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Friday, March 16, 2012

Jim Bakker scribbles on Zach, talks junk with Bill Whaley part 1

"Come here you dumbshit, I'm gonna write on your head."
The last couple weeks in Jim Bakker Show land were spent in the warm, plump arms of the Master's Media kids. Jim was trying really hard to sell us on his fake college, and to do so he needed to show off the talent that he churns out. Or put more correctly, lack of talent. The kids are just as dumb as when they first enrolled, maybe even dumber. Are there any entrance requirements for this fake school besides a tendency towards obesity or, in Nolan's case, malnourishment?

There were a couple highlights though. It turns out that the Mater's Media kids like to put up unfunny introduction videos of themselves on YouTube under the moniker generationNOWiptv. If you haven't seen any of these videos, I feel it is my civic duty to advise you against watching them. Trust me, you're going to want that wasted time back. The videos are, in a word, awful.

Jim's chicken scratch on Zach's forehead
Zach Drew, the meatball-brained Master's Media student extraordinaire who can't seem to graduate, put up his own video in which he referred to himself as the 'Bossman'. Big mistake, Zach. There's only one bossman at Morningside, and that's Jim Bakker. You've been hanging out there for a couple years now...have you still not figured this out?

Well, Jim saw fit to put the 'Boss Man' in his place with a little public humiliation, as if life as a fat kid hasn't been humiliating enough. In what appeared to be a scripted piece, Jim took out a sharpie and wrote on Zach's forehead. Yes, you read that correctly. He wrote on Zach's forehead with a permanent marker. What did Jim write? He wrote the mark of the beast, '666', though for most readers it probably appears as 'DUNCE'.

Jim Bakker feeling big and strong in his platform shoes
Scripted or not, this is a very public shaming. If your child came home from school one day with something written on their forehead in ink, you would go to the school and ask the teacher if they were out of their effin' mind, then proceed to kick their ass. Forehead writing is unacceptable behavior among humans. Unless your Jim Bakker, that is. For Jim Bakker, it's ministry.

As I've said before, Jim loves emasculating men. The reason for that was also shown during these Master's Media episodes, over and over and from multiple angles. Jim Bakker was wearing platform shoes to hide his true height, or should I say, shortness. These bad-boys made it look like Jim went and strapped soup cans underneath his loafers, and we were treated to some real good shots of Jim clodding around on stage in those suckers to show everyone how tall and imposing the real bossman is.

Bakker clonks around heel-to-toe on stage
A few times he sat on the edge of the table while speaking to convey a more casual tone, and we could see the weight of the shoes pulling down on his feet as his fat little legs dangled in mid-air. Like an astronaut wearing moonboots, every step Jim took on stage was a calculated heel-to-toe move to prevent trips or falls. The last thing Jim's weak-hearted zombies need to see is their short-statured Zombie Master frantically wheeling his arms around to maintain balance, then taking a nosedive on stage. I'll bet those things added at least four inches to the Frog King, but even with that extra height Jim's still not breaking into six foot land. At least he can take comfort in knowing that he's the World's Longest Frog.

Thankfully, we're done with the monotonous Master's Media episodes and are back to real live guests. I'm actually excited to see what's up next. Come on Jim you lying snake, give us some action!

Fat-legged inbred with cup sits in awe of Jim's Golden Calf
Jim delivers an energetic show opening, with the Morningside Strangler hitting a guitar chord slide, pee-yow! Now we see video of Jim's Golden Calf. Jim has the 15-foot monster dolled up with red carpet at the base and velvet ropes securing the perimeter to keep potential gropers at bay. That statue has been fondled enough already, the last thing Bakker wants now is some disgusting, greasy-fingered inbred going up and palming it. The perimeter ropes send a clear message: Hands off the Idol. If you'd like to pray to it, take a seat next to the fat guy sitting over in the corner. Yes, like flies to shit, we see that the Idol has already attracted an inbred. The video quality is poor so all I can make out are a bald head, fat thighs, and a white cup that's filled with either chocolate milk or hard liquor. Go join him, he won't bite!

A full-grown Shorey in mid-buck
We're still in the intro and oh man, there's a new clip of Kevin Shorey singing and it looks like he's having a heart attack. I don't know what episode they pulled this from but it looks like a winner. Shorey is really chomping down hard on his bit as he bucks to and fro like a bull in a pen. You don't have to be this fat, Kevin. You can even be skinny if you really want to. The choice is yours to make.

Zach has the announcing duties today and brings us out of the intro and into the show. He successfully scraped off a few layers of skin from his forehead, as it's now clean and shiny with no evidence of Jim's handiwork. Jim's wearing his motorcycle jacket again, I think he's worn this one once before. It would look much better on a man 50 years younger. On Jim, it sucks. It has pockets and zippers everywhere and it's probably full of bribe money in case he gets arrested again.

Jim Bakker keeps his eyes peeled for the Feds
Jim introduces his guest for the day, garbage scavenger Bill Whaley. Jim starts the introduction off by cracking a joke about the man's age, telling us he was a pilot in World War One. That's Jim's little way of setting the tone, letting Mr Whaley know who's in charge here. One of these days I want one of the guests to reciprocate with Jim and make a joke about his age. Let's see how Jim reacts. Ooh no, I have a better idea: Let's have a guest make fun of Jim's height.

With the tone set, Bakker tells us that Whaley was a helicopter pilot in the Vietnam War and that he met him at a survival expo. He goes by the nickname 'The Junk Man' because he 'creates things from junk'. It sounds to me like Whaley is just going to take little pieces of junk and assemble them into larger pieces of junk that whirls, flashes or clicks. But let's wait and see what happens, maybe he'll knock my socks off...then use them to create mittens.

Junk Man Bill Whaley smells a snake in his midst
For his part, Whaley doesn't look comfortable seated next to Bakker. He sorta looks like he got talked into this by his wife. As Jim talks him up, Whaley stares out into nowhere and rubs the arms of the chair he's sitting in. Oh boy Bill, if you didn't know who Jim Bakker was before you agreed to go on his show, you're definitely gonna know who he is once he starts rolling that 9/11 footage to scare the zombies into submission.

Bakker introduces Whaley's wife in the audience. She's missing a corner tooth and claims that she's a an active 'dumpster diver'. 'Dumpster Diving' is what stinky, smelly bums do when they're looking for a moldy snack to help them shake through their alcohol withdrawals.

Bill Whaley's dumpster diving wife is missing a tooth
I can't imagine why this woman would feel compelled to dive into a dumpster. After all, things are thrown into the garbage for a reason. I can sympathize with a person not wanting to be wasteful, but when you're sifting through someone else's garbage to find something of value, there's probably something not quite right with you upstairs.

She announces her big dumpster find: A gold-trimmed glass dish of unknown pedigree which she stole out of someone's garbage and is now using to hold butter, sugar and salt on the kitchen table. How many handfuls of rotten banana peels do you think she grabbed before stumbling onto this piece of inbred treasure? Ma'am, that's garbage and it was probably used as a dish for car keys and loose change in it's previous life. Let it go...let it go.

