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Monday, December 12, 2011

Jim Bakker welcomes Kellie Copeland-[Insert Name Here] part 2

This is Part 2. Click here to read part 1 of Jim Bakker welcomes Kellie Copeland-[Insert Name Here].

Does Braydon have a conehead?
Speaking of mediocre fat kids, there's a new one in town and his name's Braydon Rogers. Interesting name he has there, since 'to bray' is to make a harsh, loud cry like a donkey. I wouldn't say Braydon looks like a donkey though, he looks more like a representation of what that braying sound looks like in the flesh. He has the beginnings of a double chin, a smattering of whiskers residing on both chins, and an awful lip-stache. His hair parts awkwardly: not from the side, but not from the middle either. I'd be interested in seeing some baby pictures of this kid because I think he might have a conehead. It could just be the camera angle, but I see a definite point at the top of his head. His dad is the Pastor of Harvest Assembly, a church in the area that is probably looking for some special favors from Jim.

Melody's gummy smile
Next up we have Melody. Jim makes a big fuss about her because she's the token black student this semester. She's wearing enormous disc-shaped earrings and she shows a little too much gum when she smiles, but overall she's pretty normal on the outside. What isn't normal? Her father. He leads the all-black Gloryland Choir and has apparently appeared on Bakker's show before because we're seeing a clip of them performing. This ranks as one of the more disturbing things I've seen on the Jim Bakker Show. The choir is full of children, and they're lead by some lunatic up front that rocks back and forth very, very quickly.

Melody's dad wants to be a star
Let me tell you, this choir is not about the choir, it's about the crazy adult man up front who wants to be a star. Did I tell you that they're all wearing dark gospel robes with gold tassle and frill at the edges? Some of them even get shoulder boards to wear on the robes to signify their greatness. Correction: Only one of them gets shoulder boards, and he's also the only adult man in the bunch. The gold-edged robes, by the way, serve a function: They show us just how quickly this entire mass of choir is dancing. It's unnerving to watch, sort of like the opening ceremony for the 2008 Beijing Olympics...except the Olympic ceremony also had beauty to it. This Gloryland Choir dancing business causes me to shift uncomfortably in my chair, as it makes me think that either an enormous earthquake is occurring, or some unlucky bastard is being cooked in a giant pot of boiling water. After five seconds of that shit, I'm starting to feel seasick. Holy crap, please no more Gloryland Choir ever again. And arrest that guy up front, he's up to no good.

Nolan goes the extra mile for Bakker
Hey hey, Nolan is up next! his is Nolan's second year of wasting money at Master's Media, so you may have seen him before. He looks like one of the rats running Pete's Diner in the movie The Muppets Take Manhattan. Nolan is what a person might call the 'runt of the litter'. I'll bet he gets sick a lot, and he probably has a lot food allergies. He wears a fake diamond stud to complement Bakker's chintzy Jesus dogtags. And he was once forced to swim for Jim Bakker. You heard me right, forced to swim. There was an episode (which I'll cover soon) where Nolan had to demonstrate the survival gear that Jim Bakker was hawking. This task took him to a lake where, if I recall correctly, he floated on a sleeping bag. How do I know he was forced? Because Nolan can't swim. And how do I know he can't swim? Because he told us on that show. I think Jim likes Nolan, the kid goes the extra mile for him.

Nolan and pal cooking up slop in the Morningside Kitchen
Sasha the Bird Whisperer is introduced too, but since this is her second year at the Master's Media she gets to sit in a chair. I didn't think it was possible, but I'm pretty sure Sasha is becoming stupider. She flashes a big cute smile, dimples and all, but nothing of substance exits her mouth. I really think she's as dumb as a rock, and for once I'm thankful that Jim has his expensive fake school for her to call home. If she was left at home alone with her birds, I'm afraid she would accidentally start a fire somehow and burn the house down. I don't care about her house, but I'd hate to hear about a bunch of innocent birds getting incinerated.

Is Sasha getting dumber in 'college'?
The last horribly misguided kid is introduced, a good-looking girl named Ariel. In a concerned tone, Jim asks her twice 'how she's doing'. Did something happen to her that we aren't aware of? Maybe she fell off a ladder while hanging up all those lights on the outside of Morningside? Keeping with the theme of 'local pastors looking for favors from Jim', she is the daughter of some guy named 'Pastor Dale Bowlingball'. That's really how she said his name, and Bakker never flashed a graphic for me to read so that's the name I'm going with.

Dolph and Little Lori
Bakker moves on to a segment showing footage of his other fake daughter's marriage. Little Lori married a hunky-looking fella with the unhunky name, Jasper. He looks a little like a young Dolph Lundgren, but his dad runs the main camera for Bakker's show, so you know there's a lot of oddness going on with his family. A special speech is given by that rascally-rascal with the high-pitched voice and speech impediment, Lloyd Ziegler. He looks to be all of about 5'2", larger than a Chihuahua but definitely smaller than a St Bernard. This little guy is trying his durndest to floor the crowd with references to Thomas Edison and Victrolas, but one can't shake the feeling that he might really just be a tall midget. He has all the signs: short stature, helium voice and spunk bordering on anger. At only 62 inches high, I wonder if he's taller than Kevin Shorey is round? I would advise Mr Ziegler to steer clear of Kellie Constrictor-Copeland...he's just small enough to be considered prey.

HONK IF YOU'RE NAKED!
Dolph takes Little Lori out for a dance and they nibble cake off each other's fingers. They make their horny getaway in an SUV, and painted on one window are the words, "Honk if you're naked!". Maybe there's hope for Little Lori after all! I mean, she did take a stand and refuse to get married on the show. Keep it up Little Lori, there's hope for you yet!

Enough with the marriage nonsense, Jim Bakker's gotta get back to business. He tells us that in a few weeks, Master's Media will be out of funds. Laughing, he assures us that this is 'no big deal' because "We kinda live on the edge all the time." Do you hear that, you mindless Bakker zombies? Jim Bakker telling us all that he lives on the edge all the time. There's a solution to that: Stop misusing peoples' money. Stop giving Philip Cameron a hundred-thousand dollars per visit for the Moldovan Harem House. Stop building RV parks, bathhouses and swimming pools. The solution to 'living on the edge' is to not live on the edge.

The 'Mater's Media Special'
Bakker's edge-living requires an influx of cash for Master's Media 'scholarships'. Haven't gotten your fill of fat kids dancing? Yearning to send more dim-witted terrors like Frankenzach and Inbred Redford to a school that serves no purpose other than to fill Jim Bakker's staff with unpaid interns? If you do, then Jim's got just the thing for you! Send him fifty bucks towards the scholarship fund, and he'll send you five pieces of obnoxious jewelry that'll turn your skin green and give you a rash. Oh and look, the graphic on the screen is misspelled, I wonder which crack student typed that up? Instead of 'Master's Media Special', it reads 'Mater's Media Special'. This scholarship fund scam is horseshit, it's Jim's own damn school for crying out loud. You're not paying a school, you're paying Jim! Argh!

Sasha calls this 'Classy looking"
One of the gifts is a "Jesus" pin with fake diamonds in it. Bakker laughs and tells us that "Nobody will guess where you stand if you wear that Jesus pin!". Yep you're right Jim, nobody will have to guess when they spot the buffoon who wears that ugly thing in public. It screams 'Ozarks', and identifies the wearer as an inbred. An inbred who purchased it from, and stands with, a serpent named Jim who plays a pastor on tv. It's a badge of dishonor, and anyone who wears it should be ashamed of themselves.

There's another hideous looking piece that Jim pumps up. It's a necklace with a pendant that reads, once again, Jesus. To sell this thing is sacrilege, can't his zombies see that? Sasha calls it "classy looking". Dumb as a rock, I tell ya. Is Master's Media actually causing these kids to devolve? My god, I hope we don't see Zach eating a banana next.

Kellie Copeland's slutty red heels
Jim's throwing in a couple of Kellie Constrictor-Copeland's products with each "Mater's Media Special". One is a worthless dvd where she explains how to have "Eternal, Lasting Romance". Lady, are you out-of-your-fricking mind? You've been married three times, hopping from man to man like you're playing hopscotch. Her second item up for bid is a cd with an image of red slut heels on the cover. Jim says that he doesn't know what is actually on the cd; he probably knows but was distracted by the heels. Are you thinking the same thing I'm thinking, Jim? All three husbands saw her naked in those heels, am I right?


Jim Bakker flashes his forked tongue
Bakker just told us that he believes Zach and the other Master's Media kids are all prophets-in-training. Calling someone a prophet is a pretty serious thing, Jim. Do you have anything to support this claim, or are you just saying this so that people give you money to support your school? Come on Pastor Jim, aren't you lying just a little there? So what if you tell a little lie, they're not smart enough to figure it out anyways, right?

I shoulda known that Bakker was planning something with his repeated use of the word 'prophet', as we get a little prosperity gospel from good ol' Jim Bakker. Jim quotes Matthew 10:41 which apparently tells us:
[Matthew 10:41] "If you sponsor a Master's Media prophet-in-training for Jim Bakker, you will receive all of the money that they make later in life as a return on your investment."
Jimmy, my boy, you never let me down! You, sir, are as dependable as the sunrise. I know that every morning when I turn that tv on, you'll be right there ready to convince me why my money should be yours. What a slithering, disgusting snake you are. Do me a favor and go dunk your big head in a toilet.

Zach has officially stepped over to the Dark Side
Zach has now officially stepped over to the Dark Side. He follows up after Jim, telling us that it's important to know where your money goes. He's really laying it on thick in his new-found arrogance, saying that you can see your money in himself, Sasha, and "everyone on stage!". He's looking right into the camera, pointing at us and really trying to get us excited to give. We need Kevin Shorey back to belly bump this fat twerp off the stage. I hope you enjoy the attention I give you Zach, because you'll be getting more of it now.

In case we didn't understand him the first time, Jailbird Jim reminds us again that if we give him money to support his prophets, we'll be sitting pretty come payday. I thought Jim had renounced the prosperity gospel? Maybe he's feeling the effects of having Kellie Copeland sitting so close to him? She must be carrying the same stink that her dad carries, and it's rubbing off on Jim today.

Jim Bakker casts a spell over his Zombie Army
Bakker says that his second-fattest daughter, Maricela, believes that if it wasn't for Madame Lori guiding her through her teenage years, she wouldn't have been a virgin when she met her husband. Bakker also informs us that her husband, he-of-triangular-nose, was also a virgin when they married. Hate to break it to you kids, but you were still virgins for a reason. It's because one of you is ugly, and the other is fat. Can you guess which is which?

Jim pretends that he just decided to throw in yet another bonus with every purchase of a Master's Media scholarship. Now he's giving us a dvd of Dolph and Lori's wedding. Bakker and the Madame share a laugh when they recount Jim forgetting the wedding ring for Little Lori. Oh I don't think Jim forgot the ring, Lori. I think he dropped it off at a jeweler to have all the diamonds ripped out, then forgot to pick it up before heading to the chapel.

