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Sunday, May 29, 2011

Jim wearing waders, being motored around on a boat

Bakker on location
Jim opens the show this morning with audio problems. I can hear his opening, “Welcome to our progrim [sic] today, we're so glad to have you watching.” After that the theme music drowns him out, though his voice does get through the din when he says something about 'revelation events'. My dvr can't even subtitle him, that's how poor the audio is.

Jim Bakker enjoying a boat ride
Jim is shown riding around in a boat through what looks like a bayou, though it's actually some flooded area. Bakker is wearing a life-vest in case he plunks himself overboard. He looks exceedingly comfortable as he takes his pleasure cruise.

The show takes a little break to hawk the Seychelle water filter bottles and the water filter straw. They repeat the clip of Jim and Bishop Ron Webb fake-drinking water from one of the filters (they perform a little water bottle switch-a-roo as mentioned here).

Jim ordering food from the bayou
The show returns and now Jim is actually overboard. Someone removed his life-vest for him, but now they've dressed him in waders and he's standing in the middle of a swamp holding what looks to be a large restaurant menu or yearbook. It turns out to be a book written by Charles Spurgeon that Jim is citing in order to confuse people into buying his crap.

Jim announces, from the river, that he's going to take a spot break and that people should order their 20-year shelf life foodbuckets. The show then returns to Morningside, where Jim and the gang are collected to make their pitch for those same foodbuckets. This is telling, as it shows that Jim is thinking about income and profit even while touring a floodzone and supposedly showing concern for those affected. The guy is soul-less.

Bakker cooking survival food on a bbq
At Morningside, the gang is cooking up foodbucket slop on a shiny new gas-powered barbecue. Convicted felon and Bakker Gangster Mondo de la Vega is on BBQ duty. On Jim's direction, Zach reads a list of powdery meals contained in each bucket. When Zach mentions Creamy Potato Soup, Jim growls out the statement, 'Oh it's one of my favorites'. Bakker couldn't sound any more disinterested as he says this. It happens again as Zach mentions the Italian Tomato Pasta; Jim gives an off-camera 'Ahh!' that sounds like this foodbucket slop is to die for. As Zach wraps up the meal list, Bakker is back on camera and straight into the pitch: “ so when you order any of the food---” To be clear, that's a direct quote I'm using.

Zach dreaming of Wintercorn
While Jim rambles, Zach is daydreaming behind him. He's probably thinking about the red-headed Charlotte Wintercorn (another Master's Commission inbred), though I personally think he'll end up marrying Tristen Eschette since they're both bigger folk with the potential to get REALLY big.

Jim introduces an interesting new take on the foodbucket: Rice Buckets and Bean Buckets. He may as well call them Shit Buckets and Fart Buckets. Maybe next he'll be selling laxatives and Beano?

By the way, Jim is selling Rice Buckets for $100. You can buy the exact same Rice Bucket on Amazon for $64.95. Same thing for Bean Buckets, buy the exact same product for $88.79. Those are the shipped prices by the way. Jim charges you shipping on top of your love-gift, because Jim Bakker is a slimeball.
Jim loves Foodbucket Pyramids
Jim steps away from the shiny new bbq and over to an enormous Foodbucket Pyramid. The thing looks to be 12 feet tall at it's peak. Jim loves making pyramids out of foodbuckets, he's done it many times.

Near the end of the show, Bishop Ron Webb is shown handing over a $50,000 check from Jim Bakker to Pastor Tim Russell who represents Hope International. This Pastor Russell could be a great guy, but since he's palling around with Jim Bakker and accepting his dirty money, I'm gonna call the guy a turd. People with integrity would look at a check from Jim Bakker and decline it.


Anonymous said...

This Mondo guy has to be the biggest suck up on the show. What is his real story? The kids are just that so they are excused of all actions. That leads me to wonder what type of parents would let their kids go live with that convicted felon and all around cheat?

Daniel said...

Mondo scares me, he looks like a stone cold killer ready to snap. Now I hear Mondo is getting his own show in Spanish. That scares me too.

Anonymous said...

He has twitter account "mondo18st". What a name is that? "18 street" or what?

Anonymous said...

I know Mondo Personally.. he is a a guy who loves God and him hamily. 18 St is the gang he WAS in. People can change.. and besides who are we to judge anyone?

Anonymous said...

I don't get this obsession with JB. Alex jones does the same stuff selling iodine and colloidal silver etc etc while scaring the piss out of people that the world is ending. Why not pick on him too?