Court Jester Shorey laughing at himself
Now Jim points his attention towards Morningside's very own Court Jester, Kevin Shorey. He asks Kevin, “would you like to dumpster dive or anything?” Kevin immediately jumps on his chance to self-deprecate, saying he'll 'put on his goggles and dive on in'. Then he fake laughs, but since it's a fake laugh about a joke insulting himself, the laughter actually sounds a little bit like hurt and sadness expressing itself. Kevin has to take those jokes like a man on stage, but you know the guy is going home every night and drowning his sorrows in a big plate of food. Now here's Bakker at the start of the show, making fun of him some more. Come on Kevin, next time Jim makes a comment like that just look him square in the eye and say, “How about you Jim...would you like to dumpster dive?” Stand up for yourself man! And get the hell outta there, you can do much better than Jim Bakker!

Jim gives a quick camera pan of the garbage assembled on his coffee table, garbage that the Junk Man is going to turn into inbred treasure. Oh, it's gonna turn into treasure alright Junk Man, but not for you. The treasure will be going to that frog-lookin fella seated off to your right who's gonna be selling space food, miracle ointments, and other such nonsense...and he's gonna use your good name to do it.

Jim name-drops Whitney to try and legitimize himself
Time for Jim to name-drop. Whitney Houston recently died, and like Steve Jobs before her, she's already dead and can't get pissed about Jim Bakker invoking her name on his show. So he drops her name and gives a little sad talk about her. Lori chimes in with her lower-crust wisdom. She said she grew up 'listening to Whitney'. What on earth does this have to do with preaching and gospel? Lori then tells us that she loved Whitney Houston. You didn't even know her, Lori, why would you love her? Isn't that called idol worship? Bakker now adds the Winans family name into the conversation, telling us that his 'dear dear friend' Marvin Winans preached the funeral. Can you imagine how excited Lori would've been had she gotten a seat at the funeral to say goodbye to Whitney Houston, the woman she loved but didn't know? I can imagine her thumbing Jim in the gut and telling him to call up Marvin Winans to try and get a seat:
Lori's coked-up idol, Whitney Houston
Jim Bakker calls the Winans Family agent. Lori lurks on a couch in the background, listening intently.

[Jim Bakker] “Hi, this is Jim Bakker. So sorry to hear about Whitney. Hey do you guys have any more seats for the funeral?”
[Winans Family agent] “Jim who?”
[Jim Bakker] “Jim Bakker. I'm a friend of Marvin Winans.”
[Winans Family Agent] “Hold on.”

The agent shouts into the background:

[Agent] “Hey Marvin, you know some guy named Jim Bakker?”

[muffled response]

Houston's formerly coked-up worshiper, Lori Bakker
[Agent] “Marvin says he don't know no Jim Bakker.”
[JB] “Of course he does! Tell him I'm a preacher.”

The agent shouts into the background again:

[Agent] “He says he's a preacher.”

[muffled laughter]

Lori's voice is heard off-mic through Jim's phone:

[Lori] “Tell him you were popular in the 1980s. Tell him you went to prison!”
[JB] “I was big in the 80s. I went to...”
[click]
[JB] “Hello? Hello? This is Jim Bakker....Hello”?

Lori's voice in distance:

[Lori] “Did you get tickets?
Seated l-r: Nolan, Sasha, Shemp, Ariel
Jim moves the discussion of Whitney Houston over to the dimwitted Master's Media kids on the couch. There's four of them seated there, but one of them sticks out like a sore thumb. Shemp, the cone-headed kid who we first saw months ago, has allowed his hair to grow out unchecked. He's already cursed with a generally unhygienic appearance; now he's got this thick ol' mop sitting atop his head. What is this kid thinking? I know what I'm thinking when I see him: body odor and boogers. Shemp, if you're reading this, let me give you some man-to-man advice since nobody else seems to care enough: Lose the hair. No chick is ever going to take you seriously when you're sporting that thing. In fact, they'll probably laugh. I'm serious. Now go cut your hair, then go to a real school. You'll thank me in five years.

Doc Bakker: "Okay Mr Whaley, now bend over please."
Poor Bill, Jim shows us another shot of him and he looks like a guy sitting in a doctor's office awaiting a rectal exam. He knows it's gonna be unpleasant, but he's already there so there's no going back now. I'm waiting for him to take a deep breath and sigh, then check his watch. Did that dumpster divin' wife set you up on this little sales call today, Bill? Did she bother to look and find out who Jim Bakker was before scheduling you? You smell a rat, don't ya?

Jim asks Kevin about Whitney Houston, and Kevin tells him that “this goes deep..this is really hard.” Lori comes over the top of Kevin each time and agrees that the loss “is a hard one” and a “great loss”. Kevin, don't tell me your worshiping idols too? You don't know this woman, how can her death be a 'hard one' for you? I can see if you were affected this way by someone who really brought kindness and love into the world, but Whitney Houston? A drug-snorting singer with a bum husband who literally ran her life straight into the ground...that's the idol you've chosen to worship? Is Jim's unholy statue of Jesus not a good enough idol for you?

Jim Bakker's Weevil Bucket 10-pack
We're almost ten minutes into the show now, and Jim still hasn't let Bill Whaley start telling us about his scavenging gimmick. Bakker's letting Whaley percolate in the hot seat while he begins selling his Winter Wheat buckets. Jim says he has forty-five hundred buckets of the wheat ready for sale at $100 a pop. Oh that Jim...remember when he told us that the United States was going to run out of grain reserves? Now here he is selling 45 lb buckets of horse feed to his numb-skulls. Why not sell a feedbag with it too Jim? I'd suggest that you include blinders with each bucket of feed, but then I realized that your zombies are already wearing them.

Jim says he guarantees the wheat bucket for forty years. Of one thing, I'm certain: After forty years Jim's Wheat Buckets will have become a Weevil Buckets. Jim tells us that Foodbucket Frank Davis and Jim's warehouse manager Jerry Jones got together to figure out a new sales special for the wheat. The meeting probably went something like this:
Archive photo of the Foodbucket Lizard, Frank Davis
[Frank Davis] “Look, Jerry: I'm not investing in new machinery for the wheat unless I'm guaranteed a certain sales volume from you guys. Business is business, and I gotta make money like everyone else.”

[Jerry Jones] “Don't worry Frank, Jim says he can push the wheat through real heavy for the next couple weeks. He's got a connection in China that'll churn out chintzy wheat grinders on the cheap, then he's gonna package those in with the wheat as a bonus. These dumb old people love stuff that moves and squeaks, you know that. It's like it hypnotizes them or something.”

[Frank Davis] “Alright, well you guys work out some numbers and let me know soon. Don't forget what I said: Volume.”

