Ron Johnson is on a
mission from God. The Colorado-based blogger's wicked satire covers
the ongoing misadventures of televangelist Jim Bakker. Yes, that
Jim Bakker, the man who once ruled the Christian television world
through PTL and Heritage USA before spectacularly imploding in front
of an international television audience. Jim Bakker was charged and ultimately
served time in federal prison on multiple counts of
mail and wire fraud, including a single count of conspiracy. He
claims to be a changed man. According to Ron Johnson, he isn't.
Ron Johnson's blog
makes for fascinating and often-times hysterical reading. I reached
out to him through his blog, to see if he would agree to an interview
with me. After multiple verifications of my identity, he agreed to
meet me at a busy Starbucks in Boulder. He arrives early, wide-eyed
and jumpy, with an awkward swagger about him. His brow is heavily
furrowed, yet his eyes are warm and he wears a nervous smile. We
greet each other, he shakes my hand, and I'm immediately hit with the
sense that this Ron Johnson, the person receiving so much hate from
his underground blog, is just a normal chap. I like him already.
[Stone] Thank you
for taking the time to sit down with us Ron.
[RJ] Hey no problem
dude. I'm honored.
[Stone] Honored?
[RJ] Sure. Who
would ever think I'd be interviewed for making fun of some obscure
televangelist and his tv show? Certainly not me.
[Stone] Are you
surprised?
[RJ] [laughs] Very.
[Stone] You seem a
little nervous?
[RJ] [laughs] I'm a
nervous guy. Well, not nervous, but fidgety. It's hard for me to sit
still because my mind is always running.
[Stone] Alright, so
tell us a little bit about yourself.
[RJ] Well, there's
not much to say really. I'm a pretty boring guy. I work a lot and I
watch a lot of tv.
[Stone] By a lot of
tv, do you mean The Jim Bakker Show?
[RJ] Actually, no.
I only watch Jim Bakker when I'm gearing up for a blog post.
[Stone] [surprised]
Really?
[RJ] Yeah. When I
first started this thing, I would watch him pretty regularly to find
out what kind of shady stuff he was up to. Now, I just don't have the
time. When I'm writing, it's an all-consuming thing. I have to lay
off a lot nowadays, otherwise I'd never sleep. My mind is very active
when I'm writing.
[Stone] So describe
your blog to me.
[RJ] Well, my blog
began as just a hobby. I had watched Bakker during the preceding
years [of the blog], and was just completely disgusted with him. So I
thought, what the hell, I'll start writing about him online, giving
my opinion on what I see going on.
[Stone] Just like
that?
[RJ] Yeah, just
like that. I had no idea where I was going with it, I just started
writing. I remember one of my first posts, Bakker had this guy named
Glen Eschelstein or Eschelman, something like that, he had him on and
the guy had a big bleach stain on his jacket. Or maybe it was makeup.
Either way, this Eschelman dude is on tv with a big obnoxious mark on
his jacket and I thought it was funny, so I mentioned it.
[Stone] I remember
that post, and I remember the stain. I think it was makeup.
[RJ] [laughs] You'd
think someone would have caught that and fixed it before showtime,
right?
Directly over the Hairless Ape's shoulder is another person who makes me suspicious; I suspect that Jim may have actually hired a waterhead for piano duties. I know waterhead is not a nice word, but I first heard it from Jim's own mouth when he used it to describe a retarded person. And I think that's what I'm seeing wearing a blue vest and pounding away on the Morningside piano right now. Maybe Slick Jim reversed the musician payment deal on him, telling him that instead of being paid to play on the show, he has to pay Jim to play. However it happened, somehow, some way, he's there.
F-B: Hairless Ape, Waterhead, Morningside Strangler
I don't know where in the hell the old piano player Chubbs went. The band is probably wondering the same thing. That is, except for Guitarist Joey. As discussed a few times over the past year, I suspect the smooth-handed Joey may be moonlighting as the Morningside Strangler, luring people into his van to check out 8-tracks, then giving his smooth hands a workout. I don't think Joey's wondering about Chubbs:
[Drummer] "Hey Joey, you seen Chubbertini around lately?"