Jim Bakker sells this hunk of junk for $1000
If you fancy yourself a big-spender, Jim tells you that you can buy in for $1000 as a Master's Media Legacy Sponsor. Jim says not to give the money for his cheap love gift, just do it because you love the Lord. Of course, it does come with a love gift for the incredibly-cheap asshole who absolutely must have some Bakker shwag for his money:  A miniature camera on a tripod, with a clock inside. It looks like it was made from the leftover parts in a hardware store clearance bin. I can make out a brass cabinet handle, a toilet arm, and the aerator from a bathroom faucet. Was this thing made at some Blind Vets charity? How could a person even dream up this little trinket?

The Ball Constrictor spots a delicious rat in the corner
With the sales secured for the day, Bakker finally moves on to his guests. The discussion is about how the Ball Constrictor and the Camel met. According to the Constrictor, she was perfectly content being the single, twice-divorced mother of four children. She claims that she was frigid for four years, until the day when one Dr Stephen Swisher caught her eye. They met at some sort of church function, maybe it was payday at the big Copeland church. She said her love didn't come quickly, it took awhile for the Lord to turn her heart over to him. Of course it did Kellie, that's because he's ugly and you're the filthy rich daughter of a phony pastor that fleeces $100 million a year outta people.

How do you spell Swisher? S-A-D  S-A-C-K
Now we hear the Camel's side of the story. I don't know whether he's a dumb schmuck for marrying her, or if he's brilliant for worming his way into her filthy-rich family. What I do know is that he's a big bore. His voice is deep and nasally, courtesy of that big schnozz hanging off his face. And he speaks quickly, so all you really hear is a wave of powerful low-frequency sound rumbling past your ears. He says that he called up the Constrictor and asked her out on a date, she accepted, then she called him back to retract because she was preaching about 'Pure Life' and was telling people that they shouldn't date.

The Camel extends his long-fingered paw
In this exchange, I've learned something else about the Camel. He has hands like claws. His hands are normal size, but his fingers seem to have an extra couple inches on them. Maybe that gives him better traction in sandy environs? Or maybe they function like a snowshoe, dispersing his weight on sand dunes to prevent him from sinking into quicksand?

So now our little love story enters the Twilight Zone. The Ball Constrictor told the Camel that if he could get her home phone number from the Holy Spirit, she would go out with him. He says he started rattling off the number, getting two correct before missing the third "by one digit'. He says that, in less than 5 minutes, he had the whole number figured out. Guess what Dr Swisher, if the Holy Spirit had given you the number, you would have had it two seconds. You wouldn't have missed the third number. Five minutes is an awful long time for grown adults to play a stupid 'guess my phone number' game, don't ya think? Did you just start naming every number at the end until she said yes? Why not just hang-up, ask the Senate Finance Committee that investigated her father for the number, then call her back and knock her socks off in just one try?


"Hello, I'm Satan. What would you like to buy today?"
I'm confident that if the Holy Spirit were going to interact in the lives of two people who were destined to meet, he would provide Jim Bakker's phone number to Special Agent Justice of the FBI instead of giving the Camel's number to Copeland-Constrictor. Consider how much more fruit that marriage would bear to the world? We'd have Jim back in prison, his inbred zombies released back into the wild to guard the Ozarks from the Commies, and an army of enslaved Master's Media kids gaining real employment at Walmart. The Camel / Constrictor marriage, in contrast, is just gonna end up in divorce. Copeland-Swisher has shown herself to be better at divorcing men than marrying them.
[Prison Warden] [answering phone] "Yeah, what's up?"
[Prison Guard] "Hey, Bakker's threatening to hang himself again."
[Warden] "With what? Didn't you already take his shoelaces last week?"
[Guard] "Yeah, but now he's pulled all the elastic out of his waistband."
[Warden] "Does he realize that elastic isn't strong enough to hang himself with?"
[Guard] [laughing] "I tried telling him, but he interrupts me with sobs. In fact when I just came to call you, he latched onto my leg like a little kid and begged me not to go. I think Chester really did a number on him in the upper bunk."
[Warden] [laughing] "And what does Chester have to say about this?"
[Guard] "Well, you know how intense Chester gets when he smells fear in his cellmates? He must smell it on Bakker, because he just gives the guy this wild-eyed look and yells out some sort of crazy-sounding Indian war cry."
[Warden] [laughing] "Well maybe Jimmy Bakker should have thought about this before Jimmy Bakker decided to rip people off in the name of religion?"
[Guard] [laughing] "Yeah, and maybe Jimmy should have thought out the elastic plan before he removed it, because now Jimmy's pants don't stay up and Chester thinks he's flirting with him."

Kellie Copeland devouring her last husband
Now we're at the date, the very thing that the Ball Constrictor swore to never do again. She jokes about all the reasons why her date wasn't really a date. That's not funny, Kellie. If you're preaching one thing but doing another, then you are a hypocrite. Like Jim when he preaches that money will soon be worthless, yet takes money for payment.

The story just sort of ends there, with the Camel going to the Copeland residence to speak to Kenneth and his old bag wife, Gloria. They tell him, in so many words, that they would love to unload their adult daughter on him. We never hear how many more 'dates' this hypocrite goes on with the Camel, but she's given us no reason to think that she stuck by the 'no dating' mantra she preaches.

Copeland looking for her next meal
Bakker ends the show by telling us that we should all let God choose our mates for us. Except if you're his fake-daughter Marie. Then he gets to choose.

Post-show, Jim Bakker plays a five-minute commercial  full of clips of himself begging for more money. Bakker's been doing this a lot lately. He tells us that he needs money to stay on the air, then he fills that air with commercials. Why not just get rid of the entire 'show' and run an hour of commercials, Jim?

221 comments:

1 – 200 of 221   Newer›   Newest»
Gary McDonald said...

I haven't posted in a while but have kept up with every post. just a couple of observances. Braydon Rogers looks strangely like Danny de Vito's character of Martini in One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest. And our host Jimmy Jubilee is beginning to resemble Billy Bob Thornton. And I can't remember the name of the Northern Civil War general portraying the leader of the Gloryland Choir. And there's Benjamin Bratt's illegitimate son Nolan. Good to know the Mater's Commission keeps rolling out the dolts. Who in their right mind would buy that miniature piece of shit for $1000? One last thing. If you married Kellie Copulate and divorced her after a few years, would be able to get some of that Copeland money. Until next time...

Anonymous said...

I am sure that when Bakker asked his daughter and his son-in-law if they were virgins until marriage they both answered yes. How many kids of pastor would say no?

Anonymous said...

What's the big deal with his kids being virgins when they got married? Jim had dipped into Tammy Fae, Jessica Han(?) +++ before getting tied to Lori, Lori was dipped by untold millions before marrying Jimmie, and add to that Copeland's kid had been married with children twice before her 3rd go around. Right, do what I say not what I do.

burnjimburn said...

i actually laughed out loud to this post, "those deep set soulless eyes". it is just unbelievable that all these liars in the the name of God are all connected and using each other. i think nolan is jims boy toy.

Brother Dortch said...

The beautiful new Masters girl is definitely the best looking female ever enrolled in the “college” since it began several years ago. Her name is Ariel Annise Baker and she just graduated high school in her hometown of Van Wert, Ohio. Please note the spelling of her last name as she is not related to the snake. Her Dad is Pastor Dale Bolenbaugh of the Spring Valley Church also in Van Wert. Apparently, her Mom must have been married once before hence the difference in last names. In high school, Ariel was a very popular young lady who danced and performed in the school talent show and she appears to have a lot on the ball for such a young gal. Unlike the other whales Bakker has enrolled in the fake school, within a matter of days after enrolling, Bakker has placed Ariel on the set, as a co-host, since she has the potential to do well with the charisma and looks necessary to be an outstanding young Christian broadcaster—should that be her desire.
To: Ariel and her Mom & Step-Dad (who I hope are reading this blog too),
You have enrolled yourself, or your daughter, in an unaccredited “college” which is not a “college” at all. It is a sham to obtain free help for Jim Bakker’s television production so he doesn’t have to pay legal wages to his employees. I beg of you, please, stay there no more than one-year (total) from date of enrollment and use this one-year for the express purpose of deciding whether television is an avenue either you or your daughter would like to pursue as a career. Either way, if you or your daughter should decide to enter broadcasting, or if you or your daughter should decide not to enter broadcasting, get the hell out of this racket and enroll in a fully accredited college where you will be given a legitimate college education and emerge, after four-years of study, with a real college degree that is respected and means something. Ignore those vocational schools, as they are unaccredited too. Ohio University, in Athens, Ohio has an excellent broadcasting program and is an example of the type of school you really need to attend. It is also not necessary to have a degree in broadcasting or communications to enter and do well in television, since any college degree will work—providing you pick up the skills necessary to be a good speaker and communicator. Findlay College, in Findlay, Ohio, is an excellent, fully accredited, school near you as is Ohio State. Can’t afford tuition? You can take out a student loan, work for a company that has a college reimbursement program, or even consider military service so Uncle Sam can pay your college bill for you. But, whatever you do, get the hell out of Blue Eye, Missouri, as quickly as possible, as having free employment on your resume working with a con artist is NOT very becoming to you, or anyone else, and virtually NONE of the past so-called “students” of this so-called ”college” are currently employed full-time by any television networks that produce Christian television. In the event you, or your daughter, decide not to attend a four-year accredited college, then get a real, paying job, at any television station anywhere or in a corporate setting that has their own studios and will pay you for your time and put you on camera at the same time. Believe me, even though you don’t know me, this information comes from the heart and you will remember me in the future and silently thank me for it later on!

burnjimburn said...

Brother Dortch, i never really thought how screwed those kids are, although its fun to laugh at all things bakker, its sad that they believe they are getting an education to better succeed in the world (in hopes of helping people find Jesus). does anyone know the cost of attending morning masters commission?

Anonymous said...

Good suggestions on the colleges Brother Dortch. I would disagree with you on one point, and that is do not let your child stay at Morningside not one more minute! I wouldn't let my children be near Bakker and cohorts even if they were paid to go to this sham school. Their mental, physical, and spiritual health is more important than all the money in the world!

By the way doesn't it seem scary that Jim wants to pass on his devious methods of thievery to a younger generation.

Zach will chase anything in a skirt. Chase him he has to, because they are running away from him as fast as they can! He has Jim fooled if Jim thinks he's pastor material! But then again Jim doesn't know what a man of God looks like.

No Nonsense Norski said...

Good suggestions, BD.

Those kids would do much better by volunteering to intern at any television or radio studio.

Interns have the opportunity to smoothly transition into a paying position, once they've proven themselves.

