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Monday, November 7, 2011

Bakker spoon-feeds inbreds, wows them with fire - Part 2

This is Part 2. Click here to return to Part 1 of Bakker spoon-feeds inbreds, wows them with fire.

Bakker hasn't been this focused on cooking since prison
Back to Foodbucket Frank and his miracle food. He's telling us how the shit is made while Sales Prophet Bakker seems to be on some sort of mission. Jim's appears very focused up there with his head down, shifting pots around and stirring them. This is probably how he looked while working in the prison kitchen to avoid being raped in his cell. Now all that prison training is paying off because Jim's really taking this food to task  He takes the pot of corn and tastes it, then interrupts Lori while she's talking to get her to taste it too. Lori gives the thumbs-up, which is all Jim needs to proceed with his mission. He says that he needs some spoons, then tells Sasha to follow him. Jim doesn't even wait for Sasha, he's off and walking before you can say 'Food Bucket'.

Bakker peeling around a corner with Sasha in chase
Jim approaches two elderly inbreds sitting up front at a table. He's got a mic in one hand and a pot of foodbucket slop in the other. He entertains these two morons with a couple questions that he'll never remember the answers to because he doesn't care, then Jim gets down to business. Like any good thief, slicky boy Bakker focuses on the little old lady because she's the easier mark. He's getting ready to feed her some corn when he tells her, "Now make-believe that twenty years from now..I hope you're still gonna be alive." She pauses for a moment, wondering to herself whether Jim just insulted her. He did, lady. Don't wonder, don't tell yourself that Jim would never do such a thing. He does it every day to people like you who pay him exorbitant prices for things they don't need. He tricks you into thinking you're doing it through some sort of divine directive, but the reality is that Jim never hears from God...he just wants your money.

Humanitarian Jim Bakker feeding the hungry
Jim Bakker preys on you, the little old lady with the false chompers, the old liver-spotted fart with a hearing aid and permanent smile, because you're too trusting. Focus, zombie. Engage what few brain cells remain and remember the times you've seen Jim Bakker tears, right? He is manipulating you, playing you like a fool so he can pick your pocket like a petty thief.

"Now make-believe that twenty years from now...I hope you're still gonna be alive." Jim may as well be telling her, "Imagine twenty years from now when you're dead." That's the cold hard truth zombie: You'll expire before that food Jim's selling expires. Isn't that reason enough not to buy it? Wake up, snap out of Bakker's spell, slug him right in the mouth and leave that place for good. Come on, you can do it!

'You hooked her Jim, now reel her in!'
It doesn't happen. The insult from Bakker that sparked life into her brain has disappeared, replaced by a new stronger spark: food. Food from Bakker, in fact. Jim takes a spoonful of corn and drives it in close to the woman's mouth. Like a baby, her mouth opens automatically as Bakker's spoon nears. I expect Jim to tell her, 'Here comes the chew-chew train!' before he drives it in. The woman's lower jaw extends forward to catch any corn that falls off the spoon while Jim simultaneously inserts the spoon and tilts the handle upwards to slide the corn down into this woman's gullet. Bakker asks her how it tastes. "It's's just like fresh!" You got her Jim, now go bag another one!

"Blab Blab Blab Blab Blab"
Jim's stalking through the audience looking for another mark. He finds a girl named Amber Graham who is Lori's niece.
[Lori Bakker] "Hey, wanna come out to Morningside and be on tv?"
[Amber Graham] "Be on tv? Sure, but I don't have money for a plane ticket"
[Lori Bakker, snorting] "Haha, don't worry about that, I have a ministry expense account! We'll go to Florida this weekend too!"

[Amber Graham] ", tv sounds fun! Do I have to strip or anything? If so, I need to plan ahead."
[Lori Bakker] "No, you just have to let Jim spoon feed you. I know it sounds weird, but Jim thinks it'll sell more foodbuckets if we get these dumb-ass old people to say they like it on tv. Just make sure you clearly say that you like it, otherwise Jim's gonna be pissed."
[Amber Graham] "Okay, I'll do it as long as Philip Cameron isn't there this week. That guy creeps me out."
[Lori Bakker] "No no, Philip's back in Moldova. This week is Frank Davis. You'll like him, he's like a little pet lizard." 