[Jerry Jones] “Don't worry Frank, Jim will get you volume. Has he let you down yet?”
Jim Bakker's sharpie humbled the Bossman real quick
Bakker throws it over to Zach to announce the special. Zach's looking as fat as ever. I can make out an actual breast on him now, but the on-screen sales graphic obscures the nipple area. Zach announces the new deal: Ten Weevil Buckets, plus the grinder, for $500. According to Zach, this is an additional five-hundred-dollar savings if you buy the package instead of just the individual buckets. Actually, what this tells me is that Bakker's making an additional five-hundred-dollars whenever he sells the ten buckets individually. Do you see how that works, zombies? Jim is not being honest with you, otherwise he would discount the individual buckets and make them just as cheap as the packaged buckets. If Bakker was an honest preacher, he would sell you each bucket for $50, and charge you separately for the grinder. Is Jim Bakker a preacher or salesman? Come on zombies, turn on your brains and think, you can break free of Jim's spell! There has to be something in there somewhere, just try!

128 comments:

Ron said...

More to come this weekend. Enjoy.

Craig said...

Spot on. Lol. Thanks Ron.

Anonymous said...

You know, me and my wife parked our Tioga at Morningside a year back, cause the price was right. We were on a road trip around the states from our hometown Fresno ca. It ended up being a fun trip. One thing though, we consider ourselves to be good christians, and I do not, I repeat, I do not accept the antics pulled off at morningside, especially the story about the kid Jason that was sexually Harassed on the job. We belong to one of the well known evangelical mega churches here in town, I organize events for our church. And I will never step foot in that house of sin morningside ever again. I will also spread the word here in the Fresno evangelical community. There are many things I do not agree with in your blog, the choice words in particular, but it gets the message out. The real Christian ministries crack jokes about bakker, everyone knows he's a con man, and possibly a homosexual. Thanks for your blog, god bless. Josiah

Kool-Aid Kid said...

Very entertaining! Looking forward to part 2.

Brother Dortch said...

Dear 6:23,

Great to hear your story! Please refer to this PEOPLE magazine article called:

Unholy Roller Coaster
by Montgomery Brower

http://www.people.com/people/archive/article/0,,20121210,00.html

It is a good read and very informatiove.

Thanks!

Anonymous said...

Good comment Ron about bakker's choice of clothing. I mean really now, does someone select clothing for this old man from the teenage section of clothing stores. You can't help but notice that this man is totally desperate to look taller and younger for his viewers. Why?

Craig said...

Jim has committed all 7 of the deadly sins. You zombies should be proud.

Tanya said...

I noticed those shoes too, how could you miss them!
Thanks Ron.

Oh, I posted about this subject on the last blog entry, I won't repeat the whole thing, 'cuz its over there, but if Ron is OK with it, I wouldn't mind moving my question over here:

Any students wish to comment on the use of 9/11 images in the shows with the Rabbi?

Anonymous said...

Good Posting Ron,

Your commentary on Jim is the only funny thing about this sorry show. Does anyone else feel depressed after watching it? It's all gloom and doom. Jim and company are very negative people. How could Jim, Lori, and the rest of the zombies live their lives so focus on all that is bad in the world? Jim not only spreads fear, I believe he lives it. If I was headed to hell I'd be afraid of dying also!

Anonymous said...

So... that Tammy sue turned out to be a real bruiser aye. That's proly why she hides all the time. Eating cheeto puffs, and watching the jb show ROFL!

Kool-Aid Kid said...

To Anon@751pm

Is that you Sasha from moronside?

Anonymous said...

Shocking and weird to see Zach let Jim write the sign of the devil on his forehead. Do these people check their brains at the door, or did they not come equipped with one? Jim sure knows how to play Zach.

Anonymous said...

So, generation now people, I checked out your YouTube vids. Your telling me that with all that cash, new cameras, the taberthingy, this all you have so far? How do you reach out to your generation with a couple fat, stooopid, shy punks giving little intros? Then you add some trendy inspirational music, and very lame brain final cut pro filters. Are you joking around with us? There's about 100,000 skeptics here watching, blogging, commenting, and exposing. So when are these "generation impacting" videos gonna be on YouTube. Or does your generation have to settle for 1 min intros. We're waiting... I wonder where all the thousands of dollars are going, hmmm. Lie lie lie, eh.

Buddy's Buddy said...

Another laugh-out-loud funny post, Ron! Thank you! Can't wait for more!

Brother Dortch said...

Taken from the above PEOPLE Magazine article I referred to earlier:

Note: Austin Miles is referring to Jim & Tammy (not Lori)

"Austin Miles, who gave up his career as a circus ringmaster two years after joining the PTL ministry in 1974 and who witnessed Jim and Tammy's theatrics for 10 years...said:

"Even when you know they are lying through their teeth, there is something folksy and good about them. No one else could have pulled it off."

Tanya said...

@7:37pm: Jim Bakker uses his fear and negativity to push his various products - "be prepared" - and has found a way to rationalize/justify it so that it becomes *your* problem if you don't buy into all his fear-mongering.

"Happy Church" Bakker keeps saying, everyone wants "happy church," nobody wants to hear about Revelation. But if you don't buy into Jim Bakker's take on things, then you clearly haven't read your Bible. You don't get to pick and choose, people!

Got a new episode in my area after a week of the Rabbi re-runs, and guess what - he still managed to fit in a little video of 9/11.

Just keeps sinking... down... down... down. I shudder to think what the bottom is for a man who is willing to exploit 9/11.

Kool-Aid Kid said...

The drumbeat of death and destruction continues from Moronside along side of zombie leader Bakker making more loot and starting more construction.

Brother Dortch said...

I never could understand the milking of the death of Whitney Houston by Bakker on both his TV show and website. Neither Jim or Lori knew Whitney and she never once ever appeared on their show. The only connection there whatsoever was the fact that Marvin Winans, older brother of BeBe and CeCe, did perform at her funeral and Marvin Winans is their friend and has been on the old PTL show and at least once has appeared on the show at Morningside. I am sure Bakker must have felt it was worth a few bucks to exploit it.

Charlotte Observer 4-25-98 said...

"...He lost his Assemblies of God ordination in 1987. He said he is now ordained by a smaller denomination he declined to name..."

Brother Dortch said...

Attn: ALL MORNINGSIDE EMPLOYEES & ALL FAMILY MEMBERS OF JIM BAKKER:

Q) PLEASE RELEASE THE NAME OF THE ORGANIZATION WHO ORDAINED JIM BAKKER AND KINDLY STATE WHY THIS ORGAINIZATION WAS KEPT QUIET IN THE FIRST PLACE.

Is not a Pastor supposed to be a proud member of his faith? What is the "secret" of this church organization's name all about?

You have a so-called "Pastor" running a so-called "College" in Blue Eye, MO and he is setting an example for the youth that it is fitting and proper and moral for a pastor to refuse to name the organization who ordained him?

WTF?

After being thrown out of the Assemblies of God church twenty-five years ago, not only did Bakker refuse to name the "smaller" organization who then ordained him, but he has never once named that organization to this day.

If you work at Morningside, please release this information or tell us here why even you don't know the name of the organization.

If you are a family member of Jim Bakker please tell us why there is a need to hide the name of the very people responsible for ordaining you as a pastor. I thought this was something to be proud of--not to hide!