Get in on any level. Public broadcasting (PBS, NPR) is always on the lookout for bright, talented kids that want to work, learn, and be productive.

AND, it looks GREAT on a resume. I'm a veteran of both public and commercial broadcast media, and speak from experience.

I've hired interns. It works. Really.

Anonymous said...

So now Jim anoints prophets! Guess God turned that responsibility over to him also! It is amazing how wise Jim is! I think he is going to put God out of job! Thank goodness for Jim, because God never told us to stock up on bird crap food, silver sol, and other the other junk Jim is selling. To be rapture ready your house needs to be full of his crap! Now why do you think God was holding out on us?! Jim better rewrite the bible. There sure are a lot of things missing in my bible according to what Jim is teaching! I do believe the zombies would stand in line for that bible!

Brother Dortch said...

Hey all! I made the recommendation to Ariel based upon the fact that she was already there at Morningside and it was too late to keep her from going there in the first place!

Grandma Char Groupie said...

Did any of you happen to catch the internet broadcast of today's Masters Media show (12-13-11)? They played a gangster rap tape of the Masters kids dancing to this rap that contained the lyrics"

"and those mother fuckers..."

Oh, Paster Dale Bolenbaugh, I'll bet that makes you and Ariel's Mom proud now! Doesn't it?

Ron said...

Hey BurnJimBurn,
I feel the same way that you do about the kids, it sucks that they've been duped into attending this sham school. While they don't escape some criticism from me, I hold their parents and Jim primarily responsible for their presence. The same goes for Jim and Lori's fake kids. I'm pulling for all of these kids to up and leave! But I still have to put some pressure there to make them uncomfortable, otherwise they'll slip into the darkness like Zach has.

Just wanted to go on record with that. I recognize that the kids aren't totally complicit in things, so I usually give them a bit of a pass unless they're doing something completely ludicrous or, god forbid, helping to pull money for Bakker. For me, the best thing that could ever happen is that one of them gets tired of me making fun of them, leaves the spotlight at Morningside, then realizes how much better life is on the outside.

Bakker used to have a Master's Media application on his website. If I recall correctly, tuition was something like $7,000 per semester. Plus food.

Brother Dortch said...

Oh yes, I happened to catch that filthy ganster rap which is now, in part, shown on the Master Media YouTube channel prior to an edit which has removed the dirtiest parts. If you listen carefully you can still hear that MF-er reference in the lyrics located here:

http://youtu.be/KfjsSnapUXg

Can anybody tell me what this has to do with being an upright Christian? I am lost as to how it applies.

ron said...

Is that a college class? Where is the course instructor? Where's Jim? They label the video 'Funny', but it's not funny. It's sad. I think the first unwed mother at Lori's House will be whoever that chick was (I think Sasha) who was spreading her legs and flashing her tits at the rap crew. Oh wait, she had clothes on so that makes it okay.

No Nonsense Norski said...

Every once in a while JimBob starts yapping about some imaginary "War on Christmas". What's with THAT?!?

We have friends of every persuasion, and not one soul has ever said anything about the War on Christmas and insisted on using Happy Holidays instead. Nope, not one.

However, back to Skin Crawl Central: Kevin DOES have that NEW Christmas CD on JimBob's new "record label"...and, well....

Last night, dressed in his HeeHaw outfit of oversized red Polo shirt, 'spenders and what looked like washer-needy jeans, Kevin croaked out a Lounge Lizard's rendition of his Original Hit: "I Will Not Be Silent About That Silent Night" on last night's show.

Holy Moly!

We had to get the rakes out and gather all the skin that had crawled off our bodies. Lord have MERCY!

If God were paying attention, one would think he would cut the electrical feed on that show. Carrumba!

Anonymous said...

Ron, these two blogs are pure comedic genius! And what better targets than these slimy schmucks (WHO I CAN'T STOP WATCHING BY THE WAY)

Anonymous said...

I laughed all the way through these two blogs! I think "crooner" Kevin is totally creepy when he sings those nasty anniversary and birthday greetings.

Cameron Is Not My Dad said...

LOL Ron !!!!!
Yes, the chick flashing the rap crew, wearing the tie-dyed top, is Sasha.....LOL !!!

Brother Dortch said...

In answer to your questions, Ron: There was no instructor there and Jim was not there either. The tape was made without adult supervision.

I watched the broadcast today and here is how it was explained. If you look again at the video, you will see a fat boy, wearing torn jeans, operating the camera and dancing at the same time. He was the show host. He said that it was "late at night" and the kids were wandering around Morningside with "nothing to do" and that they thought it would be a good idea to make their own music video. The end result was the partial tape of the song you saw on YouTube but, on the show, they played the full version of the same song without any edits. Apparently, those kids have access to the cameras and equipment and studio even when no supervision is present and, I'm sure, after viewing this wonderful music video, the "partners" who paid for all of this must feel very proud!

Anonymous said...

I am not too sure how good it is to put on your resume that you worked for or were trained by Jim Bakker. He says that kids run the camera yet he said that little lori's father-in-law runs a camera. More scamming and lies on his part. I think he makes people think the students are doing all the work.

Anonymous said...

Check this out

http://archiver.co/details/twitter/19444925000/impulsivesasha

impulsivesasha (Sasha Volz)
"Picking up the video camera and buying some tape! Yeah i deffinately need some coffee for this shit!"

Mr M

No Nonsense Norski said...

Just want to be clear about interning.

If someone is serious about breaking into the biz, Jim's Train Wreck is NOT the way to go.

There are many legitimate local, regional and national broadcast stations - television AND radio - that would be good training ground for a newbie intern, prior to entering or even while attending an accredited communications school.

The unfortunate internet videos of the Morningside kids look like a bunch of loitering dropouts hanging around a Greyhound bus station. A sad waste of time.

bakkersajerk said...
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Brother Dortch said...

I must concur with the above. The Morningside Masters videos, as displayed on their YouTube channel are so poorly made and unprofessional that any legitimate school of communications would grade them an "F". These videos lack the proper professional audio required in news, entertainment, or even corporate videography. They lack, and are completely null and void, of ANY written preparation or storyboarding or script writing. They are being recorded on the fly with no professional supervision whatsoever and the camera work is terrible. It's like these kids are doing them without any qualified instructors to teach them the right techniques. Why? Because Bakker refuses to hire so much as even one professional radio/TV/film professor to work at Morningside and teach these kids anything. How in the world can you possibly call this place a "college" when you have a grand total of ZERO professional and qualified instructors? Jim Bakker does not, personally, have the skills necessary to properly teach them what to do. He does not know how to edit magnetic tape, write scripts, prepare storyboards, or to use a computer-based non-linear editing system. He does not know how to even white balance a camera, operate his own CG, run his own audio console, or how to direct a show in the control room. The fact that these kids are being left alone, to basically learn on their own, is so obvious it sticks out like a sore thumb.

If you listen to Masters Media "student", Rose, you will hear her tell about being sexually molested by her brother and if you listen to the on-air testimony of Nolan (as I have) you will hear him say he was sexually molested for years by a Christian relative and, while he does not name the gender of this relative, I suspect it was probably a male--which caused Nolan to nearly kill himself with drugs. Still other so-called "students" have had run-ins with the law and criminal problems. Nearly all of the "students" are from substandard, broken homes and posess severe psychological and/or physical deformities at such a young age. While this is indeed a shame, and is not Bakker's fault, he is selling these kids on false promises that they are attending what Bakker calls a "college" and nothing can be further from the truth. These children need a professional psychologist and family therapist first and foremost--not a video camera. Absolutely NONE of them will go on to a lifelong career in professional television.
If this were a secular business Jim Bakker was running, and not a church, Bakker would be back in prison for all the lies he told and continues to tell.

The reason I took the time above to inform Ariel and her parents what they have gotten themselves into is because Ariel appears to be the only one of these kids who was raised right in a fitting, proper, and loving home. She does not appear to have any of the mental or physical baggage caused by years of abuse and is not, to put it bluntly, as dumb as the other "students" who fell into Bakker's trap. I believe she is there because she wants to enter TV and I feel she has the ability to succeed. While I recommended, above, that she stay there no more than one year, I think it is time that I modify that recommendation to even less than a year (since she is already there right now). I would recommend now, in December 2011, that she get out of there in time to begin at a legitimate college by August or September of 2012, or that she gets out of there immediately to begin an internship at the very first radio, television, or corporate broadcast studio that will hire her. Not even a full-time college guidance counselor could provide Ariel any better advice than that. Can I get a witness? Amen!

No Nonsense Norski said...

Well said, Brother Dortch. Amen & AMEN!

Anonymous said...

How could that video be made late at night? The music was loud. I thought people live in condos surrounding that set.

Anonymous said...

Christian and sexual predator seems to be an oxymoron. I can't say it enough there is something not right at Morningside. These kids entrusted to Jims care are already scarred enough. Can you imagine what is going to happen to them if Jim gets them for a full two years! Lori has also said all of her kids were raped by relatives also before they adopted them. By the way Brother Dortch, Norski, Ron whoever knows how old was Jessica Hahn when Jim used her? How come no one has called it what it was "rape"!

Hey Brother Dortch I give you another shout out, "AMEN"!!

burnjimburn said...

Brother Dortch,
AMEN
I think they attempt to recruit sexually abused youth because i imagine that jim likes to prey on damaged children. it is probably easier due to the damage they carry with them and they will more than likely tolerate more abuse than most because of what they have been through.

i fucking hate jim bakker and all adults associated with morningside. it is a fucking shame for any adult to contribute, even if they are duped into buying shit from his show they are still funding a sexual deviant raping the teachings of Jesus Christ.

Brother Dortch said...

The video was indeed done late at night. For those who have never been present at a music video shoot, they usually use a battery operated boom box, or some other speakers turned down just loud enough for the people to barely hear it, and then the full volume audio mix, as you heard on YouTube, is turned up when the video is married (in the soundproof control room) to the audio in the final mix. That is how nobody got woken up.

bakkersajerk said...

Okay then, Jim preys on the young abused, and the old feeble. Either or makes him rotten. I am sure any true Christian pastor would never associate themselves with him. Therefore, Ariels' father and his fake church should be added to Ron's list.

Anonymous said...

That video was made during a work day with partner and employees around. I was there so

Anonymous said...

I think Jimblow needs to add dance training in his "College"

Brother Dortch said...

Looking at the wayward soul's anonymous posting above who claims to have been there and is calling a fellow "student" of his a liar...I say let's add ENGLISH to the course listings too--since he cannot either spell or properly construct a sentence!

Anonymous said...

on the corner of the building, all covered in red lights. It is a pool house that cost over 60 grand of old peoples money that was sent to get the word out to God. How is that ok? Why would he think God wants him to have that? Oh and not to mention the lake front property that cost $3000,000.00 on Pokeberry LN in Lampe MO. Anyone find that a bit lavish?