Better swallow that gum Maxine, you're up next!
Amber Graham, expenses paid, is ready to eat. Since she has a semi-working brain though, Jim knows better than to just shove food in her mouth so he asks for permission first. "Can I feed you?" She replies, "Yes please." The mechanics work the same way. Jim drives the chew-chew train in, she opens her mouth, and Jim lifts the spoon to slide the corn down. She's still chewing when Jim's eyes bulge out of his head from the intense smell of money: There's Grandma Maxine! He quickly circles behind Lori's niece and sidles up right next to Grandma Moneybags. Here comes the chew-chew train Grannie, open wide! And down it goes, another one bites the dust. Lori's niece and Moneybags both declare it 'Better than fresh corn'. Chalk up another two in the bag.

'Them beans sure eat good Jim!'
Jim's leaving a trail of spoons at each table, but the one he fed Moneybags with went back into the pot. He takes a fresh spoon from Sasha and puts it in the pot too, but what's done is done. Grandma Maxine's spit, plus whatever else was living in her mouth, is now in the corn. I suppose they're all family anyways [being inbreds], but it's still gross.

Jim issues an open invitation to his collection of now-hungry zombies: "Anyone else want to try a bite while I'm out here in the audience?" Hands raise from at least three locations, Jim's really got them going now. How often does a brainless zombie get the chance to please their Lord by telling him on-camera that his corn is delicious? For a Bakkonite, it's the ultimate display of allegiance. Bakker may even talk to them for a hurried minute after the show ends.

This inbred was hypnotized by Jim's swirly snake eyes
Bakker approaches a male inbred who's ready to pledge his allegiance. Jim offers the spoon to this dummy, but the angle is awkward on the hand-off. Jim and the man both hold the spoon as it touches the man's lips, then the man gains control of the spoon and feeds himself. We see a closeup of this guy with spoon in mouth and eyes firmly locked on Jim. Bakker is like the snake Kaa from the Jungle Book: When impressionable people look into his sinister, swirling eyes, they become hypnotized by him. That's when Bakker strikes.

Jim says he's never fed people before and that today is a first. Oh, believe me Jim, you've been feeding people real good for years now...feeding us all a load of shit.

Jim Bakker's hypnotic eyes
Bakker returns to the cooking table for a pit stop. Frank Davis, the man Jim compared to Steve Jobs, continues telling us how he makes his space food while Jim adds salt and pepper to the styrofoam string beans. I guess Frank hasn't figured it out yet. Hey Frank, nobody cares how you make your space-food. The only person they're listening to is Jim, and if he says your crap is important, then they're buying it. All you need to do is continue giving Jim those volume discounts he likes and you'll continue raking in money hand-over-fist. Now sit there like a good lizard and enjoy the residual warmth left by Jim's fire. If you're lucky, an unsuspecting fly might buzz around near enough for you to capture, dehydrate, and eat.

Jim heading back out on Inbred Safari, armed with spoon
Pit stop complete, Jim's heading back out on inbred-safari with Sasha in tow. They're armed with spoons for protection from the hungry horde. I'm waiting to see one of these hungry animals snap their jaws at him. Yes, Bakker is their Lord and Saviour, but waft food in front of even the most docile creature's snout one too many times and they're eventually gonna strike out. And let me tell you, Jim's so close he can smell 'em.
[Jim Bakker] "Now Sasha, if one of these things shows any sign of aggression towards me, I want you to thwop 'em with a spoon."
[Sasha] "Thwop?"
[JB] "Yep, take a spoon and thwop 'em right on the snout. That'll back 'em off long enough for us to get back to the stage."
Jim now thinks better of feeding the dangerously-hungry inbreds, instead he's handing over the spoons and allowing them to feed themselves. Good thinking, Jim. If one of these critters bites you, you'll get the sickness.