Craig said...

Psst. Hey jim, for $50 and a 1% cut of your future fleecings I'll ordain you, but tell anyone. Lol.

Anonymous said...

Jim only reveals names or plays on names like Whitney Houston if there is something of monetary value in it for him. He likes to drop names that he hopes will make him look credible and important.

I liked the People article. History is being made before our eyes. I can see the next headlines and article in the People Magazine on Jim and Lori. The life of a con man, repeat offender, does it all again, ends up back in the prison he should never have been released from. You can find him lying in the fetal position in his jail cell, while his lake home and accumulated assets in Char and Loris names are being auctioned off. Mother and daughter will be sentenced next. They are hoping to be sent to the same prison. The three if jailed together will be planning their comeback while incarcerated.

Wanted Ads: Giant Marble Jesus for sale. Numerous made in China survival gear (the stuff is so cheap I wouldn't count on it saving your pet guinea pig) but it's for sale. Many mementos of Jim Bakkers fall from grace, again. Brittany Spears will be performing at the auction, she will be singing her big hit from a few years back, "Oops, I did it again!

lol

Grandma Char Groupie said...

Hey,

That wouldn't happen to be "Homer's Brown Jug XXX Ozark Cave, on a dry day, Church Ordination Crew, would it?

Forget about the wet days, it's too muddy to have church then!
------------------------------

New guy said...

It's good to see Jim doing what he does best "Preach". I watch the show yesterday and got to hand it to him, he still can stir the listeners. It's been said some of the best orators ever, are of the 20th Century; JFK, Martin Luther King, FDR, Ronald Reagan are some examples. Well, for this Century I would add James O. Bakker, he truly is blessed by the Lord with that gift. Don't forget the guy is in his 70s. Inspiring is what he is.

Anonymous said...

ROFL @ New Guy


Jims nickname in prison will be "The Come Back Kid".

lol

Anonymous said...

Pastor B. says if people, like people on this site, hate him. He must be doing something right. Discuss!

Brother Dortch said...

To the new guy:

Hello and thank-you for coming to this site to share your love and opinion about the pastor who is obviously near and dear to your heart.

As a Christian, I am sure you feel as though it is very important to have the love of God and the fellowship of The Holy Spirit in your heart at all times.

Would you be able to share with me, and the thousands of people who view this blog daily, exactly what the name of the organization who ordained Pastor Jim Bakker is? If you are not, don't you feel this is something that not only you, but the rest of the church world, should know?

Thanks! I'll check back and be looking forward to hearing a response from you. God bless!

Anonymous said...

Anonymous,

What kind of people are on this site. Is your pastor judging people? Does this mean he and all of the people that are part of his ministry better than the people on this site? That sounds like a very prideful and arrogant statement. It also dismisses all the truth that is being shared here. That is an age old excuse used by people who don't take responsibility for his behavior.

Anonymous said...

Pastor B. says if people, like people on this site, hate him. He must be doing something right. Discuss!

Yup, no better way to spread the Gospel than have everyone hate and distrust you! Keep winning those souls for Christ, Jim!

Tanya said...

9:14am: if you cannot see the problem with that statement, you really have lost all connection with higher levels of thought.

"Pastor B. says if people, like people on this site, hate him. He must be doing something right."

People hated Hitler.

So does Pastor Baker think Hitler was doing something right?

How about you, 9:14am - do you think Hitler was doing something right?

Can you fire up those neurons and see that having people hate you (or hate your behaviour, if you want to make it less personal - I've never met Jim Bakker, but I think his behaviour is deplorable) is not proof that you are in the right?

I've always been fond of bonus questions - will you, 9:14am, post again, identify yourself, and respond to: (a) my questions above, and (b) state your opinion about constantly running videos and photos of 9/11?

Anonymous said...

I am an employee of Morningside and work in the offices there alongside of Pastor Bakker everyday. I am not really supposed to discuss this but the organization that ordained Pastor Bakker is from Tulsa, OK and known as Faith Christian Fellowship International. He has friends there. I am sure you can contact them if you need to know more about their ordination process and what is involved.

Anonymous said...

Ordained!, Smordained!! I don't care if a bunch of "Holier then thou" elders get together and give Jim Bakker the OK to go out and gather a flock and preach. Jim doesn't not need someone (most likely a kid right out of Bible college) saying to him: "You've met the qualifications, you have my permission to preach". Jim's been through the trenches when these guys were babies. Jim has something much more important that you folks will never understand, "A Calling". A calling from the Lord to get out there and save souls without the need of belonging to some Union. Hey, maybe I'm not as couth as you all and I may be a "Hick"by your standards, and you can call me "ignorant" and "uncouth" then, that's OK, I'll survive. But that's how I feel, maybe Jim doesn't have a "sheepskin" and that bothers you, well he does OK without one and makes a lot of people feel good about the Lord.

No Nonsense Norski said...

12:00PM: Yew Betcha, there, Bubba!
------------------------------------------

Another coffee-chokin' good blog, Ron!

Got me a feelin' theres bound to be more and more Bubbas joinin' in the jawin' on here that may be missin' more teef than the Dumpster Divin' Deeva!

Cindy B. said...

So your hero has been through the trenches when these guys were babies? Oh yeah, and he did it all during the years when he had not even read the bible all the way through. So much for the wonderful "Good Old Boys" old fashioned hillbilly church. Not!

More details please. said...

What a lame comparison, what a limp statement, "People hated Hitler". People hated Hitler for a number of reasons, most people hated hitler cause he was evil. Others hated Hitler because although they believed in the Nazi philosophy, they were jealous of his success, still others hated Hitler because maybe he was too tolerant of certain groups, say the Muslims. Still others hated him cause he sided with the Japs. You have to be more specific in your statement "A lot of people hated Hitler".

Anonymous said...

To 12:00,

There is no way the Lord calls someone to fleece the flock. How about all the people he has caused great pain, and loss to? It is a very callous and amoral person who doesn't consider the harm done to thousands of people. "He makes a lot of people feel good about the Lord"! How about all the people he has turned off to the Lord. It's not all about you selfish people who are trying to protect your leader, and it's not always about your leader! I don't get people who claim to be christians and still stand behind this man. Do you not read your bible, don't you pray. It's reprehensible to stand behind a man that has done so much damage to so many lives! Worse yet says he was wrong and then takes it back.

Kool-Aid Kid said...

Bakker Zombie @ 914am

You are without a doubt a brown nosing moronside zombie that sucks up to Bakker.

You say, Pastor B says if people, like people on this site , hate him he must be doing something right. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Of course he's going to say people that disagree with him hate him. I'll tell you this you brainless zombie, that if you ever disagree with Bakker about anything to do with Moronside he will hate you too.

Cleetus said...

Yew fools,

Quit yer ratchet jawin'

That's my wife in that there dumpster. Maybe I gets me a new pair of shoooes to wear for sunday meetin'

fed up with the fools said...