Grandma Char Groupie said...

The condo Bakker lives in on Grace Street is valued at over $300,000 and now a lakefront home on Pokeberry Lane in Lampe, MO at over $300,000 too? Not bad for a guy making a net salary of only $300 a week!

Anybody know when the air-conditioned dog house and the Florida palm trees with heaters attached to keep them alive in the winter will be put in? Give this confidence man enough rope and he will hang himself. Wait and see!

Uncle Henry said...

OH boy, I MISS TRYSTAN!!!!
I wonder what she is doing now?????

Anonymous said...

The Food Bucket sales pitch has been an interest to me in the way it has been promoted. It's been a train wreck!!! At the peak of Jim's sales pitch it was so confusing to everyone on the set with all the many packages and extra crap thrown. The old man Bakker was confused himself! He needed a student at his side to read from a prepared Food Bucket sheet. Interesting to also note that the food went from being stored for individual use only to sharing with others and finally being promoted for everyday use! Unreal!

Ron said...

I've always felt that Bakker purposely makes his various sales packages confusing so that the old people at home just end up buying the most expensive one. I mean, if it's confusing to us, how confusing must it be for old Mavis at home? Then again, Bakker might just be getting old and confused himself.

Yeah, where's Trystan? Philip St Cameron once mentioned that he wanted to 'steal her away from Jim', but I thought he was joking...Has she entered his harem?

Wow if Bakker really bought that property, then he is definitely getting himself deeper into the weeds.

Anonymous said...
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Grandma Maxine said...

Trystan escaped earlier this year and went back to Louisiana. Daughter Marie was caught with student Nate which caused Jimbo to send Marie to a boarding school in Alabama. Nate was kicked out and is now working in NYC. Did anyone see the episode on tv today with Jimbo choking his chicken!!

Brother Dortch said...

Trystan did escape and she is doing very well now in her hometown of Wesson, Mississippi. She recently got back from a cruise to Mexico and loved it. She remains friends with, and is in contact with, Nate Parkhurst, and I am sure the harsh treatment Nate received by Jim is the prime reason why she elected not to return to Morningside. By throwing their own daughter (?) out of the house, at the same time, to boarding school in Southern Alabama, does not qualify Jim or Lori as "Parents of the Year" either.

bakkersajerk said...

I bet there is no property anywhere with Jim Bakker listed as the owner. It is all as scam. Form a fake church, fake college, and a fake community and never pay taxes. I am tired of his shit.
I belong to a elca Luthran church. They never beg for money, in fact they sponser habitat for humanity, boy scouts, community nurse, etc. The church also gives quarterly statements that shows where the money comes from and how it is spent. You'll never see that from Jim's fake church.
Not that I think everyone should be a member of my church or have my beliefs but they should expect their church to be as transparent.
Jim has never or ever will have transparent accounting because he has and alsways will rob the tithes.

Anonymous said...

There is a good chance that they will never catch Jim doing anything illegal. A lot of fake ministries got busted in the 80s doing questionable things. They are big business and they act like it. They changed their ways so that they can dance around the law. I think it was last year a Senator or Congressman had the government investigate a handful of ministries and no one got busted. He might be a cheat but he is not stupid.

Brother Dortch said...

If dancing around the law is an art form...then Bakker should be called Fred Astaire!

Anonymous said...

Jim may be dancing here, but he won't be dancing around the throne! I am thankful that there is a judgement day. Jim Bakker and all the other televanglists will have their day!!


Not everyone who says to me "Lord, Lord", will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, "Lord did not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?" Then I will tell them plainly "I never knew you, away from me you evil doers!"

burnjimburn said...

jim just gave his dehydrated food a 4 star rating from the jim bakker seal of approval! when did this shit happen? he rates the stuff he himself sells?

Anonymous said...

Lori "confessed" that they store canned food. Jim really didn't like that and she shut up right away.

Grandma Char Groupie said...

I was watching once and Lori told Jim to quit kicking her under the table. Jim did not like what she was saying and started kicking her under the table to get her to shut up. On other days, he has pinched her leg or her shoulder to shut her up and I get the impression he would like her to keep her mouth shut at all times because she is very bad for business!

Anonymous said...

Jim actually had the nerve to call himself "a humble man of the cloth for 50 years"!!!

Humble is the last word to describe him! He is an arrogant pompous a____!

Jim thinks he is an authority on everything. I am not surprised to hear that he now grades the products he sells. To him everything he sells is 100% the best, and 100% needed to get ready for Jesus. The only thing I am 100% sure of is that Jim is 100% BS.

Ha, ha Lori all of us smart people out here know to stock up on canned items. My shelves and freezer are full. This was another one of Lori's blonde moments. She forgot the script. teleprompter must be broke, ha ha! Jim boy must have given her a good thumping for that one!

The IRS said...

Yep I saw Bakker giving his '4-star Bakker Seal of Approval' too, and it sickened me. It sickened me so much, in fact, that I just reported him to the FTC @ FTC Complaint. Bakker makes a lot of horseshit claims about Silver Sol, so I'm calling him on it. I'm considering writing my congressman too, requesting that Bakker and Morningside be investigated for removal of tax-exempt status. He is blatantly selling for the majority of his show...how can he continue with a tax-exemption when it's so obvious?

I can only take so much of this guy's crap.

burnjimburn said...

yeah the same episode he threatened everyone by saying that God punishes those who hurt prophets. and was selling his Jesus dog tags with a verse that talked about no sword prospering if its been raised against Gods servants. and was backed up by lori threatening. was unbelievable.

Anonymous said...

I love the way Dr. Bakker wears his loose cockeyed ties these days. What's with that? So funny to see. Who dresses this old bugger anyways?

Anonymous said...

Jim tells Lori" you been poor all your life" Lori laughs like a proud whore!

Anonymous said...

Watched a recent taping which has them talking about current technology. Zach pipes up and explains that his iphone has more technology and power than the "space shuttle" that landed on the moon!!! LOL LOL No one caught it and corrected him. Unbelievable!!

Anonymous said...

yea, what's with his stupid looking tie setup? I guess it is better then wearing those gay looking tight t-shirts

Brother Dortch said...

Coming up on your TV on Thursday 12/22/11 you are going to see the Jim Bakker Show Christmas Party with the Morningside Staff, Volunteers & Friends. YOU HAVE GOT TO SEE the sport coat ole' Jimbob is wearing. It looks like he is one of the Beatles from the Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band era! So funny...and downright amazing!

Alert For Ron: You might want to post that jacket for all to see!

Grandma Char Groupie said...

To Mr. M and the rest of you too:

The Twitter archiver that had Sasha's tweet on it saying that:

"Picking up the video camera and buying some tape! Yeah i deffinately need some coffee for this shit!"

has apparently been hacked by someone who has, on line 77 of the page, initiated some malicious code which is causing a "fatal error" and not making the page viewable anymore over the web! Also, the dirty gangster rap video has been removed from public view and is now private and requires an invitation from user MastersMedia1 to view (that's masters media and then the number "1"). That's funny they would remove this video because on last week's broadcast they were promoting this video and inviting everyone to go and view it! They have also removed, from the Masters Media YouTube channel, a very poorly produced (actually, it was a terribly produced video that had horrendous audio mistakes all over it) that featured, among others, Little Ricky talking about his 2 white parents giving birth to a brown baby. How funny! The church "partners" pay for all the equipment and are solicited to donate $1000 to sponsor a "student" and now the only ones who get to view the videos the kids produce are those with an exclusive, inner-circle invitation. Sounds like "business as usual" at the wonderful "college" and Ron...they are probably blaming you for all of this last minute dancing removal and hacking! LOL LOL LOL

Anonymous said...

Watching the Lori and Jim freak show. Lori just said to Jim "I know you're not PUSHING Seychelle water pitchers today". What?!! PUSHING. At least she got that right, all Lori and Jim do is push crap on the senile and mentally ill. Then Jim went on to say that "it's dangerous to be on tv, anyone can sue you for anything". Sorry Jim when you get sued it will be for something called scamming people, better known as stealing.

Tax the Church said...
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Tax the Church said...

After having lost track of Bakker's hilarious shenanigans for years, I find this insane train wreck of a show on cable a few months back. Then someone directs me to this amazing site! Holy crap, I thought I was the only one watching this Fellini-esque mind-F of a Christian home shopping show for all the wrong reasons. I am not alone! Wow. Is anyone else here deeply worried about the combination of crazy wheel-barrel loads of tax-free cash, obese sweaty singing man-child closet-cases trained to be jesters on demand, nubile, eager and gullible Christian youngsters, the seemingly drugged botox-zombie Lori and the reptilian deviant Jim Bakker? Surely this show is just the tip of some sort of very big MK-ULTRA iceberg? I wonder what kind of freaky-ass CIA experiments are being conducted on the denizens of Bakker's isolated mountain hideaway? ICK ICK ICK

Kelsey said...

The shows this week were so terribly, horribly delightful that I am sad it's Saturday. From Jim on the Rebounder with a puppet, to Lori asking Jim if he was "pushing" Seychelle pitchers, to Lori pointing out that Grandma Char was "only 2 years older than Jim"... it was a vomit fest all week long.

No Nonsense Norski said...

Welcome, Tax! You have found your people! :-)))

Yep, Anger, Disgust, Worry & Freakin-Fed-Up-Ness is why we're ALL here.

Jim & the Rebounder Puppet -- talk about CREEPY! GACK!

Missed the Lori comment, darn it.

Anyone know about Grandma MAXINE's story? Every time the camera pans to her, we expect the lens to crack. She looks like One Mean Old Lady. .... must be loaded w/ $$$ .... Jim sure sucks up to her....

Cameron Is Not My Dad said...

There is something very strange going on between the Bakker family and Grandma Maxine and I think I know what it is. But first, a lot of you may remember another elderly widow who lived at Morningside that went by the nickname of "God's Girl". Her real name was Evelyn, I think. "God's Girl" was a lady who, from time to time, used to pass out either $20 or $50 bills (I forget which denomination) and Bakker sucked up to her a lot on the show.

Well, "God's Girl" has since passed away and it came out, after she died, that she had willed her entire estate to Bakker. The woman was loaded and must have left him thousands!

One day on the show, Bakker was pushing that survival crap and he said that it is nice to know his family is going to be protected when the end times come and that his family is going to protect Grandma Maxine also. He said she will always have food to eat and that he and Lori were definitely going to be taking care of old Grandma Maxine and they wouldn't let anything happen to her. Now, I ask you this: There are an awful lot of elderly people living at Morningside so why is Bakker so concerned with only one of them, Grandma Maxine? Why does he mention only Grandma Maxine and none of the other elderly people who either live there or visit there daily? The reason is very simple. Ole' Grandma Maxine must have already, in advance, willed her entire estate to Bakker too. This woman has got to be loaded to have her ass kissed by Bakker like that. And so ends the tale of the great ass kissing of Grandma Maxine by Jimbob & Lori!