Jim elbow-checked Lori early in the show
Bakker openly makes fun of one old feller when he asks, "Do you have teeth?" You're feeding them like babies, Jim...if you want to know if they have teeth, why not just open up their smelly little mouths and take a peek? These people are so enthralled with Jim Bakker, I'll bet they'd let him do it too.
[Jim Bakker] "Hi there Grandma Maxine, let's just open up that mouth and take a look inside for a second.
[Grandma Maxine, smiling coyly] "Okay Jim."
[Bakker cracks open Maxine's jaw.] "Oh my lamb, you have gold fillings! Are they really gold?"
[Maxine, tongue wagging and grunting] "Akk. Yakkk."
[Bakker lets Maxine's jaw snap shut] "We looove Grandma Maxine!!"
The Van Kirk Special: Cow Pies
Bakker hands out three spoonfuls of rehydrated string beans, the same beans which looked like packing peanuts before Bakker wasted 30 minutes of Apocalypse time soaking them in water. The inbred verdict is unanimous: "Incredible". Could it have been anything else?

Jim's had his fill of zombie-safari and has now returned to the safety of the stage. The smell of food has Zach all worked up for a taste and Bakker happily obliges. What Zach doesn't realize is that Jim's gonna charge him per scoop on the food. And in an interesting twist, what Jim doesn't realize is that Zach's not gonna like the beans. Zach chokes down a mouthful of space beans and declares them, "Pretty Good!"

Zach sealed his fate with his review: "Pretty Good!"
Uh-oh, Jim is not happy with that one. "Pretty Good? We don't use that word on my show." Jim also doesn't use words like honesty, integrity, or truth. If Jim were an honest man, pushing an honest product, 'Pretty Good' would be perfectly acceptable. And if Jim were simply a preacher, then 'disgusting', 'tastes like dirt', or 'oh my god give me a napkin to spit in' would all be fair assessments of the food he's pushing. But in Jim Bakker land, everything must be 'delicious'. Why? Because Jim is a salesman, pushing product out the door as fast as he can...important things like quality, taste, and even necessity are irrelevant.

"Pretty Good? We don't use that word on my show."
Oh man they're really making sure Zach knows what a boo-boo he made. Lori tells us that "These are young people who are not used to eating healthy." No Lori, these are young people who haven't yet polished their sales game like you and your snot-nosed twerp husband. These are the kids you've charged $8000 a semester to go to a bullshit school which is just a front for you to have interns running your show. And you're ruining them. You're teaching them nothing about gospel, nothing about preaching, and nothing about caring for others. And once they realize that you're prostituting them, they leave or are axed.

Jim Bakker insulting Zach from behind Lori
Now Jim gets in on the Zach action. He and Lori have turned square to Zach in order to better direct their verbal assault on him. Jim, standing like a little girl behind his mommy Lori, launches his volley: "This is called string beans. It's not a french fry. It's not a cheeseburger." Jim draws out the words to really rub it in. Jim Bakker is such a pathetic man. Here he is, this short, wrinkled little frog man, selling dehydrated food on tv. He's standing behind his airhead wife for protection, holding a pot and spoon while berating a fat-kid for not lying about the taste of the food he's selling. Hey Jim, do you remember about a half-hour ago when you almost burned the house down?

One Sales Prophet, Seven Foodbuckets, Zero Bibles.
Jim wraps up his correction of Zach, then sends him and Sasha out to the zombie section to dish out more space-beans. With the groundwork set, Jim's ready for his big bucket push. You name it and Jim has it in a bucket. Raspberries? Check. Apples? Check. They're all $100 or more per bucket, but Sales Prophet Jim will throw in an extra if you order two. Why would you do that Jim? If you're being honest with us, shouldn't they all be the same price?

For the remainder of the show, Bakker continues harping how delicious his food is. He shifts from bucket to bucket, meal to meal, each time taking a taste and declaring it 'amazing'. In one closeup shot of freeze-dried raspberries, we see the bowl resting atop Jim's opened Bible. Pastor Bakker likes to keep the important things within reach.

