDXrnIAc_FuImHT7jXV77Spt2WxkawkPpdm65iyItSCj5iJ8_0K8KUnPnlvx-mL6LKcYKB-db9e6PryYEPLgB21NTYDeJJlTTgRCUC5API6t-cEolVLaYM/s320/Morningside+Zombie+awaits+orders+from+Jim+Bakker.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Morningside Nazi awaiting orders from her Fuehrer </td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="text-align: justify;">This is part two. Click here to read <a href="http://jimbakker666.blogspot.com/2012/03/jim-bakker-scribbles-on-zach-talks-junk.html">part one of Jim Bakker scribbles on Zach, talks junk with Bill Whaley</a>.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Isn't Bill Whaley on the show today? Where in the hell is he? Oh there he is, he's seated on stage allowing his good name and reputation to be used by convicted con man Jim Bakker to sell buckets of wheat. He hasn't been allowed to speak yet because Bakker's still busy milking him.</div></div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">We get a video interlude with three of the Master's Media dummies making bread, and they've cracked open a business-expensed wheat bucket to do it. Their teacher for today is a female inbred named Janet Krehbiel. One look in her eyes tells me that this woman is fanatical about Jim Bakker. There's a certain fire burning in her eyes, but it's not the kind of fire that burns reassuringly in a fireplace on a cold winter evening. It's the sort of fire that burned witches at the stake; the sort of fire that burned piles of books in Nazi Germany.</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkpe-oBGxtCP5vvNkrz6T0sunDnvEvkUscxScYa95qclZp86SPwZkARVGJCx3JJXJyNfUFOus-6l99RfCJl1o6OHVqBisrZbJE9hDlCuR7B9lkPJ5aEXNN7SVvw3bEqflo-4NDTgWJlzE/s1600/Bake+your+survival+bread+in+your+survival+oven.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkpe-oBGxtCP5vvNkrz6T0sunDnvEvkUscxScYa95qclZp86SPwZkARVGJCx3JJXJyNfUFOus-6l99RfCJl1o6OHVqBisrZbJE9hDlCuR7B9lkPJ5aEXNN7SVvw3bEqflo-4NDTgWJlzE/s320/Bake+your+survival+bread+in+your+survival+oven.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Now just bake your survival bread in an electric oven...</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="text-align: justify;">We watch the kids bake bread. I assume this is meant to show people how useful their wheat buckets will be during the End Times? I'm counting a lot of ingredients that Jim doesn't sell which are part of this recipe. Yeast. Oil. Brown Sugar. We also have measuring cups, pots, and pans. And now we have the all-important electric or gas oven. Fraulein Krehbiel tells us that before baking the bread, we want to place it in a warmed oven to give it time to rise.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Wait, I'm confused: Is this survival bread, or just Sunday morning rise-and-shine bread? And why would anyone need a 45 lb bucket of wheat, and possibly <i>ten buckets worth</i> if you're stupid enough, when it takes only <i>a few cups</i> to make a loaf of bread? When Jim's scary-but-non-existent roving gangs are coming to rob and kill you, is bread-baking going to be high on your priority list? How would you even bake it if there's no electricity? This is lunacy, as in you are definitely koo-koo in the head if you think this is a smart thing to buy. Think zombies, you can do it if you try!</div></div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUd4QldXbx88dSeCkebkTaOtaZnEmblk8WFz9KxYh2EG5P80MXBT2DHJDvIHYpDlql0bINlx6cete_LFS4dtVlyY0w_O1gygb2gYkDTOU7IMUHJY2BsDQwYcwoqbVRx4wqAwKp6PPGI0c/s1600/Morninside++sasha+coloring+outside+the+lines.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="201" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUd4QldXbx88dSeCkebkTaOtaZnEmblk8WFz9KxYh2EG5P80MXBT2DHJDvIHYpDlql0bINlx6cete_LFS4dtVlyY0w_O1gygb2gYkDTOU7IMUHJY2BsDQwYcwoqbVRx4wqAwKp6PPGI0c/s320/Morninside++sasha+coloring+outside+the+lines.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sasha coloring outside the lines</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="text-align: justify;">The bread has been baked and now it's time to eat it. Sasha is very proud of her work. Has she never seen bread made before? Sasha wouldn't stand a chance in a survival situation. If she found herself stranded and starving in the Andes with the Uruguayan Rugby Team, she'd be the first to be eaten. You need to wake up, Sasha. Your cute smile, bubbly personality and empty head makes you ripe for the picking by some sleazy guy who will use you for his own personal gain. Case in point: Jim Bakker.</div></div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCqudTHIu9qSnUo4qF3RnTv-1qGfBgCvNmGFFKNY05lkQPgFqPIZ2R9IwylcNPHOG9GySdRxVGfQoXI3IaIWy-wNWYDTmmM14iOhSHSCpnr9HYegy0Y5iIuU-_iFjBlZw8tC4HUO-EFFk/s1600/morningside+wheat+bucket+sandwich.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCqudTHIu9qSnUo4qF3RnTv-1qGfBgCvNmGFFKNY05lkQPgFqPIZ2R9IwylcNPHOG9GySdRxVGfQoXI3IaIWy-wNWYDTmmM14iOhSHSCpnr9HYegy0Y5iIuU-_iFjBlZw8tC4HUO-EFFk/s320/morningside+wheat+bucket+sandwich.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A Morningside Cafe specialty: The Yak-wich</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="text-align: justify;">They're adding mayonnaise, mustard, tomato and avocado to the bread now. When Sasha squeezes the mustard on her bread, she colors outside the lines and the mustard falls off and onto the side of the bread. Ms Volz...what are we going to do with you? You're so cheery and bright, but god you're dumb as a rock. How about scissors, are you skilled with scissors? Can we trust you with those, or do we need to worry that you'll accidentally lop off a finger while cutting around your barnyard animal doodles?</div></div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">Lettuce and a Kraft cheese slice goes on the bread and now we have a disgusting, slimy, meatless sandwich for consumption. Sasha takes a big bite of it and gives the thumbs-up. There's no way that Sasha ate that whole thing, no way. My dog wouldn't even eat that, <i>and he eats other dog's poop</i>. The kids pose with Fraulein Krehbiel as she congratulates them on baking their bread. Great job kids, now let's go burn some books in the town square! Schnell!</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3YXIxvvM86_7tLde6BA8zCU-dTjAEy82fUJ_8wgtPSfJYKQZwSAsEw-oQEDRJsZivB-z5ecyyGN4ViBfJW181plaKk_W1SutI_NpryLy7fLHLU9ZM5LLA3y3zl4xGgqMpEdEr4U75FXc/s1600/Morninside++shemp+laughing+about+the+bread+story+he+wasn%27t+part+of.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3YXIxvvM86_7tLde6BA8zCU-dTjAEy82fUJ_8wgtPSfJYKQZwSAsEw-oQEDRJsZivB-z5ecyyGN4ViBfJW181plaKk_W1SutI_NpryLy7fLHLU9ZM5LLA3y3zl4xGgqMpEdEr4U75FXc/s320/Morninside++shemp+laughing+about+the+bread+story+he+wasn%27t+part+of.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Shemp laughs about the bread party he wasn't invited to</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="text-align: justify;">We're out of the interlude and back to the live show, talking to Sasha and Ariel about their big bread baking field trip. Shemp sits between the two and laughs awkwardly, but he wasn't invited to their bread baking party so he doesn't have anything to say. If you're keeping the hair then you better get used to the whole 'not-being-invited' thing. Trust me dude, cut it. You'll thank me.</div></div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">Jim adds in a little fear-mongering in his last push of the wheat buckets, telling us “<i>there's going to be some problems before 40 years, maybe before 40 days, I don't know. Things are coming loose, the wheels are coming off the wagon.</i>” Alright Jim, the clock's ticking on your 40 days. This episode was broadcast on 2/27/12, and was probably shown live a week prior to that. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt though and toss you a few more days, you slithering snake. The wheels need to 'come off the wagon' by April 15th, tax day, otherwise you're being exposed as a con man who stokes fear in the minds of naïve people as a way to take their money. Is that reasonable? They're your words Jim, not mine. You say 40 days, I say okay. Let's see.</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHDRHwq28D-C2jYAzNp2LRWthT_M6jwaQtCuAZ0zBaGO7METNVY5EPCT8-F_gzlyQ1AlPZUSXILGtdMSpsZw680LRzPYKXgwO_02aCRNXIRPLgPKCF3jokZrL0lsc9b4etRYoRBUAPIGQ/s1600/sasha+spits+into+hand+%27ptooey%27.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHDRHwq28D-C2jYAzNp2LRWthT_M6jwaQtCuAZ0zBaGO7METNVY5EPCT8-F_gzlyQ1AlPZUSXILGtdMSpsZw680LRzPYKXgwO_02aCRNXIRPLgPKCF3jokZrL0lsc9b4etRYoRBUAPIGQ/s320/sasha+spits+into+hand+%27ptooey%27.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sasha gives her review of the Yak-wich: "Ptooey!"</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="text-align: justify;">Arghh! Jim, are we getting to Bill Whaley or are we going to sit here all day talking about space food? Now we're on his $100 Mega Sampler bucket, and I just sat my ass through a full 60 seconds of Zach listing the contents of every packet in the bucket. What is this garbage, where's the gospel?</div></div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">They continue on with the Mega Sampler bucket, and we're treated to a long shot of Zach that shows off his man boobs. Someone once mentioned that Zach was some sort of football star back home, but I'm not buying it. The guy looks about as athletic as an arthritic turtle. I don't deny that he may have played football, but playing a game is not the same as playing it well:</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><blockquote class="tr_bq"><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_-vLYQuDWmenOcLMJF88r2b-H_4O5OWWr6utVGvaqmHk9Ks5hyRYGxP5KBR6f-LKxm1zMw2SCQZFUp1f3Tym0tx6r9woKhzON_YV525BkWiStBKmxKFoISdjciSwDUef3jMGFLfnLn0g/s1600/Morningside+Zach%27s+tits+ready+for+a+sports+bra.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_-vLYQuDWmenOcLMJF88r2b-H_4O5OWWr6utVGvaqmHk9Ks5hyRYGxP5KBR6f-LKxm1zMw2SCQZFUp1f3Tym0tx6r9woKhzON_YV525BkWiStBKmxKFoISdjciSwDUef3jMGFLfnLn0g/s320/Morningside+Zach%27s+tits+ready+for+a+sports+bra.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Zach's tits have now outgrown his training bra</td></tr>
</tbody></table><i>After school, the kids line up against a wall to pick teams for intramural football. Only one kid remains, and neither team wants him. That kid is Zach Drew</i>.</div><br />
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><b>[Team A Captain</b>] “Do we have to take him? Can we just play a man short?”</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><b>[Team B Captain</b>] “He wants to play, and coach said we have to let everyone play if they want to.”</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><b>[Team A Captain</b>] “Yeah but the last time we had him, he ran the wrong way with the ball. He scored <u>against us</u>!”</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><b>[Team B Captain</b>] [<i>laughing</i>]“Heh, and he's gonna do it again today. That's our star player! Hurry up and pick him so we can get started.”</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><b>[Team A Captain</b>] [<i>groans and motions to Zach</i>] “Alright, we'll take Pud. But dude, don't touch the ball this time. Just stand your fat ass out there and block.”</div></blockquote><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpqSFnk4_v4HLOwmwPc02IiAeEkKdhudCzdUxVt4vbF9Tq22GGiI06VOJYsap7ZOkEI-zEpojewtbG04wHiwr5mO_h6cOEc8Ml3ILlBjs0acHPQZq_dvmi9fqhYYApUWJQnesjdDVCuyQ/s1600/morningside+inbred+anniversary+Yep,+thirty...happy...years....JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpqSFnk4_v4HLOwmwPc02IiAeEkKdhudCzdUxVt4vbF9Tq22GGiI06VOJYsap7ZOkEI-zEpojewtbG04wHiwr5mO_h6cOEc8Ml3ILlBjs0acHPQZq_dvmi9fqhYYApUWJQnesjdDVCuyQ/s320/morningside+inbred+anniversary+Yep,+thirty...happy...years....JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Morningside Lovebirds: 'Yep, thirty...long...years...'</td></tr>
</tbody></table>We're finally out of Bakker's sales presentation and over to Kevin Shorey who's announcing the zombie anniversaries and birthdays. First up is a zombie couple that's been married for 30 years, and the marriage must be a grind because they're sitting about five feet apart at their table. These two love birds are seated so far apart, in fact, they may as well be sitting at different tables. That could change though, because they've just been given a coupon for Gilberti's to chow down on some anniversary pizza and reignite the flame of romance. Unfortunately, judging by the look of the place I don't know if that's gonna happen.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgII1qgcoLuJh4a7k38akrN737LPW3AtsPDRwdFF9KO5NpjgfdPfxeyHF5T60nAqPPiW4_xFN75H6QQCTCkhz8xPIDqyOtAR2_wEoSFE0xN0m-zfXRuNPRJE584Jy8FMOkea9mBE5STfQA/s1600/Mr+Gilbertis+branson+mo.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgII1qgcoLuJh4a7k38akrN737LPW3AtsPDRwdFF9KO5NpjgfdPfxeyHF5T60nAqPPiW4_xFN75H6QQCTCkhz8xPIDqyOtAR2_wEoSFE0xN0m-zfXRuNPRJE584Jy8FMOkea9mBE5STfQA/s320/Mr+Gilbertis+branson+mo.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I always thought Gilbertis would be a little...classier?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>This is the first time I've ever seen a picture of Gilberti's and it looks like it's going to be real cramped quarters inside this shack. I wouldn't rule out the possibility of a fist fight breaking out between the two as they react to the strain of being inside Mr Gilberti's Chicago-Style pressure cooker. I wonder what the fire marshal determined the maximum occupancy to be on a place like this, maybe 17 or so? It looks more <i>Gas N' Go</i> than <i>Eating Establishment</i>, and I must say: After all these years of hearing about Gilberti's, I really imagined something better than this. Enjoy your pizza you little lovebirds, and don't be surprised when you order Canadian Bacon and they don't have it.</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhS6iHPzI9_vl1BOvxNEdtozulokB2ZoFh-v435uIzS56qrQFzzCvvc_vmRmqSXgHU-73eUPTd75O-vSwboK2g0x7fcOawH4wFGgTI5miafDXbWn3d0F-xr8-_Zfd5Ge8lOUZ9lGwDOr_A/s1600/jim+bakker+cult+zombies.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhS6iHPzI9_vl1BOvxNEdtozulokB2ZoFh-v435uIzS56qrQFzzCvvc_vmRmqSXgHU-73eUPTd75O-vSwboK2g0x7fcOawH4wFGgTI5miafDXbWn3d0F-xr8-_Zfd5Ge8lOUZ9lGwDOr_A/s320/jim+bakker+cult+zombies.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Whenever Jim Bakker cultists laugh, I cringe</td></tr>
</tbody></table>A birthday is up next. 'Miss Marilyn' the inbred is turning 60 today. Her hair is pulled off and braided down two sides like Sacagawea, making her look an awful lot like a burned-out hippie. I can imagine her escaping Jonestown just before Pastor Jones started serving up the purple Kool-Aid, but instead of swearing off charismatic religious leaders entirely, she ran right into Jim Bakker's loving arms at Heritage. I don't know what it is with these people, why must they always be looking for someone to follow? Are they incapable of leading themselves?</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">'Miss Marilyn' is being given a Lori Locket for her birthday, but when the gift is announced she pulls on her neck to reveal that <i>she's already wearing one</i>. Kevin corrects himself and says that she's being given a 'Lori Locket II”, so now she has another piece of junk jewelry to show off to her birds at home.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZjdw38VeWqY6QGLTCUuyQ8oaby2K_rJ61kO9qAAr6hn9xnW_ovDHCoPcbzUrFivlwgBi9Y3j3ONtDEQfa_v3f9z4rnsg47ivXsiFguB23k8eRgXuMLuMGmniuc0JsMwfnlp1caLoxN2c/s1600/jim+bakker+cultists.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZjdw38VeWqY6QGLTCUuyQ8oaby2K_rJ61kO9qAAr6hn9xnW_ovDHCoPcbzUrFivlwgBi9Y3j3ONtDEQfa_v3f9z4rnsg47ivXsiFguB23k8eRgXuMLuMGmniuc0JsMwfnlp1caLoxN2c/s320/jim+bakker+cultists.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This zombie already had a Lori Locket...now she has two!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>'Miss Marilyn' says that she's been eating for the last thirty years just as Jim is instructing now, "<i>grinding mountain wheat and all that</i>". She says that she and her husband also dumpster dive. Is there something going on in the world that I don't know about? What's up with all these people jumping head-first into garbage cans? Is this the new '<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Planking_%28fad%29" target="_blank">planking</a>'?</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">Marilyn tells us that she's found things while dumpster diving that are 'unbelievable'. Maybe she found love in a dumpster? Perhaps the two of them jumped into Mr Gilberti's dumpster, found a day-old plate of spaghetti, then slowly ate from opposite ends of a noodle to ultimately find each other's lips?</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg448EnqLZV1DE3z3O7vzmozSHlkg5JITweZ29RWis6eai8a1yXhukhdOHNKcEVPB7b79cn8sqE5xAcDP5eRjJJtDMY7YEseavbh4FGrh5HhYN9y269pbMfd904oVPBiY_kNLd9QDkNdsc/s1600/jim+bakker+zombie+cult.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg448EnqLZV1DE3z3O7vzmozSHlkg5JITweZ29RWis6eai8a1yXhukhdOHNKcEVPB7b79cn8sqE5xAcDP5eRjJJtDMY7YEseavbh4FGrh5HhYN9y269pbMfd904oVPBiY_kNLd9QDkNdsc/s320/jim+bakker+zombie+cult.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Looks like someone has a man-crush on Jim Bakker...</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Miss Marilyn's husband / brother is really starting to creep me out now. I think he's cockeyed, or else his glasses magnify his eyes to a level unfit for public consumption. As his wife continues talking, this guy gets a stare on his face that is truly terrifying. I'd say it's love for Jim Bakker that we're seeing, but if that's love, I sure as hell don't want to see hate. This guy is one of the scariest inbreds I've seen in a long time, and for the love of God I hope he never gets introduced to <a href="http://jimbakker666.blogspot.com/2011/10/bakker-on-trampoline-dr-larry-bates-as.html" target="_blank">Joey from the band</a>. Imagine those two driving around in Joey's windowless van at night?<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0nAjYz_vnGdp-vVbj27u5K2YO1ZFPtCvlZhF_wX1PauKJas3BMbd53cKo5U2wMT5wW_HgDREEXuOye1Ahp-AXBf_znoxxAZt6vio4DakySjFAyyj299WCgtMSSBzf-abzd9_bns8A13g/s1600/kevin+shorey+singing+for+his+king+jim+bakker.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0nAjYz_vnGdp-vVbj27u5K2YO1ZFPtCvlZhF_wX1PauKJas3BMbd53cKo5U2wMT5wW_HgDREEXuOye1Ahp-AXBf_znoxxAZt6vio4DakySjFAyyj299WCgtMSSBzf-abzd9_bns8A13g/s320/kevin+shorey+singing+for+his+king+jim+bakker.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Shorey passionately sings Karaoke from his chair</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Nope, still no Bill Whaley. Now Kevin's giving us a taste of his singing chops with a song called <i>You Can Begin Again</i>, and he's doing it from a seated position. Where else on earth does a singer who wants to be taken seriously perform his song from a chair? Chair-singing is for karaoke, Kevin. Are you going to pass the mic to Jim and Lori next for their duet of <i>Islands in the Stream</i>? </div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">While Kevin sings from the chair, he crosses his legs at the hocks to keep himself from spinning or rocking in his big swivel chair. Kevin's pants are bunched up around his thighs and one pant leg is hiked up far enough to expose his leg above the sock.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCuALg7io9ugSgbhCuXBMNtyUNfAg-FxSZRVY-z1P5BYuusoXi2EmrZQm8pzaBPQHOdtm0KagvLhM0lbmWWEKWJthuHS48Ew6lCNJUNAoJlDLS7WXTiBk3sFVps6h-d6aQ9_mOQNPNS1o/s1600/kevin+shorey+dressed+like+a+slob.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCuALg7io9ugSgbhCuXBMNtyUNfAg-FxSZRVY-z1P5BYuusoXi2EmrZQm8pzaBPQHOdtm0KagvLhM0lbmWWEKWJthuHS48Ew6lCNJUNAoJlDLS7WXTiBk3sFVps6h-d6aQ9_mOQNPNS1o/s320/kevin+shorey+dressed+like+a+slob.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Kevin locked his hocks and hiked his pants for Karaoke</td></tr>
</tbody></table>How are we supposed to take you serious, Kevin, if you aren't taking yourself seriously? If you present yourself as a slob, people will treat you as one. Go get yourself on a diet and exercise program and get the hell off Jim's show. You're wasting your life with Jim Bakker, and worse, you're slowly being corrupted by him. <i>You can begin again</i>, Kevin. Listen to your song! Enough with this Bakker fella, he's no good.</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">Finally it looks like it's time for Bill Whaley. Are we sure now, Jim? Is there anything else you'd like to sell before we get started?</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgk84HbMwOIivRAUCpheBqF-pdJPPNvA6cDlLl5Ww07ruMWCglO6UVN1keQ8R0woYO-MMTna0mL70UclDA7lYF1aODVPGjFzagb440yUyoHuT8CmYnYMjdoDbpM7JPQx3KMxCKBo4iCOH4/s1600/Jim+Bakker+digs+a+dollar+out+of+his+pants.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgk84HbMwOIivRAUCpheBqF-pdJPPNvA6cDlLl5Ww07ruMWCglO6UVN1keQ8R0woYO-MMTna0mL70UclDA7lYF1aODVPGjFzagb440yUyoHuT8CmYnYMjdoDbpM7JPQx3KMxCKBo4iCOH4/s320/Jim+Bakker+digs+a+dollar+out+of+his+pants.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bakker digs a dollar out of his pants for Bill Whaley</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Whaley begins talking for the first time. He seems like a pleasant enough guy, a little on the boring side but he appears to mean well. He tells us about his life as a helicopter pilot in the military. He goes off on a tangent about the government taking from us without giving, but it's nothing conspiratorial so that's a plus. He gives an illustration of this by asking Jim for a dollar, then taking it and not giving it back. This was pre-scripted and sort of dumb, but I liked that Bill called Jim '<i>Mr Bakker</i>' when he asked for the dollar. Even though this conversation is very boring, I get the sense that the Junk Man ain't takin' no guff from 'Mr Bakker'. Keep it up Bill and you'll escape with your integrity intact!</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj56Jh0Ilh6uOHF2TB3QSdEH5b-bvCyke1DnQOC0TIQ6MDr1LPMKQefykm24FP5hl7hO6gPtcS-87_-zYJZOj4rc5_gHmnOTnxH62nCxhJFJWzULw26cnUAvTw_pE-wS7kJhRG_MfysbNo/s1600/Bill+Whaley+pockets+Jim+Bakker%27s+money.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="241" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj56Jh0Ilh6uOHF2TB3QSdEH5b-bvCyke1DnQOC0TIQ6MDr1LPMKQefykm24FP5hl7hO6gPtcS-87_-zYJZOj4rc5_gHmnOTnxH62nCxhJFJWzULw26cnUAvTw_pE-wS7kJhRG_MfysbNo/s320/Bill+Whaley+pockets+Jim+Bakker%27s+money.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">FBI agent Bill Whaley pockets Bakker's bribe money</td></tr>