Anonymous said...

I must echo what a poster said here last month:

What astounds me is how Ron can condense such rich material down! Excellence.

Brother Dortch said...

Dear Ron & The rest of my friends here at The Foodbucket:

As we get ready to celebrate Christmas once again and ring in another new year, I can’t tell you how shocked I was when I was asked, by Bakker himself, to host his Christmas 2011 “FIRST ANNUAL MORNINGSIDE MASTERS MEDIA COLLEGE INVESTORS WEBCAST” along with co-host Sasha Volz. The purpose of this very special streaming webcast was to show all of the investors, who donated $1000 or more to “sponsor a student” exactly how their money was spent as well as to highlight the skills learned by all of those same students throughout the past year. In fact, the entire webcast was staffed by nothing but the very skilled students of the Morningside College.
I’m sure a lot of you got to see the streaming webcast when it aired live but, just in case you didn’t, Bakker’s office was kind enough to provide me with a written transcript of the show exactly as it aired. My thanks to this “man of the cloth and humble servant of God for more than fifty years” for allowing me to host this very special event and I would be honored if my Foodbucket friends would give me a little critique on how well you think I did. Please excuse any technical problems, but Jim gave me the exact same crew that works on his show everyday so I really didn’t have any room to complain. I was simply there, as requested, to be of servitude to this humble servant. I know he did his best, as President and sole instructor of The Morningside Masters Media College, to ensure that my webcast came off with the same smooth precision and professionalism that The Jim Bakker Show does every time it is recorded before a studio audience at Morningside. Enjoy!

Thanks…and Merry Christmas to all!

Your humble webcast emcee,

Brother Dortch

Brother Dortch said...

FIRST ANNUAL MORNINGSIDE MASTERS MEDIA COLLEGE INVESTORS WEBCAST

As hosted by Brother Dortch
& Special Co-Host Sasha Volz
CHRISTMAS 2011

What a wonderful day The Lord hath made! Good evening everyone and, first of all, let me thank each and every one of you beloved Morningside Masters Media “partners” who answered the Rev Jim Bakker’s call and donated $1000 to sponsor a student at our wonderful college. In today’s very special Christmas week internet webcast, I thought it would be fun to share with you…our beloved Morningside Masters Media investors…just how special you all are and to show you exactly how your love offerings and kind $1000 donations are being spent. We have some special guests that have agreed to come on this show, either by phone or Skype, and I know you’re going to love what they all have to say. But first, a little background on where we are and what has happened since moving from the old café to our new quarters and studio at Morningside.

In the relatively short period of time Morningside has been open, Rev Jim Bakker has now amassed nearly one million dollars in assets by the purchase of a $300,000+ condo on Grace Street at Morningside as well as a $300,000+ lakefront home at the end of Pokeberry Lane in Lampe, Missouri. Please ignore the fact that these properties are not in Rev Bakker’s name. His personal assistant, Wendy Youngblood, must have made a clerical error by putting the wrong names on the deed! We’re sorry. We’re working on this mislabeling now to correct the problem. Hopefully, the deeds should be fixed and correctly labeled real soon. You all know Wendy! She’s a little shy and timid and didn’t want to come on camera to discuss any of this, but she is a loyal and faithful servant to the Rev Jim Bakker so we’re sure the paperwork will be back in order real soon!

With me today, is Jim Bakker Show co-host, Sasha Volz, and on the phone is former co-host, Trystan Eschete. Let’s start with you, Trystan. Trystan: How important was Morningside Masters Media to you and why did you leave so abruptly? People say you were brainwashed, but now have finally seen the light. Can you elaborate on that for us? [CLICK] Trystan? Are you there? Hello. Trystan?

We’re sorry everyone. We must have lost our connection with Trystan. But, not to worry, we have one of our top producing male students and major Masters Media success story, Nate Parkhurst, on the line too. Nate: You have recently tweeted on your Twitter account that some ministers are more concerned with celebrity and making a buck than they are the word of God. You also said that such ministers are full of lies and deceit and that you will never totally give yourself to a ministry ever again because, when they screw you over, you are left with nothing, and it ruins your life. Can you share with us more about what evil ministry that caused you to tweet this comment? [CLICK] Nate? Are you still on the line? Hello! Nate? Nate…What about Little Marie? Are you still in love? Nate? Hello…Nate?

Brother Dortch said...

MASTERS MEDIA COLLEGE INVESTORS WEBCAST
(Part Two)

Let’s move on. We are proud to also have with us the former Jim Bakker Show Music Director, Morningside Church Associate Pastor, as well as head of the Morningside Masters Media College, Randy Brown. Now Randy, you sure wore a lot of hats, while you were here, participating in all those various roles. A lot has happened since you left Morningside College, most notably the fact that you are living now in Tennessee. As a father of eight, can you tell us what being at Morningside meant to you, and your beautiful wife and family, while you were here? I know you were very well paid while you were here, weren’t you? [CLICK] Randy? Hello Randy…Are you still there? Randy? Mr. Brown? Randy?

We seem to be having problems, ladies and gentlemen, but luckily we are prepared with lots of important guests! Let’s pay a visit, via Skype, to former Morningside Director of Youth Ministry, as well as one of one of our youth instructors at the college, Bill Ballenger. Bill: Is it true you met Bakker in prison when both you and your wife were there for selling drugs? What did you think of being able to turn your life around by working with Pastor Bakker here at Morningside? And, about your wife…Man, she sure is packing on the pounds. Why, the last I saw her, she must have been 300 pounds! [CLICK] Bill….are you still there…Oh, Bill…Hello Bill? We seem to have lost the feed. Darn! That is a shame because there is so much I wanted to ask Bill. Oh well, we’ll try to get him back on the live feed ASAP!

BROTHER DORTCH: Let me talk to you now, Sasha. Sasha: Is it true, as an unpaid student employee, that you put in 16-hour work days every day on The Jim Bakker Show running camera and producing some of those wonderful YouTube videos that we share with our partners?

SASHA VOLZ: “Oh yes. I remember one night I was picking up the video camera and buying some tape and I said to myself ‘I know I’m going to need some coffee for this shit!’ and then I looked at the edits for the YouTube videos, and heard the audio, and the shitty quality of it made me sick to my stomach. It was all fucked up!”

BROTHER DORTCH: Sasha, tell me about that gorgeous new co-host, Ariel. Wow! Isn’t she good looking? And the amazing thing is…there’s not so much as one extra pound on her beautiful, photogenic body! Do you two get along? I see that you, like Bill Ballenger’s wife, have also packed on a few extra pounds there in the mid-section. Are you worried that maybe, real soon, Ariel could, quite possibly, replace you as the only female co-host of The Jim Bakker Show? How do you feel about that? Are you worried?

[SASHA VOLZ RIPS OFF HER MICROPHONE AND STORMS OFF THE SET]

BROTHER DORTCH: Sasha! Sasha! Please don’t leave! We’ve got a live show here to do. We’ve not even talked about your new dance moves yet! Sasha! Sasha!

SASHA VOLZ: (Speaking from a distance…barely audible): Fuck you...Asshole!

THE END

burnjimburn said...

wow, i laughed out loud because of this.

Anonymous said...

So true Brother Dortch.

The die is cast as far as this fear ministry is concerned.

Anonymous said...

Great job hosting the webcast Brother Dortch.
Boy, that Sasha does have a mouth on her, doesn't she? The woman cusses like a drunken sailor!

Cameron Is Not My Dad said...

I know this is probably none of our business, Brother D, and you don't have to answer this if you don't want to but were you paid for your time in going to Morningside to host the investors webcast?

Brother Dortch said...

Dear Cameron:

Thank-you for your question and no, I don't mind answering it at all. I was offered a $3000 "honorarium" to appear but I turned it down. Everybody knows money will soon be worthless and I didn't want to be stuck holding a bunch of useless currency in my wallet I couldn't spend.

I did manage to, instead, drive out of there with a mini-van packed full of 5 gallon paint buckets of freeze dried food. The only problem is when I got back home I discovered that I really don't like "whey milk".

Would anyone out there be interested in trading 100 packets of whey milk for some of those hard to get dehydrated blueberries with the four-star Bakker seal of approval?

Ron said...

Hah Brother Dortch, love the webcast! Hey maybe Bakker can start selling those rare 4-star Spaceberry buckets on the Morningside black market?

Grandma Maxine said...

I am the current posterchild for Morningside and the story of how I arrived to this point is simple. My husband and I amassed a small fortune over the years and after his passing I moved to Morningside. Susan Ruiz was the star resident for the show at the time, but shortly after my arrival she fell out of favor, Jim accused her of being a witch and she was forced out. Evelyn (Gods Girl) then took over but shortly after she went to be with the Lord. Against her familys wishes she left her estate to Bakker. Now I am the star resident and Jim has promised to take care of me until the end. I am allowed to sit in the front row, get plenty of camera time and in return I have willed him my entire estate.

bakkersajerk said...

Ha, Bro D, but wasn't Jim pissed that you failed to move any product during your guest hosting? I bet he never gives you another opportunity if that was the case.

bakkersajerk said...

Oh, and Granny Max, make sure you will everything to Morningstar, Inc., otherwise it'll all go to the IRS for Jim's back taxes for his previous frauds.

Anonymous said...

http://health.yahoo.net/articles/flu/neti-pot-deaths-linked-brain-eating-amoeba-tap-water. Hope nobody is using those neti pots wrong

Anonymous said...

I think Sasha's problem is that she has obviously been spending too much time in the unsupervised student dormitory--excuse me, I mean Tabernacle, listening to so much Gangster Rap it has started to affect her vocabulary!

Anonymous said...

Oh you people Ariel is just as fat as Sasha,,, seriously, I'm there everyday . And Ariel is in love with herself.

Anonymous said...

Wendy Youngblood is not shy, she is a mean mouthy person with no friends but Jim Bakker. Wonder what is going on there?

Cindy B. said...

I am a woman who watches the show from time to time and, if I looked like Ariel, I'd be in love with myself too!

Anonymous said...

Ariel has a big fat butt and thighs and a muffin top over her jeans... Cindy are you a chubby chaser?

Cindy B. said...

OMG! You must be so jealous it is eating you up inside. Get a life and get a real job!

Grandma Char Groupie said...

Oh, those Morningside employees! They sure are a friendly and loving bunch. Aren't they?

Cindy B. said...

Makes you wanna sell everything you own and move there tomorrow, doesn't it?

Ron said...

I saw that story about the neti pots too. I wonder if maybe Jim has contracted a brain amoeba after using one of those things? That could explain his sometimes random behavior...Could something be in there nibbling away at his grey matter?

Grandma Char Groupie said...