Guitarist Joey: "Ain't nobody seeing Chubbs again." [Guitarist Joey] [dismissive tone] "Nah, I ain't seen him."[Pops the Bass Player] "Say, wasn't he going to help you install a tape deck in your van last weekend?"[Joey] [gruffly] "He didn't show up."[Pops] [innocently] "Didn't show up? That's strange. it's not like Chubbs to not meet his appointments. Say, you don't have his number lying around do ya? Maybe you can call him up?"[Joey] [eyes lower threateningly] "No pops, I don't have his number lying around."[Pops] "Joey, calm down will ya? I just wanna find out where he is, maybe ask around a bit to see if anyone's seen him."[Joey] [smirking] "Ain't nobody seeing him, pops."
And now this new, defenseless piano player has been dropped in there with Joey, defenseless as a feed mouse in a snake tank. Will the Morningside Strangler strike again?
[Stone] [laughs]
Now, I've noticed that your writing style seemed to change from those
early posts. Would you agree?
[RJ] Oh yeah, for
sure. I started out just sort of summarizing the show, giving my
opinion of what I saw, drawing conclusions based on my observations,
that sort of thing. Then at some point, probably around July or so, I
started giving a narrative instead. The posts got longer, and in my
opinion funnier, as I started writing what I thought real-time as
opposed to having to go back in my mind and recall events to
summarize the show.
[Stone] You seem to
have gotten more comedic too.
[RJ] Well, I think
it's always been satire. I'm not a professional comedian and I'm not
an English major, so it's not that I planned to make it satire. It
just is, that's the way I write naturally I guess. Frankly, it's the
way I see the world.
[Stone] [laughing]
Must be an interesting world?
[RJ] [laughing] Oh,
if you only knew. It's like, anytime I engage my critical eye, which
is frequently, I can't help but think of stuff which makes me
chuckle. This applies to myself too by the way, my sense of humor
includes self-deprecation, and if someone makes a joke about me, I
laugh. If it's funny, of course.
[Stone] So your
blog was always satire, but you just changed the way you approached
writing? Is that correct?
[RJ] Exactly. I
went from memory recall for summary, to real-time thought for
narrative, if that's the correct word. I started watching the show
and writing real-time as I watched. That's why my posts grew so large
over time. It's not on purpose, it's just the nature of the beast.
[Stone] How do you
want people to approach your blog?
[RJ] What do you
mean?
[Stone] I mean,
should people read it for humor, read it as an expose, or something
else?
[RJ] I would say
that people should read it for humor and for my commentary, but with
a critical eye. I express my opinion about Jim Bakker and his guests,
sometimes fiercely, but I could always be wrong. That's the nature of
opinion, it's not fact and it can be debated. If I'm wrong about
something, I'm more than happy to change my views. But you gotta show
me where I'm wrong. I'm watching a television show and making
jokes, giving my opinion on what I see, and drawing conclusions based
on my observations. I think that is abundantly clear to my audience.
If it isn't, then you shouldn't be reading it, and you probably
shouldn't be handling knives or other sharp objects either.
 |
| Did Jim just return from Florida? |
[RJ] [laughing] How
the fuck would I even know that? What I do know is that Jim and Lori
look remarkable for their age, though please don't confuse
'remarkable' for 'beautiful'. Jim himself had his skin pulled back
tight like a snare drum on the show once, there's a picture of it in
one my posts. That shit was so tight his ears wiggled when he smiled.
And every few months Lori shows up on the show with duck lips or
wearing a hat. Indoors, by the way. She's wearing a hat indoors,
which makes no sense and in some circles is considered rude unless
you're bald. Lori is obviously not bald, so why would she suddenly
show up wearing a hat on the show? To me, that means they're getting
plastic surgery or botox. And when I think plastic surgery, I think
Florida.
I know Lori has
gone to Florida a few times because she's mentioned it on the show.
So I connect the dots to impart my opinion in a funny way, within the
context of whichever blog post it shows up in. So no, I don't know
for sure that they go to Florida for 2-for-1 plastic surgery trips.
Do I think they do? Yeah. I think them going to Florida for plastic
surgery is more likely than them visiting some cross-eyed Ozark
plastic surgeon who's going to fuck up their faces. Oh
wait...[laughs]
[Stone] So it
sounds li...
