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Sunday, February 12, 2012

Jim Bakker celebrates 2,000th episode with Idol Worship, part two

This is part two. Click here to read part one of Jim Bakker celebrates 2,000th episode with Idol Worship.

Statue: 'Don't you drop me you assholes!'
A commercial for Lori's House plays. They're asking for a thousand-dollar love gift. This is all pre-produced by the way, it's not live. Lori tells us that Lori's House is about giving mothers a place to live and a place to learn a trade. How in the hell is this going to work? Is Lori going to have pregnant women shipped in from around the country to live at her commune, to be brainwashed and possibly re-impregnated by Jim? This is sounding more and more like Jonestown all the time. The commercial continues with audio of one of Philip Cameron's Moldovan girls crying. Jim is selling us on the Lori's House love gift, telling us that we'll get a Builder's Club card which allows us 24 gifts, but at a max rate of 2 per visit. I love it Jim! People give you $1,000 to build Lori's House, and in return you give them a card for 24 horribly cheap gifts...yet restrict them from getting all their gifts at once. Damn you're good!

A nervous Hedgehog Zombie prays for Jim's statue
The commercial's not over yet. More crying from Philip St Cameron's girls, and now fat Zach is doing a voice over for Jim outlining the different methods of payment available. You can donate through the Morningside phone number, you can donate through the website, or you can write a letter. That's right, even if you're so poor that you can't afford a telephone or computer, Jim Bakker is happy to take your money. Just send him a check and he'll cash it, easy as pie. Don't even bother writing your own, just endorse your social security checks on over to Jim. What a nice man that Pastor Bakker!

Is Grandma Maxine being exploited by Jim Bakker?

Commercial is over and we're back to suspense after the cable slip. Everything is fine of course, but Jim's students are learning how to deceive the audience with crafty editing and background music. We see a couple nervous zombies in the crowd, biting their lips and holding their hands together in prayer while the statue hangs in mid-air. As the cable slip is replayed from a different angle, Grandma Maxine is shown with a look on her face as if she just crapped herself.

Jailbird Jim and Mondo the Illiterate are discussing the beauty of the statue and describing the way the cable slipped. Where the cable earlier lay across the statue's collar, it has now pulled all the way up and looks like a hangman's noose around the beast's neck.

Jim's gargoyle being hung at the gallows
I'm confused: Was this particular Jesus crucified, or was it lynched, Pastor Bakker? Perhaps Jim can write a new book for the bible that includes his very own idol, the Anti Jesus, being hung at the gallows for our sins?
Jim Bakker reading from his self-authored Bakker Bible.

[Jim Bakker] "Turn with me if you will now to the Book of Mondo, chapter 10 verse 33.
 Jim's voice rises to a shout:

[JB] "And they will condemn Him to death and deliver Him to the Gentiles, to be hung by the neck until which time that his natural life does expire, God rest his soul".

I'm waiting for this sucker's head to be yanked off by the cable. What would Jim do I wonder? I think we can all safely say that all bets are on the table if that were to happen. I personally imagine Jim prostrating himself on the ground and weeping loudly.

"You have hereby been sentenced to death by hanging..."
They've adjusted the cable and now everything is safe. Kevin, Charlene the Stinkbug, Lori and Zach all talk about how beautiful the statue is, and we see Grandma Maxine wiping tears from her eyes with a tissue. as the statue touches down. In studio, 'Hallelujah' plays over the sound system as the zombies applaud. Grandma Maxine continues wiping tears away. She's probably the biggest donor for this statue effort, something she would likely be told to 'keep secret between the two of us so that people don't get the wrong idea'. Grandma Moneybags is seated up front in the VIP section and is completely cocooned in a blanket. Since the lifting operation required the crane, the doors are still off the building so it's probably about 20 degrees inside Morningside. The old bags are freezing to death in there. Every time we see Moneybags, she's squirming around inside her cotton cocoon like a butterfly preparing to break free. Maybe she's rubbing her hands and arms together to make heat?

Classy Jim, real classy
Uh oh, looks like there was a problem placing the statue on the floor the first time. Jim's talking to another worker zombie about how to fix the tilt on the thing. Apparently it can't be fixed, because the original designer of Morningside was either cross-eyed or stupid and didn't make the walls even, which means that Morningside is irregularly-shaped. According to Jim, there's no 'center of things'. Jim decides that the best move is to have the idol centered on the fake steeple and chapel facade that he has plastered on the wall.

A near-frozen Grandma Maxine cries tears of icicles
Jim said the statue is valued at a 'quarter million dollars', but he picked it up on the cheap for $35,000. Then he said that all the people who donated, 'with their names there' on the base, gave on average only five dollars. You already showed us the plaque, Jim, and there definitely was not seven thousand names on it. Are you lying just a little bit there, Pastor? Just a small one, to get people who can't afford the big donations to chip in just a little bit today? Hey, what they don't know won't hurt them... isn't that right Pastor?

Jim Bakker and his cast of villains
For the video piece's finale, we get a music video. How Great Thou Art plays while the camera fades in and out on the statue from different angles, sorta like you see with nice floats at the Rose Parade. As the song crescendos to its peak, we see a closeup of Grandma Maxine crying to really drive home the point that she was likely the biggest donor for this statue, then a wide shot of Jim Bakker and his goon squad standing together clapping in slow motion. They're assembled like villains in a movie. Two ex-cons, a pair of fat guys and a couple'a whores. Kevin's superpower is binge eating, while Lori has the power to abort her own babies at any time or place. Skeeter Graham can fly and clack Morse Code with her teeth. Mondo has the ability to escape from any prison and Zach has dual sex organs that allow him to impregnate himself and give birth to more Zachs. And the evil boss at the center, Jim Bakker, has the dangerous power of mind control. Anyone of low intelligence is completely overcome by his powers and immediately gives him what he wants. And as we can see, when Jim Bakker wanted a statue, Jim Bakker got a statue.

Jim Bakker petting his Golden Calf
Now Jim calls for prayer to his carved idol. He and his goons assemble around the base of the gargoyle and lay hands on it. Inbreds in the audience stretch their arms out towards it. Jim has one hand on a foot, the other on a leg. Lori moans along with his prayer. Now Jim is patting around on the statue and telling it that “we bind anything that could even possibly be from its trip”. I suggest that you just bind the entire statue Jim, the whole thing is unholy. Jim tells God that he gives the statue to Him. What would God want with your unholy idol, Jim, other than to destroy it and all who worship it?

Jim Bakker speaking to his Golden Calf
Bakker's still reciting his incantation to the idol. He's hunched over like an old sorcerer, and I think it would be really cool if he took his dark hood and pulled it over his head now for effect. He could just make something up to justify it with the zombies, something like, 'This is how they prayed in Jesus' time.' Then he could just shroud his head with the hood to cast his face in shadow. I wonder if Jim's eyes would glow hellfire-red from within the hood? He's still patting around on the gargoyle's feet and sort of rocking back and forth. During his prayer, Jim tells us that the idol is dedicated to God, this “beautiful replica of our Lord and Savior”. Now he looks up towards the face of the idol as he prays to it.

Grandma Maxine braves the bone-chilling indoor weather
During Jim's prayer to the gargoyle, he mentions a few times that its purpose is to draw people to Morningside. He says that God gave him an image of cars backed up on the highway as people drive to see it. I wonder if Jim will place a little donation box near the statue for people to insert their cash and checks? Or maybe a pool surrounding the statue for people to flip coins into? Jim could force a Master's Media kid to don scuba gear and rake the pool bottom every week as part of their important curriculum. Just don't pick a fat one, they'll just float the whole time.

We're now a good five minutes into the evil Wizard's prayer to his idol. Another shot of the zombies with hands outstretched, minus Granny Max who is still completely enveloped in her snuggy cocoon and dabbing tears from her eyes. Maybe the tears are coming from embarrassment as she tries to control herself from shivering and clacking her teeth?

Zombies pray to Bakker's idol as Granny Max hunkers down
Jim wraps up his prayer by looking up at the statue and addressing it directly as 'you'. The background music swells and everyone applauds for the idol. With the idol firmly in place for inbreds to gawk at, the show returns live.

Bakker reads a dispatch from Rick Joyner, who is probably prepping the inbreds for an upcoming Jim Bakker Show appearance for him to sell books. Joyner says the upcoming years will likely be the best years of our lives, and Jim agrees, saying “This could be your best years.” Immediately following, Bakker states that, “I believe things are going to happen that's literally going to bring America to her knees.” You're saying two completely contradictory things here Jim and you can't have it both ways, at least not on my blog.

Joyner: 'My name's Rick, but all my friends call me Goober.'
Can we all agree that 'the best years' would not be spent eating slop out of foodbuckets? And why should we send you money to build Lori's House if America is going to be brought to her knees? Won't there be other far more pressing concerns for us than whatever cockamamie new building project you have slated?

Bakker peddles more fear through Rick Joyner's words. If you've never seen Rick Joyner before, I'll describe him for you. He looks like an idiot that just hunched himself out of a cave and learned how to make fire. I'm convinced of two things: Rick Joyner's brain is the size of a walnut, and Rick Joyner shits his pants at least once a week. Yet, this country bumpkin' makes a lot of money off the inbreds through his use of big words and ambiguous prophecy. He's another one of these guys like Jim Bakker who looks so stupid and pathetic as a man that people refuse to believe that he would rip them off. Our criminals are usually much scarier looking, so when some doofus comes around with a smile, a lame joke and a tic-tac, the inbreds eat it up like biscuits-and-gravy.

Rick Joyner before discovering civilization
Joyner says things like, “Key civilization markers are pointing to this year being one of the great demarcation points in history. Major changes are inevitable.” Big scary words for the 'breds to gulp down, but in reality this goober's not really saying anything of substance. He's just peddling fear like his pal Bakker in order to keep book sales up and speaking engagements booked. And just like Jim, Rick Joyner can never stop selling his scary stories, because to do so would put him right out of business. Isn't that right, Rick? If world peace were declared tomorrow, with all disease and famine obliterated from the earth, Rick Joyner would still be peddling his phony prophecies and doom-speak. It's the only job this pea-brained mountain man knows how to do, and whether it's honest or not is beside the point because Rick Joyner has mouths to feed. And judging by his big belly, it looks like the first bite always goes to himself. Ricky boy, do the world a favor: Go back to your cave, roll your big round boulder back in front of the entrance, and never come out again. If we need to hear from you, we'll knock.

'Alright fellas, time to start milking the statue!'
Time to start milking the statue. With all zombie eyes now firmly fixed on their flickering, rabbit-eared television screens, Jim's back with The Harbinger DVD set for $55 and telling us what a big seller it is. He really crows about how many sales this thing has had. He said the first printing was 200,000 copies, and jokingly brags “And I ordered most of them!” Jim continues stroking his own ego, telling us that he's responsible for bringing this book to the masses. The DVD set, he adds, cannot be purchased anywhere else because it includes tapings from his show. Jim turns to Zach, who has now become his go-to fat guy for any questions on product. Zach gives a quick breakdown of what's in the set in case the people at home are illiterate and can't read the on-screen graphic for themselves. And really, do Bakker's zombies even care what's in the box? Jim could send them a lump of coal and they'd be happy.

Jim staked his ministry on Harbinger DVDs
Jim just turned his sales pitch up, way up. He and Lori both are saying that we absolutely have to read this book. In his words, “I'll stake my ministry, Lori...I'll stake my life. In my lifetime, this is the most important message I've ever delivered on television.” That's interesting, Pastor Bakker, because shouldn't the most important message you've ever delivered on television be the Gospel of Jesus Christ? Are you sure you aren't staking your soul on this claim? He goes even further. “I believe I was born for this moment, to put the Rabbi on television.” So in other words, you're saying that you were born to be a sleazy salesman? A person adept at manipulating people, to cause them to believe that they are so very smart for buying your shitty products? Let's be honest here Jim. Aren't you just doing all of this so that you can cash other peoples' checks and make a living? Can we agree on that, Mr Serpent?

Jim Bakker, grave-robber
Jim must have gotten a killer volume deal on this book. Bakker doesn't dwell on things that aren't making money, and he's announced that he's replaying Rabbi Cahn's shows yet again over the next few weeks. Is he going on another vacation? Whoops, now he has a deal for Two Harbinger DVD sets for $100, a savings of ten bucks over just buying one. Why would you do that, Jim? Why are you charging people more for one than for two? Is that honest? You sir, are a scumbag.