I found Ariel!

She is on the Bakker website
VIDEO ARCHIVE
(4TH Show Down From Top)
Show Number: 1978
(This is show #1 of 2 on 12-9-11)
Exact location: 29:53 to 29:57
(Camera shows her while singer is singing)

I agree Brother D...
Looks very good to me!

burnjimburn said...

yeah shes hot. but i still would with sasha even if she has packed on the pounds.

burnjimburn said...

i wonder how many bakker employees or students visit this site on the daily?

Anonymous said...

agree with bro dortch. the best looking female to ever enroll at the college despite what the jealous morningside employees say.

Anonymous said...

Speaking of editing mishaps, I am watching JBShow now and when they showed Ariel, the caption read "Ariel Bakker", hmmm, maybe a screw-up, or maybe a freudian slip?

Anonymous said...

It was typed in by the same dumbass that spelled Masters Media Offer "Maters Media Offer" last week. Obviously a student at the college.

Secret admirer said...

Trystan is the best looking MMC student of all time!

Anonymous said...

If someone gave me a bucket of food for Christmas, I would throw it at them! I agree that Trystan is #1, Ariel #2, Lori #3, and Sasha #4.

Anonymous said...

Lori Graham Bakker #3 ???

I wouldn't touch that shit
with an extended broom handle!

Anonymous said...

EEEEWWWWW!!!! Lori Bakker. How many partners has she and Jim had collectively? When she and Jim were PUSHING the silver sol she graphically described her female issues. She claims it cleared up a yeast infection she had for years! All her issues sounded like they came from to many unknown partners. YUCK!

Anonymous said...

Sexual predators here on this page for Ariel? Gross sickness. What is this days of our lives and you have a crush? Weird.

Anonymous said...

http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/god-speaks-rick-joyner-jim-bakker-through-thunder

Lori fan said...

Lori Bakker is cute as a button and she has a lot of experience so I would rank her even higher!

burnjimburn said...

this has gotten way off subject. sorry for contributing to it doing so.

burnjimburn said...

oh yeah and lori bakker is a dirty whore who is leading people astray, taking advantage of disadvantaged youth and robbing people of their money so she and her husband can live a deviant lifestyle. you are just another troll if you say otherwise.

bakkersajerk said...

Lori is a crack whore, Jim is a money whore. There is not enough silver sol to cure either.

Anonymous said...

I love it when Jim gazes at the camera on his show and says that he is glad the young kids out there don't know anything about his past. One word Jim. GOOGLE. Is he that totally brainless? LOL

Anonymous said...

I can not believe people even bother to come to his live taping. He yells at them and insults them. I watched him yell at people for come to sit at a table to watch his show because they was distracting him. True story!

Anonymous said...

Jim and Lori act like snotty rich people. They both just had new face lifts

Buddy's Buddy said...

As an admirer of the posts Ron has assembled, I'm dismayed at the turn this discussion has taken: whores, crack whores, packing on the pounds, and leering pseudo-sexual remarks about the women on the program. I even contributed awhile back with a fat-joke, and for that I apologize.

Maybe I'm old fashioned, but isn't the Bakker M.O. reprehensible enough? Aren't he, Lori, their guest super-salesmen, and their entire criminal enterprise fodder enough for our wrath and derision?

The Interpreter said...

Buddy's Buddy:

"Now wait a minute. I enjoy a little libel, but I draw the line at insults."

Anonymous said...

A fat joke? How about a fat reality?
I've never seen so many beached whales
in one place as I've seen in either
Bakker's audience or on his staff!
Do you know there's an exercise room at
Morningside? How about someone using it
once in a while, for God's sake!

Anonymous said...

Now that's right! I nominate ZACH to head up
the new Morningside Masters Media Fitness
Program. All in favor say "Aye".

Anonymous said...

..or say "Opa", or as Jim says, "Oprah", as you greek dance around the baby grand

Anonymous said...

I know. I know. LOL That was so damn funny.

Ron said...

Hey all, I'll be awarding the 2011 Scammys in a new post sometime this weekend. Who will win the Scammy Award for Best Kiss on the Jim Bakker Show? Stay tuned! I hope to follow that up next week with another show coverage post, but it depends on my work schedule. Apparently Santa is delivering a lot of foodbuckets this year!

Anonymous said...

How can Jim and Lori Bakker have 2 beautiful expensive places to live? Lake front property, boat,, and cars While the old poor people who's houses are falling a part send him money in the name of God? He thinks God has found Favor for him and Lori and he has actually said that and that's why they have the things they do. He gets old people scared the end of the world is here so they must buy his food then in turn they use that money for cars, face lifts, round trip air fairs, brand new homes ,, that huge condo,,, and all of it is hidden under the name of morningside church and Charlene Graham. It seems sooo very wrong. Is the IRS just going to let this happen? He hides behind his tiny pay check with his name on it, but all the while sucks money from morningside church/jimbakkershow? It's fraud. He is living like a rich movie star and can do so as long as his name isn't on it?

Anonymous said...

Anyone see the Mexicans working in the restaurant at morningside? I'm pretty sure they are illegal. Couple of them can not even speak English. Some one should call immigration.

Anonymous said...

Jim Bakker said on air that everyone that has ever did anything bad to him is dead... That God has punished them for doing things to him. He really said that. what do you all think about that?

Anonymous said...

IRS or FBI should send someone to get hired by morningside church and find out all the truths that are hidden. Or maybe someone with a hidden camera that can catch Jim and Lori cussing and screaming at employees. Imagine the money a tape like that would fetch..

Anonymous said...

Oh man! Yep I did see and heard those Mexicans and they so didn't understand much if any English.. Oh wow they would shut that place down if they found illegals working there.

Anonymous said...

http://lightbox.time.com/2011/03/29/andy-mcmillans-ptl-series-what-remains-of-pastor-jim-bakkers-former-ministry/#16. Look at how sad. Someday this will be Morningside too

Grandma Char Groupie said...

I would hope that neither the owner/developer of Morningside nor Jim Bakker would be stupid enough to hire illegal Mexicans. They already have one dumb Mexican working there now. His name is Mondo. If it were discovered that illegals were employed there it would cost Bakker far more than the little bit of money he is saving by paying the Mexicans illegal wages.

Cindy B. said...

Hello! I thought you would all be interested in knowing the Twitter archiver with the infamous quote is back up and running. You can now see it again here:

http://archiver.co/details/twitter/19444925000/impulsivesasha

The gangster rap YouTube video, however, is still removed. Damn! I wanted to see that in the worst way. Can anybody tell me what I missed?

Anonymous said...

The developer of Morningside did hire Mexicans to build that place. I know this from people who work for him now. They complain because they have to fix everything they screwed up.

That is funny that Jim is threatening people who are speaking out against him. He is using God to do that too! He sure has nerve! He uses that line to scare those old people to keep them in line. He preaches that if anyone touches Gods anointed they will come to harm. And of course Jim is one of God's anointed prophets! If God has a problem with anyone it is Jim and Lori! I am sure God also has a problem with the crooks working for Jim also! Imagine fixing the books to make it look like the boss isn't making any money! Wow, if anyone has a God bounty on their heads I think it's Jim and those who do his dirty deeds!

I was looking over the details of Jim's trial. Jim tried to fool the court he was having a breakdown. He was pretending that he wasn't fit for trial. The court appointed pyschologist found him to be vain, passive-aggressive, and easily manipulated but fit for trial. Jim is not even a good actor. How does he do it, how is he able to manipulate so many in to giving him so much?!

No Nonsense Norski said...

Out here on the West Coast, they are rerunning the Copeland/Swisher creepathon. Hope its over soon. Don't know how much more we can take.

Ron said...

Haha NNN, I'm still waiting to see Jim's Psychedelia Jacket that Brother Dortch mentioned.

BTW, IRS whistleblowers get something like 10% of all recovered taxes, so if you're at Morningside and know of something funky going on, report it! Or drop the dime to a journalist who can begin investigating...after all, a pesky journalist is what started Jim's Big Slide last time.

Brother Dortch said...

Hey Ron! Tomorrow is the big jacket day. The thing looks like it was offered to, and then rejected, by The Beatles for their Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band album. It is a jacket meant for an 18 year old boy and worn by a 72 or 73 year old man. Very funny!

Also, this site seems to be attracting more and more Bakker employees, including his "college students" each day. The fact that Bakker's staff are here on a daily basis is quite evident since the afore mentioned gangster rap video you and I were talking about was removed (along with another God awlful video) within 24 hours of our conversation.

To all the Morningside past and present empolyees and "students" coming here:

It is great to have you all with us and how about sharing more of your inside stories with us--would love to hear anything you have to say! Also, how about Susan Ruiz? I would love to know how she is doing since the "witch hunt" took place. The last I heard she is attending a great new church in the Branson area that she is very happy with. On December 2, 2011 Bakker said: "We are a family of love and worship at Morningside". I wonder if Susan Ruiz would agree with that?

Grandma Maxine said...

Susan Ruiz was forced out of Morningside after she was accused of being a witch and all of the residents turned against her. She still lives in the Branson area with her twins, sells goods on ebay, and now attends a church that she loves! Her e-mail is trytrustingjesus@aol.com for any questions or prayer requests.

Anonymous said...

Seriously Grandma Maxine, Is Susan really not there anymore?! What did she do with her condo? Susan is better off if she left.

Brother Dortch, I also had a good laugh when I saw that posting by Jim. Morningside is not even close to being a community of love and worship. Jim telling another lie, does truth ever come out of that mans mouth?

Brother Dortch said...

Thank-you for the update Grandma Maxine! The last I knew, Susan was still living at Morningside. Did she finally sell her condo and get out of there, if you know? Thanks!

eesh said...

I like watching Jim Bakker, not because I believe in him but because I get a kick out of all that bunk he dishes out. There truth in the saying "there's a sucker born every minute."

Brother Dortch said...

To the anonymous poster two responses up:

Ariel Baker no sooner arrived at Morningside and unpacked her suitcase until, within two weeks, the employees and/or jealous "students" ran the poor girl through the hate mill--pure jealousy!

"A family of love and worship at Morningside?"

Well, let's put it this way:

A HIGHLY DYSFUNCTIONAL family of love and worship at Morningside and Jim Bakker wouldn't know the truth if it jumped up and bit him in the balls!

Have a great day!

bakkersajerk said...

Lol . Bro D, you are right. Except Jim, the money whore, knows the truth but he doesn't care. As far as the anonymous poster that didn't think it polite to call Lori Bakker a crack whore, please pay attention to what she says about her life before Jim. I think crack whore is the correct discriptive noun for the woman.

Anonymous said...

Jerry Crawford Builder of morningside and Jim Bakker's friendship has fallen apart. Jim is letting his own people build instead of paying Jerry to build anything else because Jerry Crawford was over pricing everything.,stealing from the ministry. Jerry Crawford had to lay off all his employees.