</tbody></table>About that dollar. Whaley is still holding on to it, folded and cupped in his hand. I know the dollar hand-over was scripted, but at some point the scripted part would end and Whaley would return the dollar to Jim. It hasn't happened yet and it's making Bakker real anxious. Like a dog eying a biscuit treat, Jim is fixating on the dollar. I wonder if Jim can actually smell money like a drug hound?</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"></div><blockquote class="tr_bq"><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><i>Lori takes Jim for a security walk through Morningside, after-hours. Jim suddenly perks up:</i></div></blockquote><blockquote class="tr_bq"><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">[<b>Jim Bakker</b>] “Hold on Lori. Wait!”</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">[<b>Lori Bakker</b>] “What is it old man!? Is someone in here?”</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">[<b>Jim Bakker</b>] “No, I smell something.”</div></blockquote><blockquote class="tr_bq"><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUEK6UGrDgid9cAPpw9lzX8q78FgcXglht0opx54W8vrVH-9sfr0EuvIM6jEjB65GzeKepJsppOtuWzqq5n96x4hMLhQ11QlzIJPP5NKIVwyULA1oiKJBtGhJfoQDTE6HEUxzrZxkHwvo/s1600/Bill+Whaley+holds+Jim%27s+dollar.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUEK6UGrDgid9cAPpw9lzX8q78FgcXglht0opx54W8vrVH-9sfr0EuvIM6jEjB65GzeKepJsppOtuWzqq5n96x4hMLhQ11QlzIJPP5NKIVwyULA1oiKJBtGhJfoQDTE6HEUxzrZxkHwvo/s320/Bill+Whaley+holds+Jim%27s+dollar.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bill Whaley still hasn't returned Jim's dollar</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="text-align: left;"></div><i>Jim twitches his nose, sniffing at the air. He points his wet snout towards the statue.”</i></div></blockquote><blockquote class="tr_bq"><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">[<b>Lori Bakker</b>] “Is it the statue? You know I had to yell at some little shits yesterday to get off of it, they were trying to climb it.”</div></blockquote><blockquote class="tr_bq"><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><i>Jim bolts towards the statue, excitedly sniffing the ground around it. Underneath a prayer bench, he finds a wallet.</i></div></blockquote><blockquote class="tr_bq"><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">[<b>Jim Bakker</b>] “This is it, this is what I smelled. Money.”</div></blockquote><blockquote class="tr_bq"><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><i>Lori picks up the wallet and opens it. Inside she finds three crumpled dollar bills, a Builder's Club card, and a Medicare card.</i> </div></blockquote><blockquote class="tr_bq"><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">[<b>Lori Bakker</b>] [<i>unwrinkling the bills</i>] “Wow someone's poor!” [<i>snorting laughter</i>]</div></blockquote><blockquote class="tr_bq"><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><i>Jim suddenly leaps towards the bills, jaws open. He clamps down hard on the money as Lori tries to fend him off.</i></div></blockquote><blockquote class="tr_bq"><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">[<b>Lori Bakker</b>] “Jim, no! You'll rip them!”</div></blockquote><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"></div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHfh-Hrl38BrdxZUWL-U9rUnCQE1gV-fdJqZw1KtuOmXYpvlqHOv_0rxUdIyxa7AE4BbQY53h1ts7whW6Ci4hToaAiMWjVyDwjqv8mQ5iCFDn6ih8dKyIdV6ybYvhlRIMak7wznOSwg-I/s1600/Bill+Whaley+points+at+Jim+Bakker.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHfh-Hrl38BrdxZUWL-U9rUnCQE1gV-fdJqZw1KtuOmXYpvlqHOv_0rxUdIyxa7AE4BbQY53h1ts7whW6Ci4hToaAiMWjVyDwjqv8mQ5iCFDn6ih8dKyIdV6ybYvhlRIMak7wznOSwg-I/s320/Bill+Whaley+points+at+Jim+Bakker.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bill Whaley points at Jim Bakker</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td></tr>
</tbody></table>Bill Whaley appears to have completely taken over the show, and now he's asking rhetorical questions. Bakker ain't going for this shit. Whaley points at Jim and begins a question with, “<i>Let me ask you this Mr Bakker...</i>” Jim scratches his face as Whaley asks the question of him, a sure sign of being pissed off by his guest. Whaley reminds me of a hack salesman that works off a memorized script, like a guy trying to sell me stain protection on my carpet. He's probably working to a big finale to dazzle us, perhaps pouring wine on the carpet then cleaning it off, but he's doing a lot of ponderous prep work here and I don't think the payoff is going to be worth the time. The only reason I haven't hit fast-forward yet is because he's making Jim sweat.</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjl7JiVGHnO4aaQ5U2jsG7YulpQidMpjIa3FJbiCBFzXiwIz_-fhdtg9xuVgOan8VqblRCORBwj116DiS4t_tUBlIj7DrrxUa82ab3XVm3BdAOlIp8l7EyShVn9co3f1hz6iU6KqAKWpJQ/s1600/jim+bakker+fake+smiling.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjl7JiVGHnO4aaQ5U2jsG7YulpQidMpjIa3FJbiCBFzXiwIz_-fhdtg9xuVgOan8VqblRCORBwj116DiS4t_tUBlIj7DrrxUa82ab3XVm3BdAOlIp8l7EyShVn9co3f1hz6iU6KqAKWpJQ/s320/jim+bakker+fake+smiling.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A seething Jim Bakker fake smiles for the Junk Man</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Bill asks Jim what the difference between alternative and renewable energy is. Jim paints a fake smile on his face and replies that he 'isn't sure of the difference, but he can guess'. Bakker looks like he's positively seething inside, like he wants to snap his fingers in front of Whaley's face and tell him to hurry up and get to the point because <i>time is money</i>. Whaley now poses the question to the audience. There's nobody left in the audience. We glimpse the front row and all we see are two empty chairs and three zombies, one of which is Whaley's wife. The Junk Man is driving 'em away, and fast. Bakker's gonna have to step in at some point here to save the day's sales.</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_WfpSrxoVjSh8GusC-RQRGQ4DzniF2I-WjbTRZjknFqUufnenWQy3vMYqgx6tmbjZ1cdjf-SV6jVdgR3RAbbzIi5ZsDikHLkw8Ccwf9nLgcaVlnGOe2HnVTnjAGkW21AOcvktvfMfeXM/s1600/bill+whaley+septic+tank.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_WfpSrxoVjSh8GusC-RQRGQ4DzniF2I-WjbTRZjknFqUufnenWQy3vMYqgx6tmbjZ1cdjf-SV6jVdgR3RAbbzIi5ZsDikHLkw8Ccwf9nLgcaVlnGOe2HnVTnjAGkW21AOcvktvfMfeXM/s320/bill+whaley+septic+tank.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"It's just natural gas, so what!?"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>The Junk Man says that he owns two homes, one of which is in Missouri and is 'totally off the grid.' He says that nobody knows where his Missouri home is. He probably had neighbors once, then drove them all away with his long-winded monologues on junk and junk accessories. The Junk Man says he takes the fart gas off his septic tank and uses it to cook and heat his house with. I notice that his body language becomes defensive when mentioning that little detail about his septic tank, as if someone has given him crap about it before. If I asked him if his house smells like poop when he heats it, he would probably get real touchy about it and quickly come over the top of me to tell me that it's just natural gas. Right Bill, <i>but what does it smell like</i>?</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"></div><blockquote class="tr_bq"><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">[<b>Ron</b>] “I understand that it's just natural gas Bill, but...</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><b>[Bill Whaley</b>] [<i>interrupting</i>] “That's right! It's just natural gas!'”</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">[<b>Ron</b>] “Okay, well let me ask you like this. Does it smell <i>good</i>, or does it smell <i>bad</i>?”</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">[<b>Bill Whaley</b>] [<i>raises voice</i>] “It doesn't smell anything! It's just natural gas, what's the big deal!”</div></blockquote><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"></div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh078h326u6Nmb0Y_yQPzd0txe5l6k8yDWW9gsLZpyp5ScLg1r-oJLRs_pwLKjPbXAM-y8YFhku14ctg27Kp082T_U4G28FICxGGHGxr_oDPH-VjtjkclloSVtIbiBVjkcKpLeDqamb-Oc/s1600/kevin+shorey+courtesy+clap.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh078h326u6Nmb0Y_yQPzd0txe5l6k8yDWW9gsLZpyp5ScLg1r-oJLRs_pwLKjPbXAM-y8YFhku14ctg27Kp082T_U4G28FICxGGHGxr_oDPH-VjtjkclloSVtIbiBVjkcKpLeDqamb-Oc/s320/kevin+shorey+courtesy+clap.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Shorey: "God is this Whaley guy boring or what?"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>The Junk Man tells us that he's a 'non-conformist' and that he has two sets of rules he believes in: the bible and the Constitution. This receives a round of applause from everyone on stage, plus someone in the audience that I can hear clapping very, very fast. I'm not sure if people are clapping for his comment, or because it's their chance to cut him off.</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
Jim asks him how he got the name 'The Junk Man'. Before answering, Whaley finally gives Jim his dollar back. Jim fake laughs, then hands the dollar to Lori and tells her, “<i>Oh that's nice. Here honey. You need a dollar.</i>” That's actually a pretty smooth move on Jim's part. Never let them see you handling money, Jim. That'll make it harder to bring a case against you.</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><div style="text-align: right;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLSiKgVM3gueX2LJylItTi3cVALpuwI6XvSQg-kPv4pQ4ucKfE6eswRR3wSAZt6Y9ybTmgGFE9E2RcEd9qplyEgbRR05iHCMEkQP-Da7I_ay5IzQRuFoOD_p9Db-a6cPLQC69PqOloF4s/s1600/bill+whaley+boring.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLSiKgVM3gueX2LJylItTi3cVALpuwI6XvSQg-kPv4pQ4ucKfE6eswRR3wSAZt6Y9ybTmgGFE9E2RcEd9qplyEgbRR05iHCMEkQP-Da7I_ay5IzQRuFoOD_p9Db-a6cPLQC69PqOloF4s/s320/bill+whaley+boring.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Whaley's audience: Three zombies and two empty chairs</td></tr>
</tbody></table>I'm <i>this close</i> to hitting fast-forward on Whaley, he's boring me to tears. At least I can play a little game in my head as he drones on. I'm trying to figure out what items on his person were scavenged from a garbage can, and which are new.<br />
<br />
I don't think the suit jacket came from the garbage. The purple dress shirt, that's new too. The tie most likely came from a wedding reception's trash bin and probably had the Best Man's vomit on it. The accessories, now those were all scavenged from a stink can. The frame for his glasses would have come from the trash, maybe the lenses too. He has a tight bracelet on one wrist that looks like it's cutting off his circulation. That was definitely taken out of the garbage. On his other hand, he's wearing an onyx ring. That ring, plus the watch he's wearing, were probably hurled into an Indian Casino dumpster by a furious, red-faced drunk who just lost his house on a Super Bowl bet. We can't see the wallet that Whaley's sitting on, but that came from the drunk too. It contained no money, only a bunch of expired, losing lottery tickets. Now it belongs to the Junk Man.</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLpC9J7J0jIK69JICeNoL9MYOAxUNV7etfQpIX7brqh56Ce31PQURHD7aT8mwyMWW6nvz0i-9Tl2DhTfsRortRHGGnPyBQ-j_t7W27sEAz_HP-0jKlzEjvu5w81D2zGOOHWwZhxwf3MCY/s1600/Morningside+bread+baking+with+master%27s+media+students.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLpC9J7J0jIK69JICeNoL9MYOAxUNV7etfQpIX7brqh56Ce31PQURHD7aT8mwyMWW6nvz0i-9Tl2DhTfsRortRHGGnPyBQ-j_t7W27sEAz_HP-0jKlzEjvu5w81D2zGOOHWwZhxwf3MCY/s320/Morningside+bread+baking+with+master%27s+media+students.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Gud vork mein students! Now ve vill burn BOOKS!"</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="text-align: left;"></div>Jim plays his trump card. If he can't stop the Junk Man real-time, he'll fix him in editing. Whaley tells a story about a crazy lady who invited him to lunch to pick his brain. The story ends abruptly with faked, archived applause from the audience, then moves right into a Jim Bakker commercial. I don't think I've ever been so happy to see a commercial from Jim. It's a Silver Sol commercial, with a very happy sounding Kevin Shorey doing the voice over.<br />
<br />
Click here to read the finale of <a href="http://jimbakker666.blogspot.com/2012/03/jim-bakker-scribbles-on-zach-talks-junk_24.html">Jim Bakker scribbles on Zach, talks junk with Bill Whaley</a>.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com267tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9221488326087649096.post-1254105701650335042012-03-16T16:46:00.001-07:002012-04-13T14:21:28.066-07:00Jim Bakker scribbles on Zach, talks junk with Bill Whaley part 1<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiriEQFdU6DXHDsTp_PjumzUBgS7imIEsf2dzEvvSO-qg_Rtyurwh81m46-PnYOlYlZhy5KeJGTqutCyrrQU8cibul1apRFR3IwwokbQE6ZN9CwgJnKrTW3vajPNdPfN5KWhDcIyrfihuQ/s1600/come+here+dumbshit,+let+me+write+on+your+head.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiriEQFdU6DXHDsTp_PjumzUBgS7imIEsf2dzEvvSO-qg_Rtyurwh81m46-PnYOlYlZhy5KeJGTqutCyrrQU8cibul1apRFR3IwwokbQE6ZN9CwgJnKrTW3vajPNdPfN5KWhDcIyrfihuQ/s320/come+here+dumbshit,+let+me+write+on+your+head.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Come here you dumbshit, I'm gonna write on your head."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>The last couple weeks in Jim Bakker Show land were spent in the warm, plump arms of the Master's Media kids. Jim was trying really hard to sell us on his fake college, and to do so he needed to show off the talent that he churns out. Or put more correctly, lack of talent. The kids are just as dumb as when they first enrolled, maybe even dumber. Are there any entrance requirements for this fake school besides a tendency towards obesity or, in Nolan's case, malnourishment?</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">There were a couple highlights though. It turns out that the Mater's Media kids like to put up unfunny introduction videos of themselves on YouTube under the moniker generationNOWiptv. If you haven't seen any of these videos, I feel it is my civic duty to advise you against watching them. Trust me, you're going to want that wasted time back. The videos are, in a word, awful.</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrmUWspyFPpirowLmeyTJ512_jFw6cgtskIxwlLvY1vrntFZyXI8gj-pjgVQvii2opWiad6PDhfgxOIs2NjZvzbig9qmZPp4MasjStjwc1HNteLHO2Ih-Nym6hYClqXnasY1_MPGY3toQ/s1600/Are+you+out+of+your+effin%27+mind,+Jim+Bakker.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrmUWspyFPpirowLmeyTJ512_jFw6cgtskIxwlLvY1vrntFZyXI8gj-pjgVQvii2opWiad6PDhfgxOIs2NjZvzbig9qmZPp4MasjStjwc1HNteLHO2Ih-Nym6hYClqXnasY1_MPGY3toQ/s320/Are+you+out+of+your+effin%27+mind,+Jim+Bakker.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jim's chicken scratch on Zach's forehead</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Zach Drew, the meatball-brained Master's Media student extraordinaire who can't seem to graduate, put up his own video in which he referred to himself as the 'Bossman'. Big mistake, Zach. There's only one bossman at Morningside, and that's Jim Bakker. You've been hanging out there for a couple years now...have you still not figured this out?</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">Well, Jim saw fit to put the 'Boss Man' in his place with a little public humiliation, as if life as a fat kid hasn't been humiliating enough. In what appeared to be a scripted piece, Jim took out a sharpie and wrote on Zach's forehead. Yes, you read that correctly. He wrote on Zach's forehead with a permanent marker. What did Jim write? He wrote the mark of the beast, '666', though for most readers it probably appears as 'DUNCE'.</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnT5zt8d8_luG2sMgCutpqOaM3jPoOp43iVTDz5KXCSrC00Y6VXAjwSYnY-j6xp0JOKgxRPFrhOEmrN02MI_4HP-zN0WTePBroS69NoxB5uwsKCH4D06ORIu3t6I4k0YpSA-URURvTL1A/s1600/Jim+Bakker+feeling+big+and+strong+in+platforms.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnT5zt8d8_luG2sMgCutpqOaM3jPoOp43iVTDz5KXCSrC00Y6VXAjwSYnY-j6xp0JOKgxRPFrhOEmrN02MI_4HP-zN0WTePBroS69NoxB5uwsKCH4D06ORIu3t6I4k0YpSA-URURvTL1A/s320/Jim+Bakker+feeling+big+and+strong+in+platforms.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jim Bakker feeling big and strong in his platform shoes</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Scripted or not, this is a very public shaming. If your child came home from school one day with something written on their forehead in ink, you would go to the school and ask the teacher if they were out of their effin' mind, then proceed to kick their ass. Forehead writing is unacceptable behavior among humans. Unless your Jim Bakker, that is. For Jim Bakker, it's <i>ministry</i>.</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">As I've said before, Jim loves emasculating men. The reason for that was also shown during these Master's Media episodes, over and over and from multiple angles. Jim Bakker was wearing platform shoes to hide his true height, or should I say, shortness. These bad-boys made it look like Jim went and strapped soup cans underneath his loafers, and we were treated to some real good shots of Jim clodding around on stage in those suckers to show everyone how tall and imposing the <i>real bossman</i> is.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4TdxgvD9aZJa_0cXtVkCeyaHfKgo4lBsYsb4Hj-CM8xdwi2AftQ28V37QWkCi8yrlRkX7LdSWFkRvXuBg_9lfkRPsuPWLiQgHJE6bG91Jv_dRpJKuX3I85QUEli4rg84KWWtYROesh0o/s1600/Jim+Bakker+clonks+heel+to+toe+on+stage.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4TdxgvD9aZJa_0cXtVkCeyaHfKgo4lBsYsb4Hj-CM8xdwi2AftQ28V37QWkCi8yrlRkX7LdSWFkRvXuBg_9lfkRPsuPWLiQgHJE6bG91Jv_dRpJKuX3I85QUEli4rg84KWWtYROesh0o/s320/Jim+Bakker+clonks+heel+to+toe+on+stage.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bakker clonks around heel-to-toe on stage</td></tr>
</tbody></table>A few times he sat on the edge of the table while speaking to convey a more casual tone, and we could see the weight of the shoes pulling down on his feet as his fat little legs dangled in mid-air. Like an astronaut wearing moonboots, every step Jim took on stage was a calculated heel-to-toe move to prevent trips or falls. The last thing Jim's weak-hearted zombies need to see is their short-statured Zombie Master frantically wheeling his arms around to maintain balance, then taking a nosedive on stage. I'll bet those things added at least four inches to the Frog King, but even with that extra height Jim's still not breaking into six foot land. At least he can take comfort in knowing that he's the World's <i>Longest</i> Frog.</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">Thankfully, we're done with the monotonous Master's Media episodes and are back to real live guests. I'm actually excited to see what's up next. Come on Jim you lying snake, give us some action!</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiieWHfLEWeivRgpyfI-8DGBPEATfQq3EOajnfWBi7Hr1svI-Pvi5THFSwXAOvbHw4FQZJRtV_7ZG4JoPAv7If00NGhw1Sz13ojrfDOT-24rOBYniX380XckuByO-TuLTRhXmMTfzBN_HY/s1600/fat-legged+inbred+with+cup+worships+idol.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiieWHfLEWeivRgpyfI-8DGBPEATfQq3EOajnfWBi7Hr1svI-Pvi5THFSwXAOvbHw4FQZJRtV_7ZG4JoPAv7If00NGhw1Sz13ojrfDOT-24rOBYniX380XckuByO-TuLTRhXmMTfzBN_HY/s320/fat-legged+inbred+with+cup+worships+idol.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Fat-legged inbred with cup sits in awe of Jim's Golden Calf</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Jim delivers an energetic show opening, with the Morningside Strangler hitting a guitar chord slide, pee-yow! Now we see video of Jim's Golden Calf. Jim has the 15-foot monster dolled up with red carpet at the base and velvet ropes securing the perimeter to keep potential gropers at bay. That statue has been fondled enough already, the last thing Bakker wants now is some disgusting, greasy-fingered inbred going up and palming it. The perimeter ropes send a clear message: Hands off the Idol. If you'd like to pray to it, take a seat next to the fat guy sitting over in the corner. Yes, like flies to shit, we see that the Idol has already attracted an inbred. The video quality is poor so all I can make out are a bald head, fat thighs, and a white cup that's filled with either chocolate milk or hard liquor. Go join him, he won't bite!</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPWvE408L7v_-AwdKA3SgXWSkyYn5t09QiVczTUV2nnHiaN1a78wsRKg3kQGHK8_rcjjqaYizxndu6pJd8qrxWKM7nDODDm1DI_Y1eXx8GSmSqGhFvTraN9WXTi2dBR-ymxYPZ6_86H4c/s1600/Kevin+Shorey+in+mid-buck.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="241" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPWvE408L7v_-AwdKA3SgXWSkyYn5t09QiVczTUV2nnHiaN1a78wsRKg3kQGHK8_rcjjqaYizxndu6pJd8qrxWKM7nDODDm1DI_Y1eXx8GSmSqGhFvTraN9WXTi2dBR-ymxYPZ6_86H4c/s320/Kevin+Shorey+in+mid-buck.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A full-grown Shorey in mid-buck</td></tr>
