The Foodbucket Fanpage provides commentary, opinion and satire on The Jim Bakker Show.

Want more Foodbucket Fanpage? Read my book!

Friday, June 17, 2011

Creepathon Day 6, Bakker fake cries

Jailbird Jim Bakker revving up his fake crying routine
Day 6 of the Philip Cameron Creepathon. I'm getting burned out now on Cameron, I think this is the next to last episode with him so thankfully he'll be off the Bakker show and back in Moldova soon...provided his passport hasn't been revoked with the stamp, "Sex Tourist".

Lori with morning-after bag
Kevin Shorey announcing again, Jim must have offered him some of this lucrative Stella's House / Lori's House money to come back for a few days. Everyone is upwardly mobile today, no chairs. Philip Cameron is all smiles, Lori is wearing a hip purse full of morning-after pills, and Jailbird Jim is wearing a hideous olive drab sweater with prison stripes. There's a quick verbal exchange of hellos, the audience applauds, then I notice that Bakker is acting strange. This is how he acts whenever he's building up to a fake cry. He turns slowly towards Cameron and begins, "Ya know....Philip...I'm gonna cry." When he says 'Philip', he says it with a sort of lilting accent as the name comes very quick off his forked tongue.

Philip Cameron - Big load
Jim continues building to the climax of his fake cry. He's grunting and revolving his fists in a circle like a 70s dance move. He composes himself enough to grab a check off the table next to him. Bakker gives a bullshit story about telling his accountant to make a check for $100,000 to give to Philip Cameron, with the accountant telling Bakker that there isn't enough money for the check. God instructs Jim to get the check anyways, 'do it ahead of time'. I see where this is going now...Bakker is going to guilt everyone into giving him money to backfill what he's already given to Cameron. I'll be damned if the guy isn't good.

Bakker fake crying - "You can order the car---pen----ters!"
Bakker announces the check, everyone cheers, and Cameron acts surprised the same way I would act surprised if Jim Bakker told me backstage, "Hey, we're surprising you with that check on camera so act surprised." Jim is finally ready to let loose with that fake crying he was building to, but he's interrupted by Cameron and Lori who keep talking on stage. Jim has to repeat the beginning of his cry line three times, nudging Lori to get her back on track. The fake cry hits it's peak when Jim tells Philip, "You can order the carpenters." The word 'carpenters' comes out in a noise that sounds like an old truck engine trying to turn over. As Cameron takes the baton from Bakker and starts speaking, Bakker barks an off-camera 'Now!' at him. All the while, those big black Bakker eyes are dry as a bone.

Now Boner Cameron is fake praying to the Lord over his $100k check. As he's speaking to God, Cameron slips in some peculiar references known only to Jim Bakker Show viewers:
Those who are part of the $1000 'I Care' family
Those who are giving Ezekiel Gifts of $10,000
That one person who can give the $350k for the next Stella's House
Philip Cameron fake praying to God
Why does Philip Cameron mention these Bakker-specific gifts? Because, in a word, he's a turd. Philip Cameron wants money to feed that big fat belly of his, then he'll give the scraps to his girls in Moldova. For less than a week's worth of Jim Bakker Show appearances, he just received a check for one hundred-thousand dollars...does the guy really need more?

Cameron firmly clenching $100k check with other hand
Back to Bakker. He's sniffling and talks about having to use a credit card to pay the bills eight years ago when he was penniless (who in their right mind gave Jim Bakker a line of credit?) Jim says it's a miracle that he was able to give Cameron the check. When we see Philip Cameron speaking on-camera again he's only waving one hand around as he speaks; the other hand is glued firmly to his side, clenching that check in case Bakker has second thoughts. Cameron praises Jim Bakker and tells us that Jim also does good works away from the camera. We then see a photo, taken by a camera, of sad-sack Bakker with his little carrot arms touching his grandson's forehead.

Bakker to grandson - "One day you too will be a sad-sack."
Bakker asks for a thousand people to give $1,000 today. The ambitious flavor of the request tells me that Jim is not penniless anymore, I wonder how much he pinches out of those checks. Cameron gives more details about the Moldovan sex-slave industry while he white-knuckles the pocketed $100k check. He starts to build up a little bit about the girls, his voice is getting stronger and building pitch. He speaks about mixed-race girls and states, "I've met some beautiful girls. They are premium for traffickers." We see images of the girls with a caption stating that they would make '$350k for their owners'. They may as well add another caption that says, "So why not give us the $350k instead?"

Slavemaster Jerry Crawford tabulating all the love-gifts
Jim has a Moldovan gov't document in his bony hands. He tries to explain what the hell the thing means but seems tongue-tied, so he brings in a couple of Cameron's Moldovan escorts to translate which only makes things more confusing for the audience. Cameron steps in and says something about the government giving him 25 year ownership rights or something, then tells Jim that he demanded one condition before starting Stella's House - That it be a Christian orphanage in the middle of communist Moldova. Now, call me crazy, but I don't think that's right. If he wants to help orphaned girls, then he should help orphaned girls. Instead he held his girls for ransom; if the Moldovan gov't would have denied his religious preference, he would have left those girls he pretends to care about to rot. He adds that he's growing 'Jesus People' from the age of 3, and we should be excited for the prospect. Again, not right. What ever happened to free will?