Anonymous said...

I heard Morningside is up for sale to the highest bidder.

Anonymous said...

Hey Brother Dortch, I am not surprised to hear what the Morningside kooks did to Ariel Bakker. The hate mill at Morningside is a good way to describe what goes on there. That place is as dysfunctional as it gets. I'd rather live in an insane asylum. At least in an asylum the people are getting help. The people at Morningside think they are ok and don't need help. I would never let my family get near that place.

So the Crawford's and Bakker's relationship has now fallen totally apart. The dysfunction of that place starts at the top. The evil in that place starts with them! Jim Bakker and his cohorts know that Crawford rips off everyone that moves there. But now that he's ripping off Jim. Ha, ha Crawford stealing from Jim! Poetic justice! Jim has the right to let anyone build there? I thought Crawford owned that place. Jim doesn't own anything right?!

Anonymous said...

Someone stated earlier that Jim is talking about all the people he feels that have attacked him are dead. Why would Jim do that? Why would he be keeping track of his enemies. If he really is a humble man of the cloth he would know that God says to love your enemies and do good to those who hurt you. Hey Jim how about doing what the bible says "pray for your enemies", not gloat over their deaths! Better yet since you have been a man of the cloth for 50 years that loves everyone, why you start showing us how to do that! Do as I say not as I do, is that the way it is Jim?

Anonymous said...

On the above entry I meant to say to Jim "why don't you start showing us how to do that".

Wish there was a way to go back and fix the typos. It's a bummer when I see I messed up and can't do anything about it. :)

Harry Tuttle said...

Zack has been officially placed on the payrolls, Jim must be cunning and pay these kids "peanuts", downsizing the help with nickle and dime wages. I feel bad for Zack, him being only 20 and already selling his soul, these minions including Kevin have one thing in common, they owe their souls to Bakker and he'll never let them forget that fact. I'm just surprised with all these young girls running around at that cult farm, there has not been a sex scandal yet.

Anonymous said...

There has been many sex scandals Harry. They are keeping the biggest one under the wraps. It will come out soon though....stay tuned.

Anonymous said...

What gets me about this Bakker is that he always brings up his prison time in a "trial by fire" context, in other words that he suffered a persecution for a just cause. Typical slimball tactics, don't his fans realize he was convicted with strong criminal evidence, his being in prison only furthered his underhanded methods and education. Time being against him now, he's added a desperation to his notorious exploits. Dogs like him will always return to their vomit.

Brother Dortch said...

Hi everyone and let me start off by saying that I place no stock in the rumors of a failing relationship between the owner of Morningside and Bakker. Yes, the Crawfords own Morningside and Mr. Crawford is also listed, along with Charlene Graham, as owners of the church too. You all seem to be forgetting that the Crawfords opened up their pocketbook and went at least twenty-three plus million dollars in debt to finance the new Jim Bakker Show and place it on the air in the first place. They brought the Bakkers in from Florida and paid their living expenses. They purchased the old café, renamed it, and made it a studio from which to broadcast. Speaking of broadcasting, that requires equipment, and guess what? They bought that too—all with the promise they would be paid back. But, by far, what had to be the biggest expense of all was the millions of dollars in TV time they purchased, out of their own pocket, to get this ministry rolling until such time that the business would be able to pay for itself. Then, when Morningside was built and they moved there, the Crawfords once again played Santa Claus to the Bakkers and went further in debt to help Jim’s show and the struggling new church survive. They deserve to be paid back and, when dealing with Jim Bakker, the only way you are ever going to get paid back is to launch a highly aggressive campaign to observe the daily receipts and “get it while the getting is good” or else you’ll never see one dime from that snake.

On today’s broadcast (12-22-11) you saw the Morningside staff Christmas party with Jerry Crawford, wearing a bright red shirt, not only in attendance but kicking off the whole celebration by holding a microphone and leading the entire crew in prayer. Remember the roll-in video of the groundbreaking of Lori’s House? He was there too. I also believe, if my memory serves me correctly, I saw him on video supervising the construction of the $285,000 road leading to Lori’s House. It is my opinion Bakker does not have the legal right to bring in outside builders. I am sure that must be in the contract too.

If we can get some of the verbally and physically abused, overworked members of Bakker’s management team, who know they are being screwed and wouldn’t mind sharing details with us, in here to share what they have experienced, I would love to hear what they have to say.

Anonymous said...

I'd do Lori if I was down at 2 and the rent was due and the bars were all at closing time. You can tell at one time many, many moons ago she was a hot little groupie. I feel Kevin is a sad soul, Bakker would love to get his Dad-in-law, Mel Tillis in the flock. Mel is no Tony Orlando though and he sees through the muck and mire of Bakkerism.

7 is here said...

Zack Drew has what we used to refer to back in the days as charisma and star quality. He is also seen as a prophet with a metaphysical insight into reality. Don't let his tender years fool you, as the bible says "from the mouth of babes.....". If Pastor Jim see those qualities, it's enough for me>

No Nonsense Norski said...

7 is here:

HA HA Ha Ha hahahahahahahaha!

Best laugh today..... :-))))

Secret said...

Char graham & morningside ministry owns the tabernacle, lori's house, the bath house. The ministry purchased all that, so they can hire whoever they want to build there. Jerry Crawford has more that got paid back for evey dime he ever spent on Jim Bakker. Jerry Crawfird laid off almost his entire staff months and months ago. His granddaughter and son n law are working for Jim Bakker. Jerry Crawford laid them off and that is family. Some of you people think you know what's going on? You have no clue. Jerry Crawford is invited to these things just to try and keep things looking good from the outside.

Anonymous said...

Brother Dortch you sound like you may be part of Jerry Crawfords family he still finds favor with?

Anonymous said...

Zack Drew, drinks, parties and uses cuss words and you call him a profit?? Is that you Zack? Lol

Anonymous said...

Susan Ruiz is a crazy weirdo. I know personally and favors one daughter over the other.. One she cuddles and holds hands with and the other one she talks bad to all the time.

Anonymous said...

"O" my goodness! 7 is here you have made our point well about the Bakker followers! "If Jim sees those qualities, it's enough for me". Unbelievable that people can be so gullible and naive! The zombies really do believe all the garbage that comes out of Jim's mouth. I've seen the real Zach Drew. He is no prophet! That is why I am laughing so hard at what you said. Charisma and star power! Unreal!!! You think those qualities are important to God! That is all you foolish christians want...a stage performance by some star with no substance!

Ron where are you?! We need your response to 7 is here. I am laughing to hard to think straight.

Anonymous said...

7 is here,

Thanks for the big laugh. ;))

Brother Dortch said...

If the Crawfords are paid back in full more power to them! They are among the very few in life who have dealt with one of the smoothest con artists of all time and lived to tell about it. We have had members of Bakker's inner staff come in here and tell us about vendors who were not paid "out of spite" just because Bakker did not feel like paying them.

Do any of you remember a while back when Jim announced on the show that Zach had been "promoted into management" at Morningside? He then told viewers what Zach's new title was:

"In Charge of the Tabernacle"

I saw this broadcast and assumed Zach was on the payroll but he was not. It was only on the second of these Kelli Copeland shows that Bakker surprised Zach on the air and said he was going to hire him and place him on the payroll. That meams that Zach's management title was just that--a title and no money! Then, Bakker goes on and says that all of the "students" have been scholarshiped in (100% free room, board, & tuition) but that Zach's Dad has been financing him! Is this Dad so foolish to pay Bakker to keep his son at Morningside when every other parent can send their child there for free? Boy...Bakker must have seen this naive parent coming from a mile away! And now that Zach is about to be on the payroll, you can expect that, somewhere at Morningside, there is a husband with a wife and children to feed that will soon be out of a job. He will be coming in here to this site real soon and, Sir, I can't wait to hear what you are going to say!

Awaiting The Sex Scandal said...

Oh Lord, please tell me the soon to be released sex scandal does not involve Zach and Grandma Maxine. My heart couldn't take it!

Anonymous said...

Sex scandlal is Wendy Youngblood, Jerry Jones, Jim Bakker it's a triangle

Anonymous said...

Omg Jerry Crawford is just as big of a crook as Jim Bakker

Awaiting The Sex Scandal said...

Yikes!

Anonymous said...

To those posting on Jerry Crawford...what do you know about his wife Dee? The few times she has showed her face she doesn't look like a happy lady.

Grandma Char Groupie said...

Since someone said they knew Susan Ruiz personally, how about answering two simple
questions. Does she still live at Morningside?
If she does not, what happened to the $330,000 condo that she paid cash for? Thanks

Ron said...

If Zach is in charge of the tabernacle, then who's guardin' the feedin' trough?

Anonymous said...

The only way he is going to get students is to provide them with full scholarships. I wonder how much more money he takes in from donors to pay for the scholarships then he actually pays out on that subject.

burnjimburn said...

lmao. the feeding trough. what jim sees in zach is a fat piece of ass that he can sexually and financially use. zach has no charisma. he is worthless. a joke to everyone who doesnt worship at jim's feet. he will end up just like kevin shorey. i saw the christmas special jim's jacket was really funny.

No Nonsense Norski said...

That was some Christmas Party.

Haven't seen such a forlorn-looking audience since my aunt's funeral.

All they needed were matching robes and Nikes and it would have looked like the Heaven's Gate group of zombies.

Jim's "Michael Jackson-inspired Designer Jacket" provided a rakish statement of stardom, while keeping the look properly subdued with a shirt and necktie underneath. We notice the necktie peeking out of the jacket down in the nether regions.

We couldn't go out without a brand new 72nd Birthday Celebration Deal in honor of Jim "Sgt. Pepper" Bakker's birthday. SOS (same old shit)

But WAIT! There's MORE!

Sgt. Pepper wrangled poor pathetic Kevin into choking out a brand new commercial message to scare the shit out of the sheeple with warnings of food price hikes, running out of food, and who knows what calamities in 2012.

If that's not commercial television, I don't know what is!

And Ol' Jimbo is slithering by TAX FREE! Unbelievable.

Where are the feds?!?

Shiek said...

what Jim Baker needs a totally new approach to his program or at least a spinoff. I would suggest he work on the concept of a MTV idea, if he wants to capture a young audience and the hipster generation. I vision a program called "Real World, Morningside", where five crazy teenaged Christian live in the same house for six months. The cast would include Zack and that fat girl with the big thighs who danced at the Master's graduation as his love interest. The new black girl to add color, the dorky looking new guy as the brainy, rational one, Nolan as the prankster, a sort of "Puck" character with his monkeyshines and constant mischief. And the new pretty girl with the big boobs to add a sexual tension to the set. I think it would go over very well and capture a lot of converts to the fold. They could have a confessional segment entitled "what would Jesus do?" to keep in line with the religious theme of the show.