Ooh, and now Jim's spicing it up a bit with thrilling video of an airliner full of people slamming into the World Trade Center. And there's one of the towers, full of people, collapsing. Nice Jim! Hey, you have any video of dead babies or something similarly shocking that can be used to sell your goddamn books?

Jim Bakker profiting off 9/11
The Serpent's forked tongue is tasting the air, seeing how many wicked lies it can spew forth today, how much deception can fill the air before it spontaneously bursts into flame. Bakker refers to things ending this year. “So many calendars end this year” he says, and “So many well-known prophets of generations say this is the end of things this year”. Bakker is trying to scare us. Then the Snake, staring into the camera with its beady, soulless eyes, reassures us that “It's not the end of the world.” In the same venomous breath, the Bakker Snake is telling us that the world is ending this year, and that it is not ending this year. And all this twisting of words is designed for one purpose: to sell product.

Jim Bakker, you are a disgusting, pathetic human being. You are the predator that slimes his way into peoples' confidence, only to then rifle through their wallets when they aren't looking. You cheated on your wife, banged Jessica Hahn, then to cover up your actions you paid her hundreds of thousands of dollars of hush money which was donated to you by well-meaning people. You oversold condos, knowingly and willfully, thinking that people would not catch on. But when they did, your entire scheme came crumbling down, and with it all the money that people gave you in confidence. Where is your private jet now, asshole? Where is the air-conditioned doghouse? Remember when you had two different sets of accounting books, so that you could hide all of your illegal activities from the IRS?

Hey Jim, hide under a desk in prison and see what happens!
During your trial, do you remember when you hid in your lawyer's office, under his desk to be precise, to pretend to be crazy and try and connive your way out of answering for your crimes? But you weren't crazy were you Jim, you knew exactly what you were doing all along. What sort of childish, undignified person concocts a plan to hide from reality under a desk? And when you finally realized that your idiotic plan wasn't going to work, and that you were in fact going to prison, you cried like a little girl for her mommy out of complete, unadulterated fear of what might happen to your manhood. I hope a lot of things happened to it, Jim.

Jim and Zach team up to sell us miniature gargoyles
I hope you wake up every night in a cold sweat, crying and sniveling to Lori or whatever other horrid creature lies next to you in bed. That's because you are an opportunistic rat, a person who takes advantage of those who are incapable of taking care of themselves. You're the kind of greasy subhuman that would cavort with an old lady simply to weasel your name into her will. The kind of animal that would rip the gold teeth off a corpse when nobody's looking. Yes, you were born a runt. Yes, you are physically revolting. But we all face challenges in life Jim, and many people with those same ego handicaps grow into stellar people. But you? You've sold your soul to be a lowly, pathetic foodbucket shark who strikes fear into the hearts of old ladies on a daily basis through lies and deception, with the sole purpose of making money for yourself. How in the world do you sleep at night?

'Our next item up for bid is a fabulous recreation of Christ...'
The sales aren't over yet. Bakker is selling a miniature statue of Jesus for $100, or three can be purchased at a discounted $200. Zach, his ego and waistband growing by the minute, tells us that this is the 'Crazy About Jesus' offer. Maybe change the name to 'Crazy About Money' offer?

Jim turns to a larger 18" statue placed over near Kevin Shorey. He asks Kevin to hoist it up for him. This one costs $1,000 and allows the buyer to have their name engraved at the base of the gigantic gargoyle Jim just erected. Kevin and Lori both look ashamed as they hold up the statue for Jim as he describes it. Good, you should be ashamed. You're ripping off old people by telling them the world is ending and they need to buy your survival food when you both know that simply isn't true. You don't even practice what you preach, in fact you never have. Why are you asking for money to construct buildings? Why are you taking money for cd sales? Don't you know the world's ending? You need foodbuckets!

Shorey sings as the Strangler lurks in the background
Now Kevin's given time to grunt out his Valley Walker song from in front of the Country Bear Jamboree. Kevin is singing from a musical track so the hack musicians in the back have nothing to do but pretend to play their instruments and smile, or not smile if you're Joey, the Morningside Strangler. He's the guitarist in the back who looks like a serial killer, and I think he's a little pissed off that he's playing air guitar right now. Throughout the entire song, he wears a scowl on his face while the overhead lights shine down on his greasy, bald head. It looks like he's scouring the audience for single, unattended men or women...people that nobody would miss if they suddenly disappeared. In front of Joey sits the pencil-necked bass player who actually seems to enjoy playing musical charades with Kevin. He wears a leather vest, an outback hat, and a too-broad smile on his face which screams 'simpleton' to me. Something is up with his eyes. Either one is lazy, both are crossed, or the guy is blind. Mr Bass Player, a word of advice: If Joey beckons you into his van to check out his new 8-track


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Tanya said...

Its clear that Jim expects the statue to be a big revenue generator. And, it sure seems like Jim and his zombies are worshiping it. On occasion, Jim remembers to slip in that the statue is a "reminder" of Jesus, and not the real Jesus, but for the most part, he prays over it, "weeps" over it, lays hands on it, encourages the zombies to cry and pray and stretch their arms out towards it... looks like worship to me.

Reprinted from From Branson/Tri-Lakes News 1-13-12 said...

(From Branson/Tri-Lakes News)

Morningside offers an economic boost

By Stephen Herzog | Posted: Friday, January 13, 2012 3:59 pm

BLUE EYE — The future of Blue Eye is looking a lot different than it was back in 2004 in the eyes of community leaders.
The Missouri-Arkansas border town, with a population of about 170, was bringing in about $4,000 a year with revenue from things like gasoline tax and licensing fees.
Then Jim Bakker and Morningside community moved to town and everything changed.
“We have benefitted immensely from Morningside,” Mayor Jerry Kerns said.
The city instituted a 1 cent sales tax, and with the handful of businesses operating in Morningside, the city’s annual revenue shot up to about $175,000.
The city has already paved the streets for everyone in the city limits who wanted it, and future plans include having its own law enforcement and potentially building a city hall.
“We’d have a place to have meetings,” Kerns said. “Right now we’re just operating out of briefcases.”
It’s easy for Kerns, the mayor for 17 years, to see the difference Morningside has made.
Char Graham, vice president of human resources for Morningside, said while Bakker’s TV show, the “Jim Bakker Show,” is intended to have a worldwide impact, they also hope to have a positive effect on the local community.
“Our intent is to hopefully bless people in the community,” she said.
She said Morningside’s impact is noticed more in a small community like Blue Eye than it would be in a larger community like Branson or Springfield.
While a portion of the Morningside community is tax exempt, it has still provided a big boost to the Blue Eye and Stone County economies.
“We’re excited about any growth,” said Stone County Presiding Commissioner Dennis Wood. “The employees that work there spend that money in the grocery stores and other places and it circulates around the county.”
Stone County Assessor Brad Hudson said the church is currently the only structure on the property that is tax exempt. The condos, restaurant and other stores are all taxed.
A planned community for single mothers will also likely be tax exempt, as it can easily be qualified as a ministry. The service is expected to be free of charge.
“Any property that’s primarily used for religious worship or ministry would be exempt,” he said.
Even if a church owns a property, it has to meet certain qualifications to be classified as tax exempt.
And when those properties accept donations, they have to show that the money is being put back into the ministry.
Hudson said there is one other structure, outside the city limits of Blue Eye, that is also tax exempt — a home specifically for the pastor of the church.
Hudson said churches are typically allowed one tax-exempt residential property to be used as a parsonage.
But the majority of the properties at Morningside do pay property taxes, and it’s something that appears to be helping the Blue Eye School District.
From 2007 to 2008, the assessed property value in the Blue Eye School District went up more than $10 million, or nearly 20 percent.
Hudson said that spike coincides with the addition of condominiums in the Morningside community. There were 255 real estate parcels added that year.
Even after 2009’s reassessment, a year in which property values across the country were dropping, the school district’s assessed value dropped but was still higher than in 2007.
It appears as long as Morningside grows, Stone County and little Blue Eye stand to benefit.
“We wish it well,” Wood said. “We hope and pray to God they do well.”

Brother Dortch said...

Hey Ron!

You're never going to believe this.
It seems as though the $300,000+ lakefront home at the end of Pokeberry Lane in Lampe, MO is in the church's name! I wonder if that includes the boat docked there too?

Now, it also begs the question in what or whose name is the $300,000+ condo at Grace Street? I will assure you, in my opinion, it is in the church's name too--just another ministry organization ole' JimBob has created! Do you wanna bet me a bucket of pinto beans on that one?

Anonymous said...

This just in at the Branson/Tri-Lakes News ......

The former owner of the Hillbilly Inn on 76 Country Boulevard has filed a lawsuit in Taney County Circuit Court against its new owners, claiming they defaulted on payments.

Yes folks, you heard it right. The Hillybilly Inn! Heeeee Haaaaaaa

Anonymous said...

I can understand why they brought Grandma Maximum Money to the Jesus show to freeze. Once she dies I bet Jimmy gets all her worldly possessions.

Anonymous said...

I thought Jim was no longer the Pastor of Morningside's church.

Kool-Aid Kid said...

A "Jim Bakker 5 Star" rating on your part 2 post Ron. Happy to see that you featured a few of the fake Morningside band zombies. The goofy bass player really needs to have a name in future posts.

Anonymous said...

Praying to the statue, did Jim forget thou shall have no graven images? Stretching their hands out and praying to a piece of rock made in Jesus's image, by Communists in China.....mmmmmm.....wonder what God thinks of all this. I know what I think....weird, the zombies are just plain weird!

Buddy's Buddy said...

Fabulous writing again, Ron.

"Skeeter Graham can fly and clack Morse Code with her teeth," had me in stitches.

Thank you!

fencesitter said...

i was in complete awe when i read that, "Zach has dual sex organs that allow him to impregnate himself and give birth to more Zachs" just badass ron. this post is my favorite yet.

No Nonsense Norski said...

The BEST, Ron!

Skeeter Graham! I about choked on my coffee!

Thanks again.

Keep 'em comin'!

Joe C Blue Eye, Missouri said...

It's not listed in the Bible, but my spiritual gift, my specific calling from God, is to be a television talk-show host.
Jim Bakker

Most of you are so young you don't know who I am, and that's good.
Jim Bakker

You can't fake it when you're alone with God, you know.
Jim Bakker

Why should I apologize because God throws in crystal chandeliers, mahogany floors, and the best construction in the world?
Jim Bakker


Anonymous said...

Don't you like the Builder's club card idea. You get 24 gifts with a limit of 2 per visit. Doing the math that means 12 visits to the commune to get your cheap made in China gifts. While you are there you rent a condo at Jims beautiful Morningside, or camp in his campground, $$$'s. You can eat in the cafe, $$$'s. Shop in his General Store, $$$.s. And of course sit at his show everyday where he can brainwash you into buying the lastest product he is PUSHING, $$$,s. Man this con artists knows how to market his game!

The zoombie who posted about the revenue Jim is bringing in for Blue Eye nailed it right on the head, this is a business. The Feds need to move in and shut it down and send Jimmy back to prison!

If I'm a zombie, so be it! said...

Believe it or not, there are a lot of Christians in China. It is not (no country ever is) 100% Communist. Jim Bakker is a very sincere and good human being, I don't understand all the negative hoopla about him, he did his time and is a better person for it. You people just don't understand, he needs money to spread his message, the networks don't function on love and good will, it would be nice, but it just won't happen. Try seeing things from his position and you'll understand.

Kool-Aid Kid said...

Out of all the misfits that appear on Bakker's show I think the only one that appears to have any amount of conscience is Kevin Shorey. At times he looks very uncomfortable and or looks like he is ready to puke over the things Jim screams about. If you are reading this Shorey my advise to you is to run. Run as fast as you can to your car and drive out of the Morningside compound. I think at one time you were the #1 sidekick but after watching the generationNow on You Tube it's obvious that bossman Zach is #1 and peanut brained Nolan is #2. I guess that makes you #3 for the time being. Run Kevin run!!!

Anonymous said...

And do what? He's obviously not in shape to do a strenuous job. He's got it made and he knows it. Zach and the idiot Nolan are just a "flash in the pan", they are living on borrowed time, Kevin knows that. When they are given the heave ho Kevin will move in and assume his rightful place. He knows that? Give Zach and Nolan enough rope, Kev., they'll hang each other. Also, Nolan not gonna always want to remain #2, Zach knows that and he's watching him. Divide and conquer!!!!!!

Tanya said...

Here's the difference between us and the zombies - "Reprinted from Branson" posts the above story about how Morningside is bringing in money to the local economy. A zombie's first thought: gosh, that Jim Bakker sure is blessin' us with his presence. My first thought: Bakker's home is tax-free?! Followed closely by: if that much money is going to other people, imagine how much is going into Bakker's pocket!

