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Sunday, August 14, 2011

How will The Jim Bakker Show end?

Will history repeat itself?
After watching The Jim Bakker Show for many years and watching the hijinks going on down there in Bakkerland, I've often asked myself: How will it all end? I don't have to tell you what I mean...you know exactly what I mean. How is Bakker going down this time? Is he going back to the slammer in a spectacular explosion of tears, handcuffs and clanking prison doors?  Or will we bear witness to the hideously ungraceful aging of GrandFrog Bakker as he morphs before our eyes into an actual amphibian? An amphibian, by the way, who will ultimately jump into the swamp of oblivion and have to answer to Judge Jesus.

Hey look, real tears!
Imagine Bakker getting that call he's been dreading all throughout his post-prison life: Special Agent Justice of the IRS would like to speak with him over some allegations of 'financial irregularities' at Morningside. A wiretap of Bakker's Morningside phone would be transcribed as follows:

Jim Bakker: "Lori.....we've got a problem. Shred everything."

But shredding wouldn't matter. If the IRS got a whiff of Bakker's ass again, he'd be through. The guy would go down, and he'd go down hard.

IRS Investigator: "So these love gifts that you sell...Are you telling me these are just donations and you're not actually selling any of this? Please tell me, Mr Bakker. Help me understand."

We all know Jim Bakker wants nothing more to do with courtrooms after that first dance, and personally I don't think he'd make it a second time. They found the guy hiding underneath his attorney's desk like an ugly little fruit rat last time, so convincingly in fact that he served some of his prison time in a mental hospital.

Bakker's Attorney: Jim, you in here? [sees Jim under desk] Ahh crap...hey can someone get me a broom? He's under the desk again.

Oh no, Jim wouldn't be going back to the Big House this time. They'd find him out somewhere on Morningside property, maybe even the land they've set aside for Lori's House, with his misshapen head dunked in a water-filled foodbucket.

The ungraceful aging of Jim Bakker
But hey, maybe that doesn't happen at all. Maybe instead we're all treated to the slow rotting of a foodbucket-salesman-who-once-was-a-preacher. Bakker will shrink down, his hunch growing, as gravity pulls him downwards to his eventual destination. We'll all watch Bakker turn more sour, more grouchy, as he snaps at Lori and fires more Kevins from the show. Bakker's hair will completely disappear and his shoe-lifts will get higher as he strives to maintain his already-short stature. We will witness an old frog entering it's final stages, snapping it's greedy tongue out at every fly it can catch. We may even see a befuddled Bakker performing in skits as Lori grabs the reins and tries to reinvent the show to secure her own 'legacy'.

And then, one day, Bakker will be gone. His froggy body will lie in state at Morningside as Lori milks people for 'Legacy Donations'. Perhaps a spate of natural passings at Morningside as Bakker's most-devoted zombies will away their condos to 'The Bakker Estate' and fly off in a vain attempt to follow their Saviour, Jim Bakker. It'll be great news for Lori though; she'll finally be able to fill those stuffy, dusty condos with unwed drug addicts and their unwanted babies.

Nobody knows how and nobody knows when, but The Jim Bakker Show will end one day...Is Jim goin' to jail again?

12 comments:

Ron said...

Ahhhh, lots of room to stretch out and post in here!

Anonymous said...

My 84 year old mother is totally swindled by him and it infuriates me how he preys on those who have no discernment. No matter how many discussions I have with her, she insists he has changed. The other day when a huge box came to her house, I was baffled to find two tents, tarp, some pills to purify water, a collapsible water bucket and an ugly statue of Jesus contained within. This is awful! He is laughing all the way to the bank by stirring up fear for some nuclear future that we need to prepare for. My prayer is that he WILL be found out for the fraudster he is. I mean, can you imagine all these sweet little old ladies trying to put up tents? Cmon. It says in the bible that vengeance is mine, sayeth the Lord but with someone like Jim B bilking faithful, vulnerable people once again, my anger rises. Thank you for this blog.

Anonymous said...

by the way, my name is Deborah Grahame but I did not know what to put down in the section that said url so anonymous was my only option.

Ron said...

Hi Deborah, thank you for your comment! For the section that says 'url', you can just leave it blank if you'd like. You may also need to 'post comment' twice if you don't see the text show up on screen. Blogspot/Blogger is a little strange sometimes.

Yep, Bakker is a master swindler. I think he gets by a lot because he's ugly and looks like a doofus. I believe older people from a more innocent time look at him and simply can't believe that such an odd-looking man would trick them into giving away their money.

Sorry to hear that your mom has been taken by Bakker, but hey perhaps one day this blog will reach a person in authority who can begin investigating old Jailbird Jim.

Take care and hope to see you around in the comments!

-Ron

Anonymous said...

Jim Bakker, when under the inluence of TV cameras, is a fraud. He is nothing more than a infomercial salesman. He exploits his adopted children. He uses them and other befuddled young people to sell his crap. He uses fear of the future, swearing that all food supplies will be gone soon, to scare his viewers into buying food buckets, tents, and other survivor equpiment.

He is a scrawny little vermin, who dresses way under his age in pastel t-shirts and baseball caps containing bad catch phrases. He cares for none but himself. Her doesn't minister to hurting people, he swndles them by selling items they may never use. When his ex-wife (Tammy Faye) was sick and dying, he never had people pray for her.

