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ELSIE & THE PENTECOSTALS and TELEVANGELIST

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Jim Bakker scribbles on Zach, talks junk with Bill Whaley part 2

Morningside Nazi awaiting orders from her Fuehrer

Isn't Bill Whaley on the show today? Where in the hell is he? Oh there he is, he's seated on stage allowing his good name and reputation to be used by convicted con man Jim Bakker to sell buckets of wheat. He hasn't been allowed to speak yet because Bakker's still busy milking him.

We get a video interlude with three of the Master's Media dummies making bread, and they've cracked open a business-expensed wheat bucket to do it. Their teacher for today is a female inbred named Janet Krehbiel. One look in her eyes tells me that this woman is fanatical about Jim Bakker. There's a certain fire burning in her eyes, but it's not the kind of fire that burns reassuringly in a fireplace on a cold winter evening. It's the sort of fire that burned witches at the stake; the sort of fire that burned piles of books in Nazi Germany.

Now just bake your survival bread in an electric oven...
We watch the kids bake bread. I assume this is meant to show people how useful their wheat buckets will be during the End Times? I'm counting a lot of ingredients that Jim doesn't sell which are part of this recipe. Yeast. Oil. Brown Sugar. We also have measuring cups, pots, and pans. And now we have the all-important electric or gas oven. Fraulein Krehbiel tells us that before baking the bread, we want to place it in a warmed oven to give it time to rise.

Wait, I'm confused: Is this survival bread, or just Sunday morning rise-and-shine bread? And why would anyone need a 45 lb bucket of wheat, and possibly ten buckets worth if you're stupid enough, when it takes only a few cups to make a loaf of bread? When Jim's scary-but-non-existent roving gangs are coming to rob and kill you, is bread-baking going to be high on your priority list? How would you even bake it if there's no electricity? This is lunacy, as in you are definitely koo-koo in the head if you think this is a smart thing to buy. Think zombies, you can do it if you try!

Sasha coloring outside the lines
The bread has been baked and now it's time to eat it. Sasha is very proud of her work. Has she never seen bread made before? Sasha wouldn't stand a chance in a survival situation. If she found herself stranded and starving in the Andes with the Uruguayan Rugby Team, she'd be the first to be eaten. You need to wake up, Sasha. Your cute smile, bubbly personality and empty head makes you ripe for the picking by some sleazy guy who will use you for his own personal gain. Case in point: Jim Bakker.

A Morningside Cafe specialty: The Yak-wich
They're adding mayonnaise, mustard, tomato and avocado to the bread now. When Sasha squeezes the mustard on her bread, she colors outside the lines and the mustard falls off and onto the side of the bread. Ms Volz...what are we going to do with you? You're so cheery and bright, but god you're dumb as a rock. How about scissors, are you skilled with scissors? Can we trust you with those, or do we need to worry that you'll accidentally lop off a finger while cutting around your barnyard animal doodles?

Lettuce and a Kraft cheese slice goes on the bread and now we have a disgusting, slimy, meatless sandwich for consumption. Sasha takes a big bite of it and gives the thumbs-up. There's no way that Sasha ate that whole thing, no way. My dog wouldn't even eat that, and he eats other dog's poop. The kids pose with Fraulein Krehbiel as she congratulates them on baking their bread. Great job kids, now let's go burn some books in the town square! Schnell!

Shemp laughs about the bread party he wasn't invited to
We're out of the interlude and back to the live show, talking to Sasha and Ariel about their big bread baking field trip. Shemp sits between the two and laughs awkwardly, but he wasn't invited to their bread baking party so he doesn't have anything to say. If you're keeping the hair then you better get used to the whole 'not-being-invited' thing. Trust me dude, cut it. You'll thank me.

Jim adds in a little fear-mongering in his last push of the wheat buckets, telling us “there's going to be some problems before 40 years, maybe before 40 days, I don't know. Things are coming loose, the wheels are coming off the wagon.” Alright Jim, the clock's ticking on your 40 days. This episode was broadcast on 2/27/12, and was probably shown live a week prior to that. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt though and toss you a few more days, you slithering snake. The wheels need to 'come off the wagon' by April 15th, tax day, otherwise you're being exposed as a con man who stokes fear in the minds of naïve people as a way to take their money. Is that reasonable? They're your words Jim, not mine. You say 40 days, I say okay. Let's see.