</tbody></table>We're still in the intro and oh man, there's a new clip of Kevin Shorey singing and it looks like he's having a heart attack. I don't know what episode they pulled this from but it looks like a winner. Shorey is really chomping down hard on his bit as he bucks to and fro like a bull in a pen. You don't have to be this fat, Kevin. You can even be skinny if you really want to. The choice is yours to make.</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">Zach has the announcing duties today and brings us out of the intro and into the show. He successfully scraped off a few layers of skin from his forehead, as it's now clean and shiny with no evidence of Jim's handiwork. Jim's wearing his motorcycle jacket again, I think he's worn this one once before. It would look much better on a man 50 years younger. On Jim, it sucks. It has pockets and zippers everywhere and it's probably full of bribe money in case he gets arrested again.</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdDqiVifDD6fMLcgbBsBqLqJkE-LjdLQUjSmGK-77dDqDW-z4aMJIcISKHxMg3W_c4mEoYFKEFbVn_fF1OPdz132E0mechM4K4KLz6-D-nmugUoxlaZ72WMDi9uGwq61u6vh4_PZ1BTtU/s1600/Jim+Bakker+eying+the+Feds.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdDqiVifDD6fMLcgbBsBqLqJkE-LjdLQUjSmGK-77dDqDW-z4aMJIcISKHxMg3W_c4mEoYFKEFbVn_fF1OPdz132E0mechM4K4KLz6-D-nmugUoxlaZ72WMDi9uGwq61u6vh4_PZ1BTtU/s320/Jim+Bakker+eying+the+Feds.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jim Bakker keeps his eyes peeled for the Feds</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Jim introduces his guest for the day, garbage scavenger Bill Whaley. Jim starts the introduction off by cracking a joke about the man's age, telling us he was a pilot in World War One. That's Jim's little way of setting the tone, letting Mr Whaley know who's in charge here. One of these days I want one of the guests to reciprocate with Jim and make a joke about his age. Let's see how Jim reacts. Ooh no, I have a better idea: <i>Let's have a guest make fun of Jim's height</i>.</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">With the tone set, Bakker tells us that Whaley was a helicopter pilot in the Vietnam War and that he met him at a survival expo. He goes by the nickname 'The Junk Man' because he 'creates things from junk'. It sounds to me like Whaley is just going to take little pieces of junk and assemble them into larger pieces of junk that whirls, flashes or clicks. But let's wait and see what happens, maybe he'll knock my socks off...then use them to create mittens.</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNsI7sISAXqYU8_ESuoL-OpSJJK41HyruabThvoxAK6NLouLXxoiuwMIN52lBM1XNi3HU1SgsAPTVbFvavXzunRyWnQVK8gIAnKs5uPgbRB9icWgq9g5cAfRMQO-0jJAhPy_cob7H6k1w/s1600/The+Junk+Man+smells+a+snake+in+his+midst.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNsI7sISAXqYU8_ESuoL-OpSJJK41HyruabThvoxAK6NLouLXxoiuwMIN52lBM1XNi3HU1SgsAPTVbFvavXzunRyWnQVK8gIAnKs5uPgbRB9icWgq9g5cAfRMQO-0jJAhPy_cob7H6k1w/s320/The+Junk+Man+smells+a+snake+in+his+midst.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Junk Man Bill Whaley smells a snake in his midst</td></tr>
</tbody></table>For his part, Whaley doesn't look comfortable seated next to Bakker. He sorta looks like he got talked into this by his wife. As Jim talks him up, Whaley stares out into nowhere and rubs the arms of the chair he's sitting in. Oh boy Bill, if you didn't know who Jim Bakker was before you agreed to go on his show, you're definitely gonna know who he is once he starts rolling that 9/11 footage to scare the zombies into submission.</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">Bakker introduces Whaley's wife in the audience. She's missing a corner tooth and claims that she's a an active 'dumpster diver'. 'Dumpster Diving' is what stinky, smelly bums do when they're looking for a moldy snack to help them shake through their alcohol withdrawals.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3w3ndB2X2xHrPXughMYWFONOk2CemDv-birf8pI23hmsLWdmF2v84FFsFCL54YYGSaRy7WA98e55dnTpDb3hSIFhOGkBJFKV22INCgkwmvmEBwhZ0av3onpRwGKadpoURb_pDh7LhtRc/s1600/bill+whaleys+inbred+wife.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3w3ndB2X2xHrPXughMYWFONOk2CemDv-birf8pI23hmsLWdmF2v84FFsFCL54YYGSaRy7WA98e55dnTpDb3hSIFhOGkBJFKV22INCgkwmvmEBwhZ0av3onpRwGKadpoURb_pDh7LhtRc/s320/bill+whaleys+inbred+wife.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bill Whaley's dumpster diving wife is missing a tooth</td></tr>
</tbody></table>I can't imagine why this woman would feel compelled to dive into a dumpster. After all, things are thrown into the garbage for a reason. I can sympathize with a person not wanting to be wasteful, but when you're sifting through <i>someone else's garbage </i>to find something of value, there's probably something not quite right with you upstairs.</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">She announces her big dumpster find: A gold-trimmed glass dish of unknown pedigree which she stole out of someone's garbage and is now using to hold butter, sugar and salt on the kitchen table. How many handfuls of rotten banana peels do you think she grabbed before stumbling onto this piece of inbred treasure? Ma'am, that's garbage and it was probably used as a dish for car keys and loose change in it's previous life. Let it go...let it go.</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhh0siPBSkpVWZea7fOMyhCdjjo9_vaPdL73DQaD1sO03TH8BRqCgHeRSuYC4j-Jdx9mWM0vuq90jWz_0het_R_EYeQlgCmcp2pigXRdPKyoOWbFIEHVE_2_AFI4dDCH29gReeOcluidCc/s1600/kevin+shorey+laughing+at+himself.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhh0siPBSkpVWZea7fOMyhCdjjo9_vaPdL73DQaD1sO03TH8BRqCgHeRSuYC4j-Jdx9mWM0vuq90jWz_0het_R_EYeQlgCmcp2pigXRdPKyoOWbFIEHVE_2_AFI4dDCH29gReeOcluidCc/s320/kevin+shorey+laughing+at+himself.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Court Jester Shorey laughing at himself</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Now Jim points his attention towards Morningside's very own Court Jester, Kevin Shorey. He asks Kevin, “<i>would you like to dumpster dive or anything?</i>” Kevin immediately jumps on his chance to self-deprecate, saying he'll 'put on his goggles and dive on in'. Then he fake laughs, but since it's a fake laugh about a joke insulting himself, the laughter actually sounds a little bit like hurt and sadness expressing itself. Kevin has to take those jokes like a man on stage, but you know the guy is going home every night and drowning his sorrows in a big plate of food. Now here's Bakker at the start of the show, making fun of him some more. Come on Kevin, next time Jim makes a comment like that just look him square in the eye and say, “<i>How about <u>you</u> Jim...would you like to dumpster dive?</i>” Stand up for yourself man! And get the hell outta there, you can do much better than Jim Bakker!</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">Jim gives a quick camera pan of the garbage assembled on his coffee table, garbage that the Junk Man is going to turn into inbred treasure. Oh, it's gonna turn into treasure alright Junk Man, but not for you. The treasure will be going to that frog-lookin fella seated off to your right who's gonna be selling space food, miracle ointments, and other such nonsense...and he's gonna use your good name to do it.</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhr4d12F7VEjW7vU7ecLh3URxo24bOPBqloa4omU_UJ_F4p4a1gIZToZM1sZGT940dIdB_hA5lXQZNlyV-YmckfHWnljFbgrbGkI2ZtxFrTDq_oiZ2N_ViN6pm7oUwHxg2f2ypo7jbz2gk/s1600/Jim+Bakker+speaks+about+Whitney+Houston.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhr4d12F7VEjW7vU7ecLh3URxo24bOPBqloa4omU_UJ_F4p4a1gIZToZM1sZGT940dIdB_hA5lXQZNlyV-YmckfHWnljFbgrbGkI2ZtxFrTDq_oiZ2N_ViN6pm7oUwHxg2f2ypo7jbz2gk/s320/Jim+Bakker+speaks+about+Whitney+Houston.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jim name-drops Whitney to try and legitimize himself</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Time for Jim to name-drop. Whitney Houston recently died, and like Steve Jobs before her, she's already dead and can't get pissed about Jim Bakker invoking her name on his show. So he drops her name and gives a little sad talk about her. Lori chimes in with her lower-crust wisdom. She said she grew up 'listening to Whitney'. What on earth does this have to do with preaching and gospel? Lori then tells us that she loved Whitney Houston. You didn't even know her, Lori, why would you love her? Isn't that called idol worship? Bakker now adds the Winans family name into the conversation, telling us that his 'dear dear friend' Marvin Winans preached the funeral. Can you imagine how excited Lori would've been had she gotten a seat at the funeral to say goodbye to Whitney Houston, the woman she loved but didn't know? I can imagine her thumbing Jim in the gut and telling him to call up Marvin Winans to try and get a seat:</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><blockquote class="tr_bq"><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijeawJW-GG9E8Vh9HTwpmeGtzeULMTin2RZK4fBZKEuDyusviEEW4xZqYsMa82mCVTcEu5p6TEpJ1XsC3EwVuVevEWfo6buIdT-6CoDkiWoWWZT983QlOkmOHKcfLwPILw40GcuBgBog4/s1600/Lori+and+Kevin%27s+coked-up+idol.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijeawJW-GG9E8Vh9HTwpmeGtzeULMTin2RZK4fBZKEuDyusviEEW4xZqYsMa82mCVTcEu5p6TEpJ1XsC3EwVuVevEWfo6buIdT-6CoDkiWoWWZT983QlOkmOHKcfLwPILw40GcuBgBog4/s320/Lori+and+Kevin%27s+coked-up+idol.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lori's coked-up idol, Whitney Houston</td></tr>
</tbody></table><i>Jim Bakker calls the Winans Family agent. Lori lurks on a couch in the background, listening intently.</i></div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">[<b>Jim Bakker</b>] “Hi, this is Jim Bakker. So sorry to hear about Whitney. Hey do you guys have any more seats for the funeral?”</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">[<b>Winans Family agent</b>] “Jim who?”</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">[<b>Jim Bakker</b>] “Jim Bakker. I'm a friend of Marvin Winans.”</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">[<b>Winans Family Agent</b>] “Hold on.”</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><i>The agent shouts into the background:</i></div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">[<b>Agent</b>] “Hey Marvin, you know some guy named Jim Bakker?”</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">[muffled response]</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTZEB5e5mFXBDEnW4fB38cRMmvbwZZyta6wFloylYdk_r7gk65HPaDk_-WZ2BHMbWT109HFE3ANqRr_w70Rw3AK7AgnDPiRCyl5ZC_mwyulfIVgoj8XIeiCfeUEjE0owsTJ7eOLX_ECSY/s1600/Whitney's+once+coked-up+worshipper+lori+bakker.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTZEB5e5mFXBDEnW4fB38cRMmvbwZZyta6wFloylYdk_r7gk65HPaDk_-WZ2BHMbWT109HFE3ANqRr_w70Rw3AK7AgnDPiRCyl5ZC_mwyulfIVgoj8XIeiCfeUEjE0owsTJ7eOLX_ECSY/s320/Whitney's+once+coked-up+worshipper+lori+bakker.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Houston's formerly coked-up worshiper, Lori Bakker</td></tr>
</tbody></table>[<b>Agent</b>] “Marvin says he don't know no Jim Bakker.”</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">[<b>JB</b>] “Of course he does! Tell him I'm a preacher.”</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><i>The agent shouts into the background again:</i></div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">[<b>Agent</b>] “He says he's a preacher.”</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">[muffled laughter]</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><i>Lori's voice is heard off-mic through Jim's phone:</i></div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">[<b>Lori</b>] “Tell him you were popular in the 1980s. Tell him you went to prison!”</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">[<b>JB</b>] “I was big in the 80s. I went to...”</div></blockquote><blockquote class="tr_bq"><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">[click]</div></blockquote><blockquote class="tr_bq"><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">[<b>JB</b>] “Hello? Hello? This is Jim Bakker....Hello”?</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><i>Lori's voice in distance:</i></div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">[<b>Lori</b>] “Did you get tickets?</div></blockquote></div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEichIr-xY7tN06Cl2-NTGw0NRe7jCRn-kB3qt0k7uRNL1mArhTQoGIjLPJl_u_8NHIJ8SR9M87WCsSXZ90RuPe7YP8szAy2UXaoC98Pxc9l56N3Fd6Qebv3Klb1EibgUhHYF712RfXd7dA/s1600/Seated+L-R+Nolan,+Sasha,+Shemp,+Ariel.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="181" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEichIr-xY7tN06Cl2-NTGw0NRe7jCRn-kB3qt0k7uRNL1mArhTQoGIjLPJl_u_8NHIJ8SR9M87WCsSXZ90RuPe7YP8szAy2UXaoC98Pxc9l56N3Fd6Qebv3Klb1EibgUhHYF712RfXd7dA/s320/Seated+L-R+Nolan,+Sasha,+Shemp,+Ariel.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Seated l-r: Nolan, Sasha, Shemp, Ariel</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Jim moves the discussion of Whitney Houston over to the dimwitted Master's Media kids on the couch. There's four of them seated there, but one of them sticks out like a sore thumb. Shemp, <a href="http://jimbakker666.blogspot.com/2011/12/jim-bakker-welcomes-kellie-copeland.html" target="_blank">the cone-headed kid who we first saw months ago</a>, has allowed his hair to grow out unchecked. He's already cursed with a generally unhygienic appearance; now he's got this thick ol' mop sitting atop his head. What is this kid thinking? I know what I'm thinking when I see him: body odor and boogers. Shemp, if you're reading this, let me give you some man-to-man advice since nobody else seems to care enough: Lose the hair. No chick is ever going to take you seriously when you're sporting that thing. In fact, they'll probably laugh. I'm serious. Now go cut your hair, then go to a real school. You'll thank me in five years.</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5bJYYTBAfdDePBo3ywM7a5nugN_ll5OCtOJyk2F36GW9FVpFGpPYkrzojNc1oOAnvtlmxz355FSZHHQIwPNJ8JgCx7LOGI1aZ9atj8cdprfQqnXWAJ2e078SJceL-A3Ff33Kzc61vjKE/s1600/Bill+Whaley+knows+somethings+fishy+here.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5bJYYTBAfdDePBo3ywM7a5nugN_ll5OCtOJyk2F36GW9FVpFGpPYkrzojNc1oOAnvtlmxz355FSZHHQIwPNJ8JgCx7LOGI1aZ9atj8cdprfQqnXWAJ2e078SJceL-A3Ff33Kzc61vjKE/s320/Bill+Whaley+knows+somethings+fishy+here.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Doc Bakker: "Okay Mr Whaley, now bend over please."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Poor Bill, Jim shows us another shot of him and he looks like a guy sitting in a doctor's office awaiting a rectal exam. He knows it's gonna be unpleasant, but he's already there so there's no going back now. I'm waiting for him to take a deep breath and sigh, then check his watch. Did that dumpster divin' wife set you up on this little sales call today, Bill? Did she bother to look and find out who Jim Bakker was before scheduling you? You smell a rat, don't ya?</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">Jim asks Kevin about Whitney Houston, and Kevin tells him that “this goes deep..this is really hard.” Lori comes over the top of Kevin each time and agrees that the loss “is a hard one” and a “great loss”. Kevin, don't tell me your worshiping idols too? You don't know this woman, how can her death be a 'hard one' for you? I can see if you were affected this way by someone who really brought kindness and love into the world, but Whitney Houston? A drug-snorting singer with a bum husband who literally ran her life straight into the ground...that's the idol you've chosen to worship? Is Jim's unholy statue of Jesus not a good enough idol for you?</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlmq-l3XVgpagRA6JpoblIRwtmLcd3a3gw0btiSdeGkdXIei5Yzf5So_ud2BFy3NwZwqxQR8K6lZ8sWIbRvZ_Rnxysyka6Zz7qLMGBx4fzSuwwD4wBbJpBJuKsj4YdsVIsuReRK39kSMU/s1600/A+Jim+Bakker+Weevil+Bucket+10-pack.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlmq-l3XVgpagRA6JpoblIRwtmLcd3a3gw0btiSdeGkdXIei5Yzf5So_ud2BFy3NwZwqxQR8K6lZ8sWIbRvZ_Rnxysyka6Zz7qLMGBx4fzSuwwD4wBbJpBJuKsj4YdsVIsuReRK39kSMU/s320/A+Jim+Bakker+Weevil+Bucket+10-pack.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jim Bakker's Weevil Bucket 10-pack</td></tr>
</tbody></table>We're almost ten minutes into the show now, and Jim still hasn't let Bill Whaley start telling us about his scavenging gimmick. Bakker's letting Whaley percolate in the hot seat while he begins selling his Winter Wheat buckets. Jim says he has <i>forty-five hundred bucket</i>s of the wheat ready for sale at $100 a pop. Oh that Jim...<a href="http://jimbakker666.blogspot.com/2011/08/bearded-bakker-back-from-vacation.html" target="_blank">remember when he told us that the United States was going to run out of grain reserves</a>? Now here he is selling 45 lb buckets of horse feed to his numb-skulls. Why not sell a feedbag with it too Jim? I'd suggest that you include blinders with each bucket of feed, but then I realized that your zombies are already wearing them.</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>Jim says he guarantees the wheat bucket for forty years. Of one thing, I'm certain: After forty years Jim's Wheat Buckets will have become a Weevil Buckets. Jim tells us that Foodbucket Frank Davis and Jim's warehouse manager Jerry Jones got together to figure out a new sales special for the wheat. The meeting probably went something like this:</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><blockquote class="tr_bq"><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3rDJ5BgpvBerf7fKUa6avt0sySdL6XLIdJTAWZL4HT1VYjwlE85cVijpzerGCpCoMZErphH3GXOD19OJhxOGZXtW_qIZMs1sYAwsITZApxh8IkQg-JAj98Kky8x5uWUIEgc_g9OI7nFs/s1600/Food+For+Health%2527s+Frank+Davis.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3rDJ5BgpvBerf7fKUa6avt0sySdL6XLIdJTAWZL4HT1VYjwlE85cVijpzerGCpCoMZErphH3GXOD19OJhxOGZXtW_qIZMs1sYAwsITZApxh8IkQg-JAj98Kky8x5uWUIEgc_g9OI7nFs/s320/Food+For+Health%2527s+Frank+Davis.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Archive photo of the Foodbucket Lizard, Frank Davis</td></tr>
</tbody></table>[<b>Frank Davis</b>] “Look, Jerry: I'm not investing in new machinery for the wheat unless I'm guaranteed a certain sales volume from you guys. Business is business, and I gotta make money like everyone else.”</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">[<b>Jerry Jones</b>] “Don't worry Frank, Jim says he can push the wheat through real heavy for the next couple weeks. He's got a connection in China that'll churn out chintzy wheat grinders on the cheap, then he's gonna package those in with the wheat as a bonus. These dumb old people love stuff that moves and squeaks, you know that. It's like it hypnotizes them or something.”</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">[<b>Frank Davis</b>] “Alright, well you guys work out some numbers and let me know soon. Don't forget what I said: Volume.”</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">[<b>Jerry Jones</b>] “Don't worry Frank, Jim will get you volume. Has he let you down yet?”</div></blockquote></div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"></div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRnmARcgJXxKBDcyxmzq0zg9gusdoaHiTATA05mX8GGBpKPW9Rf-BUg0q79RC7HxjL8zp7_pti94w5g0VqFgoTOha9yr4rvcDLCGjERpcjx18FYINPV3wcqQXo9wi-BXO0XdTArSMwHwE/s1600/Jim+Bakker%27s+sharpie+humbled+the+Boss+Man.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRnmARcgJXxKBDcyxmzq0zg9gusdoaHiTATA05mX8GGBpKPW9Rf-BUg0q79RC7HxjL8zp7_pti94w5g0VqFgoTOha9yr4rvcDLCGjERpcjx18FYINPV3wcqQXo9wi-BXO0XdTArSMwHwE/s320/Jim+Bakker%27s+sharpie+humbled+the+Boss+Man.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jim Bakker's sharpie humbled the Bossman real quick</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Bakker throws it over to Zach to announce the special. Zach's looking as fat as ever. I can make out an actual breast on him now, but the on-screen sales graphic obscures the nipple area. Zach announces the new deal: Ten Weevil Buckets, plus the grinder, for $500. According to Zach, this is an additional five-hundred-dollar savings if you buy the package instead of just the individual buckets. Actually, what this tells me is that Bakker's making an additional five-hundred-dollars whenever he sells the ten buckets individually. Do you see how that works, zombies? Jim is not being honest with you, otherwise he would discount the individual buckets and make them just as cheap as the packaged buckets. If Bakker was an honest preacher, he would sell you each bucket for $50, and charge you separately for the grinder. Is Jim Bakker a preacher or salesman? Come on zombies, turn on your brains and think, you can break free of Jim's spell! There has to be something in there somewhere, just try!</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Click here to read <a href="http://jimbakker666.blogspot.com/2012/03/jim-bakker-scribbles-on-zach-talks-junk_18.html">part two of Jim Bakker scribbles on Zach, talks junk with Bill Whaley</a>. </div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com129tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9221488326087649096.post-35112342351111940012012-02-28T13:35:00.001-08:002012-04-13T14:11:58.366-07:00Tired of Jim Bakker's deception game? Write your Senator, Representative, or IRS office!Feel free to copy, paste, and print this letter, then mail it off to your Senator, Representative, or local IRS office. Even your local newspaper might be interested. Maybe your letter will be the one that sends Jim Bakker back to prison where he belongs!<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/TVZScTYhn24?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><br />
<br />
Subject:<br />
Televangelist Jim Bakker exploiting tax rules for religious organizations<br />
<br />
Dear Senator / Congressman [insert name here]<br />
<br />
I am respectfully petitioning you to investigate what I believe is blatant exploitation of our tax code at the expense of the American public. Televangelist Jim Bakker, the so-called pastor who went to prison in the 1980s for tax fraud, is back on television again, and nearly his entire show is devoted to <u>selling products.</u> All of his show discussion, or what may be construed as 'preaching', is used as a lead-in to product sales. Here is only a <u>small sampling</u> of what he sells:<br />
<br />
Dehydrated Food = $3,000<br />
Camera Desktop Ornament = $1,000<br />
Silver Sol Miracle Ointment = $100<br />