He is a wormy little rat boy, who will answer to Jesus Christ for profitting in his name.

Anonymous said...

What the lady received is called the "Valley Walker" deal... the money went to help build the Road to "Lori's house" ... I guess you all do not underatand that those are donations... and what people receive are "offers" or gifts for the donations. I may not agree with Jim on some things but what this blog does is wrong. Do you people think you are "Cristians " for saying things about people or hurting people by rude comments? To me, that is worse than anything Jim has done. Shame on you.
The tents are for shelter should we need them in an emergency...same with the tarps ect. And the statue is on of the BEST images of Jesus I have seen.

Anonymous said...

My,I just cannot believe all the hateful things you say about Jim and Lori,Their children.Jim;s Guests and co Hosts .the list goes on..you even referr in a derogitory manner about his audience.
It seems everyone is fair game for you.I think it is positively shameful the way you speak about people.May God Forgive you.

Ron said...

You find me shameful? I wonder, how would you assess yourself? Prepared? Ready? Some other Jim Bakker buzzword that he's carefully placed in your psyche for you to justify spending thousands of dollars on his crap?

This all starts with Jim Bakker, anonymous. He scares and confuses dumb people into buying his garbage, and every single person on-stage with him is part of the routine. I give the kids a slight pass since they don't have much say in how they're exploited by the people they look up to, but once they've reached adulthood, they begin to share responsibility in this scam too.

His co-hosts are scumbags just like him. They all have their hands out, waiting for the Bakker Snake to pay out some of his slimy money. The same goes for his guests. They all are repulsive human beings that lack integrity. When Bakker fake cries, they see it and they know exactly what he's doing. Lori nods her empty head and gives a sad face, but she knows just as well as I do that this is just part of the job. Kevin Shorey seems like a decent guy, but unfortunately he can't find a job outside of Bakker land, so he has his big bear paw extended for the handout too. Shame on him.

Are you familiar with the saying, "There's a sucker born every minute"? It takes a special kind of person to actually take advantage of those suckers. Jim Bakker is that kind of person. I'm not sure the others would be so slimy outside of the Bakker sphere, but the mentality radiates out from Brother Jim and they're all infected with it.

Why does Jim tell us the world will end, money will be worthless and foodbuckets will be worth more than gold, yet then go ahead and sell us foodbuckets for money? Can I sell him a foodbucket instead? Why does Jim sell flashlights for $20 when they can be purchased for $5? And if the world is ending soon and we should be prepared, why did Jim build an RV park? Why does he give Philip Cameron $300k for an orphanage in Moldova? I bet Jim can't even find Moldova on a map...can you?

Do you realize how much money $300k is? And that money comes from the lonely idiots in the audience and the lonely idiots watching from home who think Jim is somehow their friend. Giving money to a convicted swindler, a man who already went to prison once for engaging in this sort of activity. So yeah, anonymous, I do refer to his audience in a 'derogitory' manner. They're dummies and lunatics, and I'm planning on writing a profile of them soon. My 'derogitory' language will reach it's highest level yet, and you know what? Everyone will laugh at them, because Jim Bakker's customers are hilarious. Frankly, everything about Jim Bakker's show is hilarious, because it's so obviously a sales-pitch.

Jim Bakker: Ex-con, adulterer
Mondo: Ex-con, former drug addict, married but likes to text women who are not his wife
Bill Ballenger: Ex-con
Lori Graham Bakker: Abortion machine, former drug addict

Is this the casting call for a remake of The Dirty Dozen?

If these people weren't on tv, you wouldn't allow them into your homes. The fact that they've managed to swindle their way onto your television screen doesn't make them any different. They are liars and thieves. That's not make-believe, that's fact. They are proven liars and thieves, that's why they went to p-r-i-s-o-n.

I can only imagine that the reason you defend them is because they make you feel good about yourself while they take your money. If that's what you like, go for it, hell this is a free country. I choose to expose it, in all its hilarious glory, for the world to see.

If you don't like being mocked, then wake up and smell the coffee. Jim Bakker is not your friend, unless you regularly give money to your friends for shit you'll never use.

Thanks for the comment, enjoy the blog.

Anonymous said...

Difficult to believe how vulnerable people can be.

Sadly it usually is the not too bright folks who really should be given protection by those who are more inclined to logical thinking.

Diana said...

Unfortunately My ex-husband and I were victims of his deception, we invested 200.00. I have e-mailed him,Lori,his staff, and his editor. No one has replied yet. I told him if he really was a changed man than do the right thing and return my 200.00....no replies from anyone....he's a cunning deceitful lying con....he hasn't changed a bit.

Ron said...

Hi Diana, welcome to the blog and thanks for commenting. I'm curious to know what you gave Jim $200 smackers for?

Also, even if he 'repays' you, he's still a deceitful snake. If you read further into this blog, you'll find countless examples of Jim Bakker lying and deceiving people. False prophesy, prosperity gospel, gratuitous building projects here and in Moldova...Bakker does it all.

Emmanuel said...

Ron in spite of all the hate you show it's nice to notice you don't miss any of the Jim Bakker Shows and i have no doubt soon you will be converted like Saul of Tarsus was.
Be prepared becouse on your next trip to Damascus it could happen.
And you will transform this Blog to preach the Gospel of Jesuscrist.
May the Lord Bless You.