Sasha gives her review of the Yak-wich: "Ptooey!"
Arghh! Jim, are we getting to Bill Whaley or are we going to sit here all day talking about space food? Now we're on his $100 Mega Sampler bucket, and I just sat my ass through a full 60 seconds of Zach listing the contents of every packet in the bucket. What is this garbage, where's the gospel?

They continue on with the Mega Sampler bucket, and we're treated to a long shot of Zach that shows off his man boobs. Someone once mentioned that Zach was some sort of football star back home, but I'm not buying it. The guy looks about as athletic as an arthritic turtle. I don't deny that he may have played football, but playing a game is not the same as playing it well:

Zach's tits have now outgrown his training bra
After school, the kids line up against a wall to pick teams for intramural football. Only one kid remains, and neither team wants him. That kid is Zach Drew.

[Team A Captain] “Do we have to take him? Can we just play a man short?”
[Team B Captain] “He wants to play, and coach said we have to let everyone play if they want to.”
[Team A Captain] “Yeah but the last time we had him, he ran the wrong way with the ball. He scored against us!”
[Team B Captain] [laughing]“Heh, and he's gonna do it again today. That's our star player! Hurry up and pick him so we can get started.”
[Team A Captain] [groans and motions to Zach] “Alright, we'll take Pud. But dude, don't touch the ball this time. Just stand your fat ass out there and block.”

Morningside Lovebirds: 'Yep, thirty...long...years...'
We're finally out of Bakker's sales presentation and over to Kevin Shorey who's announcing the zombie anniversaries and birthdays. First up is a zombie couple that's been married for 30 years, and the marriage must be a grind because they're sitting about five feet apart at their table. These two love birds are seated so far apart, in fact, they may as well be sitting at different tables. That could change though, because they've just been given a coupon for Gilberti's to chow down on some anniversary pizza and reignite the flame of romance. Unfortunately, judging by the look of the place I don't know if that's gonna happen.

I always thought Gilbertis would be a little...classier?
This is the first time I've ever seen a picture of Gilberti's and it looks like it's going to be real cramped quarters inside this shack. I wouldn't rule out the possibility of a fist fight breaking out between the two as they react to the strain of being inside Mr Gilberti's Chicago-Style pressure cooker. I wonder what the fire marshal determined the maximum occupancy to be on a place like this, maybe 17 or so? It looks more Gas N' Go than Eating Establishment, and I must say: After all these years of hearing about Gilberti's, I really imagined something better than this. Enjoy your pizza you little lovebirds, and don't be surprised when you order Canadian Bacon and they don't have it.

Whenever Jim Bakker cultists laugh, I cringe
A birthday is up next. 'Miss Marilyn' the inbred is turning 60 today. Her hair is pulled off and braided down two sides like Sacagawea, making her look an awful lot like a burned-out hippie. I can imagine her escaping Jonestown just before Pastor Jones started serving up the purple Kool-Aid, but instead of swearing off charismatic religious leaders entirely, she ran right into Jim Bakker's loving arms at Heritage. I don't know what it is with these people, why must they always be looking for someone to follow? Are they incapable of leading themselves?

'Miss Marilyn' is being given a Lori Locket for her birthday, but when the gift is announced she pulls on her neck to reveal that she's already wearing one. Kevin corrects himself and says that she's being given a 'Lori Locket II”, so now she has another piece of junk jewelry to show off to her birds at home.

This zombie already had a Lori Locket...now she has two!
'Miss Marilyn' says that she's been eating for the last thirty years just as Jim is instructing now, "grinding mountain wheat and all that". She says that she and her husband also dumpster dive. Is there something going on in the world that I don't know about? What's up with all these people jumping head-first into garbage cans? Is this the new 'planking'?

Marilyn tells us that she's found things while dumpster diving that are 'unbelievable'. Maybe she found love in a dumpster? Perhaps the two of them jumped into Mr Gilberti's dumpster, found a day-old plate of spaghetti, then slowly ate from opposite ends of a noodle to ultimately find each other's lips?