[RJ] [interrupting]
Let me say something else to this effect too. I don't lie and I don't
mislead, it's not in my character. I write what I think and I try and
make it funny for readers. Yes, I feel an obligation to expose Jim
Bakker and his buddies for what I feel is very suspicious behavior
down in ZombieLand. But I don't need to lie to do that. The fair way
to do this is to do exactly what I do: Express opinion through satire
and commentary. Lying is, frankly, not an option for me. If anyone
feels I've lied, just let me know what it is and why it's a lie. If I
believe you, or if you show me evidence which corrects me, I would
correct myself. The draw of my blog, I think, is that people can see
that I'm not making shit up in the way I express my views. For all
the jokes, there is also that seed of truth which I provide. I don't
mean truth as in this part is true and this part is false. I mean
truth as in, my readers are seeing the same thing I'm seeing. I had a
comment once that said something to that effect, that I am able to
put their thoughts into words for them to read. I don't know
if that makes sense or not?
[Stone] Sounds like
you take truth seriously?
[RJ] Absolutely I
do. Everyone deserves a fair shot. Truth is fair. Lies are not.
[Stone] Do you have
any proof-reading or editor or something, like a relative or friend
to check your work before you're done with it?
[RJ] Nope, it's
just me. I don't let anyone see my work before I'm done with it. It's
all rough draft until that last second when I hit 'post'. The only
thing worse than seeing my jokes out of context are seeing them
unfinished. I consider myself an artist in a sense, and I don't want
people seeing stuff that's incomplete.
[Stone] An artist
eh? Do you paint?
[RJ] [laughing] I
can't draw for shit. I guess what I mean is that...umm... I've found
out through writing this blog that I'm actually a pretty creative
person. I don't physically paint things, but I think I sort of paint
mental pictures for people, and take them down a fun little road in
their minds while they're reading. Let's face it, The Jim Bakker Show
is atrocious to watch for a variety of different reasons. But I make
it fun for people. I've even seen some people leave comments which
sort of copy my flavor and style. I love it! That brings pleasure to
people. Maybe it doesn't bring it to Jim and his buddies, but that's
not my fault. They know what they're doing is wrong, so I really
don't give a fuck whether our laughs are at their expense or not. I
don't have sympathy for people like that. I'm a real polarized dude.
[Stone] [laughs]
Polarized...you know they have medication for that.
[RJ] [laughs] Nah
not like that. I mean, I personally feel that I exist on both ends of
some sort of emotional spectrum. I am very kind-hearted. I don't like
saying that because it's inappropriate to label yourself like that,
but what the hell, as I get older I think I'm just going to accept
it. I feel a very genuine, innate sense of wanting to help people, to
add some kindness to the world. But on the other hand, I feel a
powerful sense of justice. I suppose there's some interplay between
those two poles. [thinking] I would explain it like this: Those
people who are kind and unassuming, just normal people living their
lives, when they are hurt by someone who is taking advantage of them
in some way, then I have no problem at all with treating the
perpetrators like dirt [laughs]. For instance, consider the death
penalty. I'm all for it. I'd even support the death penalty for
something like armed robbery. [laughing] It's not that simple of
course, circumstances are important, but if it's cut and dried, like
you took a gun, you terrorized a person, and you stole their money,
then I say: Goodbye to you. There are good people on this planet, and
you aren't one of them.
[Stone] Let me play
devil's advocate then: What about bloggers who make fun of people in
Jim Bakker's audience by calling them inbreds and zombies?
[RJ] I don't have
sympathy for people who are willfully ignorant. They are perpetuating
Jim's behavior and allowing it to spread to others who may be
unintentionally ignorant. They are not helping the world, in fact
they are detracting from it.
[Stone] But what if
they aren't? What if they're just working a job to try and make ends
meet?
[RJ] Well, if that
is truly the case, then I'm sorry. I don't deny that some people over
in ZombieLand might be in that situation. But consider it this way:
If you are only working there to support yourself, then I hope you'd
understand that any jokes I'd be making in your direction are just
that: jokes. If it were me, I'd sort of be honored.
[Stone] Honored at
being made fun of?
[RJ] [laughing]
Yeah, why not? So I call you fat, or stupid, or cross-eyed? They're
words, who cares. I'm not the prettiest guy in the world, I have
flaws. And people I know make fun of my physical flaws, shit I make
fun of them myself! So what? You're a character in the world I've
created, and you're giving people laughs. Is that so bad? Geez dude,
go smoke a joint and relax. Don't take yourself so seriously.