To If I'm a zombie, so be it: another prime example of what Jim relies on - that his zombies never, ever question what he says or does. Take your comment, for example. Out of all the things you could have addressed - like having a graven image, praying to a statue, all the money questions - you choose to say "believe it or not, there are a lot of Christians in China."


Anonymous said...

Jim is better since prison, a better scammer. Now he know what to do to skirt the law. His zombies continue to think he can do anything no matter how morally wrong as long as it furthers his ministry. Oh the poor blind sheep will be lead into hell.

Anonymous said...

The ZOOMBIES keep opening their mouths and proving that they are the fools we believe them to be. Jim needs the money to spread his message. lol The zombie got that right...Jim spreads HIS message not GODS! The government of China is Communist and hostile to Christianity! I just don't get it are the zoombies just that dumb or from another planet to be so clueless!

We do see things Jim is doing from his perspective....Jim is thinking I love ignorant zoombies that feed me their life savings so I can live the good life! The only ones that can't figure that out are the zoombies. They live by the motto "ignorance is bliss".

Anonymous said...

I bet Zach can bench press over 300lbs. He does look like a front lineman for any NFL team. He does not really look soft, I know he has a bit of a gut, but he looks powerful, Kevin looks a bit soft and doughy but just by looking at them side by side you can tell the difference in body mass. Zach can play on my team any time. He's one of those guys whose big yet fast, he can manuver. His nickname is "Big Zach Attack" I'll bet. I like the cut of his jib.

Ron said...

If you didn't spend time reading that softball article, I'll summarize it for you: "Local Blue Eye politicians are being treated real nice by Jim Bakker, so they're willing to look the other way when Jim scares old ladies into handing over their social security checks for survival food that they will never need to eat."

If I'm a zombie,
I completely understand what Jim is doing. Bakker's message is fear, his motivation is money, and ignorant people are his prey. It's not all that hard to figure out. And guess what? He'll be doing the exact same thing next year too, after we make it through 2012 unscathed. All his scary talk is horseshit. I'm sorry if you can't see that but it's true, and a quick review of my old blog posts will show that.

Jim Bakker is about as well-meaning as a hemorrhoid.

bakkersajerk said...

That article is funny. The only way the town is happy about JBS is because everyone on the city council shares the same gene pool. That family tree is pretty thin on branches.

Anonymous said...

Watching my favorite comedy show today. Heard Lori start to tell a story about how she met a woman (during her and JimBob's recent vacation) in a pharmacy - a woman who had also had five abortions.

But then, JimBob interrupted her and told her to change the story that, instead of a pharmacy, she was getting her nails decorated when she met the woman who had also had five abortions.

Is there some reason why JimBob didn't want the few hundred people who watch this horrid show to know that his wife went to a pharmacy while they were on vacation?

Don't remember ever seeing a nail salon in a pharmacy: "Get your nails painted while you wait for your Xanax refill," etc.

Just curious.

By the way, love this website.

Grandma Char Groupie said...

Ron--Are you in for $17,500? I'll kick in the other half for a total of $35,000 for the Chinese statue and, since the "appraiser" said it it valued at $250,000 we'll split the profit. The only problem is who will buy it? Maybe the folks who will be taking over the Hilbilly Inn? Or, could the "appraiser" be corrupt?

Ron said...

But why spend our own money when we can dupe some inbreds into buying us our very own statue instead? All it takes is some scary video clips, a doofus ex-con frontman, and no morals...then the statue will be ours to ride and milk!

Oh, we're gonna need some fat kids too.

Grandma Char Groupie said...

There is certainly no shortage of fat kids in Morningside. That's for sure!
Then there's lying Jim. He wants Lori to lie about not being at the drug store and meeting a lady so his audience doesn't think she is having a mind altering drug prescription refilled. Living with him, it is impossible for her to stay off drugs, I am sure.

Anonymous said...

I bet Zach lifts 300lbs everyday. At the dinner table! The only thing big about him is that fat head of his. By the sound of the above entry I think someone has a gay thing for him.

Awaiting the Sex Scandal said...

Bakker was on the show the other day saying it is his intention to have Grace Chapel, the little church at Morningside, open 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. I am wondering how this can happen when he can't keep a legit pastor in there for more than a few weeks working on Sundays only. Maybe he is taking some of Lori's pills?

Tanya said...

The beginning of this show seemed a lot like damage control - Jim telling people to not go to the generationNOW YouTube videos, if you're old and cranky you won't support their ministry after watching them. Then the heavy positive spin - all the Master's students are good Christians and have been through a lot in their lives. At the very start of the show, I wondered why there were a bunch of students on stage again - now I know it was so Jim Bakker could show the zombies how nice these kids scrub up. Ignore the stupid videos, look at their sweet faces and send more money!

Zach Drew continues to learn at the knee of Bakker - Zach has learned to read which way the wind is blowing and say what he thinks will make it all better. Jim asked Zach which is the real Zach, the one on the TV show or the one on YouTube - Zach first said the "real him" is on YouTube. But, things didn't go Zach's way, so mere minutes later Zach is saying that they are doing "sit-coms" and its "improv" and his "character" is the Bossman. Better fall into line, Zach, your leader isn't happy with you.

Jim's about-face with the Lori story was laughable.

Anonymous said...

Having Blue Eye residents and the mayor thrilled I am in town would be an insult to me. I've been in Blue Eye. The place is the biggest dump I've ever seen. The best improvement that town could make would be to light a match! It is the hillbilly capitol of the world! You don't get more backward then Blue Eye. It's on the Arkansas/Missouri border. Arkansas..can I say anything more to help you get a clear picture of what the place looks like. lol Not a bright bunch in Blue Eye. Morningside and the zombies fit in real well there. Joe C gives me hope there are some intelligent people out there. My condolences to you Joe. There can be nothing worse than being from Blue Eye Missouri and Jim Bakkers neighbor. Now that would be hell on earth!

Zach is a real loser. Zombies that send their kids to that school prove they haven't done a good job raising their kids. I am sure the parents are glad they can send those kids somewhere and that someone will take them off their hands. You do have to feel sorry for the kids somewhat. It is obvious those kids have been shipped from one dysfunctional place to the next their whole lives.

The inbreds keep sending Jim money for new equipment, they just got new and expensive cameras. Jim has the audacity to tell those gullible old folks you paid for the cameras, studio, scholarships etc. but now don't watch the crap the kids are putting out on their generationNow videos. Wow, where does Jim find such stupid people who are willing to buy all the garbage coming out of his mouth! Jesus said that false prophets will arise and lead many astray....Jim is doing it right before our eyes. There is a sucker born every minute and Jim is taking full advantage of them!

burnjimburn said...

yeah i think nolan is getting on here and talking zack up for valentines day. their gonna jim bakker in the sauna later today.

Anonymous said...

He going to teach them how to play "Prisoner"

Anonymous said...

This just in from the Branson/Tri-Lakes News.

A project to erect a 200-foot cross north of Branson received zoning approval in 2008. Since that time, Images at the Cross, the nonprofit behind the project, has been raising funds and sharing its vision throughout the Ozarks. The project is estimated to cost $15 million. Brown’s focus is now on seeing, before the end of 2012, what he said will be the world’s largest walk-through cross. Brown is hopeful a fundraiser, Golf Balls from Heaven, will help.

Man, people like things BIG down there in Branson!!!

Kool-Aid Kid said...

Golf balls from heaven??? LOL

Hey Jim, maybe you can make this a sign of the end times to sell more slop buckets. hehehehehehe

Anonymous said...

Another thing that was interesting about the show where JimBob told Lori to change her story about being in a pharmacy.....

The kids were "on display" as a part of a JimBob commercial to get more Social Security money from little old ladies. They were an advertisement.

But JimBob must have told them they would actually get to talk a little bit, give their testimonies, etc. But when JimBob cut them off in mid-sentence of their first sentences, it became very clear to them that they were merely window dressing.

Those smiles soon turned up-side down and I noticed one of them refused to clap as instructed after every JimBob pronouncement about his bucket slop.

These poor kids are being used, pure and simple.

Brother Dortch said...

The Masters Media kids have NEVER, not once, produced a high quality video or series of videos that could be referred to as being anywhere near either semi-professional or professional. I have seen very talented high school children, on YouTube, with editing and production skills that would make anyone in Bakker's fake school, including Bakker himself, look like a video production amateur. The Masters kids sad work is so bad that, after Ron & I began talking about their videos one day, not one but TWO of their YouTube videos were removed from the channel within less than 24 hours. One of them contained the words "Mother Fuckers" in it and the other one was wrought with technical errors. Now Bakker, himself, is telling viewers to stay away from the channel and don't view them--all the while he collects $$$ to buy new cameras, switcher, audio, and multiple thousands of dollars worth of other equipment and construction costs to add a brand new TV studio to the student dorm. Oh, excuse me, I meant the "Tabernacle". They need that about as much as O.J. Simpson needs a new cutlery set for Valentine's Day!

The only logical and reasonable explaination for all of this new spending is that so much money is coming in, Bakker needs to have receipts showing he is putting money back into the non-profit. Other than that, no reasonable person could ever, or would ever, conclude that all of this makes one bit of sense. The "college" only has somewhere around 8 students enrolled at any one time. They cannot beg enough on TV to even begin to get more. Nobody wants to come. I know. A couple of years ago, in closed door meetings with his close staff, Bakker issued an ultimatum that he wanted 50 new students enrolled in the "college" and, after constant begging on TV, was only able to get a handfull of about five or six. Of these five or six, all but two were fully "scholarshiped" with 100% room and board and tuition and a couple of them dropped out nearly immediately. The only reason you see so much of Zach these days is that Bakker feels guilty that Zach's father is being highly used and taken advantage of by being the ONLY parent in the list of students who is actually paying Bakker money to keep Zach there. All the rest of the students, 100% of them, are attending for free and Bakker wants Zach's Dad to feel as though he is getting his money's worth.

But, through it all, you hear JimBob say such idiotic things like he wants to someday buy a "Model A" Ford and put it on Grace Street so the kids can see what things were really like back then. He then apologizes to the women in the audience for saying that and adds that "We men just love our cars". He is skirting the law and has the key to the prison cell door in his hand. He just hasn't unlocked the door and stepped in yet.

I hope this fool does take church money and buy a "Model A" Ford and puts it on Grace Street and let's just hope that will be the straw that breaks the back of The United States Department of Justice and gets this swindler put back in his old cage. It is long overdue.

Can I get a witness? Amen!

Anonymous said...

Amen Brother Dortch!!!!!!

Once again your wisdom and insight into the Bakker scam-a-thon was helpful.

Anonymous said...

Interesting that Zachs dad is the only one that pays tuition. I always wondered why Jim was infatuated with him. The kid has no talent. He's been with Jim for quite awhile now, the rest of the kids that were with him in that fake school are long gone. Jim has no time for fat people so it wasn't a physical only makes sense that Zachs only use to Jim is money. Since Jims first love is money it all makes sense now. Money, it's a good thing Zachs dad has it!

Anonymous said...

There must be a heirachy to that Master's thing. A sort of social structure where Zach is supreme followed by his Lt. Nolan and then Sgt Kevin. Sort of like a Military Academy for Christ. If I was a teenager who had a calling I would steer clear of that joint. Look what and who your going to be subservient to for a couple years. That equality bible nonsense sure as hell doesn't hold true in that environment. Having to take orders from Zach and Nolan, No thank you!!!!!

Kool-Aid Kid said...

To 11:57 am,

You spoke my mind as well.

Franklin said...

They would have to pay me some serious money before I'd take commands from those ego maniacs. I can just hear Zach now "run down to McDonald's and get me a couple three Big Macs and four fries, SUPERSIZED!!! CHOP!! CHOP!! Oh wait! you gotta pay them to attend that school!?!!? FORGET ABOUT IT!!!!

Anonymous said...

Watch Zach barking out orders to the rest of the students on this youtube clip. What an ass.

Tanya said...

Brother Dortch - makes sense now, Jim has to keep Zach's daddy happy, keep that money rolling in. But Zach's daddy has a good deal, if I could find a place to park this man-child, far away from me, I'd pay too.