Looks like someone has a man-crush on Jim Bakker...
Miss Marilyn's husband / brother is really starting to creep me out now. I think he's cockeyed, or else his glasses magnify his eyes to a level unfit for public consumption. As his wife continues talking, this guy gets a stare on his face that is truly terrifying. I'd say it's love for Jim Bakker that we're seeing, but if that's love, I sure as hell don't want to see hate. This guy is one of the scariest inbreds I've seen in a long time, and for the love of God I hope he never gets introduced to Joey from the band. Imagine those two driving around in Joey's windowless van at night?


Shorey passionately sings Karaoke from his chair
Nope, still no Bill Whaley. Now Kevin's giving us a taste of his singing chops with a song called You Can Begin Again, and he's doing it from a seated position. Where else on earth does a singer who wants to be taken seriously perform his song from a chair? Chair-singing is for karaoke, Kevin. Are you going to pass the mic to Jim and Lori next for their duet of Islands in the Stream?

While Kevin sings from the chair, he crosses his legs at the hocks to keep himself from spinning or rocking in his big swivel chair. Kevin's pants are bunched up around his thighs and one pant leg is hiked up far enough to expose his leg above the sock.

Kevin locked his hocks and hiked his pants for Karaoke
How are we supposed to take you serious, Kevin, if you aren't taking yourself seriously? If you present yourself as a slob, people will treat you as one. Go get yourself on a diet and exercise program and get the hell off Jim's show. You're wasting your life with Jim Bakker, and worse, you're slowly being corrupted by him. You can begin again, Kevin. Listen to your song! Enough with this Bakker fella, he's no good.

Finally it looks like it's time for Bill Whaley. Are we sure now, Jim? Is there anything else you'd like to sell before we get started?


Bakker digs a dollar out of his pants for Bill Whaley
Whaley begins talking for the first time. He seems like a pleasant enough guy, a little on the boring side but he appears to mean well. He tells us about his life as a helicopter pilot in the military. He goes off on a tangent about the government taking from us without giving, but it's nothing conspiratorial so that's a plus. He gives an illustration of this by asking Jim for a dollar, then taking it and not giving it back. This was pre-scripted and sort of dumb, but I liked that Bill called Jim 'Mr Bakker' when he asked for the dollar. Even though this conversation is very boring, I get the sense that the Junk Man ain't takin' no guff from 'Mr Bakker'. Keep it up Bill and you'll escape with your integrity intact!

FBI agent Bill Whaley pockets Bakker's bribe money
About that dollar. Whaley is still holding on to it, folded and cupped in his hand. I know the dollar hand-over was scripted, but at some point the scripted part would end and Whaley would return the dollar to Jim. It hasn't happened yet and it's making Bakker real anxious. Like a dog eying a biscuit treat, Jim is fixating on the dollar. I wonder if Jim can actually smell money like a drug hound?
Lori takes Jim for a security walk through Morningside, after-hours. Jim suddenly perks up:
[Jim Bakker] “Hold on Lori. Wait!”
[Lori Bakker] “What is it old man!? Is someone in here?”
[Jim Bakker] “No, I smell something.”
Bill Whaley still hasn't returned Jim's dollar
Jim twitches his nose, sniffing at the air. He points his wet snout towards the statue.”
[Lori Bakker] “Is it the statue? You know I had to yell at some little shits yesterday to get off of it, they were trying to climb it.”
Jim bolts towards the statue, excitedly sniffing the ground around it. Underneath a prayer bench, he finds a wallet.
[Jim Bakker] “This is it, this is what I smelled. Money.”
Lori picks up the wallet and opens it. Inside she finds three crumpled dollar bills, a Builder's Club card, and a Medicare card.
[Lori Bakker] [unwrinkling the bills] “Wow someone's poor!” [snorting laughter]
Jim suddenly leaps towards the bills, jaws open. He clamps down hard on the money as Lori tries to fend him off.
[Lori Bakker] “Jim, no! You'll rip them!”
Bill Whaley points at Jim Bakker
Bill Whaley appears to have completely taken over the show, and now he's asking rhetorical questions. Bakker ain't going for this shit. Whaley points at Jim and begins a question with, “Let me ask you this Mr Bakker...” Jim scratches his face as Whaley asks the question of him, a sure sign of being pissed off by his guest. Whaley reminds me of a hack salesman that works off a memorized script, like a guy trying to sell me stain protection on my carpet. He's probably working to a big finale to dazzle us, perhaps pouring wine on the carpet then cleaning it off, but he's doing a lot of ponderous prep work here and I don't think the payoff is going to be worth the time. The only reason I haven't hit fast-forward yet is because he's making Jim sweat.