Hand-powered survival flashlights = $20<br />
<br />
The list of products for sale goes on and on. Jim Bakker stokes fear in his audience by telling them that the world will soon be ending, staple foods are in short supply, and that their dollars will ultimately be worthless as currency. He then heavily pitches them his goods for sale and takes their so-called worthless money. His sham ministry, of course, receives a tax-exemption while engaging in this behavior.<br />
<br />
I presume that he gets away with this by the simple fact that he refers to these items as 'Love Gifts' as opposed to 'Items For Sale'. This is wrong. Absolutely, without a doubt, it's wrong. These are not gifts, they are items being sold in a business transaction. Bakker, in fact, has a warehouse where he stocks these 'gifts' for distribution to 'donors'. Would a church dispensing only 'love gifts' require a distribution warehouse?<br />
<br />
Jim Bakker now hosts an unaccredited college at his Morningside community which purports to train 'students' in the art of television ministry. He charges these 'students' between $7k - $8k per semester. He then uses these students as free, unpaid labor to operate his camera equipment and produce his show. The tuition? Paid for through 'scholarship funds' solicited from his audience.<br />
<br />
Jim Bakker's ministry is registered in the name of his mother-in-law, and he reportedly makes only $400 per week in income. You and I both know that his declared income is a load of garbage, and that the only reason he takes such little payment is because he still owes millions of dollars to the American public. One need only look at the various vacation properties he frequents to understand that he is likely laundering money through various figureheads in his ministry in order to personally benefit from the ministry's income while avoiding payment of back taxes.<br />
<br />
I am utterly dismayed by the fact that Jim Bakker gets away with this exploitation of our tax code by engaging in product sales through his tax-exempt ministry. While he may not be the only one, he is certainly the most public and the least delicate in his blatant disregard for our tax laws. With his fear-mongering and deception of the naive, he also flies in the face of basic human decency. It's said that there's a sucker born every minute; <u>that doesn't mean it's right to take advantage of them</u>.<br />
<br />
A quick internet search for '<i>Jim Bakker Show fraud</i>' will uncover the many different websites / discussion forums / YouTube videos which record and publicize Jim Bakker's shenanigans. They are highly trafficked and are visited by multitudes of other like-minded Americans who are completely fed up with Jim Bakker. Our shared disgust crosses political boundaries, as we are both male and female, religious and non-religious, Red, Blue and Independent. We are Americans first and foremost, and we are disgusted with people like Jim Bakker who rip people off in the name of religion.<br />
<br />
Action taken against Jim Bakker will go a long way towards restoring faith in the elected official. Why? Because it is the right thing to do. There is no favor to be won, only the satisfaction of knowing that truth and decency triumphs over lies and impropriety. Truth, justice, and the American way is what defines us, not thieves and cheats like Jim Bakker.<br />
<br />
As a human being and an American, I ask you to please investigate Jim Bakker. If he is found committing wrongdoing, hold him accountable (once again) for his lying and thievery. It will take little more than five minutes of viewing his show to understand why he is so very wrong, and possibly criminal, in his actions. His show (The Jim Bakker Show) is broadcast Monday through Friday at 7am on your local religious television station.<br />
<br />
Thank you for your time.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com871tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9221488326087649096.post-54055858037034883352012-02-12T21:46:00.000-08:002012-04-13T14:22:03.245-07:00Jim Bakker celebrates 2,000th episode with Idol Worship, part twoThis is part two. Click here to read part one of <a href="http://jimbakker666.blogspot.com/2012/02/jim-bakker-celebrates-2000th-show-with.html" target="_blank">Jim Bakker celebrates 2,000th episode with Idol Worship</a>.<br />
<div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgi4BUodL8OopejXr-vR8jgqfiDru9dW4m0YvZN4Mc_vxnqjvq5QotIOCRujh11WEEQ4n0hQ5S5kMDx5c5gMnbYeaJcuAYKkGawYcWf699y6DgdvwlGt_d0k5wzH9yFEHRZfVTu0xfcvSA/s1600/dont+drop+me+assholes.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgi4BUodL8OopejXr-vR8jgqfiDru9dW4m0YvZN4Mc_vxnqjvq5QotIOCRujh11WEEQ4n0hQ5S5kMDx5c5gMnbYeaJcuAYKkGawYcWf699y6DgdvwlGt_d0k5wzH9yFEHRZfVTu0xfcvSA/s320/dont+drop+me+assholes.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Statue: 'Don't you drop me you assholes!'</td></tr>
</tbody></table>A commercial for Lori's House plays. They're asking for a thousand-dollar love gift. This is all pre-produced by the way, it's not live. Lori tells us that Lori's House is about giving mothers a place to live and a place to learn a trade. How in the hell is this going to work? Is Lori going to have pregnant women shipped in from around the country to live at her commune, to be brainwashed and possibly re-impregnated by Jim? This is sounding more and more like Jonestown all the time. The commercial continues with audio of one of Philip Cameron's Moldovan girls crying. Jim is selling us on the Lori's House love gift, telling us that we'll get a Builder's Club card which allows us 24 gifts, but at a max rate of 2 per visit. I love it Jim! People give you $1,000 to build Lori's House, and in return you give them a card for 24 horribly cheap gifts...yet restrict them from getting all their gifts at once. Damn you're good!</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjz4VVkwv3MVaIW0L1z71vCReGbQMmMRYxU6Yd9siYN3rJdZDtRexdixrHxfIuEecMPb6iWtyAQMgq7xFCcCP76NyR6Wcaqnq3EXsOhT8RTh9axY3wfSDBAjnZH697yr2feQw0QQMUBVsw/s1600/hedgehog+zombie.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjz4VVkwv3MVaIW0L1z71vCReGbQMmMRYxU6Yd9siYN3rJdZDtRexdixrHxfIuEecMPb6iWtyAQMgq7xFCcCP76NyR6Wcaqnq3EXsOhT8RTh9axY3wfSDBAjnZH697yr2feQw0QQMUBVsw/s320/hedgehog+zombie.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A nervous Hedgehog Zombie prays for Jim's statue</td></tr>
</tbody></table>The commercial's not over yet. More crying from Philip St Cameron's girls, and now fat Zach is doing a voice over for Jim outlining the different methods of payment available. You can donate through the Morningside phone number, you can donate through the website, or you can write a letter. That's right, even if you're so poor that you can't afford a telephone or computer, Jim Bakker is happy to take your money. Just send him a check and he'll cash it, easy as pie. Don't even bother writing your own, just endorse your social security checks on over to Jim. What a nice man that Pastor Bakker!</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0MzCpMVm7qXhZSyp0nfIdX8Wzmv_qYQUxOzXrbzPQkoDqehFmoq6wfGg2NUHbwrnAt-UvMTB3-Z-qigcf1r6o0UL4fE20gwcZbxf7WofLWPkDrD7v7KGIk12hR2N_0F8U-AvjQNu6nzw/s1600/elderly+abuse.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="241" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0MzCpMVm7qXhZSyp0nfIdX8Wzmv_qYQUxOzXrbzPQkoDqehFmoq6wfGg2NUHbwrnAt-UvMTB3-Z-qigcf1r6o0UL4fE20gwcZbxf7WofLWPkDrD7v7KGIk12hR2N_0F8U-AvjQNu6nzw/s320/elderly+abuse.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Is Grandma Maxine being exploited by Jim Bakker?</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
Commercial is over and we're back to suspense after the cable slip. Everything is fine of course, but Jim's students are learning how to deceive the audience with crafty editing and background music. We see a couple nervous zombies in the crowd, biting their lips and holding their hands together in prayer while the statue hangs in mid-air. As the cable slip is replayed from a different angle, Grandma Maxine is shown with a look on her face as if she just crapped herself.</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">Jailbird Jim and Mondo the Illiterate are discussing the beauty of the statue and describing the way the cable slipped. Where the cable earlier lay across the statue's collar, it has now pulled all the way up and looks like a hangman's noose around the beast's neck.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguDKJquykwH6BMASyb4quzpSM5W-7X6mJYOPwBsZK-bUIwwzB0b74Z15Fv9CaF3Dmr5hKHmJtgb727EWa6Bb8x1KZm9toHraIYmHlKmSNoeCi7BhhBj0rB2QPWDyACANmpbrSGqIbEwJs/s1600/jesus+being+hung+by+the+neck.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguDKJquykwH6BMASyb4quzpSM5W-7X6mJYOPwBsZK-bUIwwzB0b74Z15Fv9CaF3Dmr5hKHmJtgb727EWa6Bb8x1KZm9toHraIYmHlKmSNoeCi7BhhBj0rB2QPWDyACANmpbrSGqIbEwJs/s320/jesus+being+hung+by+the+neck.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jim's gargoyle being hung at the gallows</td></tr>
</tbody></table>I'm confused: Was this particular Jesus crucified, or was it lynched, Pastor Bakker? Perhaps Jim can write a new book for the bible that includes his very own idol, the Anti Jesus, being hung at the gallows for our sins? <br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq"><i>Jim Bakker reading from his self-authored Bakker Bible.</i><br />
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[<b>Jim Bakker</b>] "<i>Turn with me if you will now to the Book of Mondo, chapter 10 verse 33</i>.</blockquote><blockquote class="tr_bq"> <i>Jim's voice rises to a shout:</i> <br />
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[<b>JB</b>] "<i>And they will condemn Him to death and deliver Him to the Gentiles, to be hung by the neck until which time that his natural life does expire, God rest his soul</i>". </blockquote><br />
I'm waiting for this sucker's head to be yanked off by the cable. What would Jim do I wonder? I think we can all safely say that all bets are on the table if that were to happen. I personally imagine Jim prostrating himself on the ground and weeping loudly.</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLxh_il-j2Lre3CcChrN3LsoElAFaQ12RFRBGCQ3T9JACPgVQ5_v-UpUctw1kpPOwEjP1XXM5QyMpNt6a-HDU-_zlHxdXmOtMmAfr1f1KsUmXrCB-mfbRV-v7omsdTb2WC8wr96p-4sEw/s1600/han+solo+being+frozen+in+carbonite.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="241" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLxh_il-j2Lre3CcChrN3LsoElAFaQ12RFRBGCQ3T9JACPgVQ5_v-UpUctw1kpPOwEjP1XXM5QyMpNt6a-HDU-_zlHxdXmOtMmAfr1f1KsUmXrCB-mfbRV-v7omsdTb2WC8wr96p-4sEw/s320/han+solo+being+frozen+in+carbonite.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"You have hereby been sentenced to death by hanging..."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>They've adjusted the cable and now everything is safe. Kevin, Charlene the Stinkbug, Lori and Zach all talk about how beautiful the statue is, and we see Grandma Maxine wiping tears from her eyes with a tissue. as the statue touches down. In studio, 'Hallelujah' plays over the sound system as the zombies applaud. Grandma Maxine continues wiping tears away. She's probably the biggest donor for this statue effort, something she would likely be told to '<i>keep secret between the two of us so that people don't get the wrong idea</i>'. Grandma Moneybags is seated up front in the VIP section and is completely cocooned in a blanket. Since the lifting operation required the crane, the doors are still off the building so it's probably about 20 degrees inside Morningside. The old bags are freezing to death in there. Every time we see Moneybags, she's squirming around inside her cotton cocoon like a butterfly preparing to break free. Maybe she's rubbing her hands and arms together to make heat?<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgxvqo8sFEZRK20Kw2HbXe4aot0R8jLSgAiUjgEm1pcBOHmd-o7ZJ81JXtAJqM1NymEv9p9lXEJoM8AvG1yiOBN70YnFz45ag2nQkW18noUIXdYbI9xO0JG91RlTQ17FqUV3FdUJW3wV4/s1600/jesus+sentenced+to+death+by+hanging.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgxvqo8sFEZRK20Kw2HbXe4aot0R8jLSgAiUjgEm1pcBOHmd-o7ZJ81JXtAJqM1NymEv9p9lXEJoM8AvG1yiOBN70YnFz45ag2nQkW18noUIXdYbI9xO0JG91RlTQ17FqUV3FdUJW3wV4/s320/jesus+sentenced+to+death+by+hanging.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Classy Jim, real classy</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="text-align: right;"></div>Uh oh, looks like there was a problem placing the statue on the floor the first time. Jim's talking to another worker zombie about how to fix the tilt on the thing. Apparently it can't be fixed, because the original designer of Morningside was either cross-eyed or stupid and didn't make the walls even, which means that Morningside is irregularly-shaped. According to Jim, there's no 'center of things'. Jim decides that the best move is to have the idol centered on the fake steeple and chapel facade that he has plastered on the wall. </div></div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjw-9aQARYWOeep28Q8Xvnff7AunDYiyU72wdnBMQ856_j4V5gvI7UHCzwBfeUrjFqKGU3Vp-8t8WXojkul4xSF1B-b0wOT73sQ_k9R2C6yDqZOP3RS4N2NpykbpWBKP9h6elbxhW6Q72E/s1600/jim+bakker+exploits+old+people.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjw-9aQARYWOeep28Q8Xvnff7AunDYiyU72wdnBMQ856_j4V5gvI7UHCzwBfeUrjFqKGU3Vp-8t8WXojkul4xSF1B-b0wOT73sQ_k9R2C6yDqZOP3RS4N2NpykbpWBKP9h6elbxhW6Q72E/s320/jim+bakker+exploits+old+people.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A near-frozen Grandma Maxine cries tears of icicles</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Jim said the statue is valued at a 'quarter million dollars', but he picked it up on the cheap for $35,000. Then he said that all the people who donated, 'with their names there' on the base, gave on average only five dollars. You already showed us the plaque, Jim, and there definitely was not <i>seven thousand names</i> on it. Are you lying just a little bit there, Pastor? Just a small one, to get people who can't afford the big donations to chip in just a little bit today? Hey, what they don't know won't hurt them... isn't that right Pastor? <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-lC9iSbUg6S4eeGIKLhszXqGFGw4kMV-Nft2gG6QX7gMtgJyyxBaizGS_0nZaLn7f002VS4u4UxML2wby9b7GlRlk2QqWRut3DzAPB_yLT207oeseYvDqHpDRisW5jTcjqHDDNmiXPG8/s1600/jim+bakker+show+cast+of+villains.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-lC9iSbUg6S4eeGIKLhszXqGFGw4kMV-Nft2gG6QX7gMtgJyyxBaizGS_0nZaLn7f002VS4u4UxML2wby9b7GlRlk2QqWRut3DzAPB_yLT207oeseYvDqHpDRisW5jTcjqHDDNmiXPG8/s320/jim+bakker+show+cast+of+villains.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jim Bakker and his cast of villains</td></tr>
</tbody></table>For the video piece's finale, we get a music video. <i>How Great Thou Art</i> plays while the camera fades in and out on the statue from different angles, sorta like you see with nice floats at the Rose Parade. As the song crescendos to its peak, we see a closeup of Grandma Maxine crying to really drive home the point that she was likely the biggest donor for this statue, then a wide shot of Jim Bakker and his goon squad standing together clapping in slow motion. They're assembled like villains in a movie. Two ex-cons, a pair of fat guys and a couple'a whores. Kevin's superpower is binge eating, while Lori has the power to abort her own babies at any time or place. Skeeter Graham can fly and clack Morse Code with her teeth. Mondo has the ability to escape from any prison and Zach has dual sex organs that allow him to impregnate himself and give birth to more Zachs. And the evil boss at the center, Jim Bakker, has the dangerous power of mind control. Anyone of low intelligence is completely overcome by his powers and immediately gives him what he wants. And as we can see, when Jim Bakker wanted a statue, Jim Bakker got a statue.</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBF9Ch-m0wwLsCnQDAsBdpgCA-7Ws7iR0ia5GfHjkfLs6sbVdboIGvVbMjhliIAh5hnm33z6sckWDMfIa5dmIu21UjmRF4Juw_ca2YOeygzINCnJfqPjEWFjDM1CYK3ut_AAPWswtcU7E/s1600/wizard+prays+to+idol.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBF9Ch-m0wwLsCnQDAsBdpgCA-7Ws7iR0ia5GfHjkfLs6sbVdboIGvVbMjhliIAh5hnm33z6sckWDMfIa5dmIu21UjmRF4Juw_ca2YOeygzINCnJfqPjEWFjDM1CYK3ut_AAPWswtcU7E/s320/wizard+prays+to+idol.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jim Bakker petting his Golden Calf</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Now Jim calls for prayer to his carved idol. He and his goons assemble around the base of the gargoyle and lay hands on it. Inbreds in the audience stretch their arms out towards it. Jim has one hand on a foot, the other on a leg. Lori moans along with his prayer. Now Jim is patting around on the statue and telling it that “<i>we bind anything that could even possibly be from its trip</i>”. I suggest that you just bind the entire statue Jim, the whole thing is unholy. Jim tells God that he gives the statue to Him. What would God want with your unholy idol, Jim, other than to destroy it and all who worship it?</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg29H69EFutuN7w3wwqkN3jTxxqZYYd0toLwNWmOh7W1OvSNke0jqpk5Z3pgL5hchKkn93lVrpYOVzB2dDJMytvEyMp859GNlxNO8zvyMMOtHtHycGFWF4eLyjUqRYf9p4jbSIzK7lqXPU/s1600/crooked+fingers+bakker+prays.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg29H69EFutuN7w3wwqkN3jTxxqZYYd0toLwNWmOh7W1OvSNke0jqpk5Z3pgL5hchKkn93lVrpYOVzB2dDJMytvEyMp859GNlxNO8zvyMMOtHtHycGFWF4eLyjUqRYf9p4jbSIzK7lqXPU/s320/crooked+fingers+bakker+prays.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jim Bakker speaking to his Golden Calf</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Bakker's still reciting his incantation to the idol. He's hunched over like an old sorcerer, and I think it would be really cool if he took his dark hood and pulled it over his head now for effect. He could just make something up to justify it with the zombies, something like, 'This is how they prayed in Jesus' time.' Then he could just shroud his head with the hood to cast his face in shadow. I wonder if Jim's eyes would glow hellfire-red from within the hood? He's still patting around on the gargoyle's feet and sort of rocking back and forth. During his prayer, Jim tells us that the idol is dedicated to God, this “<i>beautiful replica of our Lord and Savior</i>”. Now he looks up towards the face of the idol as he prays to it.</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDwqmmXH8p-8Y3EpEelxRbbwanrIlB6A1KqTW7KfKU7PIzyvlKwbmCmT0J0GVRL445wUlsBuk_Q_WbcF5fwvLpF2AESMC2m7cdfifLMnUcawoqJZDkoae3TdnrUWIgKqxvfgOspR8Cwxk/s1600/freezing+grandma+in+snuggy.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDwqmmXH8p-8Y3EpEelxRbbwanrIlB6A1KqTW7KfKU7PIzyvlKwbmCmT0J0GVRL445wUlsBuk_Q_WbcF5fwvLpF2AESMC2m7cdfifLMnUcawoqJZDkoae3TdnrUWIgKqxvfgOspR8Cwxk/s320/freezing+grandma+in+snuggy.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Grandma Maxine braves the bone-chilling indoor weather</td></tr>