[Stone] I'm
interested in knowing how long it takes you to construct a blog post.
I know some of them extend to multiple pieces, and in reading the
know they can get pretty complicated. That must take a lot of time?
[RJ] It takes a
shit load of time. Hours upon hours, over multiple days. Keep in
mind, it's not just the writing, it's the image capturing too. I
probably take about a hundred and twenty pictures for each blog post.
Then I choose which ones to use, edit them, and integrate them into
the blog. Then I have to caption them. And keep in mind, all the
while I'm still re-reading and re-writing the text to make it better.
[Stone] And this
isn't your full-time job?
[RJ] [laughing]
Nah. For awhile there, it felt like a full-time job though. Every
weekend I'd be writing this shit, through the afternoon and sometimes
into the night. It became too much man, that's why I started pulling
back a little bit.
[Stone] So would
you say it was burning you out?
[RJ] Oh yeah,
definitely. But the responses I was getting from my readers was worth
it. They thought it was hilarious, and I was very proud to know that
I could make people laugh while also doing what I felt, and still
feel, was a good thing. I was exposing Jim Bakker to the masses.
[Stone] I'm
interested in that. Why do you think Jim Bakker needs exposing?
[RJ] Because he's
insulting to me.
 |
| Jim Bakker insults my intelligence |
[RJ] He's on my
television, telling me the world is going to end and that my money
will be worthless, yet he's happy to take my money in return for all
the junk he sells. That insults me because it assumes that I'm too stupid
to see the hypocrisy of it. Add in the fact that this guy
already went to prison for fraud, and it's just too much. I had to
speak up, to speak the truth as I see it.
[Stone] You sound
pissed?
[RJ] [laughing] I'm
not pissed, I'm just frustrated. I'm a principled guy, and I know
right from wrong. What I see him doing on television is wrong. He's
scaring people unnecessarily. You don't do that. I don't care if his
people are suckers, or stupid, or whatever. It's not right. Make an
honest living, don't be a dickhead who has to stretch the truth and
make shit up about hearing from God in order to make money. I like to
think I'm above stooping that low simply to make a buck. Money dude,
that's what it's all about for him. At least from what I see from his
show.
[Stone] But in his
defense, doesn't he have to make money in order to sustain being on
television?
[RJ] He doesn't
have to be on tv.
[Stone] But he's a
televangelist?
[RJ] He doesn't
have to be a televangelist. He can just be a preacher at a church.
Nothing wrong with that. This would be like saying that, as a drug
dealer, I have to sell crack to continue being a drug dealer. The
solution to the problem, if I'm an honest man, is not to be a drug
dealer in the first place. And that's not to say that Jim can't
continue to be a televangelist. But if he is one, he needs to do
things correctly. Jimmy Swaggart is back on tv, and you know what
he's doing? He's preaching sermons, giving legitimate teaching, and
selling bibles and cds to keep himself on the air. He ain't selling
sleep bands and chintzy jewelry named after his wife.
[Stone] Now see,
you sound pissed again.
[RJ] [laughing]
Okay, maybe a little bit. But it's borne of frustration. I just want
to see people do the right thing, bring some good into the world for
a change. Not all this slinking in the shadows, preying on the
weak-minded.
Larry Bates is on the witness stand. The tense courtroom is packed with onlookers and media. Ron Johnson sits behind his lawyer's desk, a blue-plumed bird perched protectively on his shoulder. Twelve jurors listen intently as Bates is questioned.
[Defense Attorney] “Mr Bates, can you describe the word 'integrity' to me please?”[Larry Bates] “Sure. Integrity is being upstanding and moral.”[Defense Attorney] “How about honesty, Mr Bates? Does integrity include honesty?”[Larry Bates] “Yeah sure.”[Defense Attorney] “Sure? How about 'yes' or 'no'?”[Larry Bates] [slightly ruffled] “Yes, integrity includes being honest.”[DA] “And being honest means not lying, would you agree Mr Bates?”[Bates] “Yes, I would agree.”[DA] “Do you have integrity, Mr Bates?”[Bates] “Of course I do. What kind of question is that?”[DA] “Very well. I would like to play you several video clips, Mr Bates. In these clips, you are going to see Jim Bakker on camera. After each clip, I will ask you one question.”[Bates] [squirms in chair] “Okay.”