However Jim has ordered Zach to spin what's already up on YouTube (examples from the last show: it's a sit-com, a character, improvisation, skits, speaking in the language of today's young people), it seems that "the real Zach" is actually the one on the internet (just like Zach said first when Jim asked "who is the real Zach") - an insecure, giant kid who desperately wants to be someone else. If you want to see more of "the real Zach" you could look at this video:

I'm guessing the person actually making this video is Zach's brother, whoever he is, even he can't stand Man-Child Zach. Check out the highlights of Zach doing his best to get attention - Zach is so insecure that he needs to be seen and acknowledged, otherwise he's not sure if he exists: 0:37 watch Zach being an ass in the background, 2:17 watch Zach use one of his "accents" to talk about his cool, MTV-style ride, at 2:26 watch Zach show off his outdoor barbeque. At 3:16 you hear the sad resignation in the video-makers voice.

As for the fake school, Jim found a way to blame the victims on that, too. If you leave, its because you "aren't called to Jesus." Nothing at all to do with the messed-up, and likely abusive, hierarchy that clearly exists, or the fact that Jim is a fraud, or that the "school" is a cover for Jim's money manipulations.

Anonymous said...

To Tanya,
Am I getting this straight, Jim said that if you leave his fake school "you aren't called to Jesus"?!!!! He actually had the nerve to say something so asinine?! Whoa, if he said that this guy is beyond a pompous, arrogant, jerk! He is delusional!

Anonymous said...

Jim could put a WWJD sticker on his Model A. What Would Jesus Drive

Anonymous said...

Zach reminds me of guys in high school. Nobody liked them because they were dorks so that walked around and acted goofy, especially around girls, so that people would like them.

Brother Dortch said...

I would like to take the time to bring something else out, in this Blog, that has never been brought out ever before and that is the fact that the raising of funds for a bogus Christian school is nothing new to Jim Bakker.

While at the horrendously corrupt PTL Club at Heritage USA, in 1986, Bakker claimed to be building, and solicited funds for, a "School of Evangelism" and, as reported by The Charlotte Observer and others, upon examination of the "corect" books of the ministry (Note: Bakker kept two sets of books. One was the truthful books and the other was the cooked books used to show the government)it was discovered that no such school was ever built or even planned. The mention of such a school was simply a ploy in which to raise money and play upon the emotions of people.

So, all of you who think the fake "college" is a great idea, you are now made aware that it is simply a rehashed scheme to raise money exactly like what happened at Heritage USA until The Charlotte Observer and The U.S. Government shut the whole entire fraudulent place down!

bakkersajerk said...

Bro D is spot on, bingo. It is the same scam as before. I blame the zombies for giving him money and not looking to the past to see the future. Same old jim, same old fraud. Different place and different station but it all looks the same.

Kool-Aid Kid said...

Blogs like Ron's and others help bring the spotlight on this cockroach. During the PTL days internet was not available but times have changed and Bakker hasn't. He's playing the same old cons and it's only a matter of time for him to face justice again I believe.

Brother Dortch said...

One of these days, I am going to get into the discussion of another royal fraud in Bakker's lying life, a project which was sold as a group home for handicapped children called "Kevin's House".

(Please note: I AM NOT talking about Kevin Shorey. This Kevin was a handicapped kid who was only 22 inches tall and not even PTL executives knew, until AFTER the house was built, that Kevin was related to Bakker by his Dad being Bakker's cousin. Somehow, this information was kept silent because Bakker knew if the money-donating public found out he was actually raising funds, for one of his own family members, it could seriously hurt the amount of donations taken in.)

"Kevin's House", despite being solicited and sold as a group home for handicapped children, was never used as such because it was illegal in its building codes for such use as it was too quickly built, in only thirty days, to adhere to any such strict codes. As it turns out, it was an over one-million dollar home that was lived in by Kevin and his family only--despite being sold to the public as a retreat where handicapped children could come, from all over the country, to make a better life for themselves. It was reported in the media that Bakker raised well over three-million dollars for it and pocketed the other two. Miraculously, two weeks after the utilities were shut off for it, the house burned down.

Hey Jim! Was your insurance paid up? If Bakker used the same mathematics on "Kevin's House", as he did the new Jesus statue, then even though the house was valued at slightly over one million, it was really worth, say five million, and that is probably what the old shyster had it insured for!

Ron said...

Wow Bro D, just when I thought I'd heard it all...i suppose I'll ask the obvious question though: was Kevin's House really just a nice, fancy doll house?

Man it'd be great to really dig into that bizarre little story.

bakkersajerk said...

Bro D is on a roll. jim only cares about the donations. If he has to lie and create fiction to support the lie, he's unconcerned. Lori's pharmacy story is nothing. This man has lied, stole, and cheated his whole adult life. Wake up zombies, jim does not believe in heaven or hell, he only wants your money for his own.

Brother Dortch said...

(Please note: This comment is NOT about Kevin Shorey who had nothing to do whatsoever with a project called "Kevin's House").

Anybody wishing to see a photo of 22 inch tall Kevin Whittum, the "Poster Child" of a money raising scam by Jim Bakker can see Kevin's photo, as THE TOP PHOTO ONLY, located here:

And anyone wishing to view a photo of the falsely advertised "Group Home" for handicapped children, known as "Kevin's House", which was nothing more than a fraud to build Jim Bakker's cousin a one-million dollar plus home, can see the actual home here:

Tanya said...

2:38 anon: yes, that's right, on one of the shows in the past few weeks, Jim said that his school is only for people who are called to Jesus, and the students find out quickly if that is them or not. If it is, they stay, like Zach has for... what did he say, he's in his 3rd year? (I've only been watching the show for a short while, but I notice that Jim never says how long the program is. How many years until you graduate? Is it a certificate, a diploma, or a degree? Or, most likely, is it completely made-up and you get NOTHING - except the taint of being associated with Jim Bakker)

If you don't like it at the school, then you are not called to Jesus, and you leave. Jim had to explain the turnover of students, and that's what he's running with.

Kind of the same B.S. he said about people who go to Morningside and don't like it - recently he said that people show up expecting him and Lori to sit with them, socialize, babysit - these selfish people don't even want Jim to have time to prepare for his TV shows! He tried to look sincerely at the camera, but in my opinion failed. I bet the zombies ate it up with a spoon, though, just like his foodbucket slop.

Brother D: it stuns me that people continue to defend Bakker as a "changed man." What's that bit in the song - "second verse, same as the first." He gets out of jail and does the same thing.

bakkersajerk said...

Com501 Advanced communications. Learn how to correct your spouses comments to make them more pleasing to possible zombies. View jim correcting Lori and learn from his experiences.

Awaiting the Sex Scandal said...

Absolutely amazing. Brother D is certainly on a roll! History does have a way of repeating itself, doesn't it?

Joe C Blue eye, Missouri said...

I wonder who Jim was talking to on last nights show when he said "I don't want you to rain on our parade,if you don't understand it, just shut up and don't knock it".
Very interesting also, his talk of buying the land next to the School. That land would be an 84 acre plot that abuts my property on the west flank.He will then have me surrounded on three sides. I am sure the land he was speaking of purchasing was not mine because the warehouse and workshops for the kids he spoke of building would be more than my 8 acres could support. I guess I pissed old Jimbo off when after leaving two messages and on the third said " be a man and Call me Jim". I can assure each and every one of you that if Lori's House is indeed constructed and is used for anything other then what they are portraying to people, the word will get out. To any Zombies that read my post, that is not a threat, it is a promise.

Orlando Sentinel said...

Disabled Teen Sues PTL Over Eviction

August 23, 1987|By United Press International

YORK, S.C. — Kevin Whittum, a wheelchair-bound teen-ager ordered evicted from a home for handicapped children at the PTL television ministry's Heritage USA, is suing PTL and its former leader Jim Bakker.

Whittum spent Friday, his 19th birthday, signing legal papers for the suit filed in the York County Court of Common Pleas, his attorney Melvin Roberts said Saturday.

The suit asks that PTL be directed to revoke an order evicting Kevin, his adoptive father David Whittum -- Bakker's first cousin -- mother, Ione, and adoptive sister Carolyn from the home by Sept. 10.

In another development, a group of PTL supporters loyal to Bakker, who left his television ministry after a sex scandal was revealed, filed suit against PTL Friday, seeking to oust the Rev. Jerry Falwell, who took over from Bakker and then refused to give the ministry back.

The suit alleges Falwell is misrepresenting the source of the ministry's funds, according to court documents.

Whittum's suit claims that Kevin's House should be allowed to remain a home for handicapped children, as Bakker told contributors, although the Whittums are the only family living in the 14,000-square-foot home.

Kevin's House also is entitled to all donations made to the home, the suit contends, and it demands a full accounting of the money.

''We've had various estimates, but we have no idea how much we're talking about,'' Roberts said.

''If the money has legally and properly been spent -- and we have no problem with that -- an account would show what truth is. Kevin may be surprised. He believes he's entitled to know,'' Roberts said.

Federal investigators are probing allegations that much of the $3 million Bakker requested from viewers of the PTL television show last July was used for other purposes.

David Whittum told Saturday's Charlotte Observer that the suit names Bakker because Bakker had promised on his PTL television show that the Whittums would be allowed to live in Kevin's House.

Anonymous said...

Blue eye stating that Jim is bringing in the tax money means only one thing, they will let him build whatever he wants. They want that place to grow so that more Zombies are spending money locally and in turn Blue eye gets their share. I heard Lori say that the unwed mothers will learn a trade at Lori's house. What type of trade? I bet she means that the will take over the place of the Moldova girls and prance around on Jim's show with their sob stories so that more fools give their money to Jim. Why would Jim give that money to Phil when he can keep it for himself.

Tanya said...

Joe C: I also noticed the whole "shut up" thing. I'll be shocked if he does call - its so much easier to hide behind a video camera and a wall of zombies. Kudos for getting under Jim's skin!

So now Jim wants to buy more land, God apparently wants Jim to own all of Morningside, Lori's house hasn't had the ground broken yet, the "school" area isn't finished yet, the bathhouse isn't done yet... Jim needs more money , more money, more money... really, zombies? This all makes sense to you?

You know, I haven't been on this blog for very long, and just once, I would love to see a zombie address a real question, other than saying irrelevant things like "there are a lot of Christians in China. (12:59 comment)"
I can only imagine how the rest of you feel.

Anonymous said...

How long has Master's Media be going on? How many students have gone through at least a year. How many outside of Jim's family got jobs because of their MM training? Someone out there must be able to let us know how things go down in the training.

Brother Dortch said...

Did Bakker do a good job of selling "Kevin's House" to the masses as a home for handicapped children using the severely deformed son of his first cousin as the "Poster Child" in which to raise three million dollars of what turned out to be unaccounted for money that nobody was able to find out where it went? Take a look at this photo here, at an Open House for "Kevin's House", and judge for yourself if Bakker sold the project well:

You can see yet another photo of lines waiting to get into the Open House at "Kevin's House" here:

And there is a very good, full color photo, of Kevin Whittum here:

At no time ever, was "Kevin's House" ever occupied by more than Kevin's own family, who were Bakker's relatives, and even they had to sue when Bakker absconded with all the funding for it and they were evicted.

Ladies and gentlemen, if would steal from Kevin Whittum and be able to sleep well at night...then he would steal from anybody!

Anonymous said...

Absolutely amazing story of "Kevin's House". Wow!

Brother Dortch said...

(Please note: This comment is NOT about Kevin Shorey who had nothing to do whatsoever with a Bakker project known as "Kevin's House".)

Anyone who would like to actually take a video tour of just part of "Kevin's House" and see Kevin Whittum, as the tour host, is welcome to take the video tour here:

Kool-Aid Kid said...

I tried to watch the Feb 10th Jim Bakker Show (#2012) on his website. Everytime Jim says Babylon he mispronounces it and calls the city Babylun. Finally at 6:58 into the show he has a verbal diarrhea spasm over the Greek word liparos. At that point I shut it off.

Anonymous said...

Adding some perspective to JimBob's "prophetic" emphasis in his rantings.....

I'm an old-timer. I remember watching Bakker's show back in the day for the same reason I watch it now - for a good laugh.

But in those days, I don't remember any emphasis on predicting when the Great Horned Owl of the Cosmic Toxic Landfill would swoop down and claw to death anyone who didn't buy bucket slop.

The charismatic movement was generally a positive development in the late 1970s and 1980s. It brought a breath of fresh air to American Christianity. But, lately, many big-bucks preachers who appeal to the charismatic masses today have discovered "there is gold in them thar' hills" if you can pull out a crystal ball and try to predict the future.

Joyner is one of the most prominent of these so-called Modern Day Prophets. That's why JimBob has hooked up with him and that's why JimBob is mimicking Joyner and his ilk.