A seething Jim Bakker fake smiles for the Junk Man
Bill asks Jim what the difference between alternative and renewable energy is. Jim paints a fake smile on his face and replies that he 'isn't sure of the difference, but he can guess'. Bakker looks like he's positively seething inside, like he wants to snap his fingers in front of Whaley's face and tell him to hurry up and get to the point because time is money. Whaley now poses the question to the audience. There's nobody left in the audience. We glimpse the front row and all we see are two empty chairs and three zombies, one of which is Whaley's wife. The Junk Man is driving 'em away, and fast. Bakker's gonna have to step in at some point here to save the day's sales.

"It's just natural gas, so what!?"
The Junk Man says that he owns two homes, one of which is in Missouri and is 'totally off the grid.' He says that nobody knows where his Missouri home is. He probably had neighbors once, then drove them all away with his long-winded monologues on junk and junk accessories. The Junk Man says he takes the fart gas off his septic tank and uses it to cook and heat his house with. I notice that his body language becomes defensive when mentioning that little detail about his septic tank, as if someone has given him crap about it before. If I asked him if his house smells like poop when he heats it, he would probably get real touchy about it and quickly come over the top of me to tell me that it's just natural gas. Right Bill, but what does it smell like?
[Ron] “I understand that it's just natural gas Bill, but...
[Bill Whaley] [interrupting] “That's right! It's just natural gas!'”
[Ron] “Okay, well let me ask you like this. Does it smell good, or does it smell bad?”
[Bill Whaley] [raises voice] “It doesn't smell anything! It's just natural gas, what's the big deal!”
Shorey: "God is this Whaley guy boring or what?"
The Junk Man tells us that he's a 'non-conformist' and that he has two sets of rules he believes in: the bible and the Constitution. This receives a round of applause from everyone on stage, plus someone in the audience that I can hear clapping very, very fast. I'm not sure if people are clapping for his comment, or because it's their chance to cut him off.

Jim asks him how he got the name 'The Junk Man'. Before answering, Whaley finally gives Jim his dollar back. Jim fake laughs, then hands the dollar to Lori and tells her, “Oh that's nice. Here honey. You need a dollar.” That's actually a pretty smooth move on Jim's part. Never let them see you handling money, Jim. That'll make it harder to bring a case against you.
Whaley's audience: Three zombies and two empty chairs
I'm this close to hitting fast-forward on Whaley, he's boring me to tears. At least I can play a little game in my head as he drones on. I'm trying to figure out what items on his person were scavenged from a garbage can, and which are new.

I don't think the suit jacket came from the garbage. The purple dress shirt, that's new too. The tie most likely came from a wedding reception's trash bin and probably had the Best Man's vomit on it. The accessories, now those were all scavenged from a stink can. The frame for his glasses would have come from the trash, maybe the lenses too. He has a tight bracelet on one wrist that looks like it's cutting off his circulation. That was definitely taken out of the garbage. On his other hand, he's wearing an onyx ring. That ring, plus the watch he's wearing, were probably hurled into an Indian Casino dumpster by a furious, red-faced drunk who just lost his house on a Super Bowl bet. We can't see the wallet that Whaley's sitting on, but that came from the drunk too. It contained no money, only a bunch of expired, losing lottery tickets. Now it belongs to the Junk Man.

"Gud vork mein students! Now ve vill burn BOOKS!"
Jim plays his trump card. If he can't stop the Junk Man real-time, he'll fix him in editing. Whaley tells a story about a crazy lady who invited him to lunch to pick his brain. The story ends abruptly with faked, archived applause from the audience, then moves right into a Jim Bakker commercial. I don't think I've ever been so happy to see a commercial from Jim. It's a Silver Sol commercial, with a very happy sounding Kevin Shorey doing the voice over.

Click here to read the finale of Jim Bakker scribbles on Zach, talks junk with Bill Whaley.

267 comments:

«Oldest   ‹Older   201 – 267 of 267
Craig said...

Joe C.
I have a win/win solution to your dilemma. Lease your house and property to morningside (short term year by year).
My thought is the fake church could use it for the fake college to house a fake fraternity. The fake students could lounge around and drink fake beer and eat fake food while they pass around their one laptop and make fake posts on the Foodbucket Fanpage.
I propose phi alpha kappa epsilon: beta kappa rho chapter.