Jim Bakker weeping uncontrollably The courtroom watches as video is played of Jim Bakker, fake-crying while talking about Lori's House fundraising.
[DA] “Did you see that video clearly, Mr Bates?”[Bates] “Yes.”[DA] “And do you think Jim Bakker was really crying in that video, or was he faking it?”
Larry Bates appears very uncomfortable in the witness box. A long pause ensues as Larry Bates considers his answer.
[DA] “Cat got your tongue, Mr Bates?”[Bates] “I would say yes, he is really crying.”[DA] “Can you repeat your answer, Mr Bates, this time addressing the jury?”
Bates turns nervously towards the jury.
[Bates] “Yes, he is really crying.”[DA] “Thank you Mr Bates. Now please watch the monitor again as I play another clip for you.”
Tears stream down the face of a sobbing Jim Bakker A new clip is played of Jim Bakker, this time choking up while talking about road building. A juror laughs. Bates again shifts uncomfortably in the witness box.
[DA] “Do you think Jim Bakker was really crying in that clip, Mr Bates? Or was he faking it?”[Bates] “Where is this going? What are you getting at?”[DA] “Answer the question, Mr Bates.”[Bates] “I'm not answering your question.”[DA] “Why not, Mr Bates?”[Bates] [angry] “Because it's a stupid question.”[DA] [petitioning judge] “Your honor, can you please compel the witness to answer my question?”[Judge] “Answer the question, Mr Bates.”[Bates] [turning red] “Yes, he's really crying.”[DA] “Can you please repeat that to the jury so that they can hear you?”
[Bates] [turns abruptly to jury] “Yes, he's really crying.”
[DA] “Mr Bates, I have one final question, just for clarification purposes. Part of having integrity means not lying, right?”
[Bates] [face has turned bright red] “That's right.”[DA] “I'm done with this witness, your honor.”
[Stone] Okay so
let's move on. You left a comment on your blog a few months ago
suggesting that you had another project going on in the background.
Were you serious?
[RJ]Right, yeah a
few months ago I mentioned that I had something 'bigger' planned. I
had this idea that I was going to document myself covering Bakker,
sort of create a cheap indie documentary. I know that my personality
is a little different than most people, and I thought it might be
compelling to see me doing what I do when I sit down to cover Bakker,
because it's a lotta shit. But I ended up getting so bogged down in
writing and working my real job that it just never happened. I had a
whole idea thought out, I think it woulda' been really cool. I'll bet
I would have had some of Bakker's numbskulls watching it too. Those
people are fucking stupid man [laughs]. I'll bet Jim could physically
grab one of those people by the cheeks, look them in the eyes and
call them a dumbshit to their face, then turn around and sell them a
bible for a hundred bucks. They are that stupid.
[Stone] [laughing]
That stupid huh?
[RJ] [laughing] I
mean, Jim actually sold these people magic stickers that were
supposed to somehow give you more strength. [laughing] Do you
know how fucking retarded you have to be to buy something like that?
And now I've poked their cage. They're all starting to wander onto
the internet and attack me like rabid lemmings. I don't need that in
my life man, I got enough to take care of day-to-day in my life to
not need to be calling the cops all the time on lunatic stalkers.
[Stone][laughing]
You sound a touch serious in how you say that. Are you really
concerned about lunatic stalkers?
[RJ] Yeah dude,
Bakker's zombies are nuts.
[Stone] I'm going
to read off a list of words to you, and I want you to give me the
first word that comes to mind. Okay?
[RJ] [laughing]
Alright.
[Stone] Lori
Bakker.
[RJ] Airhead.
[laughs]
[Stone] Foodbucket.
[RJ] Disgusting.
[laughs]
 |
| Joey: "Wanna check out some 8-tracks in my van?" |
[RJ] [laughs loudly]
Man I love Joey! He's my favorite character of the whole bunch!
[Stone] Why is
that?
[RJ] I don't know,
I think it's the Captain Stubing hairdo and the way he plays that
axe. He also gets this look on his face sometimes like he's too cool
for school, you know?
[Stone] So you
don't really think he's a serial killer?