There's a so-called prophet from South Africa who is on a lot of Christian TV networks these days. A few years ago, he made 10 specific predictions for a certain year. I wrote them down and kept track of them and NOT ONE OF THEM HAPPENED. To give you an idea how bizarre that was, he predicted that Eminem was going to become a Christian preacher that year.

As soon as JimBob finds he can tap into more money with some other charismatic fad, he will stop this prophetic stuff and move on to something else.

Anonymous said...

The old so called "Kevin's House" is the oldest con in the world, appealing to sympathy for donations, it is what he homeless on the streets use, same tactics, Bakker's changed his "Modus Operandi" now to appealing to fear for donations. Wow, what a party that 2,000 show was, Bakker said it was his 2,000th year and Kevin caught it, that was funny. Imagine having a party where the food and refreshments are Campbell soups (all around). Count me in!!!!!

No Nonsense Norski said...

@ 9:23 -- I'm an old timer too.

Back in the 80's, my family was afraid I was going to run off and join the PTL Club because I watched it all the time. Why did I watch it? Simply to get pissed off at all the inbreds back then.

Same today. PT Barnum was right. There IS a sucker born every minute. And history DOES repeat itself.

Regarding the South African prophet, are you speaking of Rheinhart Bonke? He's a real trip.

By chance, I met Bonke's "personal assistant" back around 1990 who was on a "fundraising trip" to America.

Up close and personal, those people are scary! Have a glazed, other-worldly manner. Creepy!


Anonymous said...

Mr. or Ms. Norski....

I was talking about the crazy dude Kim Clement.

I agree with your description of these people. Having been in the charismatic movement many years ago, I can tell you that 80-90 percent of modern-day America charismatics are absolutely mentally ill (including, of course, JimBob and Wife). I imagine a pretty high percentage with Bipolar Illness. JimBob's diagnosis would probably be narcissistic disorder and personality disorder.

I know what you mean about the spooky, other-worldly manner of so many of these people. You can't carry on a normal conversation with them. They remind me of people I knew during my hippie days who took a tab of LSD every morning for breakfast.

I kind of wonder how many reefer heads watch the current Bakker show for giggles. I imagine quite a few.

Joe C Blue eye, Missouri said...

In a four minute time span towards the end of the show last night they said the words bucket or buckets 17 times.

Anonymous said...

I think those foods are simply delicious. I have purchased a number of items from Morningside and find the dehydrated foods to be supreme. I have no complaints and they come in handy. We were snowed in, no big deal, but the food buckets really came in handy. I suggest the Rasberries and the Potatoes.

Kool-Aid Kid said...

To the hillbilly 11:44 am

Glad to hear you are enjoying the zombie food. I suggest you get a brain in your head.

bakkersajerk said...

I keep thinking about the conversion Lori must've had in the pharmacy.
"Hi, I'm Lori and I've had 5 abortions"
"glad to meet you Lori, my name's Sue and I too have had 5 abortions!"
"I couldn't help but overhear you two, my name is Jane and I haven't had any abortions but I think I might try one."
Lori asks "are you pregnant?"
Jane answers "no, my brother has been in jail"
Sue says "you must have some cousins or uncles"
Jane says "yep, but they're all methed up and never pay any attention to me"
Lori asks them both "hey girls, want to trade prescriptions?"
Jane and Sue agree.
The shit that happens at the Blue Eye pharmacy....

Anonymous said...

That's what buggs me the 5 abortions. You think she would have learned afterthe first 1 or 2. I bet welfare paid for them, public money.

Joe C, Blue eye, Missouri said...

To Bakkersajerk: You are hilarious.

Does anybody know what the biggest pick up line that's used at Morningside?????


shultzy said...

I think. I'm not sure but I think the goofy guy with the blue baseball cap, clapping harder and louder then everyone, at the begining of the show, the intros, is Joe Blue eye.

Cameron Is Not My Dad said...

I think. I'm not sure but I think the guy in the bath house playing a game of "Drop the Soap" with JimBob is shultzy!

Anonymous said...

What happened to Lori? Today she couldn't sit still and would NOT shut up blathering! Her teeth were lipstick stained and hair looked like she combed it with an electric mixer, acting like the camera was a mirrow...pulling at her hair and rolling her eyes. Hanging and shaking her head, and laughing when nothing was funny and eyes about half closed. I thought she was attractive at one time and felt sorry for her. I do believe she is on dope now.

Joe C Blue eye, Missouri said...

Damn shultzy, your on to me. I just made up all my posts about Jimbos compound overtaking my humble abode. I'm really one of them. NOT

Anonymous said...

It is extremely obvious that Lori is on something. Definitely. There are days she looks and acts totally out of it.

bakkersajerk said...

Shultzy. I don't like to correct people on their comments because I make lots of typos and misspells. But, your first sentence "I think.“ is a bold face lie. You are a zombie therefore you can't think.

Anonymous said...

I noticed that Kevin has become a lot more vocal lately, more aggressive in his demeanor. I guess he wants to foil Zach and nip his Spokesman status in the bud, before it's too late. If they (Morningside suits) told the disabled Kevin to beat it, they'll have no scruples in getting him thrown in the dust heap also, Kevin watch Zach!!! I'm serious!!!

Kool-Aid Kid said...

That's right bakkersajerk.

Bakker Zombie = No Brains

the real SHULTZY said...

hi ya'll i bend over in the bath house and let jim provide prostate and colorectal exams because i do not trust anyone other than jim because he boughts jesus from china so we all could worship him, i also gave jim my bank accounts and my soul so he could protect both forever

Tanya said...

Lori is going downhill before our eyes. Did anyone else notice the little cloth she was holding at the start of the most recent new show? (assuming our TV schedules are the same) She dabbed the corner of her mouth a couple of times, like she was drooling and needed to dry herself off, but was being mindful of her lipstick.

Couldn't see the cloth after the first few minutes, maybe someone took it away, or the kids cut it out of the show.

Drooling, going to a pharmacy while on vacation (and not for non-prescription items, either, if that's going to be a zombie's comment - before Jim made up a new story, they were talking about being delayed due to problems with a label printing... you know what needs a label printed at a pharmacy? A prescription), and the increasingly odd behaviors, its looking like Life with Jim is maybe not all she thought it would be.

Zach turns my stomach, especially after seeing his YouTube nonsense. Kevin needs to unseat Zach.

I suggest a sumo match.

(P.S. Joe C., bakkersajerk - lol!)

Joe C Blue eye, Missouri said...

David Koresh,oh sorry, I mean Jim Bakker made a very interesting quote today ( in my opinion). He first said "The falling away of believers" and then said " ya know, people are not going to buy into the love of money religion any longer cause when the moneys gone then your God is dead. This friggin guy is unbelievable. Wont you be my neighbor. Anybody want to buy a home and 8 acres? Inquire within.

No Nonsense Norski said...


We have TCT Network pledge drive all week, so no JBS.

Although the various "pastors & prophets" that are Pitching for Dollars are a real scream. So phony baloney, I wouldn't buy a paperclip from any of 'em! Yet, they're raking in the dough.

Very curious about Lori. If she starts crying uncontrollably like Tammy Faye, we'll know for sure.

Tammy was blasted for YEARS. That's the only way anyone can stand to be around Jimbo.

Nice Tooth! Hah, Joe C. !!! :-)))

bakkersajerk said...

Joe C.
I hope you find a rich muslim to buy your place. That would drive the zombies nuts. It makes me chuckle just thinking about it.

Brother Dortch said...

As you can see from the construction of "Kevin's House" years ago, in which the proper permits were never obtained prior to building, Bakker builds first and worries about the permits later. Joe C, I sure hope you can help him change his ways and bring that old snake up to code on the CORRECT way to do things!

Anonymous said...

To those posting about the mental illness of Jim Bakker and his followers your dead on. I spent enough time in the past at the compound to get to know quite a few people out there.

I got to know two women in the compound really well on my visits out there. One of these women went on a vacation and called me while she was away. I shared with her the other one was sick and to pray for her. She then called the sick woman and told her she had been in prayer for her and while praying GOD had told her she was sick and to call her! I went to visit the sick woman and she told me how thrilled she was that the other woman had heard from God and that He told her to call her and encourage her! I had a good laugh. Should I consider it a compliment that she called me God!

The people out there are just like Jim, they see visions, they get prophecies, and they hear from God...(just like the woman heard from God in her prayers to call the sick woman.) People being slayed in the spirit, convulsing and screaming and rolling on the floor. Getting words about witches and demons that are wanting to destroy the ministry. I could go on and on. It is a frightening cast of characters.

Someone earlier on the blog said that Jim had the nerve to say on tv that people move there and want his attention. My impression of Jim is that he is a extreme narcissist. I visited enough to cross paths with him many times and never once did he even attempt to make eye contact to simply say hello. He appeared to have an "I am a VIP" attitude towards people. He excuses this rude behavior with claiming he's shy. I saw first hand how shy he was until the camera started rolling. He's a real Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

Needless to say I stay far away from the compound. I feel sorry for Joe C, I wouldn't want those kind of people living next door to me.

Ron said...

On last Fridays show, Lori looked unbelievably ragged. She was slurring her words, her lids were low...if she were pulled over by the cops in that state she would have been subjected to a field sobriety test. All jokes aside, it was shocking to see. If I have some time I'll try and get it up on YouTube.

Tanya said...

Agreed, Ron, in all seriousness it is jarring to see Lori's current state. There are times when Lori seems high/intoxicated (slurring, eyes drooping, head drooping, irrelevant comments) and times when it seems she is in the beginning stages of withdrawal (constant fidgeting, adjusting her clothes/hair/papers on the desk). Before any zombies get upset, I'm only giving an opinion based on what I see on the TV - if you have a better explanation for why Lori is a hot mess, I'm interested to read it.

I haven't watched the whole new show, but in addition to the usual crap Jim expects us to swallow - the "school" is almost full, they have new students, there will be a wait-list soon - he didn't even put any effort into his demands for money. I mean, he just phoned it in. Jim said they really need more bathrooms for the students, and he could build them for... say $50,000. He pulled that number out of his ass, but the best bit was that he then casually added: if someone wants to donate ALL that money, he'll put that person's name on the building. Never mind your name on the Jesus statue, that's so yesterday, now for $50,000 you can have your name on a toilet.

It was also interesting to see Jim's choice in dealing with Zach's image problem (that is entirely Zach's own making, no wonder he couldn't get into a real school) - can't hide the initial videos, so they're choosing to promote, even putting a still up from Zach's introduction video, with his chosen name "the Bossman." And, for good measure, they aired a short video of Zach accepting delivery of the new switcher - Zach must have been under strict orders to not be a repulsive jackass. He tried, but I still saw a repulsive jackass.

Brother Dortch said...

Much as I hate to do it…and believe me, I would not do it if I, personally, did not feel as though it were true…I must concur with both Ron, Tanya, and the rest of you out there who feel as though Lori is back on drugs again. Her rough demeanor and outward appearance these days is getting worse by the episode. On certain days, Lori looks like she would be much happier sitting in the headquarters of a rogue motorcycle gang, sipping a beer and waiting for the next shipment of meth to come in…so her biker boyfriend can get her a free stash to party on…instead of sitting next to an elderly husband who she constantly fights with. I would also like to be able to say I feel sorry for her, but I cannot and do not.

When the feds came knocking on PTL’s door, with arrest warrants, Tammy Faye was never arrested and never charged. She openly admitted that her role there was simply to be the preacher’s wife and she left 100% of the money dealings to her husband and the patsy boards he created who said “Yes!” to everything he asked them to do. In Lori’s case, this is not true. Lori wants to know, and be involved in, EVERYTHING Jim does and she and her Mom live in constant fear that all three of them will be hauled out of there in cuffs one day in the future. I believe the pressure is starting to get to her.

There have been days at Morningside when Lori has broken down and totally lost it emotionally and stormed off the set before the show aired--forcing Jim to host it all by himself. She would then come back the next day and apologize to all the staff, as well as students, who were forced to observe this breakdown. On other days, while on the air, the tension between her and Jim is often so intense you can cut it with a knife. When you choose to make stupid decisions in life, such as marrying a con artist who is two years younger than your own elderly mother…and is bisexual to boot…the drama is going to catch up with you eventually. Add to this the fact that Lori was, obviously, not the smartest and most emotionally stable woman, in the first place, and you have a recipe for disaster just waiting to happen.

Anonymous said...

Is that a photo of a monkey mask or the that rabbi dude?

Tanya said...