Bakker - "Hey Waterhead, zoom in next time I fake cry!"
Jim steps over to a gigantic picture of a baby and starts to fake cry a little more. He talks about saving people from abortion through Lori's House, and moves into a pitch for $1,000 I Care love gifts. He then physically points at one of Cameron's girls on-stage and tells everyone that "She's worth three-hundred fifty-thousand a year in the sex trade". Classy move Jim. More classiness outta Jim when he starts talking about Lori's abortions. He says Lori used to shake in bed at night thinking about her abortions. Sounds to me like she was shaking out a drug addiction, but Jim goes on talking about her abortions and becomes a fake crying wreck.This is killing me because the camera is not zooming in while he's fake crying. Bakker needs to finger wag whatever Master's Commisson oaf is on the camera. Zoom in next time, waterhead [Jim's word not mine].

Jim Bakker wears shoe lifts
As an aside, I remember Jim Bakker saying a couple years ago that he wanted to buy hi-def cameras. That is a love-gift that even I may support. I'm dying to see Jim Bakker in HD, especially when he's fake crying. Also, I noticed that Jim Bakker is wearing lifts on his shoes but the image I took doesn't do them justice because of the poor Jim Bakker Show video feed. I demand HD. Make it happen Jim, and put me down for a foodbucket in support.

Bakker -"The most gorgeous statue of Christ I've ever seen"
Bakker snaps out of his fake crying fit and starts talking statues. He shows a statue of Lenin in Moldova. Lori nearly overheats her brain when she mistakenly corrects Jim off-camera, "Stalin, right?". Then Jim moves to Jesus, or more correctly, a statue of Jesus. It a 12-foot behemoth that Jim says is already paid for, and it's residing smack dab in the middle of Grace Street. Jim calls it 'the most gorgeous statue of Christ I have ever seen', though I would replace the word 'gorgeous' with 'obnoxious'. Bakker, ever the salesmen, tells people that they will get their name on the base of the statue in exchange for their $1,000 love-gift.

"I owe how much to the IRS?"
Jim announces that he's sending Trystan and Zach to Moldova for a photo op. The two big'uns are ecstatic, probably because they get to see a part of the world not named Morningside. They won't be so ecstatic once they see the size of those plane seats.

Lori, Jim and Boner push hard near the end for more donations. The slimy Scotsman in particular pleads for people to give $10,000 to be part of the Ezekiel Club. He then painfully howls out a slow song, 'It Brings Me to Tears'. His voice cracks throughout.

23 comments:

Anonymous said...

Nice one. It's worth to read your blog than watching them on TV.
Mama San

Nedzo said...

I love it!!!!! Talk about a REALITY SHOW!! LOL!! What a JOKE!!
By the way, Kevin was on again today. He actually sang a few tunes for Jim.
I love it!! LOL!!

Anonymous said...

You are a real hoot! Keep up the great write ups

Anonymous said...

From the Jim Bakker show website:
Great visit by Kevin Shorey
June 8, 2011 |


Kevin Shorey took time out from his busy travels to be with us on the Jim Bakker show this week. It was good to see him again and we were blessed by his singing.

Kevin has been traveling across America focusing on his evangelism ministry that he had started 25 years ago. You can learn more about it at kevinshorey.com.

Kevin is going to be with us from time to time when he is back home and we are so happy to have him with us as he is part of our family.

Anonymous said...

Kevin is back because there was so many people complaining about the way they got rid of him. It was bad for business. Whatever Jim has to do to keep up the facade that he's a good guy and doesn't treat people like crap he'll do. Just why Kevin and others put up with the bs is a mystery, or a sickness!

The IRS said...

Thanks for the compliment Anonymous, I'm glad you're enjoying it! I'm trying to get at least one out per week.

Anonymous said...

So the fabulous Bakker boy states that he does not have enough money for this and that but yet he is spending money on this statue of Jesus. Then he is going to put benches around it so that people can sit there, look up at Jesus and pray. Hey Jim how about reading your Bible, "Thou shaft have no graven images" (Exodus 20:4).

Anonymous said...

Why does Jim call Lori's mother Grandma? Aren't they the same age?

Anonymous said...

The GDP per capita for Moldova is under $10K. How does one Stella's house cost $350K? This is another scam. How can people be so blind? Where is the federal government and why are they letting this convicted con get away with this?

ron said...

BTW, Boner Cameron made mention of Stella's house taking 20 years or something to build. The guy is making a career out of this project...he should work in aerospace.

Anonymous said...

Love these updates on the shows. Now I can read this blog and get a good laugh. I watched a few times and came close to throwing something at the tv. Now I don't have to endure watching it and can just enjoy getting the highlights here! Thanks for saving my tv!