[RJ] [laughing] Nah
man, no way. The only thing Joey's killing are guitar notes, and
maybe a few hearts of lovelorn ladies. Those are jokes, it's satire. It's
funny. In fact, and I mean this sincerely, I hope Guitarist Joey
laughs at what I write about him. He looks like a cool guy.
 |
| Enjoying yourself in Moldova, Flip? |
[RJ] I don't think I can come up with a single word that's strong enough to express my feelings about Philip Cameron.
[Stone] What do you
mean by that?
[RJ] I can't stand
Philip Cameron. I think I've mentioned before in a blog post that I
dislike Philip Cameron even more than I dislike Jim Bakker. Cameron
is just...I don't see anything even remotely redeeming about that
guy. At least Bakker is capable of being likable. Cameron doesn't even have that.
[Stone] Yes I've
read your posts about him. They're pretty brutal.
[RJ] Right. I don't
like him at all. I'd love to do a whole satirical blog on him in
particular, but apparently the fat fuck likes to hide in Moldova a
lot with his orphaned girls and boys so we don't see him that much. Ugh.
[Stone] Moving on.
Jim Bakker.
[RJ] [thinking]
Intelligent.
[Stone] Intelligent
huh?
[RJ] Yeah, Bakker
is a smart guy. Look at how successful he is at making a living, and
how he makes that living? That doesn't mean he's a good guy, or that
he should be lauded for it, but he certainly knows how to ring the
dinner bell for inbreds.
[Stone] How do you
think he does it?
[RJ] I don't know
man, but he does it. I've always felt that he's successful because he
has that 'aww-shucks' demeanor that everyone trusts. It's hard to
believe that a guy that looks like a kindly old frog would be lying
to you about receiving special prophecy from God, then use that as a
means to take your money. But he does it, at least in my opinion he
does. I don't know how anyone of sound mind could think otherwise
after watching his show a couple times. It's pretty blatant.
[Stone] Is there
redemption for Jim Bakker, in your eyes?
[RJ] You mean
personally, with me?
[Stone] Yes.
[RJ] Of course
there is. Everyone can redeem themselves in my view. I'm a fair guy,
in fact that's something I pride myself in. If someone told me that I
wasn't being fair it would be like an alarm going off in my head, and
my thoughts would come to a screeching halt. For Bakker, if he folded
up shop tomorrow and admitted that he's been wrong these past few
years, then I'd be done. In fact, I would applaud him for
it...publicly. People can change if they want to, and that change can
be startling. I know, because I changed. So if Jim Bakker changed his
tune, I would support him for that.
[Stone] So you
would actually lend your support to Jim Bakker if he changed
tomorrow?
[RJ] Sorry man, I
know I'm being a little unclear here. My thoughts come very quickly
so sometimes I figure them out while I'm speaking. Support isn't the
right word here so let me clarify. [thinking] If Jim Bakker stopped running Salesville tomorrow, I would give him praise for it because he
would deserve praise. I don't think I'd ever fully support him or
stake my reputation on him, that seems fairly impossible to me. There
are very, very few people who I mix my name with. [laughing]
[Stone] Like?
[RJ] The only
person I can think of right now is my wife [laughing]. I wouldn't
even put my reputation on the line for some of my family. Everyone
has to prove themselves to me before I stake my reputation, and let me
tell you...that takes a long time.
[Stone] I just have
one more on this to follow up. So you don't hold grudges?
[RJ] I wouldn't say
that I don't hold grudges. I think it's more accurate to say that any
grudges I hold are temporary in nature. I am always open to changing
my mind.
[Stone] So outside
of the Foodbucket Fanpage, have you considered other topics to write
about?
[RJ] Actually yeah,
there's a few different things I'm interested in doing.
[Stone] Would you
care to enlighten us or are you keeping them private?
[RJ] Well, what I
do with Bakker could translate very well to politicians or other
people who I consider to be shysters. I absolutely can't stomach
politicians. They're all liars looking out for their own
self-interests. I'd love to cover political debates or something like
that, or maybe just pick whichever politician is the sleaziest and
cover them, solely. The problem, unfortunately, is that the creative
process for me comes very slowly. I could cover a political debate
with satire, with nobody getting out unscathed, but I can't churn it
out in a timely fashion.
[Stone] People want
stuff quickly, you're saying?
