Bakker spoon-feeds inbreds, wows them with fire - Part 1

The Morningside Strangler

The show begins with cymbals crashing and a wide shot of the Morningside Strangler choking his guitar. This new guitarist is named Joey, and as mentioned previously, he looks like a serial killer. The energy in the music tells me the money is flowing in and business has never been better at The Jim Bakker Show.

Bakker's been running a Lizard-thon all week with the reptilian Foodbucket King himself, Frank Davis. This guy is Jim's main source for foodbuckets, and while he may have decent motivations behind his choice to make a living selling us dehydrated space-food, I hear the Balance Scale of Morality clunking down heavily on the 'immoral' side every time he appears on the show. After all, he's on stage with Bakker while Jim is fake crying and making up phony baloney stories to scare people into buying his crap. Yet, Foodbucket Frank continues appearing to help Jim sell product. Dude, is being in the show really worth the cost of admission?

Reptilian Foodbucket King, Frank Davis

Each intro this week includes quick video of the Lori's House construction crew, as well as the overpriced tents and tarps pitched out on the grass of the 'valley' that Jim loves talking about so much. Does Jim know that you're not supposed to pitch tents in a valley due to the risk of flooding if it rains? And this is the guy we're supposed to trust when disaster strikes?

[Emergency Responder Jim Bakker] There's a fire in the building! Quick, everyone to the elevators!

Jim Bakker's shirt shows off his Man Boobs

Guard Pig Zach beckons us into Palace Bakker and we get our first view of the Frog King and his brainless, baby-less Queen. I'd usually make fun of Jim and Lori's clothes here, but it just occurred to me that they're kind of dressed like my wife and I. Bakker's shirt is similar to one that I wear, one that my wife bought for me in fact. The similarities end there of course, since I'm almost 30 years younger than Jim and my nipples don't get hard when I wear the shirt. Lori Rotten-Crotch is wearing a beige-toned suit jacket that makes her look like a real estate agent, eerily similar to my wife's occupation. Again though, there are no further similarities as my wife doesn't hold the Guinness Book Record for 'Most Abortions Attested To". Nor does she have fake tits.

Do these tents double as rafts when the valley floods?

Jim has multiple live fires burning on a large banquet table in front of him, so it looks like we'll have some show-and-tell this morning for the old bats in the crowd to chitter about when they go back to their stuffy Morningside condos. Jim begins the show by reminding us that we're living in the Last Days, which he calls "the most exciting days, if you're prepared." Jim's already greasing the skids for his foodbucket sales-pitch. Bakker tells us that God spoke to him the 'other night', then his forked-tongue gets tied when repeating the important words of the Almighty , "When you honor me by preparing and being ready for Revelation events, it honors me when..you honor me...by doing what I said." Is that verbatim, Jim? Bakker then tells us that God wants our obedience...which means that God wants us to obediently buy foodbuckets from Jim Bakker. You're such a weasel Jim.

Frank Davis, CEO of Food for Health

Bakker introduces Frank Davis by singing out his name. If you've never seen a Sleestak before (pronounced Slee-stak), you can finally tell people you have in Frank Davis. Sleestaks were the lizard-men from the 70s tv show "Land of the Lost", and they happen to look just like Foodbucket Frank. They also frequently possessed magic crystals, something that Jim Bakker will probably be selling soon. Come to think of it, the Land of the Lost is probably a better name for this zoo than Morningside.

Jim tosses up a slow soft one to Foodbucket Frank when he asks, "You believe something's coming don't you?" Frank knocks it outta the park with his reply, "I believe it with all my heart." Foodbucket Frank tells Jim that he's been preparing for over 40 years. So Frank, your 30-year shelf life food would be worthless after that time, right? Again, Bakker reminds us that God wants us to be obedient to Him. No, Jim, you want us to be obedient to you. I wonder if Jim Jones told his zombies that they needed to be obedient to God when convincing them to knock back a shot of Death-Flavored Kool-Aid?

The Bakker Serpent introduces a new product for people to waste their money on: Fire Buckets. Scoop out some stuff that looks like used cat litter, put a match to it, and it burns. For a man who is surely going to hell if there is one, the Fire Bucket is a perfect product choice. Jim says he found it at an Expo. And was that Expo in Hell, Mr Bakker?