Jim Bakker is, as John Lennon sang, 'Crippled Inside'. He can hide behind his cheesy smile and he can get Lori all dolled up with him while they pretend to love Jesus, but he can't hide the fact that his whole show is a sales pitch, at least not to people with two eyes and a brain. He's an emotional cripple and a money addict. Jim got a taste of the big money years ago and was instantly hooked. He'll tell you any lie you want to hear to part you from your dollar, then he'll do it all over again tomorrow. It takes a pretty heartless creature to be able to do that to people, day in and day out. That creature is Jim Bakker.


Ron said...


Anonymous said...

that was awesome ron

burnjimburn said...

i really hate bakker, he is such a goddamned deviant. i bet he rubbed his little frog privates on every one of those spoons. i bet he even molests that retard zach. poor sasha i bet she cant walk by off camera without bakker trying to frog her.

burnjimburn said...

oh yeah and i really want jim and lori to just die, i dont want to kill them but i wish i could read their names in the obituaries.

No Nonsense Norski said...

Hysterical! Thanks for the update. Talk about capturing the "high points". You had me in tears.

Too bad you can't churn out one of these per week! We need some hilarity in our lives.

Bob & Jeanne Johnson are on tap for another skin-crawling songfest. They must Advanced Tin Ear Syndrome as they couldn't sing on-key if their lives depended on it. Dreadful warbling. PAINFUL!

Should be a cavalcade of Pure Joy.

Thanks again. Keep 'em comin'!

Grandma Maxine said...

Another great blog Ron, and after reading it I now have to change my depends due to laughing so hard and soiling myself. I especially loved the picture of Frank Davis as a lizard. I do have to take issue with one thing because I dont believe Lori has fake boobs. Please wake up people and dont buy the doomsday products Jim is peddling with his scare tactics!

not an inbred said...

Why is when I look at Jim and Frank Davis I want to break out in a chorus of we are Santa's elves, jolly Santa's elves...where's Rudolph? Wouldn't they look cute in striped green and red shirts and leggings with those cute turned up slipper shoes (they can skip the little red elf hats, they can just wear their red or green "I Care" "about your money" caps. Yes, in these hard times Jim and all of his other little helpers will be bringing you all sorts of great deals to give to your loved ones for Christmas. Can you imagine being one of the kids or grand kids of one of these inbreds! Over the river and through the woods to Grandma and Grandpas condo in the Hillbilly Hills we go. Then you wake up Christmas morning to buckets of cardboard food under the tree for you. Adding insult to injury breakfast is Jims cereal and dried fruit with his powder soy milk. Aaaahhh new and better Christmas memories brought to compliments of Jim Bakker. Jim has always cared about the families of his foolish followers. (If you believe that I will sell you my food buckets for the price Jim says they are worth now...they've gone up since I bought them. You know they are like gold in these last days). (Everyone has an angle not just Jim)! ha,ha

Do the QVC shows pay taxes? Oh little Jim you want us to believe your a good little elf when you really are a little demon. Wonder what the IRS thinks when he gives them the one finger salute each day as he peddles his junk. Doing his crooked little dealings in plain sight and there isn't a thing they can do about it!

Thanks for another great post Ron!

Anonymous said...


Buddy's Buddy said...

Another fantastic post! Ron, you really have a knack for hilarious story-telling. (You're not really working for Frank are you?)

Ron said...

Thanks guys, appreciate the comments! I'm off work this Friday so I might be able to get cracking on some more Bakker stuff I have in the works. It'll be a couple weeks before I can get another full blog post up, but maybe some interim stuff will find it's way here before then. I still have a Philip Cameron profile I'd like to do, and closer to fruition is some Bakker fiction I've been toying with.