No use trying to talk common sense with a fool. Many followed Hitler and didn't question him. Many followed Jim Jones. There are so many examples of people throughout history following charismatic lunatics. Sad and sorry situation when people have no wisdom or discernment. Fools will always be with us!

Anonymous said...

You tell them Kool-aid-Kid!!! Don't let them bullXXXX you!!

Tanya said...

@ more details please: you think a history lesson will make a difference to my main point? Do I really have to be more specific about Hitler to get you to address the main point of the posting? Do you have the faintest glimmer of understand that the point was not Hitler himself, but rather the idiocy of the way people are rationalizing what Jim Bakker is doing?

I'll try to explain... here we go: the statement was posted that Jim Bakker must be doing something right if people hate him. That statement is ridiculous - having people hate you, or hate your behaviour, does not mean that you are doing something right.

Clearly the point went completely over your head.

The posting was NOT: choose something Hitler did that you disagree with, or hate.

The posting WAS: having people hate what you do does not mean you are behaving in a moral, or "right," way.

Do you see the difference?

If you don't see the difference, forget it. How about you just answer the question: what do you think about the constant photos and videos of 9/11 that Bakker is including in his shows?

And while I'm typing anyways... "he sided with the Japs." If you don't know, I'll let you know - that is a disrespectful and racist name for the Japanese people. It makes you sound ignorant.

Zach's Daddy said...

hey this is zach's daddy

are you all tryin to tell me i didn't get my $32,000 worth for 4 years of college?

Message From Jim said...

Dear Zach's Daddy,

Thanks to you and our other fine and amazing "partners" we now have money in the budget to hire the scholar at 12:20 as head of the brand new Morningside College History department.

We're also thinking about forming a brand new course called:

The Japs or The Spics:
Who are worse?

He'd be fine for that too, wouldn't he? We'll be sure to let you know as soon as these two new program coures get underway.

Again, thanks for your generous donations!

Jim

Anonymous said...

Here we go again with the Jim Bakker Klan....Jim Bakker said it, so I believe it. My simple brain can't handle anymore than that. Jim says I must be doing something right, lololololol.....the ignorant masses at Morningside suck up all the trash that comes out of Jims mouth. Get a job and get a life you people. Quit living off of welfare, medicare, unemployment. I am so sick of paying taxes so you can sit on your lazy big asses!

Tanya said...

@11:57am: thank you for the information, and for being polite.

There is information about the credentialing process on the website for FCF Ministries.

Brother Dortch also posted a little while ago that friends can ordain each other - so Jim Bakker having friends there, as 11:57am stated, fits what Brother Dortch said. (Brother D. - correct me if I am mistaken about your post regarding this subject.)

Anonymous said...

The welfare money sure isn't being spent on education, that's for sure.

Brother Dortch said...

Tanya, you are 100% correct.

To the Morningside employee:

Thanks so much! I am shocked I was actually able even get an answer to my question. As everybody around here already knows, all my questions seem to go unanswered. I am going to be checking out this organization and will be back as soon as I know more. Again, thanks so much!

Anonymous said...

"I'll tell you this you brainless zombie, that if you ever disagree with Bakker about anything to do with Moronside he will hate you too."

Ain't that the truth!

Anonymous said...

I'm making that picture of Zach with the big goofy grin on his face and the 666 on his forehead my new screensaver. Sweet!

Brother Dortch said...

There is absolutely no doubt in my mind whatsoever that, if Bakker would call for it, he could EASILY start a brand new arm of the HEAVEN'S GATE cult. For those who need reminded about the first Heaven's Gate debacle, read below. I am certain I am correct about this. People would line the mall at Morningside with perfect tranquility in their minds that they are doing God's work while following the movement of the Hale-Bopp comet! Not only could he do it, but he would have a hell of a lot more than 39 followers in the cult too. maybe we could call it:

Heaven's Gate - Blue Eye
________________________________
________________________________
Heaven's Gate was an American UFO religion based in San Diego, California, founded and led by Marshall Applewhite (1931–1997) and Bonnie Nettles (1928–1985).

On March 26, 1997, police discovered the bodies of 39 members of the group who had committed suicide in order to reach an alien space craft which they believed was following the Comet Hale-Bopp, which was at its brightest.

Anonymous said...

Jim's got the right idea about posting those photos. I suppose we should just forget that 9;11 happened like you folks in LaLa Land. Since certain folks there like to throw the bull and use the Hitler diversion maybe we should complain to the various TV channels and to our Board of Education and to the various Colleges that the "Holocaust" footage and the Death Camp with their furnaces that consumed the Jews should not be shown cause it ruins the Foodbucket Fan's supper and only the "Daisies and Sunshine" segments should be shown. No!!! Jim shows those for a reason, to remind us what happened least we forget, you can't handle the truth about what happened then go and hide under your beds. Grow up already and face the fact that 9:11 was horrible, what you see Happened, damn it, those events happened, nothing is doctored or fabricated, it happened. You people do more of an injustice to the victims by your denial that Bakker ever could!!!!!!!!!!!!

Brother Dortch said...

Why, there's one of those Bopp-ers now!

Anonymous said...

That blog by Ron was funny. Zach is still a kid but still he needs to know this fundamental fact........Never, ever have your picture taken with 666 written on your forehead. I mean think of the future. Imagine if he decides to run for mayor of Morningside???

Brother Dortch said...

I would not vote for Zach Drew if he were running for dogcatcher!

Anonymous said...

How do you know Applegate was wrong? I mean can you be 100% certain they are not up there now having one heck of a ride? I mean as an argument, how can you know that Applegate hit the nail on the head with that one? Speaking philosophicaly, can you answer that?

Craig said...

Morningside is a dictatorship. Zacharoni will never be the heir as long as one of jim's kids are involved. He'll just have to endure as a flunky with a goofy 666 picture forever. Lol.

Brother Dortch said...

Dear Zach's Daddy:

Actually, you received your son's education on the cheap. From the sound of things, it was easily worth $100,000 and maybe more!

Tabitha and Cindy said...

If Zach lost weight, he'd be very handsome. He takes nice pictures and has a beautiful smile. A guy like that, with those looks, can go far in TV Ministries. Just loose a few pounds Zach, you have an honest face.XXXXXXXOOO

Brother Dortch said...

He has a perfect face--for RADIO!

Anonymous said...

Kevin would love to dumpster dive at KFC and McDonalds. He'd used the foodbuckets to cart away all the half eaten and thrown away chicken. He would not even complain if it was not extra-crispy or not.

Anonymous said...

Wow 2:05,

Where should I start?

Jim does not have the right idea posting those photo's!

No one, and I mean NO ONE will forget that horrific day! How foolish to compare a college, or tv show that uses footage from the German holocaust of the Jews and the death camps for educational purposes. Colleges and tv documentaries are not raising money so a pompous, arrogant, jacka** can live the good life! If film makers in Hollywood uses it for profit, that is the world!!! How dare a con who claims to be a humble servant of the Lord use it to keep people in a constant state of fear so he can make lots of money off of it! Only the lowest life form would use horrific 9/11 film footage for profit. No one is denying it happened, we just aren't insensitive to the victims. How can one be so callous to the thousands who lost love ones on that day. Only Jim Bakker and those who don't question this con man could!