[RJ] Right. Reading
about a debate from a month ago, something that's already happened, I
think people may just sort of move on and not care. But I could be
wrong on that. Maybe people would be interested, maybe the timeliness
of it isn't important when people are looking for laughs at the
expense of disgusting people. I wouldn't know until I try, I suppose.
[Stone] I'd read
it, sign me up!
[RJ] [laughs] Yeah,
well, it takes time that I don't have much of anymore. You know what
though? All these shitheads who can't stand me because I make fun of
Jim Bakker and expose him, I'll bet you they'd love me if I went
after a politician they didn't like. They'd be telling me I'm the
best and go get 'em, that sort of thing. I really believe that.
Superficial people man, they're really strange. Insult their God [Jim Bakker] and
their vicious. [laughing]
[Stone] Other
ideas?
[RJ] [laughing]
Actually, yeah there are a few other ideas floating around. I'm a big
mixed martial arts fan and I've thought about maybe covering the UFC
and other organizations in a comedic way. Not in the sense of putting
it down, because I love it. It would be more like, creating
characters out of the fighters and sort of covering different fights
while pointing out the humorous things I see while I'm watching. The ref's haircut. People in the crowd on their cell phones. Fighter gear malfunctions, stuff like that. That
one might be a long shot, but it's something.
[Stone] So what
about the...
[RJ] [interrupts]
You know what I really wanted to do but I had no time? I wanted to
cover the funeral of Kim Jong-Il. Did you see that thing?
[Stone] Yes I do,
we actually covered it on an article.
[RJ] Yeah well,
nobody would have covered it like me. That thing went on for hours
and hours, with the soldiers freezing their balls off on the side of
the road and everyone beating their chests in feigned sadness. I
actually served in Korea when I was in the Army, so those wacky North
Koreans always interest me. I only caught about an hour of the
funeral, but I'm telling you, I could have made that thing hilarious.
Oh man, that's really the one that got away.
[Stone] I'm sorry
you missed it.
[RJ] Oh believe me,
I'm sorry too.
[Stone] So what's
up with the Foodbucket Fanpage? I notice that you're speaking about
it in the past tense?
[RJ] For the past
few months, I've been thinking of ending it. That's why the time
between my posts started getting so stretched out. I think the
time has come now. I just don't have the time or desire anymore, and I
think I've said all that needs to be said. If my heart isn't into it,
then I'm going to start writing things that aren't my best work. I'm
not cool with that. It's either the best from me or nothing at all.
[Stone] So you're
admitting defeat?
[RJ] [laughs] Call
it what you want. I've poured a lot of time and energy into it, and
I'm happy with what I've done and accomplished. I've brought a lot of
enjoyment to people, brought a lot of critical attention to Jim
Bakker, and I think my readers will remember Ron Johnson and the fact
that I fought the good fight. I'm honestly sad to say goodbye to my
readers, but I have my own life to live. At some point, you have to
finish the chapter and start a new one. At the height of my writing,
I was spending entire weekends hacking away on my keyboard. I would
drive to work reviewing lines in my head, coming up with better ways
to write things. My wife would speak to me at home, but all I'd hear
was my inner monologue as I focused on my latest blog post. My wife
never once complained, but now I'm complaining. I'm tired of writing
about Bakker, I've been tired of it for a few months now.
I'm ready to do something different, and I've already started laying the groundwork for the next chapter of my life. We're new to Colorado, and it's beautiful here dude. Lots of natural stuff to see, shit that I like. I'm actually going to take a layoff from my job pretty soon and go back to school to study the earth sciences. And I suppose Jim Bakker is going to continue doing what he does. Oh well, I've done all I can. Either good will triumph here, or it won't.
I'm ready to do something different, and I've already started laying the groundwork for the next chapter of my life. We're new to Colorado, and it's beautiful here dude. Lots of natural stuff to see, shit that I like. I'm actually going to take a layoff from my job pretty soon and go back to school to study the earth sciences. And I suppose Jim Bakker is going to continue doing what he does. Oh well, I've done all I can. Either good will triumph here, or it won't.
[Stone] So the
Foodbucket Fanpage is done then?
[RJ] Yeah, I'm done.
THE FOODBUCKET
FANPAGE
Thank you to all my
readers.
“Against the
assault of laughter, nothing can stand.” Mark Twain