</tbody></table>During Jim's prayer to the gargoyle, he mentions a few times that its purpose is to draw people to Morningside. He says that God gave him an image of cars backed up on the highway as people drive to see it. I wonder if Jim will place a little donation box near the statue for people to insert their cash and checks? Or maybe a pool surrounding the statue for people to flip coins into? Jim could force a Master's Media kid to don scuba gear and rake the pool bottom every week as part of their important curriculum. Just don't pick a fat one, they'll just float the whole time.</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">We're now a good five minutes into the evil Wizard's prayer to his idol. Another shot of the zombies with hands outstretched, minus Granny Max who is still completely enveloped in her snuggy cocoon and dabbing tears from her eyes. Maybe the tears are coming from embarrassment as she tries to control herself from shivering and clacking her teeth?</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvU0HxPsqht9EYsERyFJiFS1evf8TkhqgNR7FUDsvOBgqv5qHsq2xkZY6kvQDSx6vJYdgFp_Fz8ZG101h6gsJsRSKZl3Jpkur5dY3j5HGMeTLJDrheIvBxhwboUxk-fSN0zpFYCvLcWz4/s1600/zombies+pray+to+gargoyle.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvU0HxPsqht9EYsERyFJiFS1evf8TkhqgNR7FUDsvOBgqv5qHsq2xkZY6kvQDSx6vJYdgFp_Fz8ZG101h6gsJsRSKZl3Jpkur5dY3j5HGMeTLJDrheIvBxhwboUxk-fSN0zpFYCvLcWz4/s320/zombies+pray+to+gargoyle.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Zombies pray to Bakker's idol as Granny Max hunkers down</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="text-align: right;"></div>Jim wraps up his prayer by looking up at the statue and addressing it directly as 'you'. The background music swells and everyone applauds for the idol. With the idol firmly in place for inbreds to gawk at, the show returns live.</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">Bakker reads a dispatch from Rick Joyner, who is probably prepping the inbreds for an upcoming Jim Bakker Show appearance for him to sell books. Joyner says the upcoming years will likely be the best years of our lives, and Jim agrees, saying “<i>This could be your best years.</i>” Immediately following, Bakker states that, “<i>I believe things are going to happen that's literally going to bring America to her knees.</i>” You're saying two completely contradictory things here Jim and you can't have it both ways, at least not on my blog.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLoFabYsQrg9oECul4OQvIzj8L42KLKs0LrpxQq8aMC15n9zd8xaH96nO1jxRn3OaaUY1N5F0JwnzgUiqzTVPTpcwuZcljGYmCHePnfwvDxzd5HXo-XgV-kPaysFBNRGpT7XhGosFYmCM/s1600/rick+joyner+caveman.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLoFabYsQrg9oECul4OQvIzj8L42KLKs0LrpxQq8aMC15n9zd8xaH96nO1jxRn3OaaUY1N5F0JwnzgUiqzTVPTpcwuZcljGYmCHePnfwvDxzd5HXo-XgV-kPaysFBNRGpT7XhGosFYmCM/s320/rick+joyner+caveman.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Joyner: 'My name's Rick, but all my friends call me Goober.'</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Can we all agree that 'the best years' would not be spent eating slop out of foodbuckets? And why should we send you money to build Lori's House if America is going to be brought to her knees? Won't there be other far more pressing concerns for us than whatever cockamamie new building project you have slated?</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><div style="text-align: left;"></div>Bakker peddles more fear through Rick Joyner's words. If you've never seen Rick Joyner before, I'll describe him for you. He looks like an idiot that just hunched himself out of a cave and learned how to make fire. I'm convinced of two things: Rick Joyner's brain is the size of a walnut, and Rick Joyner shits his pants at least once a week. Yet, this country bumpkin' makes a lot of money off the inbreds through his use of big words and ambiguous prophecy. He's another one of these guys like Jim Bakker who looks so stupid and pathetic as a man that people refuse to believe that he would rip them off. Our criminals are usually much scarier looking, so when some doofus comes around with a smile, a lame joke and a tic-tac, the inbreds eat it up like biscuits-and-gravy.</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgB_j62fOQuRq_LpBLA79R7a-1sB6hU1hAs_nGftpJxoDBo2gaqlR9VMm8SKPaLdbVA8paiPUqX55IjIgtG44XkFRFmY2-g_kZ3yyMZIZqHKOON9_-PMTgMyoV5pEki3jiMsadhhdsjdfU/s1600/rick+joyner+evangelist.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgB_j62fOQuRq_LpBLA79R7a-1sB6hU1hAs_nGftpJxoDBo2gaqlR9VMm8SKPaLdbVA8paiPUqX55IjIgtG44XkFRFmY2-g_kZ3yyMZIZqHKOON9_-PMTgMyoV5pEki3jiMsadhhdsjdfU/s1600/rick+joyner+evangelist.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Rick Joyner before discovering civilization</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Joyner says things like, “<i>Key civilization markers are pointing to this year being one of the great demarcation points in history. Major changes are inevitable.</i>” Big scary words for the 'breds to gulp down, but in reality this goober's not really saying anything of substance. He's just peddling fear like his pal Bakker in order to keep book sales up and speaking engagements booked. And just like Jim, Rick Joyner can never stop selling his scary stories, because to do so would put him right out of business. Isn't that right, Rick? If world peace were declared tomorrow, with all disease and famine obliterated from the earth, Rick Joyner would still be peddling his phony prophecies and doom-speak. It's the only job this pea-brained mountain man knows how to do, and whether it's honest or not is beside the point because Rick Joyner has mouths to feed. And judging by his big belly, it looks like the first bite always goes to himself. Ricky boy, do the world a favor: Go back to your cave, roll your big round boulder back in front of the entrance, and never come out again. If we need to hear from you, we'll knock.</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">'Alright fellas, time to start milking the statue!'</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Time to start milking the statue. With all zombie eyes now firmly fixed on their flickering, rabbit-eared television screens, Jim's back with The Harbinger DVD set for $55 and telling us what a big seller it is. He really crows about how many sales this thing has had. He said the first printing was 200,000 copies, and jokingly brags “<i>And I ordered most of them!</i>” Jim continues stroking his own ego, telling us that he's responsible for bringing this book to the masses. The DVD set, he adds, cannot be purchased anywhere else because it includes tapings from his show. Jim turns to Zach, who has now become his go-to fat guy for any questions on product. Zach gives a quick breakdown of what's in the set in case the people at home are illiterate and can't read the on-screen graphic for themselves. And really, do Bakker's zombies even care what's in the box? Jim could send them a lump of coal and they'd be happy.</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_kA-_4U_ofgsjWGek5R2Gn-rzVk-yELJ2PPcNqlKFWjA-TV875wwZ6Rvtb9P-Bu3mC6YaiBVhht5j09Y3gNr9UX83W5OcxcvsfEN95hnd68DyJWoqFvo5m_wi0TQ2rcv72HhllkSclUk/s1600/P1030455.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_kA-_4U_ofgsjWGek5R2Gn-rzVk-yELJ2PPcNqlKFWjA-TV875wwZ6Rvtb9P-Bu3mC6YaiBVhht5j09Y3gNr9UX83W5OcxcvsfEN95hnd68DyJWoqFvo5m_wi0TQ2rcv72HhllkSclUk/s320/P1030455.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jim staked his ministry on Harbinger DVDs</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Jim just turned his sales pitch up, way up. He and Lori both are saying that we absolutely have to read this book. In his words, “<i>I'll stake my ministry, Lori...I'll stake my life. In my lifetime, this is the most important message I've ever delivered on television.</i>” That's interesting, Pastor Bakker, because shouldn't the most important message you've ever delivered on television be the Gospel of Jesus Christ? Are you sure you aren't staking your <i>soul</i> on this claim? He goes even further. “<i>I believe I was born for this moment, to put the Rabbi on television.</i>” So in other words, you're saying that you were born to be a sleazy salesman? A person adept at manipulating people, to cause them to believe that they are so very smart for buying your shitty products? Let's be honest here Jim. Aren't you just doing all of this so that you can cash other peoples' checks and make a living? Can we agree on that, Mr Serpent?</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jim Bakker, grave-robber</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Jim must have gotten a killer volume deal on this book. Bakker doesn't dwell on things that aren't making money, and he's announced that he's replaying Rabbi Cahn's shows yet again over the next few weeks. Is he going on another vacation? Whoops, now he has a deal for Two Harbinger DVD sets for $100, a savings of ten bucks over just buying one. Why would you do that, Jim? Why are you charging people more for one than for two? Is that honest? You sir, are a scumbag.</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">Ooh, and now Jim's spicing it up a bit with thrilling video of an airliner full of people slamming into the World Trade Center. And there's one of the towers, full of people, collapsing. Nice Jim! Hey, you have any video of dead babies or something similarly shocking that can be used to sell your goddamn books?</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jim Bakker profiting off 9/11</td></tr>
</tbody></table>The Serpent's forked tongue is tasting the air, seeing how many wicked lies it can spew forth today, how much deception can fill the air before it spontaneously bursts into flame. Bakker refers to things ending this year. “<i>So many calendars end this year</i>” he says, and “<i>So many well-known prophets of generations say this is the end of things this year</i>”. Bakker is trying to scare us. Then the Snake, staring into the camera with its beady, soulless eyes, reassures us that “<i>It's not the end of the world.</i>” In the same venomous breath, the Bakker Snake is telling us that the world is ending this year, and that it is not ending this year. And all this twisting of words is designed for one purpose: to sell product.</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
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Jim Bakker, you are a disgusting, pathetic human being. You are the predator that slimes his way into peoples' confidence, only to then rifle through their wallets when they aren't looking. You cheated on your wife, banged Jessica Hahn, then to cover up your actions you paid her hundreds of thousands of dollars of hush <span style="text-decoration: none;">money </span><u>which was donated to you</u><span style="text-decoration: none;"> by well-meaning people. You oversold condos, knowingly and willfully, thinking that people would not catch on. But when they did, your entire scheme came crumbling down, and with it all the money that people gave you in confidence. Where is your private jet now, asshole? Where is the air-conditioned doghouse? Remember when you had two different sets of accounting books, so that you could hide all of your illegal activities from the IRS?</span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hey Jim, hide under a desk in prison and see what happens!</td></tr>
</tbody></table><span style="text-decoration: none;">During your trial, do you remember when you hid in your lawyer's office, under his desk to be precise, to pretend to be crazy and try and connive your way out of answering for your crimes? But you weren't crazy were you Jim, you knew exactly what you were doing all along. What sort of childish, undignified person concocts a plan to </span><i><span style="text-decoration: none;">hide from reality under a desk</span></i><span style="text-decoration: none;">? And when you finally realized that your idiotic plan wasn't going to work, and that you were in fact going to prison, you cried like a little girl for her mommy out of complete, unadulterated fear of what might happen to your manhood. I hope a lot of things happened to it, Jim.</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrOrjBnA0Ls8iiIYKNpo6kVjrqfaFBZ3pTJzc5TyjQN9duXS2aq4YTwZz2Liigq984AmeUl3skATcWV2qWjRf4sgjstYP9vIIdZcCr2t46LGIF3lVLkXRwEST7lTlRDOKRIPyJmdEwipE/s1600/P1030460.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrOrjBnA0Ls8iiIYKNpo6kVjrqfaFBZ3pTJzc5TyjQN9duXS2aq4YTwZz2Liigq984AmeUl3skATcWV2qWjRf4sgjstYP9vIIdZcCr2t46LGIF3lVLkXRwEST7lTlRDOKRIPyJmdEwipE/s320/P1030460.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jim and Zach team up to sell us miniature gargoyles</td></tr>
</tbody></table><span style="text-decoration: none;">I hope you wake up every night in a cold sweat, crying and sniveling to Lori or whatever other horrid creature lies next to you in bed. That's because you are an opportunistic rat, a person who takes advantage of those who are incapable of taking care of themselves. You're the kind of greasy subhuman that would cavort with an old lady simply to weasel your name into her will. The kind of animal that would rip the gold teeth off a corpse when nobody's looking. Yes, you were born a runt. Yes, you are physically revolting. But we all face challenges in life Jim, and many people with those same ego handicaps grow into stellar people. But you? You've sold your soul to be a lowly, pathetic foodbucket shark who strikes fear into the hearts of old ladies on a daily basis through lies and deception, with the sole purpose of making money for yourself. How in the world do you sleep at night?</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3U0KrMAcW7ivxEJ-TVkxSY11DPWRU9fFfHrC0GwselBVxZGNahAl1lMtxKXl5BtVyLBIoqv7g_FtKuYEhRjMLI_lZgGPiqqW-3Dp4AAnA0wvHQmFF-y9NQsY5qtiZkzHtDjhnc5wpmTo/s1600/kevin+shorey+and+lori+bakker+selling+statue.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3U0KrMAcW7ivxEJ-TVkxSY11DPWRU9fFfHrC0GwselBVxZGNahAl1lMtxKXl5BtVyLBIoqv7g_FtKuYEhRjMLI_lZgGPiqqW-3Dp4AAnA0wvHQmFF-y9NQsY5qtiZkzHtDjhnc5wpmTo/s320/kevin+shorey+and+lori+bakker+selling+statue.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">'Our next item up for bid is a fabulous recreation of Christ...'</td></tr>
</tbody></table><span style="text-decoration: none;">The sales aren't over yet. Bakker is selling a miniature statue of Jesus for $100, or three can be purchased at a discounted $200. Zach, his ego and waistband growing by the minute, tells us that this is the 'Crazy About Jesus' offer. Maybe change the name to 'Crazy About Money' offer?</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="text-decoration: none;"></span></div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"></div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-decoration: none;">Jim turns to a larger 18" statue placed over near Kevin Shorey. He asks Kevin to hoist it up for him. This one costs $1,000 and allows the buyer to have their name engraved at the base of the gigantic gargoyle Jim just erected. Kevin and Lori both look ashamed as they hold up the statue for Jim as he describes it. Good, you should be ashamed. You're ripping off old people by telling them the world is ending and they need to buy your survival food when you both know that simply isn't true. You don't even practice what you preach, in fact you never have. Why are you asking for money to construct buildings? Why are you taking money for cd sales? Don't you know the world's ending? You need foodbuckets!</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-decoration: none;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKTkPGSogCRqVGk2TK24yjm4SU2GLpkwAVlduXBGOpLFP8kk8YrS8U9sbj25g_9SHvZSz3mzwNqIfViQSiVVlRB8UHzB1USlUt7We7eeZFBD5uGJbD89b1hIJYVZf5cbQwn4ef1_ZcLag/s1600/kevin+shorey+and+serial+killer+band.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKTkPGSogCRqVGk2TK24yjm4SU2GLpkwAVlduXBGOpLFP8kk8YrS8U9sbj25g_9SHvZSz3mzwNqIfViQSiVVlRB8UHzB1USlUt7We7eeZFBD5uGJbD89b1hIJYVZf5cbQwn4ef1_ZcLag/s320/kevin+shorey+and+serial+killer+band.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Shorey sings as the Strangler lurks in the background</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Now Kevin's given time to grunt out his Valley Walker song from in front of the Country Bear Jamboree. Kevin is singing from a musical track so the hack musicians in the back have nothing to do but pretend to play their instruments and smile, or not smile if you're Joey, the Morningside Strangler. <a href="http://jimbakker666.blogspot.com/2011/10/bakker-on-trampoline-dr-larry-bates-as.html" target="_blank">He's the guitarist in the back who looks like a serial killer</a>, and I think he's a little pissed off that he's playing air guitar right now. Throughout the entire song, he wears a scowl on his face while the overhead lights shine down on his greasy, bald head. It looks like he's scouring the audience for single, unattended men or women...people that nobody would miss if they <i>suddenly disappeared</i>. In front of Joey sits the pencil-necked bass player who actually seems to enjoy playing musical charades with Kevin. He wears a leather vest, an outback hat, and a too-broad smile on his face which screams 'simpleton' to me. Something is up with his eyes. Either one is lazy, both are crossed, or the guy is blind. Mr Bass Player, a word of advice: If Joey beckons you into his van to check out his new 8-track player...<i>run</i>.</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="text-decoration: none;"></span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com738tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9221488326087649096.post-2830306862390946042012-02-10T13:39:00.000-08:002012-04-13T14:22:03.234-07:00Jim Bakker celebrates 2,000th show with Idol Worship - part one<div style="font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBk8S0d5PP9hqunWMcr1fOOOGBrOzfw9n-gGDXpWEWjstqgMqZyJvhlvkcuoyI97BsPLWQO_HoDUmKmWdTQDkIr8pZmPRMbmxzS2NNk7yjeHycmJCCAhEdg-1YKKFqAl0E9aePm3WtrUo/s1600/Gay+German+Mental+Patient.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBk8S0d5PP9hqunWMcr1fOOOGBrOzfw9n-gGDXpWEWjstqgMqZyJvhlvkcuoyI97BsPLWQO_HoDUmKmWdTQDkIr8pZmPRMbmxzS2NNk7yjeHycmJCCAhEdg-1YKKFqAl0E9aePm3WtrUo/s320/Gay+German+Mental+Patient.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hans Bakker: "Guten Tag! Today ve vill vorship mein idol!"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>It's already the first of February, yet all this week Jim Bakker was still teasing us right along with his scary words for 2012. Hey Jim, when God made you his official SpokesFrog in charge of disaster communications to the earth, did he tell you to give us this important information in time-release format? As God's Frog-In-Chief, why aren't you telling us all of the information at once, without sales pitches and commercials during your broadcast that stretch the message out for <i>weeks</i>?</div><div style="font-family: inherit; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: inherit; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">I think Jim's special message has finally come to an end though. Because today, something different is happening on the Jim Bakker Show. The show intro has been changed up a lot, an indication to the viewer that this will be a hallmark show. We see decade-old clips of Jim's first return from prison to TV. Zombies from the past are shown clapping in a bar-type setting, smiles plastered on their faces as their eyes stare mesmerized by their Master. Today may very well be the day that all the Bakker zombies drink Jim Bakker's special Kool-Aid and ride off to space in a rocketship. Now we're being shown clips of a younger, more playful Jim Bakker having a toupee stuffed on top of his head circa 2004 or so. The toupee makes Jim look like a gay German mental patient.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bakker's zombies prepare for Kool-Aid and space flight</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Something big is happening, and in the next few minutes I fear we're going to find out just what that something is. The good news is that I haven't heard anything about Morningside in the news. The bad news though, is that <i>I haven't heard anything about Morningside in the news...</i></div><div style="font-family: inherit; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">Yikes, now the intro returns to modern day and there's class-clown Shorey staring us right in our eyeballs as if he were a hog eyeing a feedin' trough full of slop. That sort of direct eye-contact is not something a person's used to experiencing bright and early when the show airs. Next we have Zach thumbing himself and pointing to the band. Okay, there's balloons on the set so I think everything is going to be safe. I also just figured out what the big deal is today: Jim's gargoyle is being given life.</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Kevin Shorey just heard the dinner bell ring</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Jim Bakker's Golden Calf, the enormous idol which he calls 'the most beautiful statue of Jesus in the world', arrived a couple weeks ago in Bakker Show time. It weighs twelve tons, rises fifteen-feet from the ground, and it curses God. Jim Bakker bought it for $35,000. Scratch that: Jim Bakker's <i>zombies</i> bought it for $35,000. It was built overseas, probably through the blood, sweat and tears of some exploited third-world slave-workers, and likely shipped in by boat since I think it's too big to safely fit in an aircraft. Frankly, I don't even know how the thing got through customs.</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">Today, it rises.</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Old Man Bakker bearing down hard to get the words out</td></tr>
</tbody></table>To cap off the show intro, we see clips of the crated statue being brought in to Morningside by forklift. Then the show opens up to Jim and Lori for their big greeting of 'Hello Suckers!'. Lori's dressed in all-red today like a whore in Vegas, while Jim's wearing a light gray wool coat with an obnoxious hood attached. The darker color of the hood catches your eyes and steals your attention away from everything else...It almost looks like Jim's wearing a cape.</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">Jim's all giddy today, rocking his head back and forth and clapping aggressively. He tells us that this is the 2,000<sup>th</sup> episode of the Jim Bakker Show, and he emphasizes the 'th' so heavily that he almost has to double himself over to gut it out. Jim is really energetic up there...has he been dipping into Lori's stash?</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgm8LH8K796pRQpKXLMl6hhha5ggnHyWZxnu3gi2ChncoFM48hnya0-C85Q0bFTwy6ylIoac_Br9mP-3xzDJnH_VxxqpPSmuhHG5L3l-eynCy8dBB_9Ni__I-W9N-lYEK95oQqYn0KuLrM/s1600/jesus+with+back+turned+to+outside+world.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="241" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgm8LH8K796pRQpKXLMl6hhha5ggnHyWZxnu3gi2ChncoFM48hnya0-C85Q0bFTwy6ylIoac_Br9mP-3xzDJnH_VxxqpPSmuhHG5L3l-eynCy8dBB_9Ni__I-W9N-lYEK95oQqYn0KuLrM/s320/jesus+with+back+turned+to+outside+world.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jim's fake Jesus, with back turned to outside world</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Aside from this being the 2,000<sup>th</sup> episode (which like most of Jim's claims, I don't believe), Jim also tells us that “<i>This is the day that....we have finally brought Jesus into this ministry</i>.” He's referring, in jest, to the statue. Jim goes on to tell us that we “<i>saw Jesus being brought in by crate</i>” at the show opening. But Pastor Bakker, that's not Jesus? That's an idol you purchased to use as an attraction for inbreds worldwide, so that they may arrive at your strange village to adore it and possibly buy a condo. Why are you personifying it?</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">Jim introduces us to the statue since it's already been installed. I find it fitting that the statue is turned towards Jim Bakker on-stage, with its back turned to the entrance doors. That's because the most important person in this room is not Jesus, it's Jim Bakker. Would Jesus turn his back on the people outside those doors, Jim?</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Even the statue looks ashamed to be part of this freak show</td></tr>