Some waterhead mixed the shipping supplies with the food

Jim says he's gonna cook up a bunch of space food for the inbreds to eat. He shows us a bowl full of our first delicious course: freeze-dried string beans. These things look just like the styrofoam packing peanuts that you'd pour into a box to ship something bulky. Are you sure you didn't mix up the foodbucket shipping supplies with the food, Jim? Bakker tells us that these string beans last twenty years...is that before or after eating them? Something tells me that those twenty years will likely be spent in some inbred's gut while his body tries in vain to digest it. A thousand years from now, archaeologists will find undigested spacefood in graves all throughout the Ozarks and scratch their heads.

Prior to cooking, Jim has to rehydrate the string beans for a half hour. Just what we need during the Apocalypse, 30 minutes of stare time while we wait for our styrofoam string beans to absorb water. Just enough time to be eaten by a wild animal, or maybe have a band of marauders come and steal your fake food...then come back and dump it on top of your head when they taste it.

Jim's RV park. I expect a tumbleweed to blow past.

With all this talk about dehydrated food, I just realized that Foodbucket Frank looks like a dehydrated man. Does it also take a half hour of him soaking in water before he's ready to eat?

While juggling pots and space-food, Jim drops a quick reference to his new Christian Retreat Center, which is actually just an RV park and campground. We see a quick picture of it, and it's completely empty save for two RVs. The barren appearance reminds of the Bonneville Salt Flats...are one of these RV pilots gonna attempt a new land speed record? Attention Morningside Zombies: This is what Jim spends your money on.

Back to the food. Jim grabs a pot of rehydrated corn and gives us his low "Ohhhh" grunt as he grabs it. Lori gives us the same gross grunt as she calls it 'yummy', a word typically used by five-year olds. Hold on a second there, Frogman. Aren't you the one who told us that our corn supplies would run out in August...last August? And now you and your wife are giving us repulsive sex grunts about the 'yummy' corn that's somehow plentiful enough to waste on a television show audience?

Jim igniting rocket fuel

Kevin Van Kirk, Fruit Monkey-at-large, pipes up with some wisdom from his hallowed position way off to the right of the stage. He starts talking, then Jim shouts his name out in an interruption designed to tell the guy, 'I didn't introduce you yet pal...you talk when I say you talk.' The last time the Fruit Monkey was on to sell his book, Jim announced that he was taking all proceeds from Van Kirk's book for himself, which led to the Fruit Monkey baring his teeth at Jim. But he's back for more today, so Jim must have paid him something flat under the table to keep him on the hook. Or maybe Slick Jimmy really stiffed him the first time but promised him twice as much for the next appearance.

Jim pushes his Fire Bucket again, letting us know we can get it for $100 plus shipping. In less than 3 minutes I found it for $65 shipped. Thanks for letting us know how important they are though Jim, maybe I'll pick up two for the price you're charging me. Surely you have no problem with that since you only care about us being prepared, right?

"Wow I got this fire really going!"

Speaking of fire, Jim just scooped out some fiery-badness from his bucket and ignited it in one of his flimsy camping stoves. I think Jim might have scooped out too much because the stuff is taking off like jet fuel. As the fire grows, Jim hawks an overpriced Potato Bucket to us and shows us an close-up of what the dry spuds look like. In the foreground, we see flames rising upward. I think this is it: Jim's going to hell right before our eyes.

The camera pulls back as Jim fumbles around with his dehydrated potatoes and water. Frank Davis is watching Jim but then sneaks a peek at the growing conflagration in front of him. As much as I don't need a Fire Bucket, I can't deny that the sucker works. Jim places his pot of space potatoes on the fiery grill and remarks that he "got this fire really going". The famous last words of Jim Bakker.

Flames lick the side of Jim's pot

Lori has taken a half-step back from Jim's fire, but she has this dumb smile painted on her face while she stares at it. The flames are about 2 feet high now and show no indication of stopping anytime soon. If those flames lick into Lori's hair, she'll go up like a Roman Candle. Interestingly enough, Frank Davis has not stepped away. Like every good reptile, he's cold-blooded and enjoys the warmth.

The flames are almost totally obscuring the pot of potatoes now. Among the Morningside crowd, even the blindest of bats can see this sucker burning. Yet, Jim goes on as if nothing's happening. Now he's hawking his Jim Bakker 8 grain cereal. He shows us what his cereal looks like, and I swear it looks just like the stuff from the Fire Bucket. Perhaps he should rename it Jim Bakker 80-Octane Cereal?

