|Bakker hasn't been this focused on cooking since prison|
|Bakker peeling around a corner with Sasha in chase|
|Humanitarian Jim Bakker feeding the hungry|
"Now make-believe that twenty years from now...I hope you're still gonna be alive." Jim may as well be telling her, "Imagine twenty years from now when you're dead." That's the cold hard truth zombie: You'll expire before that food Jim's selling expires. Isn't that reason enough not to buy it? Wake up, snap out of Bakker's spell, slug him right in the mouth and leave that place for good. Come on, you can do it!
|'You hooked her Jim, now reel her in!'|
|"Blab Blab Blab Blab Blab"|
[Lori Bakker] "Hey, wanna come out to Morningside and be on tv?"
[Amber Graham] "Be on tv? Sure, but I don't have money for a plane ticket"
[Lori Bakker, snorting] "Haha, don't worry about that, I have a ministry expense account! We'll go to Florida this weekend too!"
[Amber Graham] "Okay...wow, tv sounds fun! Do I have to strip or anything? If so, I need to plan ahead."
[Lori Bakker] "No, you just have to let Jim spoon feed you. I know it sounds weird, but Jim thinks it'll sell more foodbuckets if we get these dumb-ass old people to say they like it on tv. Just make sure you clearly say that you like it, otherwise Jim's gonna be pissed."
[Amber Graham] "Okay, I'll do it as long as Philip Cameron isn't there this week. That guy creeps me out."
[Lori Bakker] "No no, Philip's back in Moldova. This week is Frank Davis. You'll like him, he's like a little pet lizard."
|Better swallow that gum Maxine, you're up next!|
|'Them beans sure eat good Jim!'|
Jim issues an open invitation to his collection of now-hungry zombies: "Anyone else want to try a bite while I'm out here in the audience?" Hands raise from at least three locations, Jim's really got them going now. How often does a brainless zombie get the chance to please their Lord by telling him on-camera that his corn is delicious? For a Bakkonite, it's the ultimate display of allegiance. Bakker may even talk to them for a hurried minute after the show ends.
|This inbred was hypnotized by Jim's swirly snake eyes|
Jim says he's never fed people before and that today is a first. Oh, believe me Jim, you've been feeding people real good for years now...feeding us all a load of shit.
|Jim Bakker's hypnotic eyes|
|Jim heading back out on Inbred Safari, armed with spoon|
[Jim Bakker] "Now Sasha, if one of these things shows any sign of aggression towards me, I want you to thwop 'em with a spoon."Jim now thinks better of feeding the dangerously-hungry inbreds, instead he's handing over the spoons and allowing them to feed themselves. Good thinking, Jim. If one of these critters bites you, you'll get the sickness.
[JB] "Yep, take a spoon and thwop 'em right on the snout. That'll back 'em off long enough for us to get back to the stage."
|Jim elbow-checked Lori early in the show|
[Jim Bakker] "Hi there Grandma Maxine, let's just open up that mouth and take a look inside for a second.
[Grandma Maxine, smiling coyly] "Okay Jim."
[Bakker cracks open Maxine's jaw.] "Oh my lamb, you have gold fillings! Are they really gold?"
[Maxine, tongue wagging and grunting] "Akk. Yakkk."
[Bakker lets Maxine's jaw snap shut] "We looove Grandma Maxine!!"
|The Van Kirk Special: Cow Pies|
Jim's had his fill of zombie-safari and has now returned to the safety of the stage. The smell of food has Zach all worked up for a taste and Bakker happily obliges. What Zach doesn't realize is that Jim's gonna charge him per scoop on the food. And in an interesting twist, what Jim doesn't realize is that Zach's not gonna like the beans. Zach chokes down a mouthful of space beans and declares them, "Pretty Good!"
|Zach sealed his fate with his review: "Pretty Good!"|
|"Pretty Good? We don't use that word on my show."|
|Jim Bakker insulting Zach from behind Lori|
|One Sales Prophet, Seven Foodbuckets, Zero Bibles.|
For the remainder of the show, Bakker continues harping how delicious his food is. He shifts from bucket to bucket, meal to meal, each time taking a taste and declaring it 'amazing'. In one closeup shot of freeze-dried raspberries, we see the bowl resting atop Jim's opened Bible. Pastor Bakker likes to keep the important things within reach.
Jim Bakker is, as John Lennon sang, 'Crippled Inside'. He can hide behind his cheesy smile and he can get Lori all dolled up with him while they pretend to love Jesus, but he can't hide the fact that his whole show is a sales pitch, at least not to people with two eyes and a brain. He's an emotional cripple and a money addict. Jim got a taste of the big money years ago and was instantly hooked. He'll tell you any lie you want to hear to part you from your dollar, then he'll do it all over again tomorrow. It takes a pretty heartless creature to be able to do that to people, day in and day out. That creature is Jim Bakker.