</tbody></table>We see a closeup of what Jim claims to be the face of Jesus. Statue or not, it looks embarrassed to be there. Its eyes are cast downward in shame. Imagine the life this statue will live, the weird people who will gaze at it? How many filthy, disgusting zombies will paw and touch it affectionately? Before the show ends, at least one will.</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">Jim tells us excitedly that he's going to roll pre-recorded footage of the statue from conception to delivery. These must be the kind of film-editing projects they work on in Master's Media, taking Jim's bonehead ideas and turning them into bonehead reality. Right before the Master's Media film project rolls, a single Ozark hoot rings out loudly from the crowd. The inbreds are excited too.</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaIKVtJ5_eEIBIVtQF-Xmg024GJ2F-26RuVluAWr79XRuINSyIp3_enjq-U5bF4SpouVAo38vQpO844YikZ-I6SguvBAgdadAw3RQKe3MN4wXjVD2SCzDGHjMnQ4Y1cvC30jmaidjFAng/s1600/bakker+claims+to+have+been+spellbound.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaIKVtJ5_eEIBIVtQF-Xmg024GJ2F-26RuVluAWr79XRuINSyIp3_enjq-U5bF4SpouVAo38vQpO844YikZ-I6SguvBAgdadAw3RQKe3MN4wXjVD2SCzDGHjMnQ4Y1cvC30jmaidjFAng/s320/bakker+claims+to+have+been+spellbound.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">That evil gargoyle really did a number on Jim.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>The Master's Media show begins. With soft background music playing in the background, we're shown video of a beardless Jim in 2011 speaking about meeting the statue in an unnamed and probably nonexistent 'domed cathedral-type place'. He claims that he was <i>spellbound</i> by it, so spellbound that he decided to order one for himself. I guess when you're writing checks funded with other peoples' money, there's no need to sit back and ask yourself, “Is this something I really need?” </div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">Flash-forward to 10-months later. A military march plays in the background, I think Generalissimo Bakker and his Zombie Army are on the move. We see a small crane backing up in the parking lot of Morningside. A forklift drives up to a shipping container containing Jim's gargoyle.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFiryB3T691sQR8kKPbT2jyTd3Q_PgkGQoeZT4eOjVrUjDcw7KoBuOpm70klcxkkxM5Zh9CfBd2rggTwxmcpdojrcLZtT2edTQD-zHc0_L1PE2fbI77H03krJ5XiF0WWrjiwJbdFa_2Y8/s1600/jim+bakker+nervous+nellie.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFiryB3T691sQR8kKPbT2jyTd3Q_PgkGQoeZT4eOjVrUjDcw7KoBuOpm70klcxkkxM5Zh9CfBd2rggTwxmcpdojrcLZtT2edTQD-zHc0_L1PE2fbI77H03krJ5XiF0WWrjiwJbdFa_2Y8/s320/jim+bakker+nervous+nellie.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jim was a real Nervous Nellie when the statue arrived</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Jim's in an anxious mood, waiting like a nervous mother for the statue to be unloaded. He tells us that Jesus' hands and his flowing garments are very big and carved from marble. It's obvious to the viewer that Jim has an emotional attachment to this statue. It's also obvious to the viewer that Jim spent a lot of time dreaming of ways to milk this statue for everything it's worth; after all, that's why a camera crew is there to cover the gargoyle's every evil move.</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">Jim consistently refers to his statue as 'Jesus'. He is personifying the idol. If this were 500 years ago, townspeople with torches would be at the gates of Castle Morningside, accusing Bakker of being a witch and demanding his head. Does Jim not know the Commandment prohibiting him from making a false idol?</div><blockquote class="tr_bq"><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">[<b>Old Town Mayor, deep southern drawl</b>] “You all remember that Jim Bakker boy? One that likes to play with puppets?</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">[<b>Old Town Police Chief, slow southern drawl</b>] “Little runty one right? Yeah I know 'em, my daddy always thought he was queer the way he'd stare those squinty frog eyes at people. He's a weird one alright.”</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">[<b>Old Town Mayor</b>] “Yeah well I hear he made himself some demonic oriental statue for himself up there at that cult church 'a his.”</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">[<b>Old Town Police Chief</b>] “Oh is that right?”</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">[<b>Old Town Mayor</b>] “That's right. Hey, what say we gather up a few boys and pay ole' Jimmy Boy a visit and see what this statue's all about? Your squad car got gas in it don't it?</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">[<b>Old Town Police Chief, grabbing car keys</b>] “Nope, but we'll just stop by at the filler station on the way. We can grab a six-pack for the road too!”</div></blockquote><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYchnhWVLUxu69O59X8fgZHXXqjujT5iuz21vs-XvCAZ-ErBbtqr3tLfZIYdj2DOaCRZPnvgUElm0tqM42pCtP3mMlY4fho9_gljr4QxFESQt1T7_9TIL-xyRrAyBnKL8yqb7FIY-0wJE/s1600/body+identification+at+coroner+office.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYchnhWVLUxu69O59X8fgZHXXqjujT5iuz21vs-XvCAZ-ErBbtqr3tLfZIYdj2DOaCRZPnvgUElm0tqM42pCtP3mMlY4fho9_gljr4QxFESQt1T7_9TIL-xyRrAyBnKL8yqb7FIY-0wJE/s320/body+identification+at+coroner+office.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">[At Coroner's Office] "Hello. I've come to identify a body."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>An on-screen graphic tells us that the statue took 7 hours to unload, about the same amount of time it takes to disembark circus animals from a train. In its crate sits Jim's baby, the statue of Anti-Jesus. It's being transported in a huge wooden crate, but I think Jim missed his opportunity for what would have been a very cool way to introduce his carved beast to the world: Sarcophagus. We see a closeup of the statue lying soul-less in a bag like a body at a morgue, then a hand reaches into the crate and removes the bag from the face like a coroner asking, 'Is this your statue?' <i>R-e-a-l </i>classy production by the Master's Media team here.</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSZ4NDJftB3OcDBWjDxZWjJDApAOWJo1CAew2OqnAO4CW-TXU_wWEzVV-rYFWgvUITkULYHjOeQWv9yCUb2JhnXwWPEatoBFW_b1PWz9rSkjgl8FLeXaZ2LFjfWkFlq6hbCjyhROAvlaE/s1600/japanese+whalers+haul+in+a+poach.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSZ4NDJftB3OcDBWjDxZWjJDApAOWJo1CAew2OqnAO4CW-TXU_wWEzVV-rYFWgvUITkULYHjOeQWv9yCUb2JhnXwWPEatoBFW_b1PWz9rSkjgl8FLeXaZ2LFjfWkFlq6hbCjyhROAvlaE/s320/japanese+whalers+haul+in+a+poach.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Japanese whalers haul in their prize of meat and blubber</td></tr>
</tbody></table>We see the statue being hauled in through the entrance doors. They look like Japanese whalers, hooking in their most recent prize poach. You landed a big one boys! Jim walks us past the steel reinforcement he had to build to adequately support the beast's weight. Jim seems like the kind of person who says, 'Space? Don't worry about space, we'll figure out how to make room for it later.' He moves to where the prayer benches are being installed. He's installing them in a circle around the idol so that people can have something to fix their gaze on while praying.</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">Again Jim tells us that he spotted this thing in a cathedral somewhere. He said that when he first saw it, he literally fell back on the bench and couldn't stop staring at it, in his words he “simply didn't want to leave”. But leave he did, with the manufacturer's business card and a plan to build his very own Christ statue.</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglAZZs4oA5y5O8WF78_ghPDonnhQvIPKo6p6p41qYzeaBCBWzu9uhIG7rFEf8LS0IrPXweKL85lnAKXxKnOkqDbUrsR9yCUAX5VeljeU-uUw4RMC0wLw3qBR0JNzpWea-SzDt2xO4-sGc/s1600/bakker+and+idol+sharing+tender+moment.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglAZZs4oA5y5O8WF78_ghPDonnhQvIPKo6p6p41qYzeaBCBWzu9uhIG7rFEf8LS0IrPXweKL85lnAKXxKnOkqDbUrsR9yCUAX5VeljeU-uUw4RMC0wLw3qBR0JNzpWea-SzDt2xO4-sGc/s320/bakker+and+idol+sharing+tender+moment.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bakker and Idol share a tender moment together</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Jim is reaching into the cage to pet his beast. He takes both of his hands and caresses a couple of the gargoyle's clawed fingers. In another clip, Jim Bakker reaches his hand inside the cage like a mischievous little boy to compare his hand to the size of the beast's paw. Isn't this what big-game hunters do after they bag a big grizzly?</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><div style="text-align: right;"></div>Jim says he “<i>can't get enough of seeing him.</i>” He giggles when he talks about the size of the beast's hands. Now we get Jim caressing the hand's crucifixion holes, trying to stick his fingers through them. What the hell is this guy doing? If Jim was caught doing this in public he'd be arrested for lewdness, among other things. </div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"></div><blockquote class="tr_bq"><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">[<b>Museum Guard</b>] “We need extra security to the Pagan sculpture exhibit.”</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">[<b>Museum Dispatch</b>] “Why, what's up?”</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">[<b>Museum Guard</b>] “Some weirdo is in here making love to a statue.”</div></blockquote><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"></div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvWPzxPFa3ncqC3S7ZXCiEYusbDxRJq62nZPWLYdDXx-ICrmQ-rfP8Ez9PTOBq2QRTY3t_r3b_PgS5vWgyuZHWJ_QJQViemRy8jmRp9k5CIQe3nRQ09MTYQOZ5Rx8aTLMilOxMcZGcskg/s1600/jim+bakker+molesting+statue.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvWPzxPFa3ncqC3S7ZXCiEYusbDxRJq62nZPWLYdDXx-ICrmQ-rfP8Ez9PTOBq2QRTY3t_r3b_PgS5vWgyuZHWJ_QJQViemRy8jmRp9k5CIQe3nRQ09MTYQOZ5Rx8aTLMilOxMcZGcskg/s320/jim+bakker+molesting+statue.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jim Bakker looking for the statue's sweet spot</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Jim seems to really get off on inspecting this statue. If the thing were dressed in real cloth garments, I guarantee he'd be checking under the skirt. I bet he doesn't even give Lori this kind of attention. Isn't there a law on the books in Missouri prohibiting this sort of behavior with statues? And if there isn't, can someone please create one?</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">Bakker interviews a worker zombie to get his thoughts on the idol:</div><blockquote class="tr_bq"><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">“<i>Yes, very excited to finally get Jesus in the building. There's nothing like it just to see him. Cause it just really touches your heart.</i>”</div></blockquote><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"></div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9SfhZ5lU4mfS7H3kgiquXUeGK3eDlFH3OVOJsVWqD3DNnyBLwmHQC2fk_S3LMK0HqWRXr0DTzCkgvqlr3L-ngkcEH9GVyd0_r8UHX2394DII40VCZtfqR_97_Og3U4cZZ5RMfOnS9dqo/s1600/jesus+says+get+me+the+hell+outta+here.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9SfhZ5lU4mfS7H3kgiquXUeGK3eDlFH3OVOJsVWqD3DNnyBLwmHQC2fk_S3LMK0HqWRXr0DTzCkgvqlr3L-ngkcEH9GVyd0_r8UHX2394DII40VCZtfqR_97_Og3U4cZZ5RMfOnS9dqo/s320/jesus+says+get+me+the+hell+outta+here.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Gargoyle: 'Get me the hell outta here!'</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Must I remind you, once again, that what you are looking at isn't Jesus? It's a lifeless chunk of marble that's been chipped and scrubbed into human form, except that humans are not 15-feet tall. Did the bible speak of Jesus being a giant?<br />
<br />
Jim tells us that anyone who gave, or gives, $1,000 to Lori's House will get to have their name engraved at the base of the statue. Good, that should make things convenient for St Peter when he consults his list of known idolators.</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">Jim cracks a joke with a couple of his worker zombies. He's telling them how we're going to “lift Jesus up”, then jokes that this is biblical while making a lifting motion with his hand. No Jim, that's not biblical. Why would mortal, imperfect man be lifting Jesus up when He is quite capable of doing so Himself? Or were you referring to the biblical relevance of a dead stone idol being lifted up for worship? Oooh, and what happens next in that story Pastor Bakker?</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"></div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjutZCqc4G6ghel1LxUbErPm_lUPrUzLGMS2czq3GD4suqRvSD1oMUMHxmcQ53K0HHukxWYIdDjxU0ZOFDx2pNx_dhpH5nBxm8X3gq-EqVpIkvUthVTaE5lCSKwGP-3mJdFSIRmw5vDQlk/s1600/statue+says+where+the+hell+are+my+pants.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjutZCqc4G6ghel1LxUbErPm_lUPrUzLGMS2czq3GD4suqRvSD1oMUMHxmcQ53K0HHukxWYIdDjxU0ZOFDx2pNx_dhpH5nBxm8X3gq-EqVpIkvUthVTaE5lCSKwGP-3mJdFSIRmw5vDQlk/s320/statue+says+where+the+hell+are+my+pants.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Gargoyle: 'Holy shit, where are my pants!?'</td></tr>
</tbody></table>The music picks up to a bit of a boogie, which means now it's time to start setting this bad boy up for service to the inbred masses. The crate top is cut off with an electric saw and walked away by a couple 'breds. Now the sides have been removed too, and we're left staring at the statue which is stuck in a position quite unbecoming for something meant to be revered. The statue is trapped in a pose that looks like it just woke up and realized it was in some stranger's bed.</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrhzYoTfgTdavgOXWxYk3JdTXs3dnVhDpKm7EO-34JthxJH6L2T82A9s3QCcY3S8Qr5VHzo166DyRlTjypp1Gvrt19sxDOcsPZvSx3R7I7O_aHfVzosfF-L2y54d4yjfiWg5D3Z0YLgEE/s1600/jim+bakker+i%27ll+worry+about+the+%27how%27+later.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrhzYoTfgTdavgOXWxYk3JdTXs3dnVhDpKm7EO-34JthxJH6L2T82A9s3QCcY3S8Qr5VHzo166DyRlTjypp1Gvrt19sxDOcsPZvSx3R7I7O_aHfVzosfF-L2y54d4yjfiWg5D3Z0YLgEE/s320/jim+bakker+i%27ll+worry+about+the+%27how%27+later.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">JB: 'I'll drive a crane into the place if I have to!'</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="text-align: left;"></div>Here's Jim Bakker with his 15-ft statue of Jesus Christ, photographing the thing lying on its back with limbs splayed out like a turtle. Does the guy have any understanding of common decency and respect for this object of adoration and worship he created? What compromising position will the statue find itself in next, Jim? How about hanging it upside down by its feet? Or maybe you can hoist yourself up and onto its shoulders for a ride?</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">They've brought a crane into the building to raise the beast. Mondo tells Jim that they had to remove all of the framing for the doors in order to get the crane into the building. Like I said, Jim doesn't worry about size. He'd remove the entire roof of Morningside if it was necessary to get his statue indoors and inbred-ready. Morningside is fast becoming their Mecca. The crane gets set up and places the pedestal in place. All these guys are busy with the statue as Jim checks out their work and probably their asses too.</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2G_Fhmo9KyEVmamHvy7R0n5C-fhvOIiv0MC1_Osdy-NfQrFvQ8jcgGTPdXkYriAWNlgNDQKsmaOcF6B8yIOoN82txiqV_7RLxFRNKuLVN-3D7MbCdAU-icrdfUxgH228thTAqozaj1SA/s1600/horse+rescued+from+swollen+river.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2G_Fhmo9KyEVmamHvy7R0n5C-fhvOIiv0MC1_Osdy-NfQrFvQ8jcgGTPdXkYriAWNlgNDQKsmaOcF6B8yIOoN82txiqV_7RLxFRNKuLVN-3D7MbCdAU-icrdfUxgH228thTAqozaj1SA/s320/horse+rescued+from+swollen+river.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Horse rescued from swollen river, footage at 11!"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>The music slows down into a tender piano-noted tune as we see the statue harnessed with nylon straps for lifting. Could the Jesus statue have been raised in any less dignified a manner than this? It looks like these guys are preparing to lift a lost horse that's gotten itself stuck in a fast-moving river. They've even placed a towel over its face to keep it from spooking off. As the worker zombies take away the wood from the crate, Jim tells us that they're going to take the wood off to be reworked into an altar or something else holy. Maybe Jim will sacrifice a zombie on the altar one day as a testament of devotion to this bizarre idol.</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5C1KiA4d-0K0Eb68gwS2h7fv1KwTRy3qqbWjAbT-2chktJ3gkTPd9H2O8ggMh4JbUdvVV8Wu3sqxchxdBzb77lZYiRXqcXfHXakJAne6Ym9hpkTEV8TrAzLCRhdCKtbxYWERgBv9NS5Q/s1600/can+this+be+any+less+dignified.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="241" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5C1KiA4d-0K0Eb68gwS2h7fv1KwTRy3qqbWjAbT-2chktJ3gkTPd9H2O8ggMh4JbUdvVV8Wu3sqxchxdBzb77lZYiRXqcXfHXakJAne6Ym9hpkTEV8TrAzLCRhdCKtbxYWERgBv9NS5Q/s320/can+this+be+any+less+dignified.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Could this be any less dignified?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>The music has become inspirational as the statue is suspended in mid-air. It's like they're raising the Titanic. Workers heave on chains to begin slowly tipping Godzilla upright. In my mind, I'm screaming “Fall! Fall and smash into a million pieces!”. Slowly it rises, but then a cable slips! The camera cuts to Jim who makes a gasping noise, then the video fades out with a heartbeat noise and a graphic stating “<i>We'll Be Right Back After This Special Message</i>”. I shit you not, this is what's happening right now. I think the Master's Media kids have been watching too many David Blaine magic shows.</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_972795774"><br />
</a><br />
<a href="http://jimbakker666.blogspot.com/2012/02/jim-bakker-celebrates-2000th-episode.html" target="_blank">Continue reading part two of Jim Bakker celebrates 2,000th show with Idol Worship</a>.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com33tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9221488326087649096.post-32157089990101603232012-01-26T14:24:00.000-08:002012-04-13T14:22:32.905-07:00Jim Bakker showcases Godzilla, awful preaching chopsUnfortunately, the Blogger 'autosave' feature resulted in the first part of my post being completely lost. As a creative person and one who takes his work seriously, this really hits me very hard. Please don't let this dampen your reading experience though. For my readers, my desire is to bring you some laughs, and the best comfort I can receive is knowing that I was successful in doing so.<br />
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This is part two. Enjoy!<br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjA9ukIqnvlqFgdDqi625i-IDOAbwYGfUYjcYSsNmqgff5JQK4Z2jLiQ4manZYIQzwZdhtBLXKDRIbrTXjI0DGJp2oL63fDDbFbk7932dAQu-dAtmJMq98wNP_-7qaAMmGuJO1Tm_TwYf0/s1600/george+washington+ground+zero.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjA9ukIqnvlqFgdDqi625i-IDOAbwYGfUYjcYSsNmqgff5JQK4Z2jLiQ4manZYIQzwZdhtBLXKDRIbrTXjI0DGJp2oL63fDDbFbk7932dAQu-dAtmJMq98wNP_-7qaAMmGuJO1Tm_TwYf0/s320/george+washington+ground+zero.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">What would George Washington think about you, Jim?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Bakker begins doing something that's rare for him nowadays: preaching. It's actually sort of a quasi-preaching, since everything he tells us ties into sales instead of message. In the past few weeks, I've noticed that the show format has changed around a little bit too. He's now front-loading his show with scary stories and gabbing. Then when he gets to the mid-point of the show, he hits us with custom produced commercials for foodbuckets and everything else in his inbred-friendly arsenal. We'll see how long it lasts.<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Pastor Bakker starts his sermon with a lie. He tells us that George "Warshington" as he calls him was sworn into office at 'Ground Zero', what Jim also refers to as '9/11 site'. George Washington was not sworn into office at 'Ground Zero', he was sworn in four blocks away at <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Federal_Hall" target="_blank">Federal Hall</a>. Sorry Jim, four blocks is four blocks. However much you want people to believe you so that you can sell your shitty book, the truth is that you're lying. You're lying, purposely, to sell a book. Would Jesus lie to sell a book?</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQ_Z7DyIUBmkWPEhgLIFh4jSGB9Kr0mSePu1KikX1mXrTmu8tad6rq9ya9aGfAmXDhG_Y1v3YQ7MNhNnK1U68lvoXFQP89SSaXrK-0GaJ78vKsScqx-nQLopnGdc_XqS3rKakKgfNHW7k/s1600/Jim+Bakker+shows+off+bellbottoms.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQ_Z7DyIUBmkWPEhgLIFh4jSGB9Kr0mSePu1KikX1mXrTmu8tad6rq9ya9aGfAmXDhG_Y1v3YQ7MNhNnK1U68lvoXFQP89SSaXrK-0GaJ78vKsScqx-nQLopnGdc_XqS3rKakKgfNHW7k/s320/Jim+Bakker+shows+off+bellbottoms.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jim showing off his new bell-bottoms</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Now Jim's taking credit after the fact for predicting an earthquake in Japan on December 31st, 1999. There's a lot of earthquakes in Japan, Jim. How about predicting a tornado in Oklahoma, or drought in Africa? Jim tells us that Lori was there when he received this prophesy, as if that actually means something. He adds that God told him on February 23, 2011, that there would be a 9.0 earthquake in Japan. Says who? Says the pastor who just lied to us about where George Washington was sworn in? The last prophesy I heard come out of Jim Bakker's mouth had to do with the <a href="http://jimbakker666.blogspot.com/2011/05/bakker-states-that-corn-will-run-out-in.html" target="_blank">United States running out of corn in August 2011</a>. I also heard one about <a href="http://jimbakker666.blogspot.com/2011/06/jim-gets-creepy-with-woman-repeatedly.html" target="_blank">mudslides that were supposed to occur in June 2011</a>. Where are they Jim?</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaeEW03fC_rQuGdFYVGSa9QykN1vsGNtifKcxQPQwLigiZ038MXuR4eRsjdIM5_IvFIMg6Q8T7Cl5fAROLzqRJumqhgBBvQ8Sx7yqJSkBhSV1a1BPCvtXVBPhMP_rtbKrJLSMQkKzdHGc/s1600/Godzilla+awaits+for+Jim+Bakker.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaeEW03fC_rQuGdFYVGSa9QykN1vsGNtifKcxQPQwLigiZ038MXuR4eRsjdIM5_IvFIMg6Q8T7Cl5fAROLzqRJumqhgBBvQ8Sx7yqJSkBhSV1a1BPCvtXVBPhMP_rtbKrJLSMQkKzdHGc/s320/Godzilla+awaits+for+Jim+Bakker.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Godzilla statue, covered to prevent bird poop</td></tr>