Meanwhile, this blog is climbing higher and higher in search engines thanks to your +1s, FaceBook Shares and Tweets. I'm first or second page for that scumbag Larry Bates, so people looking to do business might find my posts and steer clear. Same goes for Jim...I honestly believe I've kept some new people from sending him money.

Plus I can deliver some good laughs to you's been win/win all around so far :)

Chuckmo said...

This is the funniest thing I have read in a while. I have followed the exploits of this guys for decades. You are hilarious in your commentary of what goes on. I have to admit I watch it from time to time...especially when he starts the crying...that is the best. The show is just one big infomercial...Keep up the great work! I will be reading it!

burn jim burn said...

it really hits home because i found out that my grandma buys his fuckin water filters. i couldnt believe it. and when you tell her he is a lying thief she starts saying he was framed by his friend. i cant believe it. when people turn 60 do they just forget everything?

Anonymous said...

I was right Jim has a Christmas catalog! How can this be considered a tax exempt ministry?!

No Nonsense Norski said...

Last night's Marathon Infomercial that is The Jim Bakker Show truly satisfied this heathen's soul.

Whatta show it was!

Featured this time was the Tracy Dartt Group from Apple Valley, California - just down the road from ol' Roy Rogers' place!

Pool Cleaners Extraordinaire turned Gospel Music Hit Machine!

Jim featured a video (couldn't discern if it was from the "Fabulous!" Dartt DVD, or if Jim had dug it up from his boneyard) that had him openly fake crying, wailing, prostrating himself on the table while some dreadful Old Lady Group warbled Tracy Dartt's hit song, "God on the Mountain", JimBob's "favorite song" while he was held in prison, with "no idea when he was going to be released. "

He made it sound like he was a POW rather than a convicted criminal.

Truly, it was one of the most disgusting, repulsive shows since the arrogant "Doctor" Larry Bates oozed onto the show.

Hope they run it again. It was just that bad.

Anonymous said...

Compliments to Ron for your blog....which is a breath of fresh air.....I know of Bakker from the many days in court when he paid "hush money" to Jessica Hahn for enticing her into a room with another "preacher" and sexually using her. And because he is such a "pig" she returned the money to the "ministry" ...because she felt it was wrong. If you truly believe what the Bible teaches....he should be brought to the "elders" to repent of this crime but instead enablers to this criminal like to think it really is no big deal. So all of you Grannies out there..just sweep it under the rug or maybe the Grannies are just assholes who think its no big deal.

By the way...I am a "Grannie" and I think Bakker counts on the sexual gratification he provides to the little old ladies who have all day to dream about "what could have been". I use to do that with a "blues singer" that I would go hear in a nightclub and I would throw dollar bills at him because he turned me on...same thing with Bakker throw money at him and feel good.

Anonymous said...

Vegetarian sleestaks. I love it. Fake Christians selling dehydrated shit, gotta hate that. And Zackaroni getting his ass chewed for not telling a big enough lie (no way that shit is even "pretty good“) was hilarious. Good work Ron.

Cameron Is Not My Dad said...

The first time Bakker puts a spoonful of those styrofoam green beans into someone's mouth who says they taste like crap...well, let's just say young Andrew will be working overtime in the editing booth that night...without pay, of course!

Dermalastyl said...

This is just what I was looking for. I was not expecting that I'd get so much out of reading your write up! You've just earned yourself a returning visitor :)

pastthebrink said...

I wonder what would happen if a normal person infiltrated his audience? I would like to dress up like a little old lady and go throw a fit on the show about how I got food poisoning from his 150 dollar blueberries.

Cameron Is Not My Dad said...

Pitching a fit for Bakker's $150 blueberries?
Sounds link another editing job for Andrew after the show!

