The Foodbucket Fanpage provides commentary, opinion and satire on The Jim Bakker Show.

Want more Foodbucket Fanpage? Read my books!

Friday, June 3, 2011

Jim gets creepy with woman, predicts mudslides in June

Fast-Clapping Simpleton -Jim's not putting up with that shit
Jim Bakker starts the week off with the regular upbeat show theme, but he's still showing images of catastrophe and destruction during the opening sequence. When the theme hits the part with the hi-low piano sliiiiide, the image on the screen is of a neighborhood ravaged by a tornado. Complete incongruity.

As we exit the intro and the camera pans across the Morningside congregants, my eyes are immediately drawn to a simpleton sitting up front and clapping very fast. He's clapping 2-3 times faster than everyone else. If we could mic his hands they would sound like a motorboat engine at full throttle. He's not only fast-clapping, he's also smiling and sort of bouncing in his chair. If I see him, I know Jim sees him too.

Disaster Collage on The Jim Bakker Show
Now we get our first glimpse of the assembled cast. Danger Bakker is seated at center with Lori, and assembled around him and Lori are the other members of Team Danger (Zach and Mondo). The whole team is flanked by a giant disaster collage. There are photos blown up to 5-ft across, each one probably costing a few hundred dollars. Directly behind Jim is a 60-inch Samsung tv, retailing for $2500. It seems that spending money is no problem for Jim Bakker, because disasters are good for business. And Jim is all smiles today.

Jim Bakker, tornado behind him
Jim gives himself a pat on the back for all his good work weaseling around disaster sites. He welcomes in integrity-free Pastor Gary Adams, who also pats Jim on the back for all his good work. I can see the build-up now, Jim is working up towards selling those foodbuckets. More incongruity here: As Bakker smiles, there is a giant photo of a tornado directly behind him.

Pastor Gary Adams and Lori both gush about how compassionate Jim is. Bakker begins to whine about having to go out to disasters and says he doesn't want to do it anymore. Editor's Note: Jim, you never had to go in the first place. Just stay home next time and let the real folks take care of it.

The fast-clapper, strike two
There's a bad edit in the middle of discussion when Mondo says the 'video is ready to go to the mission where Jimb delivered food." After the announcement, we get another pan of the crowd and again the fast-clapper is on fire. Bakker can't be happy with this guy.

We see Jim at the NOW News van, side door flung open. Jim is at the van and is sort of being the middle-man between the inner-van heavy-lifters and the outer-van heavy-lifters. Jim himself is not really doing any lifting. This is a shady looking operation, it reminds me of those guys in grocery store parking lots who try and sell you stolen speakers out of their van.

"Are you strong?"
Now things begin to get a little weird. I'll try to format it in a way that makes it easy to follow:

Jim hands a box to Tristen and instructs her to 'give that to that handsome man right there'. Jim grabs a box and mutters: "I don't know if anyone wants popcorn or not?" As the food handoff continues, we hear more:

-Jim to a large man of about 250 lbs: "Are you strong?"
-"I hope you like Mexican food because we got these tacos here."
-Jim to a different man, roughly 220 lbs: "Oh here's a real heavy one, are you strong?"

Bakker describing foodbucket
Whenever a foodbucket exits the van, Jim halts the transfer in order to describe the bucket to the camera and point out how long the food will last. Bakker never fails to hawk product when the camera is rolling.
 -"Beans and Rice [clap] in Jesus Christ [giggles and softly claps twice to himself]"
-To the same man, again: "Are you strong?"
-"Here's more Raisin Braaaann!" [spoken like Barney Fife as Jim strains under the weight]

Bakker with hat - Look at his eyes.
Now we move away from food and Jim is asking an off-camera woman what her favorite color is. It's pink. Jim's movements are very snappy here, his adrenaline level heightened as his excitement builds. He's moving like a man evacuating a sinking ship, very efficiently and with expertise. Jim quickly grabs a hat out of the van, then snaps his attention back to the woman. As Bakker approaches her with the hat, her arm stretches towards the hat to grab it. But she's already in too deep with Jim. She never should have answered his hat solicitation, and now it's too late. That hat is going on her head, and Jim's going to be the one placing it there.

Bakker placing hat on woman's head
"Could I put it on you?"  Before she's even done answering, Jim is reshaping the hat's crown like a pro. Then quickly he, he tells her, "You don't mind?" He's already above her head with the hat as he says, "I don't want to mess up your hair." She's frozen, completely out of control as Jim stalks her. The hat is on her head now, and I'm not sure she realizes what has happened. Jim finishes by giving the hat a little tug at the back.