Anonymous said...

If you want to see what Jimmie looks like when he really cries, watch the old videos of him in hand cuffs. As a man, that was really embarassing to watch!

Anonymous said...

It puzzles me: Why do you expend such energy watching a program that fills your heart with vitriolic emotions so much that you spend valuable time/effort publishing your hateful, negative "reviews". Why don't you "get a life" and use your talent for "critiquing" for a higher cause. You will feel better when you overcome your addiction to the Bakker project. Maybe your life is a big joke to others...who knows?

Anonymous said...

I'm one of people who spent sometimes watching this show with laugh and frustration in the same time. I like it when someone saw something that's not RIGHT and let the WORLD knows by using his TALENT (which I don't have). And I don't think that we use that MUCH energy watching TV though. But most importantly, I don't want anyone in this country can GET AWAY so easily while I pay my TAXES on every pennies I earn.
Mama San

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the compliment, Anonymous! This is the first time someone has suggested I have 'talent'.

Yes I am addicted to The Jim Bakker Show, like a lot of people. It's a trainwreck, yet somehow it causes people to give their money freely to a man who went to prison not so long ago...for defrauding people no less.

How you value time is not how I value time. My higher cause is to expose slimeballs like Jim for what they are. It's extremely gratifying for me to express what everyone else watching him is feeling, but isn't sure how to put into words.

I'm not sure why you think I will 'feel better' if I don't watch Jim. I feel great watching him, and I'm on top of the world when I'm tearing him and his cronies down to the ground. He's like crack, and I hope the guy never goes off the air -> he hosts the greatest reality show ever shown on television.

Perhaps my life is a big joke to others...but why would I care what others think of me? I do what I do for me, not you. Please feel free to think what you want, you're certainly entitled to your opinion.


Maybe I can just clear it all up like this: Jim still owes me thousands of dollars for the money I gave him towards a condo at Heritage, USA. How about you give me my money back since Jim's not doing it, and I'll stop blogging. Deal?

Anonymous said...

I don't know anything about Jim baker but Philip Cameron is legit. I have known him for many years and have met many of the Girls from the houses he has built over there. With all the truely horrible people in the world to bash on you really want to pick on a guy who has spent his life trying to improve the lives of impoverished orphans. weak dude... real weak.

Ron said...

Philip Cameron is the devil incarnate. He's even slimier than Jim.

Do you think it's okay for Philip Cameron to twist scripture for personal gain and fake-cry on tv for money? Watch last week's episodes: Every time Cameron cites scripture he always construes it to say that viewers should give money to him for his never-quite-finished Stella's House.

What is the name of your buddy Philip Cameron's ministry? I'd like to request his tax returns through the FOIA to see how rich he has become off the backs of 'his' girls. He apparently receives $100k every time he visits the Jim Bakker Show. Where's all that money go?

I'd also like to find out if he's a registered sex offender. Any idea what state he lives in? Or does he just sort of wander around in third world countries picking up orphaned girls?

I don't believe that you 'don't know anything about Jim Bakker', but if that's true than you should educate yourself on Jim Bakker. Jim already went to prison once for the same deceptive behavior he's engaged in now. Then ask yourself, "Why is my Saint Philip hanging out with this guy?"

Anonymous said...

Unbelievable! Again he does it. Whats wrong with people that they would allow this to go on?

Ron said...

Haha, oh man I gotta check it out.

Dmitri said...

I'm from Moldova. I'll describe costs of living in Moldova.
They say that "$20,000 will sustain a house for a month!", hold on... In Moldova median salary is $300 and with that amount of money can sustain even one family, one Stella house has 25 girls, 20000/25=$800 per person. In Moldova $800 per adult person in rural area is a enormous money, he will be richest person in village. In some villages you can buy house for ridiculous $1-$2k. What they are talking about?! it's seems to be fraud!

Anonymous said...

Birds of a feather flock together disgusted to read today phil cameron found guilty of misconduct
Jim baker and philip cameron both phonies
I saw cameron on christian tv crying and thot who is that guy? Something just doesnt seem right about him

Anonymous said...

Hmm, their home in Montgomery is for sale for over $700K. I assume that includes the Gingerbread Child Size Playhouse, large Storage Building and covered RV parking pad for the fancy Motorhome currently parked there. When they moved there they enlarged and re-modeled the home. Hmm...how many houses in Moldova could be built for thas

Judy Strickland said...

First, the For Sale sign is for property NEXT DOOR. Second, there is a parking structure for a motor coach but it's filled with storage boxes NOT a motor home! There is a mini van with a trailer attached. The property is right next to I- 85 - prime property, right! The house is a nice home but certainly not an estate as you're trying to insinuate. If you're going to put someone down based on their home and possessions, at least get it right. I have no use for Bakker, his teachings of FEAR, or his food but Cameron was cleared by the Assemblies Of God as well as a Pastor's Council to whom he submits. So at least get your facts right.