</tbody></table>I take back what I said about Jim's suit. He just came up in front of the pulpit to yell at people for not paying attention, and I see that his pants aren't cut right. His fat little frog legs are too tight in the thigh, while everything below the knee is bloused out like a bell-bottom. Are those Lori's pants?</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">While Jim's giving people the business, he gets a laugh out of Lori when Jim tells us that some people pressure us to take drugs. Jim tells us in the same breath that some people pressure us <i>not</i> to take drugs, and Lori laughs even louder. One of the Master's Media students even looks over at her while she's laughing. The camera closes in on Jim but we still hear Lori giggle and sort of apologize quietly. Are you feeling alright Lori? You're only taking those prescription drugs orally right? Just to be clear, you're not supposed to snort that stuff.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEike958oMjW6xwdyB_LbSywpMlMt0rET2YOLgxgPqfv1W_pX_ORQWS1s_p79ybnjgbWuxu8hT-iCDC5R6EvCc-qy4pAMxKUUmksCPvGfKBqXies3UwxIliinaWmEoU4ClDfRdot8SgIRCs/s1600/Jim+Bakker+cranes+neck.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEike958oMjW6xwdyB_LbSywpMlMt0rET2YOLgxgPqfv1W_pX_ORQWS1s_p79ybnjgbWuxu8hT-iCDC5R6EvCc-qy4pAMxKUUmksCPvGfKBqXies3UwxIliinaWmEoU4ClDfRdot8SgIRCs/s320/Jim+Bakker+cranes+neck.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bakker craning neck</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Has anyone checked on the Jesus statue outside? What if a bird flies over and poops on it? We're also in the middle of winter now. Are we sure that sucker's not gonna crack and crumble from the cold? That's your baby Jim, you brought the thing into existence so you better take care of it or else you and your followers will have nothing to pray to.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Jim moves to his '#1 word for 2012': <u>Confusion</u>. He rattles off all the synonyms he can find for it and tenuously ties those words to current events. I'm noticing that Jim is really building himself into a frenzy with this. He tells us that there is no world leader, and that the Antichrist is going to step up and become the leader if we're not careful.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYFL0WDck7nroMcy2jfqeMshhYR_c25XEwV5H1quCnb1LQMIIGvIZXmGSvaQNruScNgBQNCcXHGWzvy9pf9WaaZvp6YKL5n8sx7SQFajciIHRr3eXxYAnqQopN-ZUhhKCLuxup5Tn30Xw/s1600/Get+back,+get+back.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYFL0WDck7nroMcy2jfqeMshhYR_c25XEwV5H1quCnb1LQMIIGvIZXmGSvaQNruScNgBQNCcXHGWzvy9pf9WaaZvp6YKL5n8sx7SQFajciIHRr3eXxYAnqQopN-ZUhhKCLuxup5Tn30Xw/s320/Get+back,+get+back.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Get Back! Get Back, I'm warning you!"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Does Bakker not realize that the world is made up of individual countries with their own leaders? Why would there be a leader for the entire world...are we negotiating humanity's fate with other planetary bodies? This is absurdity, but don't tell that to Jim because in his current state, he might take a swing at you. I haven't seen him like this in months. He's craning his neck above his collar like a rooster in heat, jutting out his jaw as he speaks. He ends his tirade with a Barney Fife Karate chop combo, hi-Ya!</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEif_oMkwoQSV2HLI_hawNF1lRfcguUbFYysaZuCtOkm7BpEBk_hy6_ziso6R1Va0hN4GmQ3SxaXAaexn-lsZmL2BRule1IPR6SnWFvIBGyEKeC9fwRM-IwXJuQ-aX7mp7BTgxYPx2qPjU0/s1600/Jim+Bakker+hi+YA.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEif_oMkwoQSV2HLI_hawNF1lRfcguUbFYysaZuCtOkm7BpEBk_hy6_ziso6R1Va0hN4GmQ3SxaXAaexn-lsZmL2BRule1IPR6SnWFvIBGyEKeC9fwRM-IwXJuQ-aX7mp7BTgxYPx2qPjU0/s320/Jim+Bakker+hi+YA.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"hiiiiiiii-YAAAA!"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>I stand corrected, he hasn't ended it yet. In fact, I think he might just be getting started. Now he's talking about 'pickers' and 'hoarders'. He's out among the inbreds and he's yelling in their ears. He's so intense that I fear he's actually spitting in their faces when he says his S's and P's (like "Spiritual Picker"). That's nothing new for Jim though, he basically spits in the face of every taxpayer when he doesn't repay the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jim_Bakker" target="_blank">millions he still owes the IRS</a>. And considering that the thousands of people who gave Jim Bakker $1,000 for Heritage time shares <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heritage_USA" target="_blank">received only $6.54 in return</a> when he wrecked it, I'd call that spitting in their face too.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFQeNP5PZoE5qMO66p1S84C8vzvbq-448T8qW7dNL-1OCB-hP01HxoXpBAr20JjepY1zv4xnvFI-yCGXOrA6GXRn0RMcSB6qMp3WpfkCHYUWcsPEq5TA9-P5sSb1vGl9NAE8QPWwsOt7E/s1600/Jim+Bakker+out+of+control.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFQeNP5PZoE5qMO66p1S84C8vzvbq-448T8qW7dNL-1OCB-hP01HxoXpBAr20JjepY1zv4xnvFI-yCGXOrA6GXRn0RMcSB6qMp3WpfkCHYUWcsPEq5TA9-P5sSb1vGl9NAE8QPWwsOt7E/s320/Jim+Bakker+out+of+control.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jim Bakker's out of control!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Bakker stumbles back on stage like the town drunk, ranting and raving. He's literally shouting at the top of his lungs, I think someone needs to go up there and sit him down. He gets near the Master's Media kids for whom he seems to hold so much disdain. and shouts, '<u>It's confusing</u>!'. When he hits the word 'confusing', his voice suddenly drops to what can best be described as a growl.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><blockquote class="tr_bq"><i>Jim Bakker stands on a public street corner in the middle of the city, shouting at passersby. A shop owner, noticing his erratic behavior, calls the police. They arrive</i>.<br />
<br />
[Officer Justice] "This is the guy right? Yeah dispatch said it was an old crazy guy with a frog face. That's him."<br />
<br />
<i>The officers approach.</i><br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjT016DghyphenhyphenQI9_GQUoheLCRJtnt2ZbIX77iVa1utEh5pGu12oeZ0-GeJKZBfmq4J8K1-RqlWl6P090fVbMfZFzKtr22iGeIBlqrsAEkbQtM4B1YDRGK6EyAtFHKF_gHy9Zd6U7Y3seQpsA/s1600/Jim+Bakker+spitting+like+a+llama.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjT016DghyphenhyphenQI9_GQUoheLCRJtnt2ZbIX77iVa1utEh5pGu12oeZ0-GeJKZBfmq4J8K1-RqlWl6P090fVbMfZFzKtr22iGeIBlqrsAEkbQtM4B1YDRGK6EyAtFHKF_gHy9Zd6U7Y3seQpsA/s320/Jim+Bakker+spitting+like+a+llama.JPG" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bakker spitting out, 'Spiritual Pickers!'</td></tr>
</tbody></table>[Officer Steele] "Hello sir. How are we doing today?"<br />
[Jim Bakker] "It's confusing!!"<br />
[Officer Steele] "Yes sir, I understand. How much have you had to drink today sir?<br />
[Jim Bakker] "Are you even listening!?"<br />
[Officer Justice] "Yeah yeah buddy, we've heard it all before. How 'bout a ride downtown to the soup kitchen huh? Get you showered and shaved?"<br />
[Jim Bakker] "You're hoarders, Spiritual Pickers!" [Jim inadvertently spits in the face of the policemen]<br />
<br />
<i>Both officers take Jim down, hard</i><br />
<br />
[Jim Bakker] "Why are you doing this to me!!??"<br />
[Officers Justice] "You did it to yourself buddy." </blockquote></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZ9bibMlrTpx60xjpQgYkQvLdoqwiCm7e-pFu3F0Wz4Zg5LkBPiLFo2tXbE_2JCfidwB42CwCtHD5Ubh9gancxbm3hbOtA64_K9Cvdzk6BFQ0fVTzuKULlGKbiexD-QkQqWDD8OzJcq-M/s1600/Jim+Bakker+staggers+back+on+stage.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZ9bibMlrTpx60xjpQgYkQvLdoqwiCm7e-pFu3F0Wz4Zg5LkBPiLFo2tXbE_2JCfidwB42CwCtHD5Ubh9gancxbm3hbOtA64_K9Cvdzk6BFQ0fVTzuKULlGKbiexD-QkQqWDD8OzJcq-M/s320/Jim+Bakker+staggers+back+on+stage.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"It's confusing!!"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Jim circles behind his pulpit and comes out again, this time walking straight-legged and waving his arms fearlessly. Man, the guy is clenching his fists and probably his buttcheeks too because he's really turned up full blast. It looks like that 5-star ministry-paid vacation looks to have hit the spot for ol' Jim because he's got a whole lot of energy right now. Bakker takes a sort of superhero pose just as Kevin Shorey raises an arm in gesture towards someone in the audience, and an edit occurs. A big edit. Uh oh, did someone dare rise to use the restroom in the middle of Jim's rant? Did the noise of a cell phone, vibrating on 'silent mode' in someone's pocket, happen to catch Jim's ear?</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">We see Jim looking straight into the camera after the edit, probably fresh off barking at some confused old bastard in the audience. He picks up where he left off, this time just a little below full blast.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Jim tells us that God says if we want to be blessed, we have to give. "<i>Don't give to get, just give.</i>" Sounds good Jim, so what are you giving? Are you giving us food, or are you <i>charging us</i> for it? How about that book you have that's so important for us all to read...is it free? When is it our time to get from <u>you</u>?</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjG0p7bFdVzfNZk-rH7ArtOO_LlmbfQz_Ph1Q0jsDcCGu94AwbL9xYnRwvsebXu9QzREvoNq9N3P85r-Esv8lIDkH3kad0hx_TdQJN9_PP5hvyJ4QIOGixdzELQZ1Oux41h53x8m0c5xD8/s1600/bakker+its+confusing.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjG0p7bFdVzfNZk-rH7ArtOO_LlmbfQz_Ph1Q0jsDcCGu94AwbL9xYnRwvsebXu9QzREvoNq9N3P85r-Esv8lIDkH3kad0hx_TdQJN9_PP5hvyJ4QIOGixdzELQZ1Oux41h53x8m0c5xD8/s320/bakker+its+confusing.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bakker zeros in on the new girl, clapping her to attention</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Now one more edit, and someone must have thrown water on Jim because he appears much calmer. He's talking about a new word, 'Order'. He feels like giving the Master's Media kids some shit, so he tosses it over quickly to them and asks them what Order means. Zach seems to answer as if awoken from a nap. I wonder if Jim's getting tired of Zach just sort of lounging around Morningside now, picking up on the new Mater's Media chicks? In Zach's tiny world, life probably doesn't get much better than this. But Bakker knows he can't just let the giant sloth hang around the girls and eat up all the guest mints forever, especially one with a growing ego.We'll see if Zach lasts the year.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihjDAK5J-8JqU_0z3IbpE0qsYQjh5xpmtBSjnA5JJ5htH6Lu1T8piLNoJnFKWuH1ZQqYFpXrI-cgd8auRl6ImCIKSCCl-bOSwYEtK0LSXGyezfWc_GpWryPaxQMAW_sIrZwcmQ8g74IAM/s1600/P1030345.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihjDAK5J-8JqU_0z3IbpE0qsYQjh5xpmtBSjnA5JJ5htH6Lu1T8piLNoJnFKWuH1ZQqYFpXrI-cgd8auRl6ImCIKSCCl-bOSwYEtK0LSXGyezfWc_GpWryPaxQMAW_sIrZwcmQ8g74IAM/s320/P1030345.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pizza Rat Nolan</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Zach answers for the kids, but Jim ignores the answer and focuses in on the fat black girl sitting next to Pizza Rat Nolan. I don't know her name and I'm not sure that I've even seen her before. But today, she got what might be her only chance up on stage, and now Bakker's staring her down while he's talking. She doesn't know he's approaching her since her eyes are glued to what appears to be the Morningside Cafe breakfast menu? Bakker claps two times to get her attention, and she snaps back to attention. I don't think Pastor Jimmy will be having her back next semester.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Jim's now done three full laps around his pulpit, and the last of the three looks the fastest. Is he vying for pole position at the Morningside 500? Or is he just pacing off how much space he'll need for that 12-ton Godzilla statue, the expensive monument to Bakker vanity? </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjf7NoHa84TgxfnNNdyvarel0JcoW7Fd37HLTSfLbG_PVbCVbvPmrTnbelY8bT0TH2J8z5mIyalYRo5YtQyoCpisMghtZQfRTg6ssk74YxAvXqVeQnvcfX4oTQtbNxHUjjGP11mi8T3s3c/s1600/jim+bakker+fake+crying.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjf7NoHa84TgxfnNNdyvarel0JcoW7Fd37HLTSfLbG_PVbCVbvPmrTnbelY8bT0TH2J8z5mIyalYRo5YtQyoCpisMghtZQfRTg6ssk74YxAvXqVeQnvcfX4oTQtbNxHUjjGP11mi8T3s3c/s320/jim+bakker+fake+crying.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jim Bakker fake sobs while bragging about himself</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Having hit the 'fear' emotion in his followers, Bakker now presses the 'sympathy' button. He tells them how important it is for them to prepare their storehouses to feed the poor, then he tells us of the <i>thousands</i> of people his crew is feeding through all of his stored food. Jim adds that he doesn't want to brag about this, then through a fake sob he insists that this is 'just business as usual for the church'. It's amazing to see Jim saddened almost to the point of crying, then immediately happy and joyous again while telling us the wonders his food will do for people in the last days. It's almost as if he's purposely dragging us through different emotions to wear us down until we just give him what he wants. Jim would make a killer time-share salesman.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGt9TnfDYgo5ko2IJ_qxOP-WDGfY-E9GYtsp5bkNHpB6O9V1Fo4JYUts6CE6r4euNSb72RHlffqdzk-vIk8PDvYm6d_nJzbx-kb1HIqZcOMhgSmDFkCm3rM2tmWnoPVn06Cqeh4gEk0Vc/s1600/P1030351.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGt9TnfDYgo5ko2IJ_qxOP-WDGfY-E9GYtsp5bkNHpB6O9V1Fo4JYUts6CE6r4euNSb72RHlffqdzk-vIk8PDvYm6d_nJzbx-kb1HIqZcOMhgSmDFkCm3rM2tmWnoPVn06Cqeh4gEk0Vc/s320/P1030351.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jerry Jones, manager of high-volume distribution business</td></tr>
</tbody></table>What the hell, did Jim just do a story tease? He told us that if we listen to him for the next two days, we'll find out about the hell to come on earth due to food shortages. Then Zach voiced-over with the message, "<i>Don't go away, we'll be right back with a special message from Jim Bakker</i>". Now we're at a commercial starring Jim, Jerry Jones and a woman in yellow who doesn't get to speak. Jerry Jones is a fat guy with a sort of Kermit the Frog voice that Jim calls 'the vice president of our ministry'. The first thing I thought when I heard Jerry speak was that he sounded like a guy who would work in the sales and distribution department of a warehouse. Bakker's grilling him on all the different foodbucket deals on offer, and Jerry reads them right down like a pro. He knows all the dollar amounts, bucket quantities, he even knows how many <i>servings</i> are in each foodbucket deal. Then I realized that the reason Jerry sounds like a guy working and selling from a warehouse is because <i>that is actually his job for Bakker</i>. Jim's basically just running a foodbucket distribution business, and Jerry is the guy that puts cold plastic foodbuckets into almost-cold human hands.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfv0UV4T1odjH8_vV37Kja8o7W3b9OMnLpDE2ix_G3pOG7rLz_YMXqKG5bMcVQp2PjfVsGi8vhKbPF64Qp-38gwyIvzepvg-LjjxOMt_JKbd8GdiskFwXO_072Xbi8OXXngzlqJ-1VFqc/s1600/Jim+Bakker+confused.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfv0UV4T1odjH8_vV37Kja8o7W3b9OMnLpDE2ix_G3pOG7rLz_YMXqKG5bMcVQp2PjfVsGi8vhKbPF64Qp-38gwyIvzepvg-LjjxOMt_JKbd8GdiskFwXO_072Xbi8OXXngzlqJ-1VFqc/s320/Jim+Bakker+confused.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jim Bakker confused about Confusion</td></tr>
</tbody></table>After the commercial break, we're back with Bakker talking about instability. He says, with a straight-face, that the United States is the most unstable of all the nations. He tells us that "<i>the Euro is at the bottom of the world's money</i>." This is all so untrue, Jim is completely talking out of his ass with this. He then gives us his #2 word for 2012: <u>Explosions</u>. He tells us to watch Iran and the Middle East. How stupid must a person be to fall for this crap? Explosions in the Middle East...is this punchline to a joke, Jim? Can't you come up with something better than that?</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Right about this time, I figure the bird that just crapped on the Godzilla statue has probably realized it can make a nest in the armpit area. Don't get too comfortable in there little birdy. When Jim's ready to unveil his glorious idol to his followers, your ass is grass. Try Shorey's armpit instead...he's so fat, he'll never even know you're there. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Jim's preaching from his Bible that people who brag do so to hide the truth. He then preaches that the love of money is the root of all evil. Jim better shut his Bible quickly, because everything he's reading is fingering himself as the prime suspect. He just got done bragging about feeding 'thousands' of poor people with his food, and his entire show is devoted to making money through product sales. Will Jim's next Bible verse discuss 15-foot tall graven images?</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><div style="text-align: justify;">Another edit. Why does Jim keep editing his message? This time out of the edit, he restarts and yells something incoherent. I hear the words 'God' and 'above all' but aside from that, it's all curling tongues and gnashing teeth spewing from Bakker's mouth. It looks like his mini-seizure derailed his train of thought because now he's in a really strange zone. He's telling us now that the love money is just 'some' of evil. When he says this, he moves his hands in a gesture that makes it look as if he's pleading for his life.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/tSGojrjYlJU?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><br />
<br />
Jim's probably doing a dry run of the case he'll make for his eternal soul when he's standing at the gates of hell. Kevin Shorey seems uneasy with this, he just shifted in his chair and started rocking as if to say, '<i>I don't want to be here when Jim gets struck by lightning</i>'. Jim turns to Kevin to get his nod of agreement, but Kevin just shakes his head and looks at him, thinking 'You're on your own with that one, bud.' Jim just effectively changed the well-known Bible verse to say that 'money is the root of <i>some</i> evil'. Convenient!</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJl1Q4wAX3xpuxK-zTlFkuj5e5fEG-1rQlIg4XM6XMh5UixDUwQrHvtDvZ8rBllQ8hHiVPothO-vlyCVErcmtSrnZNscRcJJAoW167SMGpNbX8qHS8jwoQwf-9ifuDh42sIOrffMYaV-Y/s1600/jim+bakker+on+the+march.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJl1Q4wAX3xpuxK-zTlFkuj5e5fEG-1rQlIg4XM6XMh5UixDUwQrHvtDvZ8rBllQ8hHiVPothO-vlyCVErcmtSrnZNscRcJJAoW167SMGpNbX8qHS8jwoQwf-9ifuDh42sIOrffMYaV-Y/s320/jim+bakker+on+the+march.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jim Bakker on the march</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Jim needs to bring back guests and get off the pulpit because he's hurting himself more than he's helping. It seems that everything he preaches implicates himself. He tells us, while reaching for his cup of coffee, that he's "<i>seeing too many church people conning each other</i>". He takes a good long drink, then hoarsely adds, "<i>And then you wonder why people don't want to come to your church</i>." Bakker digs his hypocrisy hole even deeper, "<i>Why would anybody want to go to your church if you're not fair and honest?</i>" Exactly Jim! How fair are you when you're charging people more, much more, than they would pay outside of Morningside for the same product? And honesty? How about opening up your church books for all the 'partners' to see how much money Morningside brings in every year?</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcqHKSdw7pFS5-8GpSkEpsaBelIJvI-3jcgs0e4QGKJ0nczQxqoU0QNnqKU4APt1oUBgknuWb_2S1zrMXpKqWN58-RliA-0Nzl9bLE6qa5Bdf54Wllf6fiO6tTmnMi_NOJL0JcDg9I4Zs/s1600/jim+bakker+bracing+for+impact.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcqHKSdw7pFS5-8GpSkEpsaBelIJvI-3jcgs0e4QGKJ0nczQxqoU0QNnqKU4APt1oUBgknuWb_2S1zrMXpKqWN58-RliA-0Nzl9bLE6qa5Bdf54Wllf6fiO6tTmnMi_NOJL0JcDg9I4Zs/s320/jim+bakker+bracing+for+impact.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bakker bracing for impact</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Jim just slapped himself silly. He's building up to a frenzy again, and he said fighting and arguing within the church makes him want to vomit. Then, to illustrate turning the other cheek, he slapped himself with his own hand. In slow-motion, we see Bakker flinch before the hand hits his face. Now after the slap, he's moving in front of the pulpit again and wagging his tongue around in his mouth while speaking gibberish to make fun of people who have bad things to say about his church. It's disgusting to observe these actions coming from an old man, and I'm beginning to think Jim's getting senile. His behavior is erratic and he's losing his train of thought often. Now he's squeezing his nose to make his voice nasally as he insults those who don't forgive others.<br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFnEqwec-wmTmwiYcGYCbYXcIBHlrmh1us-wqjENgcfghfrYqKD-MvSjed-EaVx__lAq2gfmR_sakx-EWny_HIxjByXO1ivrxY0vLM-JSG1XEDr081qa8RJQSiXJfWrjzXvldP1ol1atI/s1600/bakker+slaps+himself.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFnEqwec-wmTmwiYcGYCbYXcIBHlrmh1us-wqjENgcfghfrYqKD-MvSjed-EaVx__lAq2gfmR_sakx-EWny_HIxjByXO1ivrxY0vLM-JSG1XEDr081qa8RJQSiXJfWrjzXvldP1ol1atI/s320/bakker+slaps+himself.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bam!