Flames reflect off water pitcher; Jim's 80-Octane Cereal

The fire has reached almost 3 feet now, enough to ignite Jim's NOW hat if he leans in far enough. He finally acknowledges that the fire is big, but he can't stop himself from selling. He's noticeably wary of the flames as he reaches around them for a bowl of 20-year shelf life blueberries to add to his cereal, but once he's back into his sales-pitch he's oblivious to everything around him. He announces the blueberries in his sexy jazz voice and dumps them into his bowl of high-octane cereal. You can see flames reflected in the cereal bowl's finish.

Zach and Sasha are off to the side of the table, far away from Jim and even further away from the fire. Zach's holding his ground, but he's alternating between looking at the inferno and looking for help off-stage. He has an 'every man for himself' look on his face which tells me he's one loud noise away from spooking. If Mondo's switchblade accidentally falls from his pocket to the floor with a crash, Zach is busting out of there pronto. Meanwhile, Sasha is cowering away from the flames, this poor girl has no idea what to do. I'll tell you what to do Sasha: Get the hell outta Zach's way because when he bolts, you're getting trampled first.

Zach 's gonna bowl over poor Sasha

Kevin Van Kirk tries to take attention off the blaze by handing over a plate of his vegan sawdust cookies. Bakker, ever the salesman, tells us how delicious they're going to be. He elbows the fire-entranced Lori when she misses her queue to ask him 'How good are they?' For crying out loud Jim, you have a fire raging in front of you and you're still selling? Van Kirk's sawdust cookies get a close-up. They look like cow pies and probably taste like them too. Lori grabs the plate, turns her nose up at the cookies and immediately hands them over to Zach and Sasha to try. If this fire grows any larger it's gonna burn a hole right through that grill, through the table, and possibly through the earth to China. Yet Bakker's talking about cookies?

Hell's Flame reaching up towards Bakker

Ahh, the fire is finally burning itself out. The flames are losing intensity and everyone at the table breathes a sigh of relief. You can feel the mood shift. A now-very-warm Frank Davis cracks a joke and rasps out a reptilian laugh. Bakker's blackened pot of potatoes is still on the grill, and Bakker's still selling. He's on to his new dehydrated Blueberry Bucket. This thing costs one-hundred-and-fifty dollars. I felt the need to spell that out to illustrate just how much money Jim Bakker is asking for b-l-u-e-b-e-r-r-i-e-s. He tells us that he bought ten buckets for his own personal use. With whose money Jim? It can't be yours, because you claim to not have any money. Is it the money you take from your collection of inbred zombies? He tells us that no matter if an atomic bomb goes off, storms and earthquakes hit, or an asteroid strikes the earth, he'll still be eating his very own High Octane Cereal with SpaceBerries. Nice to see you have your priorities straight, Bakker.

'Better get used to those flames Jim'

Foodbucket Frank talks at length about how utterly perfect his space-food is. Earlier in the week, Jim had the nerve to compare this guy to Steve Jobs. Seriously, I'm not making this up. He told us that Steve Jobs had an amazing creative mind, and that "Frank Davis has a mind like that." On that episode, Jim told us that God spoke to him about Jobs' death and said it was prophetic. As Bakker relayed the important message that God gave to him, he forgot Jobs' first name. Jim fumbled around trying to remember, then had to turn to Zach, Lori and the gang for help. The instant Jim asked them "What's his first name?" he was met with a choral reply of "Steve". I expected Jim to snap his fingers trying to click the name into his mind, which he likely would have done if he didn't have people there to fill in the blanks of this important prophecy known only to Jim.

Jim Bakker preparing to lie about God speaking to him

If you think Bakker forgetting details of his own God-delivered prophecy is bad, wait till you hear the prophecy. Brace yourself. Jim told us that "The headline read, 'Jobs Died'." We don't know what headline he's talking about because he never explains the context, probably because no such headline existed. If I had to guess, I would say Jim was referring to make-believe newspaper headlines around the world. To illustrate, Jim added his own headline on top of a picture of the recently-deceased "Jobs" for his zombies to see and become brainwashed by. Then Bakker struck his most serious tone before telling us the important prophecy:

I'm not so sure that "Jobs" would approve of this

[Jim Bakker] "God said to me, "It's prophetic that he died. Because jobs...are dying...all over the world."