It is you people out there in lala land, Morningside, that are hiding under your beds. The rest of us are out here working, volunteering, and staying involved in the world so we can reach it for Christ and not for profit!

You people out there keep using the dumb line "you can't handle the truth". You people don't know the truth, and are truly are so ignorant you don't pursue truth. You just buy everything Jim sells, hook, line, and sinker.

The world will get worse. Times will get harder. Jesus promised us that. He also said He would never leave us or forsake us. Many of us are investing our money and time wisely as we get ready for the times to come. You spew even more of your foolishness and arrogance when you say getting ready Jims way is the only, and smartest way to get ready.

Your denial that Jim is and always has been con is creating more victims of this treacherous, evil man. He will be dealt with by a just God. Justice will be done for all the victims! Jim will have no where to hide and curling up crying in the fetal position won't work with God!

Jim is humane. said...

Jim has the "junkman" on because he knows that he is grabbing money from old folks SSI. He especially loves the old folks on SSI disability because he knows they get more monthly. The "junkman' helps to relieve his conscious cause he feels he is in turn showing these old folks how to live without money, which they donated to him. Fine upstanding guy!!!!!

Brother Dortch said...

The fetal position con did not work with the United States government, it certainly won't work with God!

Buddy's Buddy said...

Anonymous@2:57 said it clearly, but I want to reiterate. No one is using film of Holocaust victims to sell overpriced garbage and scare people. That's the difference!

Anonymous said...

I find it interesting that the transcript from CNN was aired in 2000, yet in 1999 Jim received his "31 words from God". Why didn't he share that message on TV then?

Anonymous said...

To 8:36. Shocking that Zach let him? Zach did not have a choice in the matter, that's the bottom line there. Jim says "jumP' they answer "How High"!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Proverbs 11:30 The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life, and he who WINS SOULS is wise.

Proverbs 14:25 A truthful witness saves lives, but a FALSE witness is deceitful.

GOD SAID IN DANIEL ABOUT THE END TIME Daniel 12:3 regarding the trouble and the end of time,
Those who are WISE will shine like the brightness of the heavens, and those who LEAD MANY to RIGHTEOUSNESS, like the stars for ever and ever.

Now Christians ask yourselves, How much time does Jim spend on his show presenting the Gospel? Does he have #'s on how many souls are being saved on a daily basis? It's clear the Jim Bakker ministry is not missions orientated! It's one and only goal is to sell you survival junk to survive in a world that will end. You don't need what he is selling. Anyone can be self sufficient with out buying what he is selling. Real ministries are about saving a persons soul, not focusing on the here and now, but on the eternal. Jim has a clever line that "he is the only pastor preparing for the disasters to come". He is so wrong, the worst disaster is to lose your soul to the devil!

He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose. James Elliot

Matthew 6:25 So do not worry, saying what shall we eat? or What shall we drink? or What shall we wear? For the pagans run after these things and your heavenly Father knows you need them. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things shall be given to you as well. Do not worry about tomorrow, Each day has enough trouble of it's own.

Morningside Christians, please, please read your bibles! It's not hard to see that Jim is monopolizing on your fears. Get your eyes back on Jesus. I hate the thought that many of you are willing to give your souls and eternity to Jims distortion of the end times.

Kool-Aid Kid said...

Zombies@247pm

Zach is only going down the road far enough to go into the first fast food restaurant to stuff his goofy zombie face. Tabitha and Cindy, you both deserve a total tool like this in your lives. That picture of the fat zombie Zach with the 666 on his stupid forehead will follow him where ever his fat ass goes. Anyone that sits at the frog's table on his moronside tv show does not have an honest face. Zach doesn't need to lose weight, he needs to lose Jim Bakker and find a real school.

Anonymous said...

Jim's sermons are of quality not quantity. I remember years ago going to church on a very hot summer's day, I mean it was boiling. The church had no AC. and the people were very uncomfortable as a result. Well, the Preacher came to deliver his sermon and spoke these words; "If you think it's hot today, remember it's hotter in Hell"!! That was the sermon, those 11 words, and it reached more people then if he would have went on for an hour about fire and brimstone. That's how Jim is, short and effective in his sermons.

Anonymous said...

To 3:50/ I hear that!!! +1,000

Anonymous said...

Lol 3:50,

Jim is short and effective in his sermons. You meant the sermon about "The sky is falling" that has been going on for YEARS now! He is effective.....in conning people that is!!!!

Robert said...

KAK: I just hope when your Mom takes you to church in the morning you ask for forgiveness on how you talk here.

Anonymous said...

In every occupation powerful and interested individuals will derive their wealth and influence from the ignorance of society. Doctors, Lawyers, Teachers, Business men do it. Why not preachers also, does this really shock you?

Anonymous said...

Actually 5:20 it does shock me and it doesn't that there are con men in the pulpits. It makes people more angry that a so called preacher rips off the ignorant masses. If your a preacher you should be following Jesus's teachings. If a you're a slick salesmen then don't use the name of Jesus in the sales pitch!

Tanya said...

I'm the one who used the "Hitler diversion" 2:05pm.

I've already explained that it was not about Hitler, it was to expose the ludicrous rationalization about how one would know Jim Bakker is doing "right." I'm not going to try to walk anyone through it again, if you don't understand after 2 posts what the point was, then you aren't going to understand now.

Nobody has forgotten 9/11. Nobody.

Even by your own reasoning, 2:05pm, there is no motivation to play the images over and over. Jim Bakker could play an image once, as a reminder, if he really felt a reminder was needed and justified. Once. He could also, from time to time, talk about the great loss, instead of being almost gleeful that the hedge of protection was let down to allow this harbinger(his explanation).

Instead, Jim Bakker plays video every few minutes, and alternates the images with his pitches to "be prepared" and buy his dehydrated food. Do you know what that looks like? A lot less like a Board of Education documentary and a lot more like USING 9/11 TO MAKE MONEY.

Anonymous said...

Tanya: I think most people in their hearts know you speak the truth. I think maybe 90% of these responders play the "Devil's Advocate" game and really don't believe their own arguments. Kid stuff and testing, that sort of thing.

Anonymous said...

Well, I'm an old guy and I can tell you, you will never run into a blog that has 800 comments - mostly critical - about a legitimate servant of God minister like Billy Graham. Or, for that matter, that wonderful nun who appears on national TV regularly, Mother Angelica. Both are sincere representatives of God who command and deserve respect.

On the other hand, Jim Bakker.........

Anonymous said...

Jim bakker ministry is an example that stupidity,ignorance and mindless sheople abound. However, we are all free to waste our money as we see fit. If these lonely simple minded idiots derive a sense of comfort and companionship out of hearing the so-called sermons of the egotistical and narcissistic bakker, so be it. My complaint is regarding there is no accountability for.all his ridiculous claims which have been proven to be false. We are all accountable for our words, but this haughty self-righteous nutcase doesn't have the humility to apologize when necessary. That says mounds about his lack of.character
His tree is producing rotten fruit. Thank goodness these stupid hillbillies are not a.daily part of my life...takes all kinda of idiots to make the world go round

Anonymous said...