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Lori's giggling a lot at this, but again it doesn't seem that Kevin is on-board with it. Shouldn't Jim practice what he preaches, turn the other cheek and forgive those that criticize him? Where in the Bible does it say that a man of God, when confronting his enemies, should wag his tongue in his mouth like a lunatic and hold his nose like a child while making fun of them? Jim's making a fool of himself with the bad preaching and needs to return to the old show format, pronto. Bring Dino out for song and cake, no more of this church charade Jim. You and I both know that this isn't really a church at all...wink wink.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">All of these edits are making it difficult to follow Jim. This is more like a 'Hypocrisy Jim's Greatest Hits' film reel than a sermon. I wish I knew what was going on between the edits. Maybe Bakker is giving the stink-eye to a rambunctious toddler's parents, or telling a fountain-seeking child to 'sit your thirsty-ass down until the show is over'? Maybe Kevin Shorey is taking a break to go blow up stall #2, with Lori following closely behind to powder her nose in the ladies room?</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiC901iIMtp1878wtx0ulPGALKf1H7_EFelis3VZ8-ubVCULe1gtbnIKhCpcUPnRTQUJxbfedhOtVu-zGX9EvSf4qhvOVSoYm4nR5qoWf9B2XfD5_lJWa3O41hYl-RukqoPh1n2KK8n1W0/s1600/jim+bakker+shows+signs+of+mental+illness.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="241" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiC901iIMtp1878wtx0ulPGALKf1H7_EFelis3VZ8-ubVCULe1gtbnIKhCpcUPnRTQUJxbfedhOtVu-zGX9EvSf4qhvOVSoYm4nR5qoWf9B2XfD5_lJWa3O41hYl-RukqoPh1n2KK8n1W0/s320/jim+bakker+shows+signs+of+mental+illness.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bakker wagging his tongue like a lunatic</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Now Jim's back to fear. "<i>What are you going to do when the roving gangs come for your children and you, and your food</i>?" Jim says this is the one question he's asked the most by people. "<i>What happens when the gangs come and want to kill my kids? What can I do?</i>" Bakker, ever the vile snake that he is, tells us that we're gonna find out this year. Why not now, Jim? If you care so deeply about your followers and want to help us out with your message from God, then why don't you tell us immediately instead of requiring us to continue watching throughout the year? Is it because you want to keep your dumb audience glued to their 19" television screens all year long, buying your crap and preparing for the 'roving gangs' that you and I both know will never come? Maybe Lori taught you how crack dealers work: String people along with a little taste here and there to make sure they never leave you or your product. That's exactly what you're doing with your claimed 'message from God'. You are a liar, Jim Bakker, and you know it. God does not speak to you, you speak to yourself.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicDZkAaNJzMf4rQCZxiB8NhYfY00Kfp8IhAOcNIew6PBchjKv6Sy3TdQ5zYn5RBPtDGvRmdf8ssYjqoUg46jb66b7nx2L03VSjlqiAmZIxupFeS8UhUFwk3tIJaU1xjLVW1c7Oi7K-djA/s1600/mental+illness.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicDZkAaNJzMf4rQCZxiB8NhYfY00Kfp8IhAOcNIew6PBchjKv6Sy3TdQ5zYn5RBPtDGvRmdf8ssYjqoUg46jb66b7nx2L03VSjlqiAmZIxupFeS8UhUFwk3tIJaU1xjLVW1c7Oi7K-djA/s320/mental+illness.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">More tongue-wagging from a senile old man</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Bakker reminds us not to miss tomorrow's show, as he has a message that God showed him this week which "<i>is probably the most shocking, the most disturbing information on this subject that you'll ever hear.</i>" He says he has to bring it to us. So bring it Jim, what are you waiting for?</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Apparently he's waiting for Kevin Shorey to sing first. It seems that Shorey's shitty song is more important to Jim than getting God's important message out to the masses. Kevin's song is as expected, terrible and elementary. He jiggles his jowls during one verse. He opens that big pie hole and grunts out the words, raising his hooves to the sky like a horse spooked by thunder. I see Kevin dressed in those human clothes, and I can't help but think he'd be much more comfortable naked, in a big open field, trotting about on all fours. Instead he's in the 'people room' with Jim, doing tricks for him and being forced to sit on his haunches or stand on his hind legs. Is this really a good fit for you, Kevin? Seriously, why not reconsider your future before it's too late?</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQh8s7JE3IIQ7AScET3yBO1zCsc4sh1HNhVBWKvS4JCjVW0nt2_997X6Q0Dstb3GkIbSQs5q2LabKIYQzy0maWO04TZso3mtXuNULjHxMI9iZn7MT5p-julhdXKExRlbAX9HoZbuZFq-w/s1600/kevin+shorey+on+hind+legs.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="241" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQh8s7JE3IIQ7AScET3yBO1zCsc4sh1HNhVBWKvS4JCjVW0nt2_997X6Q0Dstb3GkIbSQs5q2LabKIYQzy0maWO04TZso3mtXuNULjHxMI9iZn7MT5p-julhdXKExRlbAX9HoZbuZFq-w/s320/kevin+shorey+on+hind+legs.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A full-grown Shorey stands on its hind legs</td></tr>
</tbody></table>After the song, Jim wraps with a prayer in a way I've never seen from a pastor. He reads his prayer like a speech. He even moves his hand along his notes as he 'prays', and gets tongue-tied on a couple words. Wow, well I guess he gets a couple points from God for being prepared...<i>then has every point he's ever earned subtracted into negative territory for being a liar who prays from his notes instead of his heart</i>. But hey, what else can we expect from a ex-con foodbucket salesman fronting as a pastor?</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Did I say Jim wrapped with a prayer? Silly me, nope he's wrapping with a push for foodbuckets and books. Why not use this time to give us God's very important message, Jim? Would God approve of you making us wait?<br />
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As a final note for my readers, I'm terribly disappointed in losing the first part of my post but I don't have the time or energy to go back and figure out everything I worked on. Some highlights:<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMrFUY6xwyiLJef6TLy-4fmir2ABVyLajulIb1FKEyup5B8XDcZqFNiJ5nS-MvW1gCCBNlXy4V03D70HR5WDn9-0_HetNqYOBlZtqbIHmrptJwqi3TyrG29afCJ7YJ-DRW6o9mydY_b_Q/s1600/Jim+snorts+down+a+booger.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMrFUY6xwyiLJef6TLy-4fmir2ABVyLajulIb1FKEyup5B8XDcZqFNiJ5nS-MvW1gCCBNlXy4V03D70HR5WDn9-0_HetNqYOBlZtqbIHmrptJwqi3TyrG29afCJ7YJ-DRW6o9mydY_b_Q/s320/Jim+snorts+down+a+booger.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bakker snorts a booger</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Jim had airway issues caused by a booger.<br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdhkTwXhAzM85RbI-2hr-ofiUZsMsUR5Id_fG733FKRdgirFyY60G1tEveX2aXI4ex1HJt_jOKGb2xg6KATHmMeUXlccq5Y5t98VOsWjU_9fjlOv9ts3lwnRi6wg1rjUEy7mg3klGCo58/s1600/This+is+how+circus+animals+are+transported.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdhkTwXhAzM85RbI-2hr-ofiUZsMsUR5Id_fG733FKRdgirFyY60G1tEveX2aXI4ex1HJt_jOKGb2xg6KATHmMeUXlccq5Y5t98VOsWjU_9fjlOv9ts3lwnRi6wg1rjUEy7mg3klGCo58/s320/This+is+how+circus+animals+are+transported.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is how circus animals are transported</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
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Jim's graven image, the Godzilla statue, arrived and was unloaded by crane...the same way circus animals are unloaded.<br />
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<i>Exodus 20:4 “You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth."</i><br />
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How can Pastor Bakker possibly defend buying a 12-ton, 15-foot graven image of Jesus? Did he buy it for his followers to worship and pray to?<br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSR11tcG_FPWHVNbU5lwHSBmDezpabilEdw8D9b0cwYBxuVryZynLshuVcQGSqgWsssrOEgh8jOeEurZElWFpkmVEi3n-qn7WrP5LSIDzrf9sok083mNMXc9l73kBdayQlhYP5sxMAGXQ/s1600/Zach+Drew+bad+tie.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSR11tcG_FPWHVNbU5lwHSBmDezpabilEdw8D9b0cwYBxuVryZynLshuVcQGSqgWsssrOEgh8jOeEurZElWFpkmVEi3n-qn7WrP5LSIDzrf9sok083mNMXc9l73kBdayQlhYP5sxMAGXQ/s320/Zach+Drew+bad+tie.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Zach's tie can be used to wipe his own ass in a pinch!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Zach's tie was extra long, and looks to have been starched.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTDWQw_72nbIe3NKVBKnpTyjLLCvvnJYUlx-wxiutBIMqUBM3lOn_aJGii5lacFAmqMbqtQXF_9FgNaqq0VwJKvXr_qQs2PibCBbvEALmleXLWl3DMUuRTeAchaeYpbTL35VaA9kh9pP8/s1600/Would+you++trust+Jim+Bakker+in+a+showerhouse.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTDWQw_72nbIe3NKVBKnpTyjLLCvvnJYUlx-wxiutBIMqUBM3lOn_aJGii5lacFAmqMbqtQXF_9FgNaqq0VwJKvXr_qQs2PibCBbvEALmleXLWl3DMUuRTeAchaeYpbTL35VaA9kh9pP8/s320/Would+you++trust+Jim+Bakker+in+a+showerhouse.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Would you trust this man in a Shower House?</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
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Jim unveiled the Morningside Wet N' Wild Showerhouse.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgD33lR-f74n1SKb0tPJ-EjSrA8Rpz5c3nH_3UcuM-6EtZva1Z7cxI7OBfZjTxvm1-wetLRde5JJSOaXZ9DdhshIiESR3qo6NAmcQBmJiRf7W8pd9ZGG_Zr0uboLWYqIkrDsvj7EaPXxbI/s1600/Jim+Bakker+profiting+off+September+11.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgD33lR-f74n1SKb0tPJ-EjSrA8Rpz5c3nH_3UcuM-6EtZva1Z7cxI7OBfZjTxvm1-wetLRde5JJSOaXZ9DdhshIiESR3qo6NAmcQBmJiRf7W8pd9ZGG_Zr0uboLWYqIkrDsvj7EaPXxbI/s320/Jim+Bakker+profiting+off+September+11.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bakker profiting off September 11</td></tr>
</tbody></table>In case you missed it the first time 'round, Jim replayed video of September 11 for us to watch so he could stun our brains with scariness while grabbing a quick $20 out of our pockets. Or $55, if buying The Harbinger DVD set. What a nice guy, that Pastor Bakker.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com204tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9221488326087649096.post-87296443490783127472012-01-07T19:48:00.000-08:002012-04-13T14:23:07.076-07:00Rabbi Cahn, plus win/win for Jim Bakker and Philip Cameron<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjq09i_UlO51URK8M36MENqi9EZJ6U6DIi_L56hYCfccIl1Wmy6nTP4jZHcV8d7kmHIjbDn62FWis4RXOA4UV8K7GRP-WDqe7R-_HC-jnEAKuIycXtrbmfNBrqQGxifTTeHltjVGUSJ0oQ/s1600/Rabbi+Jonathan+Cahn.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjq09i_UlO51URK8M36MENqi9EZJ6U6DIi_L56hYCfccIl1Wmy6nTP4jZHcV8d7kmHIjbDn62FWis4RXOA4UV8K7GRP-WDqe7R-_HC-jnEAKuIycXtrbmfNBrqQGxifTTeHltjVGUSJ0oQ/s320/Rabbi+Jonathan+Cahn.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Rabbi Jonathan Cahn needs to wear underwear on his face</td></tr>
</tbody></table>It’s the first week of 2012, and it appears that Bakker and his co-conspirators have taken yet another undeserved vacation on the ministry’s dime. Good thing he pre-taped a bunch of episodes to babysit the diaper-wearing crowd while he’s away. Unfortunately for us, those episodes consist of a marathon ramble-session with the World’s Most Annoying Rabbi as he reads scary stories to us all for days on end. It’s mind-numbingly boring and makes me want to smash a giant Matzo cracker over his head and watch it shatter into a million unleavened pieces. More annoying than Rabbi Cahn's rambling is his beard, which looks like pubic hair growing out of his face. If he actually goes out in public sporting that thing, then I suggest he wear underwear on his face for decency because if I see him uncovered, I'm calling the cops. That sucker is obscene.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Hmm, how can I work these donations for my own benefit?"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>If I can stomach watching Rabbi Yawn over multiple days without running through my wall like a cartoon madman, then I’ll try and cover him at a later time. In the meantime, I decided to take a little internet jaunt over to Jim Bakker’s website to see what kind of shenanigans I could uncover. It didn’t take long.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Jim has an entry called ‘<a href="http://jimbakkershow.com/blog/2011/12/13/winwin-for-moldova-and-missouri/" target="_blank"><i>Win/Win for Moldova and Missouri</i></a>’. I clicked it, I read it, I vomited. Papa Smurf tells a tall-tale full of deception that culminates with himself and Philip Cameron pocketing money meant for others. Let me explain.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This food will never reach Moldova.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>A few months ago, Jim Bakker had a so-called ‘charity drive’ to raise money for food that would be sent to Cameron’s Moldovan Harem. Wait, let me correct myself. The food wouldn’t be sent to the Harem, it would be sent to Philip Cameron, who probably would have sold it on the Moldovan black market for a potato sack full of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Date_rape_drug" target="_blank">roofies</a>. This all occurred on an episode I didn’t cover, but you may recall seeing images in the past few months of a bunch of Morningside dipshits laying hands on a huge block of dehydrated vegan food. This block of food was approximately the size of an RV, and according to Jim it amounted to 13,662 boxes worth of fake food spread out over 23 pallets. That’s a lot of food, and given Jim Bakker’s huge markups, that’s a lot of donated money.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Why is this man trusted with money or orphans?</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="text-align: right;"></div>Now, it’s important to note that the donated money did not actually buy this food. The food was donated by <a href="http://jimbakker666.blogspot.com/2011/11/bakker-spoon-feeds-inbreds-wows-them_07.html" target="_blank">Food for Health’s Lizard-In-Chief, Frank Davis</a>. According to Snake Bakker, the food was donated in an amount equal to the money raised through donations. So we have two things going on here. A boatload of money donated by Bakker’s loyal inbreds to buy food for Moldovan orphans, and an equivalent amount of food donated as a tax write-off by good ol’ Lizard Lips.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">In the normal world outside of Morningside, when people give money to charity, they are usually met with matching gifts by companies. In other words, the money given by Bakker’s simpletons should have been converted to food, then Fly-Eatin’ Frank Davis would scurry in and match the purchased food with his own donated food. To explain it in Jim Bakker terms, it should have been a 2-for-1 offer.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Or, perhaps the donated food <u>money</u> would have been sent, in it's entirety, to Moldova...to actually buy food in Moldova for the orphans. There would be no need for Frank Davis to be involved, just raise the money, send it over, and all the kids get to eat while the Moldovan economy receives a boost from charitable Christian giving.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">This isn’t what happened, and as you’ll see, the dirty hands of Bakker and Cameron seem to have worked this gimmick to their own benefit.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4ameoxhSG3u7vwMF_3DTL7U0x4vTq6hpGMapsb2RIrh8Jqrs-QDsqzejeAeyGaV9pycYtbYViIP-Qm6dq-PGyMMZ1DxV_boVIU6hgi68PyHf6bouQJaCKuGuui8r-M7LqWW8JDMO-5Ks/s1600/The+Reptilian+Foodbucket+King.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4ameoxhSG3u7vwMF_3DTL7U0x4vTq6hpGMapsb2RIrh8Jqrs-QDsqzejeAeyGaV9pycYtbYViIP-Qm6dq-PGyMMZ1DxV_boVIU6hgi68PyHf6bouQJaCKuGuui8r-M7LqWW8JDMO-5Ks/s320/The+Reptilian+Foodbucket+King.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Foodbucket Frank donated 13,000 cases of food to Bakker</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Reading further, we hear that Jim Bakker and Philip Cameron tried their best to get this dehydrated vegan quack food to Flip’s Moldova girls, but due to ‘issues with customs’ they could not ship it there. That’s a pretty lame story Jim. After all, isn’t <a href="http://jimbakker666.blogspot.com/2011/06/creepathon-day-6-bakker-fake-cries.html" target="_blank">Philip Cameron the guy who claimed months ago to hobnob with Moldovan government officials</a>, going on tours of Moldovan wineries and making demands for his orphanage? Isn’t he the big shot in that little country, the sleazy Scottish pimp with the overflowing wallet that collects up orphaned girls and places them in brand new buildings for his own personal use? And he can’t accept shipment of food?</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">So now, according to Jim Bakker, the food cannot be shipped. Again I should make this clear: <u>There are two large piles here: One pile of money, and one pile of food</u>. Actually there is a third pile, the big pile of shit that is Jim Bakker and Philip Cameron mashed together, but I don’t want to confuse anyone so we’ll stick with the two.</div><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrgn-A6V7bgFMc9h36iWNovEcyXCrjU9KxLjyOXAP5IPAQiFm5yPSXPD5UYgLbj0OSk5RcLWx0j5Q9tm0fdSl6wfCcg6XWU57jKUld6z2s1zgqjyHvwWVRMJ58vyglFzRRYrKzeBLpmY8/s1600/Philip+Cameron+and+his+kids.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrgn-A6V7bgFMc9h36iWNovEcyXCrjU9KxLjyOXAP5IPAQiFm5yPSXPD5UYgLbj0OSk5RcLWx0j5Q9tm0fdSl6wfCcg6XWU57jKUld6z2s1zgqjyHvwWVRMJ58vyglFzRRYrKzeBLpmY8/s320/Philip+Cameron+and+his+kids.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Philip Cameron with his soon-to-be-hungry orphan girls</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Given the so-called impossibility of shipping this food to Moldova, the Bearded Dragon decided that he would keep the food for himself. Yes you read that correctly, Bakker has now taken the donated food for his own use. He has decided to generate goodwill for himself in Blue Eye, MO, by providing food to anyone who has a need. A quick internet search shows that Blue Eye, MO has only 1,969 people living there, so I don’t see much need for <i>thirteen-thousand cases</i> of fake food. The Snake also plans to distribute it to his very own food pantry and into the surrounding communities. Will that plan work out as well as your plan to distribute food to Moldova, Jim? I think you’re full of crap, and I think your plan is <i>and always was</i> to distribute the food to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">yourself.</i> That’s one plan that never seems to fail.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjljgPkbdbHGVZPkPVxHBMV7ibO-_z6skU8nJD62BiFh-tqL0mNAXdGXIeQM119FAPsXyncGempvMMulhCBKBR69nQCnPFv1cQdJMFzhL_lUK9rbekTYYqaXiBc0xHhyphenhyphenP0Iwdc8LDHBdkA/s1600/Jim+Bakker+inbred.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjljgPkbdbHGVZPkPVxHBMV7ibO-_z6skU8nJD62BiFh-tqL0mNAXdGXIeQM119FAPsXyncGempvMMulhCBKBR69nQCnPFv1cQdJMFzhL_lUK9rbekTYYqaXiBc0xHhyphenhyphenP0Iwdc8LDHBdkA/s320/Jim+Bakker+inbred.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This dipshit willingly gave money to Jim Bakker</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Oh, and the money donated by Morningside dimwits to send food to Philip Cameron’s Moldovan girls? Bakker has generously decided to send the funds that would have paid the <u>shipping costs</u> to the poor, starving Moldovan girls. Or put more correctly, he’s decided to give the ‘shipping cost’ money to Philip Cameron, who will do with it as he sees fit. "<i>Pardon me ma'am, how do you say ‘hookers and cocaine’ in Moldovan"</i>?</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">But wait, there’s more! I don’t recall how much Jim sells this PlantPure food for, but a quick internet search shows it priced at $25-$45 a case. If I take the middle price ($35), and multiply it by the amount of food that was donated to Jim (13,662), I get a whopping $478,170. This is the estimated amount of money that was donated to Jim, which was then matched in food by Food for Health. I’d love to know the real dollar amount, but since Jim Bakker doesn’t like transparency in his ministry and refuses to show his ‘ministry partners’ how much money flies in and out of that place, all we can do is guess.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZkVR8xetWwofGZKd3WrKjPh_GL8t8H2nAjQX2TYiM6N_y-Pqj6p1OGaI97rdjSlQXEDO8ObfslgZaE1NBUL08BMkL8D2w7SLSjErN0TXsuFx-FfY84Q_xmBB3H16TVIjPaAxNDLeWTZk/s1600/Coke+and+Hookers.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZkVR8xetWwofGZKd3WrKjPh_GL8t8H2nAjQX2TYiM6N_y-Pqj6p1OGaI97rdjSlQXEDO8ObfslgZaE1NBUL08BMkL8D2w7SLSjErN0TXsuFx-FfY84Q_xmBB3H16TVIjPaAxNDLeWTZk/s320/Coke+and+Hookers.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Why not just run an orphanage in the US, Mr Cameron?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Considering that <a href="http://www.ehow.com/how_4612958_ship-car-europe.html" target="_blank">it costs less than $10,000 to ship a car to Europe</a>, how much could it possibly cost to ship twenty-three measly pallets of food to Moldova? This is a very important question, because it determines how much money was left over from the chump change ‘shipping costs’ payment Jim Bakker sent overseas to Philip Cameron. Since Jim admittedly sent only an amount equal to the shipping cost, how much remained? And of what remained, where did it go? Did Jim need to pay off another church secretary?</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Jim makes no mention at all of this glaring financial discrepancy. He makes it sound as if he gave away all the money to the orphans in Moldova, but we can see that this isn’t very likely to be true given the amount of money involved; it doesn't cost half a million dollars to ship a few pallets of food overseas. So the question becomes, where did this money go?</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Care to answer that one, Pastor Jim?</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com327