Well said, Brother Dortch. I don't see how it could be possible for Lori and her mother to claim ignorance. No matter how fast those two dance, if Jim goes down, they'll go down with him. And they deserve to.

Jim must be a nightmare to deal with. He got a little payback from Zach Drew at the end of the show today. I'm not clear on what Lori was trying to say, her speech ended with "you can take the Mark of the Beast or die" - or something like that. Which led to Jim writing "666" on Zach's forehead with a Sharpie felt pen (Jim said after he wrote the 666 that it was a permanent marker). Jim claimed to have a purpose in doing that, I don't understand what it was... but I do know that Jim directed Zach's face to the camera and got a good long close-up, then said Zach should get used to it, or be used to it, because Master's Commission students do "humour videos."

Zach, looks like you better get daddy to send more money. Jim's royally pissed. Maybe daddy could pay the $50,000 for the toilets.

Kool-Aid Kid said...

Bakker's new fake school class:

Face Painting 101

Kool-Aid Kid said...

Hey Ron! Brainless Zach Drew has some real dopey mug shots as he acts like a crazy alcoholic on this youtube clip. Maybe you could use a few frames of this for future posts? LOL

Seems fitting with Lori's current mental health to have Morningside present this don't you think?

Anonymous said...

Here is a very interesting article posted by a former employee of Jim Bakker.

Kelsey said...

It's just killing me because the network that broadcasts Jim's show has pre-empted it this week for a telethon. Is there any way to catch the clips where Jim refers to the Generation Now videos? I can't believe he's referencing them, because it just draws attention to their existence. I can't believe I missed an episode with Jim berating "prophet Zach" and putting a 666 on his head.... links please!!!

Anonymous said...

Yes Kelsey I agree. I would love to have links to this madness!

Anonymous said...

lori just said, "the big eye in the sky" like all horror movie'ish when they were talking about Gods judgement.
could not believe it.
kevin was also laughing out of control. i can not believe this show.

No Nonsense Norski said...

We need LINKS here, people! Please!

I went to JBS website yesterday, but all I could find was the nesting of the gargoyle again.

Anonymous said...

nesting of the gargoyle!!!!

Well said No Nonsense Norski.


burnjimburn said...

does anyone else think that jim's new set up is trying to look like the last supper?

Anonymous said...

OK. Being on the West Coast and only being able to see the Jim BS on DirecTV channel 377 (TCT) we feel like we're missing some important stuff (Did the 666 thing with the magic marker really happen???).

So this morning at 8 PT we went to the web site and waited for what was supposed to be a "Live Taping with Jim & Lori Bakker and Frank Davis." Instead it turned out to be an old show we saw a couple of weeks ago, all edited with the constant commercials for Seychelle, food buckets and FireNow.

This "live" show was immediately followed by a tape of the previously aired "2,000th Show" show.

Are we doing something wrong? Can someone please tell us how to get to the LIVE craziness???

Anonymous said...

I would say don't go by any of their live schedule times. I've discovered that they are off schedule at the best of times due to the production being controlled by unprofessional zombie students.

Awaiting The Sex Scandal said...

Yes. Do NOT ever go by the live schedule times. They are off by as much as an hour or more on a daily basis. I have seen people show up at Morningside for what was supposed to be a live taping, starting at 10:30 a.m., and be forced to sit there until the actual show began, in some cases, as late as 2:00 p.m. It is very common to have them sit there until 1:00 p.m. Needless to say, I have also seen people literally stand up and walk out too. These people, as it turned out, were the smart ones!

Anonymous said...

The show never is on time because Jim and Lori think they are superstars, so they show up when they feel like it. Jim and Lori keep their worshipers on the edge of their seats waiting for their idols to show up. At least now the worshipers have a second idol, the marble Jesus. They can stretch out their arms and pray to it until Jim and Lori show up.

Grandma Char Groupie said...

Oh yes, Lori is a superstar all right. A superstar of:

a) mouthing off at the wrong times
b) laundering money for Jim
c) not telling the truth
d) opening up her legs and sleeping with anything that walks
e) sniffing white powder up her nose
f) rolling a joint
g) smoking a joint
h) leaving her husband to go to Florida
i) leaving her husband to attend rock cocerts
j) dumping her youngest adopted daughter off in another state to be raised by someone else
k) bossing around clueless 18 and 19 year old kids
l) popping pills
m) arguing with her husband
n) insert your own talent you think she has here:_______________

Anonymous said...

Having been a drug and booze abuser myself when I was young and stupid, I know this behavior when I see it. I don't have any "inside information" other than what I see on TV, but The Queen Bee is a rehab clinic patient waiting to happen.

From what I see and hear, maybe a combination of downers (such as Xanax, etc.) and booze. Could be more, since other people here who seem to be close to the situation mention pot.

She may pass out on the set someday. They might not edit it out, because JimBob and the kids like high drama.

Anonymous said...

Oh think of the fun Jim and the students will have if Lori ever passed out by writing 666 on her forehead!

Anonymous said...

Watching the live taping session now but missed the first bit. No sign of Lori.

Anonymous said...

To Whom May Know:

Didn't Jims first wife Tammy have a drug and drinking problem? Being a former addict Lori didn't have far to go before she succumbed to drugs and drinking again. Any one think Jim has anything to do with the women around him imploding?!

SusanD said...

Someone said they missed the magic marker show in the west...Directv shows the bakker show on about 3 different channels at different times...Boy did you miss a great show Zach looked like a total tool with 666 on his forehead, then Jim telling him uh oh looks like I used the wrong Marker...Kevin loved it hahahah

Anonymous said...

Lori is gone today and, according to Jim, went to Washington D.C. to be with her cousin Amber Graham who just had a new baby. Grandma Char also went, probably to babysit the baby, while Amber & Lori party!

Both of Jim's wives have been drug addicts and both of them have had breast implants too. He must like fake boobs. But, the biggest boob he's got there is Zach!

Anonymous said...

Yes the live taping today is a keeper. Jim is in a bad mood.

Anonymous said...

I find it amazing the Lori can just jump on a plane and jet off to where ever she feels like going. Sounds like a first lady to me. What a diva lol

Grandma Char Groupie said...

I also am watching the live show and Jim is telling the story that, along with pills, pot, and powder, Lori told him she also used to get high on mushrooms! Whoops, I forgot that one. Also, I find it amazing that, at the cost of over $300,000 with a lakefront view and boat docked in back, Jim continues to refer to his new home as just a "cabin". What a load! Can't this guy let so much as one day pass by without lying and deceiving people?

Anonymous said...

To the above poster: When you have unlimited resources you can do things like them. They mentioned on the program where the unemployment rate is going up and up. You won't see Zach or Nolan worried about that, they have it made in that 'non heavy lifting job" and know it. I just feel that in life you have to pay your dues, and these dudes never will or have.

Grandma Char Groupie said...

Oh, this is getting good now. Jim seems to be getting some sort of sadistic pleasure in knowing he can now get away with saying things about Lori he could never get away with if she were there. He is saying she would kill him if she ever found out but he is going to tell her weight. He said she used to weigh 164 pounds and now, after eating his foodbucket slop, she now weighs only 124. Yea for healthy, drug sddicted, Lori!

Anonymous said...

Jim hinted a number of times during the live taping that he would like to purchase the Salba Health Food Company. On top of that he released news about his forthcoming Jim Bakker Super pizza and Jim Bakker line of soda pop. This taping was nothing but a long stream of infomercials. When it came time for Kevin to sing towards the end he read the words from a sheet of paper he leaned against his coffee cup. That's classy. At the end of the taping Bakker looks and smiles to Frank Davis and says "We sold it man." How does Bakker get away with this!

No Nonsense Norski said...

I missed the very beginning of the live taping. Did Jim say where Lori flew off to?

Back to the Dream Center?


Rodeo Drive for some power shopping?

No Nonsense Norski said...

The JBS is nothing but a giant cash machine for Reptilian Frank Davis.

Well, it's nothing but a giant cash machine, period!

Anonymous said...

Kevin Shorey did a good job I thought of deflecting plenty of Bakker's indirect and direct fat comments sent his way during the live taping. I swear one of these days Shorey will lose it and smash a food bucket over Bakker's tiny head. Love to see it happen.

bakkersajerk said...

jim was selling buckets of wheat today, isn't that chicken feed?

Anonymous said...

Zach must have had trouble rubbing the 666 off his forehead. He was a no-show for the live taping today. Funny!

Brother Dortch said...

OMG! The live show today was indeed a keeper! I swear you can't make this stuff up. I also heard Bakker say to Frank Davis at the end of the show "Man, we sold it!" Jim was so proud of how well he sold the foodbuckets. One of the show's highlights, as I saw it, was when Bakker started talking about white bread being robbed of its natural nutrients, just like white rice, in order to get the pretty white color to it. Bakker, who used to drive an expensive Rolls Royce prior to going to prison, was talking all about this robbing food of its nutrients and then turned to young Nolan and said:

"Why, Nolan, that's like someone saying they're going to give you a Rolls Royce and then all they hand you is the Rolls Royce cigarette lighter!"

And then, in a dead serious tone, he proceeds to ask Nolan:

"Now Nolan, do you want the Rolls Royce or do you want the cigarette lighter?"

To which Nolan, in the most serious ass-kissing tone I've heard him use in quite a while, promptly replies: Oh, I want the Rolls Royce!"

This show is becoming more and more like the old PTL club each day. The only things missing are Tammy Faye and the federal indictments!

Mr. Positivity said...

Facts you wont hear on the JBS:
1. The stock market is at multi-year highs.
2. Unemployement is at multi-year lows.

Why wont you hear these from "doom and gloom" Jimbo, because it wont sell doomsday products!

I did notice that Ariel is back. I guess she temporarily escaped from the compound, but Jimbo got her back.

"The love of money is the root of all evil" and "stop loving money" he keeps telling the zombies..what a hipocrit!

Anonymous said...

Kevin lost weight. He has a hell of long ways to go but he looks less bloated. Poor guy, he looks out of place sitting so far away from the boss, it must be symbolic or Bakker's way of keeping him in line, keeps him from getting too upidy. I'm waiting for one of those girls to hit Morningside with a big fat sex lawsuit, then write a book about it, or even one of the guys, who knows??

Awaiting The Sex Scandal said...

I will be first in line to read this book when it comes out.

Tanya said...

Sounds like I have another good show to look forward to tonight.

I felt sad that some of you missed the '666' show, and since I had a day off today, and it was so epic, I made a transcript of that segment - and I even wrote 'you can't make this stuff up' as someone earlier did.

I uploaded it hours ago, and it hasn't shown up, so I don't know what happened. Maybe it was too long - is there a word limit on these comments?

If people are interested, I could try again...

Lori and Zach missing from the show - very interesting. Well, permanent marker is very difficult to get off, and the students already had a bad time of it trying to keep Zach out of the shot when Kevin was singing his song at the end. I wonder... full rehab program or just detox and get her back on the air. How important is it to the zombies that they present themselves as a happy couple (they don't present as a happy couple, but just sitting next to each other is probably enough proof for a zombie).

Kool-Aid Kid said...

Did anyone hear on today's live taping Jim telling how he gave a couple of doctor a tip on curing alzheimers? The doctors were so amazed at Jim's discovery! Wow.

What a load of crap. Bakker, you are a sick zombie!

Joe C Blue eye, Missouri said...

I watched the 666 episode last night. I must admit I hit the rewind numerous times. I could not belive what I was seeing and was mostly shocked by his reason, or lack thereof, for doing it. We are not getting the same shows here in the Ozarks that youse guys are getting elsewhere. Lori and Zach are both on the one I am watching. I took a ride to the "compound" today after work and took some pics and tried to put them on here but could not. I took a picture of the food pantry to show the long lines of people Jimbo was helping with all that food they couldn't ship. Oh wait, there were no lines, hell, it wasn't even open. On the "episode" I am being graced with tonight Jimbo is talkng about his time in prison. He stated "when I was in prison, because man had condemned me" I may not be the sharpest pencil in the box but is he blaming "man" for his prison sentence? Is this his way of saying he is not to blame for his issues? Did he not "condemn" himself? Great blog. Very glad I stumbled upon it.

Ron said...

hi Tanya, i'm at work right but I'll check on the missing comment later tonight or tomorrow...some comments are auto flagged as spam by blogger...i just need to look real quick to see if that's what happened, then I can move it out and get it posted for you (and us) to enjoy

Ron said...

Joe C and anyone else, if you can get stuff posted on YouTube, Flickr, etc, I'll link to it on my main page down in the bottom right corner where I have the other jim bakker links...YouTube is especially valuable as it's heavily trafficked by people who may be interested in finding out about Jim I've said all along, the more eyes on Jim the more chance he meets bubba again

bakkersajerk said...