Jim definitely has to be short in his sermons. Spending too much time on God's grace wastes valuable selling air time.

And remember - if you don't keep buying, this incredible christian infomercial won't have enough money to broadcast more selling!

Tanya said...

@5:55pm - thank you for your comment, I appreciate it.

Anonymous said...

From an old article on Jim:

The Trinity Foundation in Dallas, which investigates televangelists' fund raising, is keeping its eye on Bakker, in part because of some of his financial doings after prison. In April 1995, New Covenant Fellowship -- the ministry Bakker and his daughter operate -- offered for $100 a videotape of Bakker's eulogy for PTL colleague Henry Harrison. The fund-raiser was stopped when Harrison's widow objected publicly.

I wonder if the Trinity Foundation is still keeping their eye on him?

Anonymous said...

Here's the contact info for the Trinity foundation. It only takes a second to email them with a link to Ron's last blog about the IRS. That's a good place to start...

http://www.trinityfi.org/contact.html

Grandma Char Groupie said...

Not only did Henry "Uncle Henry" Harrison's widow object to the selling of the video tape, but if I remember he exact quote regerding the tape, she said it was "in poor taste" and that is why she put a stop to it.

Grandma Char Groupie said...

I have not seen the video of the Henry Harrison eulogy. If I had to guess, I am sure it probably shows Bakker's shouting & screaming at the audience with Henry's dead body in the open casket right behind him or right beside him in plain view.

Bakker, of course, had the whole thing videotaped and sold it for $100 a pop. Sick!

P.S.--Has anybody at all seen this tape which, Thank God, Henry's widow pulled off the market?

Grandma Char Groupie said...

Think about it this way. If one of Bakker's two kids, Tammy Sue or Jamie Charles, would die prematurely, do you think Bakker would video the eulogy and sell tapes of that too? Why is this OK, in his mind, for Uncle Henry but would be considered an insult if you were to ask him if he intends to do the exact same thing same thing for one of his own children? I am sure the Bakkerites would not like to talk about this either. Or, WOULD Bakker sell tapes of his own kid's eulogy? Maybe that is the question.

Anonymous said...

********You guys should checkout the new music video on th generation now YouTube channel. I'm a troll, and I must say, good job cadets, it very catchy.*******************$%#&@&@&#&#&#&#*#*$**$!

Ron said...

2nd part of this post cooking tomorrow afternoon. Final will come Tues/Wed. Also going to add Jim's disgusting 9/11 footage to the YouTube channel when I get a chance, it's truly reprehensible behavior on his part and deserves to be publicized for all to see. Jim and his supporters, on the other hand, should be happy I'm doing this...it's helping to spread the word about The Harbinger for him!

Ron said...

posting, not cooking...damn auto correct on phone!

Craig said...

Lol Ron. My phone does that too.

Tanya said...

The students have another video up - this one about the Branson tornado. A short one, with lots of footage of all the wreckage and an interview with a resident... didn't see any of Bakker's emergency food, though.

Anonymous said...

Tanya @ 9:57

Thank you for the update on how the Masters Media handle the tornado destruction in Branson. Jim and company certainly wouldn't tell us. It's just as I suspected they jumped in their vehicles and went to film the destruction but there was no ministry. Maybe for awhile Jim can stop showing 9/11 footage, and show Branson footage. Jim never disappoints, you can always count on him to be self serving, never a servant!

So come on Masters Media kids if I am wrong, prove it! Did you take any of those trash buckets of food to those who lost everything? Jim says you need them to help your neighbors? Did you take out any Seychelle water pitchers so people could get water from mud holes. Did you take anyone some silver sol? Tents? Vitamins? Jesus statues, Come on, ANYTHING. Bet you didn't even pick up one piece of garbage did you fine christians!!!!!!

Kool-Aid Kid said...

Moronside Inbreed @ 410pm

You hope my mom takes me to church for forgiveness on how I talk here? Really? I'm sure your pastor Bakker would love to write 666 on my forhead as well. Well he can't do that can he? I can promise you that if you screw up enough with Bakker he'll do the same to you as he did Fat Zach. It's called humiliation. What makes you think you will not be treated any different than Zach?

Brother Dortch said...

I have just watched the Branson tornado Masters Media College video. This video is of such poor and unprofessional quality it would be rejected, and someone would be fired, if it were brought into the News Director of any professional TV station. And you wonder why the "students" never get jobs? You wonder why the job placement rate of this vocational school is 0.0%? That's ZERO jobs for 100% of all "students" attended!

What is wrong with the Branson video? OMG Where do I start?

a) JERKY camera work causing an unstable picture (would not be tolerated in pro environment)
b) Camera being panned too fast
c) VERY poor editing--scenes not cut well and edit is jumpy & makes no sense
d)Scene of Mondo talking to kids is misframed
e) Scene of James interviewing lady is misframed

How many of these Branson victims were put up at the many empty condos at Morningside? I'll bet you I can give you the answer in round numbers. VERY round numbers!

Anonymous said...

Kool-Aid Kid,

Ya KAK, I hope your mom takes you to that Morningside church. You need some of Pastor Zachs preaching! You need to learn the way of the zombies. Then maybe you can be as good a christian as they are!!! Come on KAK we need some more of their JESUS talk on this blog. Go and learn their CHRISTIANESE language!!!!

rofl.......

Anonymous said...

Jim a good preacher and teacher, HA!
What are those master media kids learning? To be selfish just like their leader. So they went to Branson only to film the destruction, not help out. Now that is a fine example of christian charity!

HEY JIM LEARN FROM BEN FRANKLIN WHO WASN'T EVEN A CHRISTIAN.........

WELL DONE IS BETTER THAN WELL SAID!

Brother Dortch said...

Yes Kool Aid,

You obviously don't know a damn thing about the many "secret codes" that Pastor Zach, the unordained kid hillbilly preacher, would be willing to teach you!

Come on Kool Aid, open up your wallet and get with the program!

MM Sailors for Christ said...

We're all going to take the boat out on the lake and chill today. This preaching and doing good and fulfilling the Lord's work all the time gets tiring after a while. I can't see how Superman does it. Well brothers and sisters we hope you have a nice day and keep thinking those happy thoughts. Zach got himself a new Capt's cap and wants to show it off. He thinks he's "Mr Bigshot" now that he's official the skipper.

Anonymous said...

lol 8:53

Zach is the skipper and Nolan is Gilligan. Jim is the millioniare, and Lori is his wife. Don't know who the movie star is, and there is no one smart enough to be the professor, and no one sweet enough to be Mary Anne.

Morningside film crew said...