Jim Bakker, you rascal you!
I imagine this is the same way Bakker bedded Jessica Hahn. In a mere five seconds this woman went from hatless to hatted, and she didn't even place it on her own head. Jim was awesome to watch, and frankly it was a little terrifying to see him control a person so completely. Jim follows up with a big unsolicited hug and a smile. Jim interviews her for a few seconds and he's acting very catty. He has the mic right up in her face, he's placing his hand on his hip, and he's laughing at everything she says. What can I say, the guy looks love-struck. To the woman's credit, she looks completely disgusted.

Excuse me sir, you'll have to move
The show returns back to Morningside, panning the crowd again before moving to the stage. It's strike three for the fast-clapper as he has now changed seats. I think it's more likely that he was told to move. I knew Bakker would do something with the guy, he's bad for business.

Jim mentions that debt is piling up again at Morningside, and that he needs to pay the bills. Bakker goes on to state that he's 'hearing rumors about earthquakes in the spirit world', then shuts down and says he doesn't want to 'prophesy' on the show. Jim announces that God gave him a word for June: Great Death (that's actually two words). Jim predicts mudslides or some sort of 'entombment', and it's gonna happen in June. Then Jim shuts down and says he doesn't want to talk about it anymore.

A classic Jim Bakker move, scare people into thinking there's more trouble down the road in order to sell more foodbuckets. Why else would Jim pass on an unsubstantiated 'rumor' from the spirit world if not to get people to follow the show motto, "Be Prepared"?

Bakker ends the show by directly instructing his viewers: "Here's what I want. I want everybody that has not ordered food to do it while there's still time."

How does the hell does Bakker get away with this?


Anonymous said...

omg was i glad to see your site. i thought i was the only one who watched jim bakker for fun. its the best reality tv show in history. his inappropriateness knows no bounds. he constantly refers to his mexican adopted kids as being from the "ghetto". its so embarassing. plus everyone knows or should know that jim has a long and sorted homosexual past. he loves boys and God bless him for it because it makes for some delicious awkwardness on the show. of course my favourite favourite all time jim bakker morningside story is about susan the "witch".

Anonymous said...

At times it seems that Jim Bakker is almost proud of the fact that Lori had 5 abortions. Even if you are not against abortion, that is way out there. I have heard Lori state a few times that she did not know who Jim was when she meet him and never heard of PTL. I believe that NOT.

Anonymous said...

I've been a Christian most of my life, and perhaps the greatest sin is pride. Willing to serve, and give to others. Putting others first is, and letting the Lord become a close friend. However, this person is not really a good representative of living a Christian life. Yes, forgiveness and acceptance and unconditional love should be one's goal.
However, Jesus Himself ran the money changers our of the temple because the pride and greed had made the temple into crooked thieving and taking from the people. Guess what? Jim Bakker would fit right in with the money changers at the temple with his crooked ways. Jesus, no doubt, would like to run Jim out of his "Christian leadership" and point the man to repentance.

Anonymous said...

My husband has been half-teasing me (or perhaps has been terrified) about my having to catch nearly every JB Show - I'm hooked! And we were sure I was the only one hooked on this Train Wreck of a show. Your blog is absolutely the BEST - and you must continue. Every comment is dead-on with what I have been saying all along. It's amazing how many Sheeple are out there, believing every word uttered by this dangerous elf and his minions.

The IRS said...

Haha, thanks for your compliment Anonymous. I strive to cover the show at least once per week but sometimes real life and work get priority and I have to take a week off. Never fear, this blog is not stopping anytime soon. As long as Jailbird Jim is ripping people off, I'll be exposing it.

Anonymous said...

I watched the Jim Bakker Show for the first time. His wife Lori seemed goofy and interupted Jim when she should have let him finish a sentence. The set looked like it was nickle and dime. Kind of reminded me of the old Godzilla movies. Real cheaply made. Jim was wanting his dream interpreted. It made me sad. It seemed Jim and Lori wanted it to be all about them and not about the Lord. Not judging them. But not planning on watching them again either.

Anonymous said...

I believe Lori is very upset over the plastic surgeon who gave her duck lips. It actually made her not as pretty as before . When you get Botox it's to make your limps plumper. But hers are still thin but stick out like a duck and there is nothing that can be done about it.
See if you can notice how her lips stick out now. It's very depressing. You can't even trust physicians anymore.