I didn't get to see much of the live show but the BS was amazing. Grind your own wheat to make bread. I'm sure he'll be selling his little flour mills to the zombies. jim even claimed that it was really a bucket of bread that would last 100 years (he didn't mention where the other ingredients would come from). Then his buddy, the reptilian veggie mormon, said that vitamin c made in China was poison. Apparently, the only thing safe to eat comes out of buckets.

Joe C Blue eye, Missouri said...

I can assure you Ron, I have a "birds eye view", and these eyes will be watching. Thanks again for a great blog.

Kool-Aid Kid said...

Looking forward to seeing the transcripts of the 666 freak show Tanya.

Thanks for this blog Ron.

Joe C Blue eye, Missouri said...

Well, it looks like Jerry Crawford is fed up. Towards the end of the show I saw tonight Jimbo said " Mr. Crawford, who built all of this said" "its time for you to buy it yourself and buy it out". Then Jimbo said " I don't know how I'm gonna do it" then proceeded to hawk his wares.

Kool-Aid Kid said...

Joe C, It's a wonder Bakker didn't start to cry and fall on the floor in the fetal position!

Anonymous said...

Sounds like the love affair between Jim and Jerry Crawford is over. I read on another blog Jerry's wife is fit to be tied by all the money they invested in Morningside. Jerry went bankrupt once. She filed for a divorce. Jim saved their marriage then. Hmmm this soap opera gets better all the time.

Tanya said...

Ron - thanks in advance for looking for the comment, whenever you get the time. I don't blame blogger for calling it spam (if it did), I probably would have labelled it spam myself, based on the ridiculous factor.

I think Jim's trying to get back at Zach for 'the Bossman' idiocy. I can only imagine what Jim said to make Zach change from his first answer (the real him is the obnoxious Bossman on the internet) to his damage control answer (its a sit-com, improv, a character, he has to act like that to reach young people). It only took a few minutes for Zach to change his tune, I'm guessing there may have been an edit in there - to give Jim a chance to tell Zach what he needed to say to keep being allowed to sit next to Jim on stage.

So, Jim said he was in prison "because man condemned him"? Yet another example of Jim wanting to have it both ways. Depending on how he is trying to manipulate, he either says that, or he says he "made a mistake." As in a singular mistake, I have no idea which particular thing Jim thinks was a mistake.

Brother Dortch said...

Hey Ron! Here is a hard question. It is the typical type question posed by Jim to his students. Ready? If a person offered you a choice of two things:

#1) a Rolls Royce


#2) the cigarette lighter from a Rolls Royce

What would you take? Remember, if you answer this question correctly you may have all the mental talent it takes to receive a full scholarship to college!

Anonymous said...

Never mind the S.A.T. or the A.C.T.
Obviously, the entrance exam questions to Bakker's college are much harder. No wonder he gets the quality of students he does!

Tanya said...

I scrolled through the school application, and I'm surprised they have any students at all.

It says in the application package that their program is mostly spiritual, but has "academic elements" - they don't bother to explain what that means. No mention of a certificate, diploma, etc, but don't worry about that, because Jim may give you "ministerial credentials" if you "meet the requirements set forth by Morningside Church." No description of what the requirements are - and based on Jim's sordid history, I don't think I want to know.

They want a recent photo, plus your "ethnic origin" (they say this to comply with federal guidelines).

For some reason, they need to know if you own your own vehicle.

Students are not allowed to hold an outside job because the commitment to the school is 24/7. And, their students are not allowed to take real college courses online.

No Thanksgiving or Spring Break - they have a Christmas Celebration and students are "invited" to stay. If the parents want to see their child, they can rent a condo or an RV space on a "nightly rental basis" (yes, they specified the charge is per night in the brochure).

It sounds more like a cult than a school.

Kool-Aid Kid said...

Very funny Brother Dortch.

If Jim had asked Sasha the same questions she would have asked what a Rolls Royce was. Honestly, after hearing her on the live taping show I think a bobble head has more intelligence than her.

Anonymous said...

“The church is not a building; the church is the body, the people…”

Jim Bakker in "The Refuge"

Excuse me Mr. Bakker but don't you mean,

“The church is not a building; the church is the body, the people, the condo, the cabin, the truck, the boat, the numerous vacations, the money ...”

We tried said...

We need to cool it on the negative comments guys. Jim's clever and uses our negative comments as a feedback tool to improve his image. We can't defeat this guy no matter what, look at the way it stands. New state-of-the-art equipment, new studios, new soundstages. Jim continues to live the good life no matter what we say. Time to cash in our chips and exit the field, Jim won this hand. Such is life.

Anonymous said...

To 11:05 zombie,

"Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning."
Winston Churchill

Kool-Aid Kid said...

Is that you Zach? You must be really pissed that the cockroach wrote 666 on your forehead eh?

Anonymous said...

To we tried,

Pride goes before the fall.

I want a front row seat when the Feds take you all away in cuffs. Jimbo thought he was indestructible the first time too.

The zombies are so stupid!

Brother Dortch said...

If you watched the live, most recent, Frank Davis show you heard Jim say he depends on Social Security to live. He said he collects it because, to use his exact words,

"You all don't pay me a lot around here!"

There must be laws in place that forbid the feds from garnishing Social Security checks. Also, even though most of them are now gone, you can rest assured that, during the time he had all five of the Mexican kids living there, he probably received some type of government assistance checks for each of them too. What a system player!

And now, he is dreaming of driving around Blue Eye, in a church bought Rolls Royce exactly as he did at PTL. Oh yes, his days are numbered. He is his own worst enemy.

Ron said...

I haven't seen that show yet Brother Dortch but if Jim said he survives on his social security check, that would be one of the more hare-brained lies to exit his mouth. The guy has capped teeth and a fresh tan every other month, and as we can see by his most recent purchase, his taste in gaudy statues doesn't run cheap. Tell that one to the IRS and see what they think about it Jim.

Brother Dortch said...

Ron: It is highly possible that Social Security remark may make the cutting room floor! Also, I went to the Godzilla & Kellie Swisher pages and the links to the above 200 numbered comments are there. But last blog they were notthere, for me, so if you see me disappear after 200 that is why. I can't read or comment on them. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

We tried said...
You would have to be on drugs to think anyone would follow your thoughts. Wait, is that you Lori?
You said "Jim continues to live the good life no matter what we say." How can he? He said he was on SS?

Anonymous said...

It is more than simple to see why his own two children want nothing to do with him.

Confused said...

Please excuse my ignorance if I have missed something but, wasn't it just a couple of weeks ago, that Bakker announced on the show that the college was completely and totally out of money? If that were true, where is all the money coming from to add on to the tabernacle for a new student studio and to purchase thousands of dollars in new equipment for it? Have I missed something here?

Tanya said...

Confused: Jim constantly says he is out of money, its part of his high-pressure sales tactics. He's constantly going on about the great needs of the Ministry - combine that with fear and product pushing, and the zombies give money.

Brother Dortch said...

To: "Confused"

Tanya is correct. I also saw the show to which you are referring and, if you will remember when Jim said it, there was a little giggle that came out of his mouth and then Jim said not to worry because the school runs out of money all the time. He basically was telling you he was lying right after he said it.

No legit school runs totally out of money and then, just days later, spends hundreds of thousands on building expansion and high definition TV studios.

It is high pressure sales that people who are mostly uneducated simply choose to ignore and buy into--thinking they are doing God's will...and boy oh boy, are they ever wrong! I only wish we could have God bring back Kevin Whittum to this forum. He would tell you, among many others, what the real truth is!

Defense attorney said...

Grandma Char, you are too old to go to prison. I suggest that when the feds bust all of you for scamming the folks out of their money that you turn states evidence. Blame it all on Jim. The government always want's to nail the ring leader.

Brother Dortch said...


Anonymous said...

It is helpful that Jim and his supporters continue to boast about how well the Bakkers are living. It is good that Jim is boasting about the money he is spending on Morningside and his fake school. Every time they open their mouths to brag they help the IRS in building their case. Soon we will see Jim back sniveling like the coward he is under his attorneys desk. This time no crooked attorney will be able to get him off.

Jim's OK w/me said...

HA!! "Once burned, once learned", Jim was burned once and learned from those mistakes. This dribble about the IRS coming for Jim is pure wishful thinking from "wannabe jailhouse Lawyers", never gonna happen. You can talk amongst yourselves all you want and say "Your right so and so" and "so and so is right", cause it sure looks good on paper but that's where it stops. If IRS had anything on Jim they'd be on him like "flies on honey", look at Jim and ask yourselves "Why don't he look worried??????" Pax Mornigside.

Brother Dortch said...

Dear Diana or Zach or whomever is blogging today on behalf of Bakker,

To my knowledge, the IRS has already been at Morningside not once, but twice, in person and in the flesh. With regard to the second visit only, it was during a time when Bakker already had a full weeks worth of shows and guests already booked and planned in advance and they were all cancelled. Reruns were shown in their place. Somehow, Jim didn't feel right standing up there on stage raising funds while the IRS agents were inside his offices looking at the paperwork to determine, among other things, whether two sets of books were being kept (again) like they were the first time.

Knowing these facts only, I would suggest you not go around bragging about how the IRS doesn't have anything on Jim and boasting about it. In reality, they have over six-million reasons why they not only showed up there in person the first two times, but continue to monitor his fiscal activities on a regular basis and I find that nothing to be boastful of. Here's another suggestion. Why don't you try going up to one of these federal agents in person, the next time they visit your hero's compound, and start bragging to them, right in front of their face(s) how clean Bakker is and how they've got nothing on him? Then, come back here and let us know how well that worked out for you. I'd love to hear the results!

Joe C Blue eye, Missouri said...

Posted: Friday, February 17, 2012 3:52 pm

Mindy Honey | 0 comments

BLUE EYE — A 15-foot, 12-ton statue known as The Resurrected Christ is now on display at Morningside in Blue Eye.

The sculpture, a replica of the original, which stands in the Church of Our Lady, a Lutheran cathedral in Copenhagen, Denmark, arrived at Morningside earlier this year.

The statue is a permanent fixture at Jim Bakker’s development and serves as a fundraiser for another project at Morningside, a home for unwed mothers known as Lori’s House. The house is named after Bakker’s wife, Lori.

During a recent fundraising campaign, donors were offered a replica of the statue and will have their name placed on a plaque near the statue at Morningside.

Jim Bakker Show General Manager Jerry Jones said the home will give pregnant girls an alternative to abortion.

Jones said while many families tell children to not have sex until marriage, unplanned pregnancies still happen.

“We find a lot of parents shun the kids out because they are disgraced,” Jones said. “What we want to do is provide a real life option. We want to give an option for those unwed mothers and these unborn babies.”

Jones said the home will not only provide shelter, but medical care, counseling and vocational training.

“We want to teach them Jesus is the answer,” Jones said. “Pastor Jim (Bakker) always says at the end of the day, ‘Jesus loves you,’ and we want to show them that.”

He said they want the girls to be able to return to society, productive and able to care for their child.

He said the girls might train in Morningside’s restaurant, gift shop, day care or other job opportunities at Morningside. The home and all that it offers, will be available to the girls free of charge.

“We don’t want it to be an income stream for the ministry,” Jones said. “We want it to be an answer for these girls to not get an abortion. (Jim Bakker) wants to help save babies.”

The home is currently in the development stage. Jones said while they don’t have an exact timeline for the project, he estimates the home, which will house approximately 20 girls, could be completed between mid-summer to late fall of 2013. So far, a two-mile road, costing approximately $250,000, has been completed to the site where Lori’s House is to be built. Jones said the project is dependent upon donors helping fund the construction.

The Resurrected Christ statue is one of the many ways the Bakkers are raising money to fund Lori’s House.

Assistant General Manager Wendy Youngblood said the home for the girls is dear to Lori Bakker’s heart.

“Lori has had five abortions,” Youngblood said.

She said Lori Bakker had the abortions during a previous marriage. Since the Bakkers have wed, they have adopted five children, Youngblood said.

Now, Lori Bakker wants to give others a better option to abortion.

On Wednesday, the ministry purchased an additional 84 acres adjacent to the Morningside development. The new parcel will give direct access from Missouri 86 to Lori’s House.

Youngblood said the property became available and with it being adjacent to their acreage, it made sense to make an offer on it. Youngblood said they are weighing the options, but at this time,do now know how the additional land will be used.