I almost couldn't believe he was saying it because it was so retarded. I knew deep down what he was gonna say, and at each pause I could hear the words before he spoke them...but I just couldn't imagine Jim Bakker could be so obnoxiously stupid with his fake prophecy. It's insulting. How can this guy publicly pretend that those words were delivered to him by God without being booed off-stage? And then, without skipping a beat, Jim the Sales Prophet goes right back to the foodbuckets. Unbelievable.

Click here for Part 2 of Jim Bakker spoon-feeds zombies, wows them with fire.

Bakker spoon-feeds inbreds, wows them with fire - Part 2

This is Part 2. Click here to return to Part 1 of Bakker spoon-feeds inbreds, wows them with fire.

Bakker hasn't been this focused on cooking since prison

Back to Foodbucket Frank and his miracle food. He's telling us how the shit is made while Sales Prophet Bakker seems to be on some sort of mission. Jim's appears very focused up there with his head down, shifting pots around and stirring them. This is probably how he looked while working in the prison kitchen to avoid being raped in his cell. Now all that prison training is paying off because Jim's really taking this food to task  He takes the pot of corn and tastes it, then interrupts Lori while she's talking to get her to taste it too. Lori gives the thumbs-up, which is all Jim needs to proceed with his mission. He says that he needs some spoons, then tells Sasha to follow him. Jim doesn't even wait for Sasha, he's off and walking before you can say 'Food Bucket'.

Bakker peeling around a corner with Sasha in chase

Jim approaches two elderly inbreds sitting up front at a table. He's got a mic in one hand and a pot of foodbucket slop in the other. He entertains these two morons with a couple questions that he'll never remember the answers to because he doesn't care, then Jim gets down to business. Like any good thief, slicky boy Bakker focuses on the little old lady because she's the easier mark. He's getting ready to feed her some corn when he tells her, "Now make-believe that twenty years from now..I hope you're still gonna be alive." She pauses for a moment, wondering to herself whether Jim just insulted her. He did, lady. Don't wonder, don't tell yourself that Jim would never do such a thing. He does it every day to people like you who pay him exorbitant prices for things they don't need. He tricks you into thinking you're doing it through some sort of divine directive, but the reality is that Jim never hears from God...he just wants your money.

Humanitarian Jim Bakker feeding the hungry

Jim Bakker preys on you, the little old lady with the false chompers, the old liver-spotted fart with a hearing aid and permanent smile, because you're too trusting. Focus, zombie. Engage what few brain cells remain and remember the times you've seen Jim Bakker cry...no tears, right? He is manipulating you, playing you like a fool so he can pick your pocket like a petty thief.


"Now make-believe that twenty years from now...I hope you're still gonna be alive." Jim may as well be telling her, "Imagine twenty years from now when you're dead." That's the cold hard truth zombie: You'll expire before that food Jim's selling expires. Isn't that reason enough not to buy it? Wake up, snap out of Bakker's spell, slug him right in the mouth and leave that place for good. Come on, you can do it!

'You hooked her Jim, now reel her in!'

It doesn't happen. The insult from Bakker that sparked life into her brain has disappeared, replaced by a new stronger spark: food. Food from Bakker, in fact. Jim takes a spoonful of corn and drives it in close to the woman's mouth. Like a baby, her mouth opens automatically as Bakker's spoon nears. I expect Jim to tell her, 'Here comes the chew-chew train!' before he drives it in. The woman's lower jaw extends forward to catch any corn that falls off the spoon while Jim simultaneously inserts the spoon and tilts the handle upwards to slide the corn down into this woman's gullet. Bakker asks her how it tastes. "It's delicious...it's just like fresh!" You got her Jim, now go bag another one!

"Blab Blab Blab Blab Blab"

Jim's stalking through the audience looking for another mark. He finds a girl named Amber Graham who is Lori's niece.

[Lori Bakker] "Hey, wanna come out to Morningside and be on tv?"
[Amber Graham] "Be on tv? Sure, but I don't have money for a plane ticket"
[Lori Bakker, snorting] "Haha, don't worry about that, I have a ministry expense account! We'll go to Florida this weekend too!"