You have to understand Brother Dortch, the place was just hit by a tornado, I don't know much about Tornados but I believe there is such a thing as "aftershock". i mean we was wicked nervous during that filming and was not about to stick around if things got bad again we had the van going so we could skidaddle like a bat outta hell if things got too hairy around there. I mean trust in the Lord is OK sometimes but it's best to keep the motor running and the brakes off when in a life and death situation that we all was facing at the time, so of course the filming was gonna out a little shaky. That was a real ordeal by fire that was.

Moroningside Audio Guy said...

We were also really scared of the flashmobs we heard about from Papa Jim. What with the roving gangs seeking out dwindling supplies of potatoes with their hashtags... we were worried about running into them during all the chaos.

Craig said...

Somebody help me. I can't tell the difference between rambling zombie posts and biting satiric posts anymore. Both are funny but this is getting surreal.

Anonymous said...

Ha, Ha, Morningside Audio Guy,

I was just thinking of Jimbos potato scare since that is what I am eating for lunch.

I think I'll sit on my back porch to eat my potatoes. For entertainment I'll watch a mudslide.

I think I am beginning to catch on to this prophet thing. I prophecy that there will be more tornadoes this spring and summer. A whole lot more destruction that gloomy ole Jim can scare the old folks with.

Brother Dortch said...

Zach: 4 years
James: 4 years
Sasha: 3 years

And the camera still shakes?
Let's cut with the excuses &
see some results. If you're
that nervous ask Lori for
something to calm you down.
I'm sure she had it for you
right there in her purse!

Anonymous said...

It's ok Craig, I've been the one having fun this morning, and believe me I am no zombie lover. Scary thing is if you can't tell the difference we know the zombies can't. Calling all zombies I've been making fun of you, your just give me to much material to pass on!

Oh that's right Gilligan, the Skipper, and the Morningside crew are out with the millionaire and his wife on their "little" boat, their not reading this.

ROFL @ zombies

Anonymous said...

they're not reading this I meant!

Anonymous said...

ANSWER THE QUESTION YOU ANTI-BAKKER ZOMBIES!!!!

Just kidding.

But no one has answered the question I posed several days ago about who wouldl play Jim Bakker in a movie about his life.

I suggested Johnny Depp. Any other candidates? Anyone under 6-2 will have to wear high heels since Jimbo does that on his show.

Awaiting The Sex Scandal said...

Too bad Liberace is dead. He would have been perfect!

Craig said...

Kevin Spacey. Just because his name describes the zombies so well. Lol.

Kool-Aid Kid said...

To Moronside film crew @ 809am

Aftershock? Aftershock? The only aftershock event you'll ever experience you fat brainless zombie is waking up one morning and finding ugly Jim Bakker laying beside you in bed. Now that would be aftershock!

Anonymous said...

@9:08....Professor can be Junkman. Professor used to make all kind of contraptions in an emergency. Junkman can pretty near do the same thing

Craig said...

Lol Kool Aid. But if that actually happened the zombie might think they were in heaven or at least think of it as a miracle since the picture by their bed came to life.

Tanya said...

"What with the roving gangs seeking out dwindling supplies of potatoes with their hashtags..." -- Morningside Audio Guy, I almost choked on my orange juice. LOL!!

@10:57am - in honour of the Bakker-supporter who told me to "relax" because I was being called a "weasle" and not a "weasel" (and, may I add, was wrong about both who was being called names, and what a "weasle" is or isn't) may I suggest:

Toby Jones, who voiced the role of Dobby the House-Elf in the Harry Potter movies.

Anonymous said...

KAK--- Don't let this Morningside bunch intimidate you!!!

Kool-Aid Kid said...

Anon@1213pm

No stress at all. None. Love going toe to toe with a moronside zombie, hillbilly and the odd nasty troll ( some trolls I like though ).

Kool-Aid Kid said...

LOL Craig! LOL

The boat on the tv series was the "S S Minnow" , but Bakker's boat would be the "S S Pharmacy".

Anonymous said...

Where would Kevin fit in as a member of the S. S. Pharmacy bunch?

Craig said...

I read through this Tulsa outfit that may recognize jim as an ordained minister. Their rules seem fairly fluid. It seems if jim keeps sending them money, then they will keep him in good standing. Not too far off from my offer. I think I will contact them and ask about jim bakker.

Kool-Aid Kid said...

Before the S S Pharmacy became shipwrecked the captain netted an unusually large "shorey" tuna. After landing the "shorey" they all had to hit it over the head numerous times until it stopped singing "happy happy birthday from moronside to you". The crew sat down later that afternoon and ate him.

Anonymous said...

to 12:32, What's their title "Ministers "r" Us".

Anonymous said...

S S Pharmacy must use Dino cakes as anchors.

Craig said...

60's sitcoms. Tabitha was Samantha's daughter on Bewitched. She was also a witch. Sorry Tabitha, you're named after a witch. Better close your windows and lock your doors because they'll be coming with the rams' horns soon.

Anonymous said...

No such things as Witches, that kind of thinking died out after the religious zealots in Salem, MA realized (after the fact) what a mistake they made.

Consider this. said...

omething you all here really don't understand. Jim Bakker in the 80s had a theme park called Heritage USA, it was a very popular attraction and brought together Christians from all over the country if not the world. Well, that theme park did more in bringing families together and filling their hearts with joy, happiness and love then anything I have ever seen. Jim set a trend, no more would the Christian sit back in a straight back chair reading passages from "Pilgrims Progress". Christian were finally free to enjoy good clean entertainment for a change. That is part of Jim's legacy, the "emancipation" of the Christian and the entire Christian community should be thankful to this pioneer.

Anonymous said...

Kool aid @12:13. You must of got confused and meant zombies instead of trolls. You said in that statement that you like some trolls. You represent the trolls, zombies are the other guys.

Craig said...

@consider this.
It was an achievement built on fraud. If it was sustainable then it would have survived after jim. Smoke and mirrors.

Anonymous said...

Kool-aid-Kid knows some of the Bakker friends are right, that why he likes them. Just a matter of time till he joins the other side.

Anonymous said...

I don't mean this to be unkind, but I'm watching it now (just found it by mistake, but have to check it out!) and it's very weird that they all look kind of seedy. Lori especially, looks like she hasn't washed her hair in weeks. This is the weirdest infomercial I've ever seen. At first, I didn't recognize JB, then after a few seconds, wow! It really is him. Aw, Jeez, now he's crying. His daughter just came into the room lip-syncing something. "Love Gift of $1700" LOVE GIFT? Same ole' Jimmy, eh?

Ron said...

Hi Anonymous,

Welcome to my blog and thanks for commenting! Yes, you're going to see a lot of seedy characters on the Jim Bakker Show. Have you seen Larry Bates or Philip Cameron yet? There's a lot of material here and I'm still trying to figure a way to make it easier for my readers to find. In the meantime, the Jim Bakker 2011 Scammy Awards might be a good place to start as I highlighted the 'best of the worst' from last year and hyperlinked to it all for your reading pleasure.

Also, the third part of this blog post is where all the comment action is (you're currently on part 1). Dive on in and you'll see how rabid Bakker's followers really are!