Jessica said...

to the poster defending "poor Jim" saying the mean comments from people "like me" who read this blog....should be ashamed for picking on this decent man of god. I resent your remark that we must not have very many television channels other than Bakker. Bakker's reputation is all around the church world and he is a "joke". But, you sound like the typical "christian" that I experienced growing up with Bakker and the other preacher fornicators on television. I am still shocked that Bakker could break one of the Ten Commandments..seduce a young Jessica Hahn (church worker) hurt her physically and never account for that "sin". You think that is okay and we should too even though its normal to be repelled. I am sure that you were one of my Sunday School teachers who made me swallow my gum because it was not allowed during service and then scolded me for asking questions you could not answer. So, keep loving the "predator" Bakker and empty your pockets for him since you have a very, deep attachment to him and it has nothing to do with Jesus. It is very basic and obvious.

Daughter of a Preacher Man said...

In order to be fair minded about Jim Bakker, I have been searching the scriptures for the word "Food buckets" or "flashlights" or "tents" or "water filters", fake crying, etc. Didn't find any, but there is a warning about the "love of money" and to be aware of men who speak of God's love, but their deeds are evil. Holy Cow! what a thought.

Anonymous said...

They just played an OLD episode of the Bakker show on the internet. It seems that when he was at his previous location he had a bigger audience and most were under retirement age. He did a big cry scene but did not shed one tear. I guess he has to work on that.
Mr M

Anonymous said...

20 year shelf life? Well, sort of.
"*For best taste and nutritional value, use product before 20 years of manufacturing date when stored at 60° F (16.6° C) or 10 years of manufacturing date when stored at 70° F (21.1° C)"
How many southern old folks keep a room year round at 60degs? How about 70degs? What is the real shelf life when 6 months of the year this stuff is sitting in 80-90+ degree attics or garages?
I wonder how many years from now people will start have problems from eating this crap when it gets old. Jim doesn't care because he probably will be long gone in 10 years from now.

Grandma Char Groupie said...

There is an ethics & morality issue here that Bakker is completely ignoring by not honestly selling this foodbucket slop & saying it is only good for half the 20 year shelf life he brags about--since nobody, in the average home, keeps a room year round at 60 degrees. But when is the last time anyone has ever mentioned the name Jim Bakker in the same context as honesty and morality? Take one look at the ultra-high turnover rate of his employees and it should tell anyone with a brain that something is not right. Not convinced? Look up Tammy Sue and I'm 100% positive after speaking with her you'll find out the ugly truth about the type of person Jim Bakker really is.

Anonymous said...

Regarading 'Lori's House', it seems to me that she is preparing to save and then give 'unwanted babies' to the post-abortive mourners who she will house in the same 'house and """chapel""". Very convenient - and she will get all the glory and that will be her heritage - to heal post-abortive mothers by giving them the exact number of babies they need.....

Ron said...

It sounds like you're describing an episode of The Twilight Zone...

I'll be working a new Bakker post late this week or early next week, trying to get another one up by Thanksgiving.

No Nonsense Norski said...

On last night's show, Jim commented that his ministry is "getting very expensive" as a reason to send Love Gifts to him.

Since he recently added Los Angeles to his station list, the dollar signs are lighting up his eyes.

"Lori's House" is a pre-disaster just waiting to happen.

One can only guess how much $$$ is getting redirected to Grandma Char and Lori and whomever else's private accounts.

Corporations hide their money overseas all the time. These grifters don't need to be hit over the head to catch onto that old trick.

Jim long ago discovered the Magic Genie that just keeps paying off.

Who needs slot machines when you got people trying to buy their way into heaven?

What would Jesus think?

Anonymous said...

^^And Jesus went into the temple of God, and cast out all them that sold and bought in the temple, and overthrew the tables of the moneychangers, and the seats of them that sold doves, And said unto them, It is written, My house shall be called the house of prayer; but ye have made it a den of thieves. matthew 21.

Jimmy The Swag said...

HMMMM!! How about a FREEZE DRIED Jim Bakker???
You can stuff it with Lori's BOOBs for Thanksgiving!!
How about that for a TURKEY??

Anonymous said...

You think Lori's house is expensive to build, wait until the girls and their babies need medical care. Come on people, "Buy a Bucket for a Baby"

Cameron Is Not My Dad said...