[Amber Graham] "Okay...wow, tv sounds fun! Do I have to strip or anything? If so, I need to plan ahead."
[Lori Bakker] "No, you just have to let Jim spoon feed you. I know it sounds weird, but Jim thinks it'll sell more foodbuckets if we get these dumb-ass old people to say they like it on tv. Just make sure you clearly say that you like it, otherwise Jim's gonna be pissed."
[Amber Graham] "Okay, I'll do it as long as Philip Cameron isn't there this week. That guy creeps me out."
[Lori Bakker] "No no, Philip's back in Moldova. This week is Frank Davis. You'll like him, he's like a little pet lizard." 

Better swallow that gum Maxine, you're up next!

Amber Graham, expenses paid, is ready to eat. Since she has a semi-working brain though, Jim knows better than to just shove food in her mouth so he asks for permission first. "Can I feed you?" She replies, "Yes please." The mechanics work the same way. Jim drives the chew-chew train in, she opens her mouth, and Jim lifts the spoon to slide the corn down. She's still chewing when Jim's eyes bulge out of his head from the intense smell of money: There's Grandma Maxine! He quickly circles behind Lori's niece and sidles up right next to Grandma Moneybags. Here comes the chew-chew train Grannie, open wide! And down it goes, another one bites the dust. Lori's niece and Moneybags both declare it 'Better than fresh corn'. Chalk up another two in the bag.

'Them beans sure eat good Jim!'

Jim's leaving a trail of spoons at each table, but the one he fed Moneybags with went back into the pot. He takes a fresh spoon from Sasha and puts it in the pot too, but what's done is done. Grandma Maxine's spit, plus whatever else was living in her mouth, is now in the corn. I suppose they're all family anyways [being inbreds], but it's still gross.


Jim issues an open invitation to his collection of now-hungry zombies: "Anyone else want to try a bite while I'm out here in the audience?" Hands raise from at least three locations, Jim's really got them going now. How often does a brainless zombie get the chance to please their Lord by telling him on-camera that his corn is delicious? For a Bakkonite, it's the ultimate display of allegiance. Bakker may even talk to them for a hurried minute after the show ends.

This inbred was hypnotized by Jim's swirly snake eyes

Bakker approaches a male inbred who's ready to pledge his allegiance. Jim offers the spoon to this dummy, but the angle is awkward on the hand-off. Jim and the man both hold the spoon as it touches the man's lips, then the man gains control of the spoon and feeds himself. We see a closeup of this guy with spoon in mouth and eyes firmly locked on Jim. Bakker is like the snake Kaa from the Jungle Book: When impressionable people look into his sinister, swirling eyes, they become hypnotized by him. That's when Bakker strikes.

Jim says he's never fed people before and that today is a first. Oh, believe me Jim, you've been feeding people real good for years now...feeding us all a load of shit.

Jim Bakker's hypnotic eyes

Bakker returns to the cooking table for a pit stop. Frank Davis, the man Jim compared to Steve Jobs, continues telling us how he makes his space food while Jim adds salt and pepper to the styrofoam string beans. I guess Frank hasn't figured it out yet. Hey Frank, nobody cares how you make your space-food. The only person they're listening to is Jim, and if he says your crap is important, then they're buying it. All you need to do is continue giving Jim those volume discounts he likes and you'll continue raking in money hand-over-fist. Now sit there like a good lizard and enjoy the residual warmth left by Jim's fire. If you're lucky, an unsuspecting fly might buzz around near enough for you to capture, dehydrate, and eat.

Jim heading back out on Inbred Safari, armed with spoon

Pit stop complete, Jim's heading back out on inbred-safari with Sasha in tow. They're armed with spoons for protection from the hungry horde. I'm waiting to see one of these hungry animals snap their jaws at him. Yes, Bakker is their Lord and Saviour, but waft food in front of even the most docile creature's snout one too many times and they're eventually gonna strike out. And let me tell you, Jim's so close he can smell 'em.

[Jim Bakker] "Now Sasha, if one of these things shows any sign of aggression towards me, I want you to thwop 'em with a spoon."
[Sasha] "Thwop?"
[JB] "Yep, take a spoon and thwop 'em right on the snout. That'll back 'em off long enough for us to get back to the stage."

Jim now thinks better of feeding the dangerously-hungry inbreds, instead he's handing over the spoons and allowing them to feed themselves. Good thinking, Jim. If one of these critters bites you, you'll get the sickness.

Jim elbow-checked Lori early in the show

Bakker openly makes fun of one old feller when he asks, "Do you have teeth?" You're feeding them like babies, Jim...if you want to know if they have teeth, why not just open up their smelly little mouths and take a peek? These people are so enthralled with Jim Bakker, I'll bet they'd let him do it too.