Anonymous said...

Jim's followers pay for the scholarships to the fake college. Kids attend this fake college "free" with those scholarships. Jim gets free help from the kids. He then lays off good hardworking family people. When he lays the good people off he has no unemployment insurance for them. He doesn't pay them for vacation pay due and other expenses. Jim the snake knows how to work everything to his advantage. The only thing prison did for this crook was give him time sitting in his cell to perfect his game!

Structure engineering 101 said...

All I can say they are taking one hell of a chance sitting Kevin and Zack on the same side of that raised stage. Talk about ballast fault, Jim always talks about disasters, he's looking at a potential big one with that kind of seating arrangement.

Brother Dortch said...

If you were present in person or if you saw the live streaming taping of the Christmas party I'm sure you remember at the end of this party they played a montage of various Bakker employees saying "Merry Christmas" on camera. This was pre-produced video. For example, one employee would say: "Hi, I'm so and so and I work in the so and so department and from all of us...Have a Merry Christmas!" The employees kept doing this and that is how the show ended. After this all concluded, Bakker was not on camera but some genius left his mic open. Someone must have said to Jim: "Hey, where is this or that person? Why weren't they on the tape?" Bakker then replied, before a full house of employees, that anyone who was not on the Christmas greetings tape was fired! While some in the audience knew he was joking, others took it seriously and came to Bakker and told him he was scaring a lot people in the audience to which he replied that he was glad he scared them all because that will teach them that next year, when the Christmas greetings tape is being recorded, they better be there or else!

This sick bastard cannot, on the most sacred day of the religion he claims to be a minister of, produce and host a party celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ without ruining it by threatening to fire employees en masse! Nice guy, huh?

Anonymous said...

My opinion all religious programing, with the possible exception of the old Billy Graham and John Ankerberry, is show biz, and as we know show biz is a dirty business, always was. That's why I'm not shocked at the goings on with Bakker. WHAT THE HECK DID YOU GUYS EXPECT!!!! I view the program like I'm watching comedy and enjoy it that way.

Anonymous said...

I like the story Jim tells about the time he was out at a restaurant or somewhere and somebody came up to him and spit in his face. Too bad that doesn't happen more often!

No Nonsense Norski said...

It is the best "Reality Show" on television.

Hollywood couldn't make this crap up!

Anonymous said...

when Bakker announced last week that he was putting Zack Drew onboard as a permanent paid employee instead of a temp. Zack was heard to respond "Right On"! The words of a prophet I guess, You can put a mink stole on a pig and it remains a Zack. Bakker won't even let him be an honest prophet. When he tasted the freezed dryed swill that Bakker sells and muttered the words "Pretty good"! Bakker was on him like flies on shit for using such a weak description.

Awaiting The Sex Scandal said...

One of the funniest things I heard was how both Bakkers literally threatened Zach about his choice of women to date. It was on the Kelli Copeland show Ron just reviewed. They told him that any woman in his life better meet the approval of both Jim and "Mama Lori" and Lori replied "You better believe it!" Remember that? Zach has to have his dates approved by his boss!

Bleeding liberal said...

One of the above posters said that Zack's Dad is footing the bill for Zack entire education at that phoney baloney school. Face the fact, Zack is your classic "couch potato", this is probably the last chance Zack has to make a livlyhood before it's the skids and streets. The Army sure as shit would not take that Jarba the Hut character. I wish him luck!!

Anonymous said...

They are taking donations for scholarships plus trying to get money out of these students. So he gets paid either way. Don't cost him a dime.

Anonymous said...

Want to see an 11 ft statue of Jesus ordered from China that is being put on display? Go to morningside. It just arrived. 12 tons.

Anonymous said...

Can't wait to see people bow down in front of it and worship it.

Grandma Char Groupie said...

Hey Morningside Employees!

Why is it that the brand new swimming pool was constructed and, other than an announcement by Bakker saying that it was about to be built, we heard nothing about this? Had this been back at the old PTL days, we would have had remote cameras there and been given daily updates on how the construction was coming along. Could it be that the pool was a Crawford-paid project and Bakker did not purposely want to promote it? When Jim lets a $60,000 swimming pool project pass by without saying a word there is something wrong. What is the official word at Morningside regarding this new pool? Why was it kept so hush hush?

Preecher said...

They must have been serving those emergency freeze dried K-rations at the Xmas party program the other day. You sure as hell didn't see any mad rush to the buffet table from the zombies, I bet if it was pizza from Garibaldi's or whatever that diner is called there would have been a stampede, by the looks of some of those employees they've never ate healthy their entire lives, fat slobs. BTW, to 7 is here, the only kind of prophet Zack is is a "prophet of shit".

Anonymous said...

Typical, China, the country with the worst human rights record in history. What better place to build a statue to the 'Prince of Love and Piece".

Anonymous said...

The pool was built only for Jim Bakker by Jim bakker staff paid by Morningside church

High School Kid said...

You gotta admit, someone up there likes him. I know good hardworking caring Christians who lose their homes and businesses and these are legit. good people. Sometimes I wonder if there really is a God and if there is does he really care.

Anonymous said...

Just watched the Christmas show. The Jim Bakker dyed his hair again! He swore on a show a few months ago that he was never dying his hair anymore and was going to be gray. LOL

Anonymous said...

High School Kid......Don't be fooled it's not God blessing Jim Bakker. I am sure God is even more angry about what Jim is doing than we are. In the bible it says to not envy the wicked man who seems to be prospering, eventually they will be snuffed out! God is just giving Jim a chance to realize what he's doing again is wrong. God won't put up with his shenanigans forever!

Anonymous said...

That Christmas party said it all, Jim Bakker gave Kevin a standing ovation for his rendition of "Oh Holy Night", that was OK, it was his choice. The sad part were the employees who felt compelled to also rise on account of their savior and master Jim. There were people who were obviously old and feeble, maybe even crippled who rose with obvious difficulty rather then to be later struck down by the wrath of Bakker. Also, Kevin saying that his father-in-law compared his singing of "Have a Holly Jolly Christmas" on the same level, just as good, as Burl Ives, was blasphemy and another petty but noticable hubrous lie.

Anonymous said...

I'm not surprised in the least that Kevin mentioned his father-in-law compared his singing of "Have a Holly Jolly Christmas" on the same level as Burl Ives. The professional quality of some of the Christmas show singing guests bore out the fact that Kevin is a mediocre singer at best. Kevin's insecurities about his singing skills needed a little inflation.

Anonymous said...

I feel for those Master's Kids, why? Because all of them have a lost look about them. It reminds me of Peter Pan's island of lost children. Sad. What scares me is Bakker, who also reminds me of the Pied Piper of hamlet town. Morningside reminds me of a type of colony, like you'd find in Brazil or Guyana complete with it "Furer principle". Goofy parents sending their kids to a place like that, spooky!!!

Relativism said...

This Morningside is nothing like the old PTL club was (yet!!), I remember Tammy Bakker wearing a mink stole on their Christmas Show with real Tiffany jewlery (not this faux garbage Jimbo is hawking). Jim Bakker was wearing a oyster Rolex that Tammy gave him as a Christmas gift. They unabashedly would show it off and brag about the other gifts, nobody had a clue? Jim Bakker is a living example of the saying "the Devil can cite Scripture for his own nefarious purposes". I don't think Jim is inherently evil, I think he's sick with some serious issues, one of those guys who will go to heaven (if there is one) cause he doesn/t really comprehend what he does. An imbalance somewhere.

Awaiting The Sex Scandal said...

If he is sick with some serious issues what's up with his wife and mother-in-law? A couple of moochers just along for the ride?

Anonymous said...

Don't envy Zach. He in over his head now, now he has no choice in the matter the day Jim approaches him and tells him he could really use a "backrub". Would you trade places with him? I don't care what Bakker pays him, I'd rather be a can collector then be there.

Awaiting The Sex Scandal said...

You can bet your last dollar poor Zach will be placed in some situation where, when Ricky is not around, he will be asked to rub Jim's neck or back or feet and, God forbid, Zach says "No". He will be outta there and fast.

libidobakkerx2 said...

Bakker is no fool, there may be love at Morningside, but there is no trust. Bakker will never put himself in a situation where he is alone for any length of time with Sasha or Ariel. He learned his lesson the first time. At least in a situation where he's alone with one of them and there are witnesses to that effect. He's like a fox now.

Awaiting The Sex Scandal said...

Zach will be physically pleasuring Bakker that's for sure. The question is how far will it go?

Anonymous said...

And not only will Zach be physically pleasuring Bakker, Zach will walk away from the session thinking he was performing God's will the entire time. He is too far gone from reality to know otherwise.

Anonymous said...

Nolan is the guy Bakker should not get caught alone with, no where, no how. He makes it a point to rehash how he was the victim of mulitiple sexual abuse by a family member, he'd have no qualms in cashing in on that with a Bakker scandal. That's one guy who'll never be put on the payroll with that type of baggage. Nolan is history after he gets his certificate of training. I'm sure it is not a degree or diploma.

Anonymous said...

Great point about Nolan. He would cash in on a sex scandal in a minute--after he told Bakker he liked it!

Mr.Misery said...

Nolan is the guy who you don't want to babysit any kids. He's kinda odd.

Awaiting The Sex Scandal said...

Things will definitely get steamy in the steam room if Bakker and Nolan were in there alone. That's for sure.

Buddy's Buddy said...

On the "gangsta rap" video, at the end, there was a
rasslin' session with Nolan and a large potato-like kid. Did you catch Nolan stomping the kid in the cajones right before the last frame as Nolan was getting up off of him? Nobody ever told this kid to play fair.

Anonymous said...

I saw that on the gangsta rap video and you could also hear a woman's voice (maybe it was Sasha?) saying that she thought they should all stop fighting now before someone sees them and they all get in trouble or words to that effect. The gansta rap video was located here:

http://youtu.be/KfjsSnapUXg

and now it's gone after Ron & Brother Dortch started talking about it. It was removed within less than 24 hours after the discussion began. Not only is this blog wiping the dirty ass of Bakker's ministry but he is making us pay for the toilet paper too! One would think a president of a college would have better control of his students than that.

I'm tired as hell and can't take this anymore!!!!!!!! said...

The best toilet paper is the degree those master media kids get when they graduated from that farce academy. BTW, 7 is here thinks Zach Drew is a renaissance man.

Anonymous said...

Zach Drew was part of the gangsta rap dancing crew on the vid that was removed. LOL

Anonymous said...

Oh, wait! I think four rolls of Charmin is worth more than the degree from that fake college. LOL LOL LOL

God directed me to this site:::: said...

I was going to search for the Jim Bakker webpage but this forum popped on. God works in mysterious ways.

God directed me to this site:::: said...

Wow!!!!! Glad I visited this site, sure saved a lot of money coming here first.. Thanks God.

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