The costs to adopt a child are not cheap and commonly run around $20,000 but can go as high as $50,000 per child. Can you imagine the gold mine Bakker has found if he is allowed by the State of Missouri to charge these kind of prices? There could be enough net profit there to add several more luxury vacations to his yearly itinerary or maybe even have Grandma Char buy a private plane!

Anonymous said...

I saw the show yesterday in which you are speaking. I live in the Chicago area, it must be delayed, or he didn't pay his bill (imagine that).

What a freak show, this bisexual lizard is nothing but a huckster, and a bad infomercial salesman who disgraces the names of the late Billy Blanks and Vince "you'll love ny nuts" Offer.

I saw when he fed fat Zack. The poor kid made the unforgivable sin of not saying how "dee-licious" those nasty beans were. This is proof that lizard boy must prep people of what to say before the show airs.

This bisexual lizard rarely mentions Jesus or the bible, except when to misqoute some obscure prophetoc versus to scare inbreads into buying this crap food buckets. He is not a man of God or even a man. He is going down the same path as he was at PTL back inn the 80's with all this building. The only thing he is building is debts, and hopefully a path to jail!

He is a false prophet, and exploiter, and a bisexual freak!!

Ron said...

Jim better not let fake Dr Larry Bates anywhere near that private plane:
[Dr Larry Bates, applying throttle] "Last time I flew one of these was back in 'Nam!"

Anonymous said...

how can they expect people to believe this dehydrated crap is healthier than fresh vegetables. Whoever buys these buckets of crap must have self-esteem issues or just plain foolish.

Anonymous said...

What is Lori's house going to be or do? Really. They say it is for unwed mothers to come so they don't abort their babies. Will it be free? Will the girls just sit around all day watching tv? Do the girls have to be Christians? This stinks at so many levels.

Cameron Is Not My Dad said...

I say the Lori's House project will be a for profit venture and I also say the pregnant women will be added to the free labor pool of The Jim Bakker Show and forced to work there for free whether they want to or not.

Anonymous said...

Just turned on JB Show and the circus ring-leader said ..."the girls will grow flowers, grow vegetables, and come up here and cook them" -- cheaper than illegals!

Cameron Is Not My Dad said...

You can rest assured the pregnant girls at Lori's House will be picked up in some type of viehicle each day and driven to Grace Street, where they will cook for free in the restaurant, run camera for Bakker, be gophers and messengers, as well as other free labor in the various tasks that need done and then talked to very sweetly about the perfect way to turn their life around after the baby comes. What is that perfect way to turn their life around? Well, it is signing up to be a "student" at the fake college so that they can continue to work for free, hopefully, for several more years!

Anonymous said...

Jim makes a lot of money from the Moldavia girls but it costs him a lot to ship them in. Once the house is up and running he will exploit the girls and be parading them around in front of the camera, each one telling their sad story.

Anonymous said...

why would a pregnant girl need to go to lori's house? am i naive or what? this isnt 1956, if you get pregnant you stay home and have the damn baby and hope the baby daddy pays a little something along the way.

Anonymous said...

I'm sure the citizens of Missouri will foot the bill for the moms and babies. Will no one stopthis fraud?

Anonymous said...

I know the questions about Lori's house are rhetorical, and I agree there is no point to Lori's house. Isn't it amazing how cons can turn their dirty deeds into a lucrative business! Of course Lori's house is just more building and a way for Jim and his side kick builder to bring in more revenue. Has Jim in all his years of "ministry" ever done anything in the interest of anyone else but himself? And yes that is a rhetorical question also! :)

Cameron Is Not My Dad said...