[Jim Bakker] "Hi there Grandma Maxine, let's just open up that mouth and take a look inside for a second.
[Grandma Maxine, smiling coyly] "Okay Jim."
[Bakker cracks open Maxine's jaw.] "Oh my lamb, you have gold fillings! Are they really gold?"
[Maxine, tongue wagging and grunting] "Akk. Yakkk."
[Bakker lets Maxine's jaw snap shut] "We looove Grandma Maxine!!"

The Van Kirk Special: Cow Pies

Bakker hands out three spoonfuls of rehydrated string beans, the same beans which looked like packing peanuts before Bakker wasted 30 minutes of Apocalypse time soaking them in water. The inbred verdict is unanimous: "Incredible". Could it have been anything else?

Jim's had his fill of zombie-safari and has now returned to the safety of the stage. The smell of food has Zach all worked up for a taste and Bakker happily obliges. What Zach doesn't realize is that Jim's gonna charge him per scoop on the food. And in an interesting twist, what Jim doesn't realize is that Zach's not gonna like the beans. Zach chokes down a mouthful of space beans and declares them, "Pretty Good!"

Zach sealed his fate with his review: "Pretty Good!"

Uh-oh, Jim is not happy with that one. "Pretty Good? We don't use that word on my show." Jim also doesn't use words like honesty, integrity, or truth. If Jim were an honest man, pushing an honest product, 'Pretty Good' would be perfectly acceptable. And if Jim were simply a preacher, then 'disgusting', 'tastes like dirt', or 'oh my god give me a napkin to spit in' would all be fair assessments of the food he's pushing. But in Jim Bakker land, everything must be 'delicious'. Why? Because Jim is a salesman, pushing product out the door as fast as he can...important things like quality, taste, and even necessity are irrelevant.

"Pretty Good? We don't use that word on my show."

Oh man they're really making sure Zach knows what a boo-boo he made. Lori tells us that "These are young people who are not used to eating healthy." No Lori, these are young people who haven't yet polished their sales game like you and your snot-nosed twerp husband. These are the kids you've charged $8000 a semester to go to a bullshit school which is just a front for you to have interns running your show. And you're ruining them. You're teaching them nothing about gospel, nothing about preaching, and nothing about caring for others. And once they realize that you're prostituting them, they leave or are axed.

Jim Bakker insulting Zach from behind Lori

Now Jim gets in on the Zach action. He and Lori have turned square to Zach in order to better direct their verbal assault on him. Jim, standing like a little girl behind his mommy Lori, launches his volley: "This is called string beans. It's not a french fry. It's not a cheeseburger." Jim draws out the words to really rub it in. Jim Bakker is such a pathetic man. Here he is, this short, wrinkled little frog man, selling dehydrated food on tv. He's standing behind his airhead wife for protection, holding a pot and spoon while berating a fat-kid for not lying about the taste of the food he's selling. Hey Jim, do you remember about a half-hour ago when you almost burned the house down?

One Sales Prophet, Seven Foodbuckets, Zero Bibles.

Jim wraps up his correction of Zach, then sends him and Sasha out to the zombie section to dish out more space-beans. With the groundwork set, Jim's ready for his big bucket push. You name it and Jim has it in a bucket. Raspberries? Check. Apples? Check. They're all $100 or more per bucket, but Sales Prophet Jim will throw in an extra if you order two. Why would you do that Jim? If you're being honest with us, shouldn't they all be the same price?

For the remainder of the show, Bakker continues harping how delicious his food is. He shifts from bucket to bucket, meal to meal, each time taking a taste and declaring it 'amazing'. In one closeup shot of freeze-dried raspberries, we see the bowl resting atop Jim's opened Bible. Pastor Bakker likes to keep the important things within reach.

Jim Bakker is, as John Lennon sang, 'Crippled Inside'. He can hide behind his cheesy smile and he can get Lori all dolled up with him while they pretend to love Jesus, but he can't hide the fact that his whole show is a sales pitch, at least not to people with two eyes and a brain. He's an emotional cripple and a money addict. Jim got a taste of the big money years ago and was instantly hooked. He'll tell you any lie you want to hear to part you from your dollar, then he'll do it all over again tomorrow. It takes a pretty heartless creature to be able to do that to people, day in and day out. That creature is Jim Bakker.