“We have several ideas,” she said.

Youngblood said they are not yet ready to announce what projects they are considering.


sundoe said...

I doubt if Jim could really be happy. Having to look over your shoulder everywhere you go, worried about someone who you scammed in the past looking for a little payback, has to take a toil on your nerves. Sometimes there are things happening with a person (behind the scenes) that we have no clue about. Like Whitney Houston. Unless of course the person is a complete sociopath with no conscious, but that's a different story.

No Nonsense Norski said...

Get crackin' on that For Sale billboard, Joe C.!

I think the Lord be speakin' to ya!

It's time to high tail it outta there!

Kool-Aid Kid said...

I agree No Nonsense Norski, the place is turning into Zombieville.

Brother Dortch said...

Jim had pizza shop owner, Mr. Wayne Gilberti, on a broadcast once and told him, as well as the viewing audience, that "Mr. Gilberti's" is the only restaurant he will dare go into all by himself. He said the reason for that is because he was out at another restaurant once and someone came up to him and literally spit right in his face. Ever since that happened, he said, he has been afraid to go out to a public restaurant alone ever since. He then went on to further embellish the story by saying it was a very good thing that Lori was not there with him at the time he was spit upon because, if Lori had been there, she would have entered into a fistfight with whomever did the spitting! Now THAT is something I believe. Knowing her ghetto background and how hyped up she can be, I can easily see Lori being involved in a street fight with a lot of either liquid courage or pharmaceutical courage in place backing her up.

To Joe C: Remember it is the squeeky wheel that gets the grease. Stay on use the words of the Morningside blogger above..."like flies on honey" and you will, hopefully, be bought out for every dime your property is worth as well as any and all moving expenses incurred. Then, after the sale is totally complete, go up to that old snake and spit in his face--just make damn sure Lori is not around when you do it! LOL LOL LOL !!!

Anonymous said...

Average american male lives to 78 years old. What is Bakker something like 72? Allow for his diabete and high stress and it brings the average down a bit. Just working with the averages I'd say Bakker's got maybe 5 years to make Mr. Drew into the new bossman of Morningside.

Joe C Blue eye, Missouri said...

One side of my brain is telling me to sell and get the hell out of dodge but the other side is telling me to stay put and make life hard for Jimbo. I remember all of his goings on in the past and I remember his "fall from Grace" but I did not follow it nor did I realize the scope of his dealings. It was not until I realized he was my neighbor did I start to dig into his past. I am amazed and quite shocked that he is able to operate in the same fashion as he has in the past and has not been shut down.

Anonymous said...

Sometime the squeeky wheel get's replaced Joe. I have to admit te Pastor looks good at 72, must be the Silver Sol.

Joe C Blue eye, Missouri said...

The fact that I may or may not sell has nothing to do with me being a sqeeky wheel or not. I have made it a goal of mine to bring him down. I am still in the planning stages but am sure with the help of others my goal will be accomplished. If not for any other reason, it will be for all the people he has scammed over the years. All he had to do was notify me when I tried to contact him. That was your first mistake with me Mr. Bakker.

Anonymous said...

Zombie at 2:19,

Bakker looks like a 72 year old frog.

Anonymous said...

For 2:19. Prophetic, John 2:19...."And Jesus said: Destroy this temple and I will raise it in 3 days".

Awaiting The Sex Scandal said...

Oh yes, and the witches are the only ones writing on this blog and Zach is here, with a magnifying glass, looking for the presence of "Secret Codes". Joe C, I admire you. You are to be commended.

Kool-Aid Kid said...

Zombie 3:00 pm

... and your point is????????

Tanya said...

Joe C: the speed with which Jim bought that land should spark some kind of activity in even a zombie's brain. It was only a few days ago where I saw the show where Jim said he was interested in the land, had ideas for it, but needed money.

Guess he had the money all along, huh zombies?

("should" being the key word, I know it won't)

Kool-Aid Kid said...

Tanya, Jim Bakker is always way ahead of the zombies with his plans.

Anonymous said...

I like the way little Jim always threatens his critics with, "I will send big mama Lori after you." The big bad dope, sex, rock and roll addict coming after me scares me very much, not! Little Jim always threatening God or Lori is gonna get you for talking bad about me. Wah, wah, wah. Scary, VERY scary. Are we all afraid yet. lol........

Anonymous said...

Jim is such a baby. He cried like a baby when they took him to prison and I bet he cried everyday. Jim, stand up for yourself and act like a man! Jim haters, be careful or Lori will abort you.

Anonymous said...

I am confident that Morningside will become very big and very profitable. Jim is good at what he does. The is a smart man that learned from past mistakes. The only problem is what he does is scams, lies and cheats. Poor ignorant Zombies think that his success is from God. To say that God is rewarding Jim for his actions is one terrible thing.

Tanya said...

Kool-Aid Kid: light years ahead, it seems.

He's pushing his school pretty hard in the shows I've seen recently. Got several students up on the stage, telling the zombies to send money for the school because this is how the next generation will be reached.

Problem is, these students are inarticulate -- only a zombie would believe they could convince anyone of anything.

At Jim's urging, Ariel shared a personal story about how the students really are the key to bringing young people to God. She said she has a friend who is an atheist, and this friend asked Ariel how she could worship something that she could not see. Ariel answered "faith." The friend/atheist said "no, no, I've heard all that." Ariel's compelling response? "because I believe... there's faith in it." Ariel is working on the premise that if you repeat the same thing enough times, people will believe it. Guess she learned that from Jim.

Jim is getting the students to talk about their pasts - like Nolan's drug use, and the sexual history of the girls... hey Jim, how about instead of cajoling the kids to share their past, you talk about your past? I mean, you did your time that "the man" made you do, and you've learned/repented, and you're honest, right? So let's hear about YOUR sexual history, and YOUR abuses of others. Show us what a changed man you are instead of using these kids.

Anonymous said...

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^Sometimes,just sometimes, when the end results are good. The ends justifies the means. It is like burning the land to reap a better crop. A lot of you folks maybe don't see it this way, but that does not mean it's wrong.

Kool-Aid Kid said...

Zombie Hillbilly 5:14PM,

What kind of cockamamie backwoods response was that?

All you Bakker zombies talk in riddles.

Joe C Blue eye, Missouri said...

Thank you Kool-Aid-Kid, I was and am lost for words on that post!!!!

Anonymous said...

Kool-Aid Kid, I agree with you but the zombies don't talk in riddles, they just talk like that out of stupidity. The zombie said they think the end justifies the means! I'm sure God wouldn't agree with that stupid remark! I am sure God doesn't see it this way either. I am sure God thinks everything Jim and company does is wrong. The most truthful statement about Jim may have been the one about how he is a cancer on the body of Christ!

Ron said...

Hey Tanya, your comment was not in the spam folder so it must have been lost somehow during posting, maybe the word verification failed or something. Feel free to post it again.

Anonymous said...

Joe C. blue eye.....

Keep on keepin' on, partner. If your bring this sniveling liar down the second time you will be doing a service for thousands of people.

He is a liar and a thief and he deserves ten thousand spits in the face. He makes me want to hurl, the little sniveling weasel of a cockroach!

Grandma Char Groupie said...

Joe C,

Let's take a look here at a direct quote from a 12/2/11 letter written by Jim Bakker himself. In it he said:

"My office door is always open for anyone with an issue, prayer request or concern. I invite you to come in for a chat or simply call the main switchboard and they will patch you through to my office.

I am a changed man and Prison taught me to count my blessings everyday and Lori and I want to share our blessings and teachings to every person in America.

From my Heart
God Bless,
Jim Bakker"

Joe C Blue eye, Missouri said...

Against my wifes wishes, I will make a visit to Jim Monday. Wish me luck. My Italian, Jersey attitude may overtake me. Send bail money. I will gladly send you a bucket of slop as a love gift for bailing me out of jail.

Tanya said...

Thanks for checking, Ron - the 666 episode remains dear to my heart. I'm going to try to copy/paste in from the Word doc, let's see if blogger likes it this time:

Lori: (begins by talking about the day when you can't feed your babies, or yourself) "If they say the only way you're going to be able to eat is if you have this, some kind of scanning device in your, on your body somewhere to go to the grocery store and get food, believe me, you're going to take the Mark of the Beast [vacant smile]... or I'll die... [longer vacant smile] - and I'm gonna tell you something -"

Jim interrupts: [didn't catch the name of they guy he mentioned] "we just studied that!"

L: [over Jim] "This makes so much sense to me!"

J: "the warning in the Scripture is you will NOT go to Heaven, I mean absolutely, if you sign up with the Anti-Christ you're not going with Jesus Christ."

L: [animated now, raises her voice] "OK, just for that reason alone everyone should have food. Just for that reason [cackling laugh] Ahhhhh [groans]"

J: "But, but, so many people don't know. But here's the thing - Zach can I write on your forehead? No. I'm gonna do it."

L: "Nooooo...."

Zach: [deer in headlights, nods] "If that's what your heart's desire is, Pastor Jim..."

L: "Noooo.... that's a Sharpieeeee...."

J: [to Zach] "But you don't, you don't care, it'll wash off." [leans in with pen]

Z: "OK, go for it."

J: "Let me do this..." [starts to write on Zach's large forehead]

Z: [as Jim is writing] "Is it a smiley face?"

-gasp from Lori and the audience-

Z: "Oh, what is it?"

-Jim pulls away and Zach glances at a monitor-

Z: "Oh, my goodness..."

J: "I hope its... oh, its permanent marker."

Z: [frozen smile] "Lord, forgive me now."

J: "No but here's the thing, this is my illustrated sermon."

-close-up of Zach making his version of a comedic face (trying to go with it, no choice now, can't run), eyes wide, big 666 on forehead.

J: "How many have ever seen pictures in books, Christian books, Sunday school magazines or something with people with 666 pm their forehead? [Lori: SURE!!] Have you not seen that?"

-one hand up in audience (that I saw)

J: "Yeah we all have" [touches Zach's cheek, frames his face for another close-up. Zach has gone to his "happy place."]

J: "This is not gonna be [Lori: no, no, no...] Women will die before they would do that."

-Zach, firmly rooted in his happy place, nods-

-then Jim rambled about an "air pop" that will put microchips in our palms or foreheads, it will be forever, that's how we'll get things out of the grocery store-

J: [to Zach] "I'm sorry, I, I put..." [another close-up of Zach with the 666]

L: "Oh, it will wash off, its no big deal."

J: "But Masters Commissions have been known for their [human] videos, so get used to it." [note: it sounded a lot like "human," but on first viewing I thought he said "humour" - and "humour" would make more sense to me... I don't know, this is a guy who says "Warshington"]

Kevin got to sing a song, and the students running the camera had a great old time trying to keep Zach's forehead out of the shot.

And a quick note: when Jim first wrote '666' on Zach's forehead, his pen slipped, so the first 6 didn't have much of a loop at the bottom, wasn't as clearly a '6'as the other ones. Later, when the camera went in for a close-up, the first 6 had a proper loop - meaning Jim fixed up that pesky first '6'.

'Cuz you know, if you're gonna write '666' on someone's forehead, you might as well do it right.

Joe C Blue eye, Missouri said...

To Grandma Char Groupie:
Funny you should bring that up. While watching a tape of a show this evening Jim and Lori spoke of people coming to Morningside wanting their attention. He straight out said on the air not to expect too much because you will set yourself up for dissapointment. Proceeded to talk about narcississim. Give me a friggin break.

Tanya said...

Joe C: make sure you take something to keep the zombies at bay.

Best of luck to you, sir!

Joe C Blue eye, Missouri said...

I have an East Coast, Italian, Marine Corp frame of mind that will guide me through my first face to face with "The Man".

Joe C Blue eye, Missouri said...

Ifin he talks me into becoming a member of his flock, somebody, anybody, please come and put a bullet in my head.

Tanya said...

Joe C, you have a working cerebrum, so I think you'll be OK.

Joe C Blue eye, Missouri said...

Tanya, thank you for the vote of confidence. It makes the 666 "episode" scarier seeing it in print. I rewound that part of the show numerous times and still could not believe what I was seeing. Thank you for putting it in print. Houston, we have a problem.

Grandma Char Groupie said...

Pay special attention, Joe C, to where your wallet is and watch it very closely at all times!

Good luck!

Joe C Blue eye, Missouri said...

I hope I am not overstepping my boundries on this blog but if anybody has any ideas on something I can do to bring things to the proper authorities attention please feel free to contact me. I have 2 months before the season starts and my nose will be to the proverbial grindstone so I have some time to do some leg work.

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