Common sense should tell anyone that if Bakker's so-called "ministry" is truly a God serving Christian ministry then you would tune into any of his hour long broadcasts and see 55 minutes of that broadcast dedicated to preaching the gospel and a brief 5 minutes at the end asking for any help you can give to keep it on the air. Instead, exactly like PTL before it, Bakker no sooner sits down at the couch and says hello before videotape begins rolling of real estate being built and either sold, leased, or rented to anyone with the money to come and purchase it. He continues to take credit for accomplishments at the old Heritage USA--a place so corrupt and dirty that Bakker, his president and right hand man, and his builder all went to federal prison because of it. In addition to Bakker, the government should be taking a serious look into the finances of Charlene "Grandma Char" Graham and her daughter, Lori Graham Bakker, as they are now participating in the latest version of money laundering that this known con artist has in place to hide assets. Sure, it is Bakker robbing the church's bank. But, in this country, if his mother in law and wife are sitting in the getaway car as the cash is being loaded in, they are just as guilty as the moneychanger they are associating with.

No Nonsense Norski said...

Agreed, Cameron. Couldn't have said it better myself.

Does anyone who visits this blog live near the Blue Eye/Branson community?

If so, I'm curious as to how the community regards Jim and the Morningside community.

Anonymous said...

I agree with you Cameron. What kind of salary does this "non profit ministry" pay Grandma Char? Amazing that she can afford all the things that are bought in her name!

Anonymous said...

To Norski: I don't live in Branson but I have a friend that lives and works there. They've said the majority of people in Branson wishes he had never moved there. He's an embarrassment. They call him the king of christian QVC shopping.

Cameron Is Not My Dad said...

Prior to being at Morningside, neither Charlene Graham or her daughter made any money to speak of and Lori has even told stories of how her Mom, on many occasions, could not even pay the bills. Neither woman has a business or management background and it took being placed at Morningside for them to make the large salaries the corporation is paying them. You can bet your last dime it is not the $400 per week (prior to IRS garnishment) that Bakker has advertised his salary as being. I would accept those large salaries for both of the women as being legit if, for example, both women had managed very large ministries all of their lives and had worked up to those salaries because that is what any other similar ministry would pay them. In this case, we know why Bakker's net salary of about $300 per week is so low and why the women's salaries are easily going to be well into the six figures each. I would also not be in the least bit surprised if Bakker is playing some type of paperwork games with the salary of grandson James.

Anonymous said...

Inbred Safari - hilarious
Keep 'em coming Ron

Seth Robinson said...

Excellent, keep 'em coming.

They finally updated their "archives" with some recent episodes.. but they conveniently skip some of them.

I really wanted to see the Kelly Copeland (Swisher now I guess) episode, I bet it was hilarious. Damn it.

Anonymous said...

Zach looks like such a douche bag when he introduces himself at the beginning of the show and points to himself with his thumb. When you tell people, "I am...." they know you are talking about yourself so you don't have to point to yourself.

Anonymous said...

Hmmm...Interesting...they are not going to show the Copeland/Swisher show now. I wonder why?! Do you think this blog has anything to do with that decision? Keep up the good work Ron!

Ron said...

I was just thinking the same thing about Zach, he looks pompous when he introduces himself...seems all that fame is going to his head.

Ron said...

Those Kelly Copeland episodes must not have aired yet here, or else they're still upcoming because I never saw them. My worst fear is being devoured alive by a snake. Kelly Copeland Swisher is that snake. Every time she aims her steely, emotionless eyes at the camera, I fear she's going to strike, constrict, and devour me. I was hoping to get a shot at her, but I guess I'll have to wait until her spot in the rotation comes up again.

bakkersajerk said...

Can't wait for the next blog. These people Jim surrounds himself with are so funny. Idiots all. I really am looking forward to Jim curling up in the fetal position under his lawyers desk again. He needs to go back and get some prison love. He's always liked it.

Anonymous said...

People in Blue Eye ... Absolutely do not like Jim Bakker .. I'm from Blue Eye,, they tear down his flyers, posters and menus

Anonymous said...

He is a fucking scum making money off peoples fears. Not a man of God
lies lies lies. Cant believe how many stupid people are out there.He needs to go back to prison and get ass fucked.Also his wife is fuckin scary looking to much plastic surgery stupid whore.

Anonymous said...

Can ANY of you really cast the 1st stone? You do and give in the Lords name Not man. God still loves you all.