Grandma Maxine said...

Joe C. Tell us how the meeting went.

Anonymous said...

Three words: Lambda Lambda Lambda

Grandma Char Groupie said...

Sign for Joe C.

"Grandma Char is Sexy--Jim is a Liar!"

Joe C Blue eye, Missouri said...

I saw a very strange thing on the way home from work tonight. A bunch of 'Inner City' people ransacking a truck on highway 86. I wonder what that was all about.

Joe C Blue eye, Missouri said...

The issue is not what went on at the meeting Grandma, the issue is the excuses for the lack of communication afterwards. A spade is a spade. on

Jessica said...

Morning side clowns don't believe in Jesus...they never mention the gospel they just whine about their poor little Jimmie Bakker. And Bakker doesn't have to respond, he is busy in the back room counting money and laughing. I watched 1/2 hour of his show and couldn't watch it anymore. When Bakker wrote 666 on Zack's forehead I thought he should be arrested for molestation, but I noticed the big smile on Zack's face. Maybe he thought it was "foreplay"...must of read Jessica Hahn's account. Bakker used some type of "marker" on her too! But she was given $200,000+ church money to not tell on him and Zack got another week on the show. Bakker will never be able to run away from his history...its the sowing and reaping thing! Sorry Zombies...hang in there!

Anonymous said...

The slogan for Morningside has already been established, remember? It's something like, "We believe in Jesus. Rot in hell, sinners!"

Tanya said...

Jim Bakker's show has shifted a little, I noticed - he used to say because they had no commercials they had to raise money themselves to stay on the air (therefore love gifts and what you got for the money), now they actually break and go to commercials (for their food, filters etc), and Jim Bakker says their "announcers" will give all the details of the offers.

But, it looks like one thing has not happened for them yet - Jim was talking about testing a new type of generator, said everyone can survive, "where there's a will there's a way" - Jim added he did not mean the kind of will where someone dies and leaves you a lot of money...

Lori's immediate response?

"No-ones done that yet... ahhahaha."

Kool-Aid Kid said...

Joe C here's my idea of a sign.

Jim Bakker + The Book of Revelations = $$$$$$

hey I could be a math teacher for Jim's fake school too!! LOL LOL

Anonymous said...

Jim Bakker always has and always will stand for what's wrong with America!
Insatiable desire for money, power, illicit sex, thievery, lying, using and abusing people.......

Not4Prophet said...

Long-time watcher here - at the very least Jimbo is guilty of 'bait and switch'. His Morningside compound was touted to be a 'retreat' for Christians (read rich retired rolling stones), where their needs would quietly and peacefully be met. Fast forward to Grace street shows, where he introduced the teen-agers and their music being blared through the condos thin walls and the settlers in the compound did NOT approve. So it seems now his M.O. is living his second childhood and catering to the Now and New Generation.

Another small example is now that dehydrated chemically treated food is his mantra, he no longer raves about all the fresh fruit he eats every day, - and abrakadabra, the plates full of freshveggies are missing from his table on the show everyday.

I don't believe he can serve two masters!

Anonymous said...

Jessica,

You are right about the Morningside people. They are always defending their god Jim instead of defending God.

They haven't answered Brother Dortch's question yet either. Come on Morningside people, answer the question, was Susan Ruiz treated in a christian like way out there at your compound?

Kool-Aid Kid said...

How long to we have to wait until they unveil a statue of the god Frog on Moronside Street? I can see it now, he'd be sporting a cap, greasy smile and would be clutching a space food bucket. Of course it would be a much bigger statue than the Jesus one.

Anonymous said...

Watched the end of the show today. Jim is hawking generators for $1700 now!! What happened to Lori's face and lips, YIKES! That is one bad botox job!

Anonymous said...

Get a sign reading; The end is coming, prepare to meet thy doom. Jim is clear about the future, look at the world, terroist, natural disasters (jim called those, you can't argue that), porn, vice, crazy muslims. JoeC. did you ever think maybe Jim is busy, be patient. Don't go running around half cocked. Don't get involved with thses Bozos again.

Kool-Aid Kid said...

The Phophet Frog speaks on his March 22 Moronside Show.

"God's been speaking to me this night .. the last two ... last night ... the night ... (snorts his nose) ... there's a corr, calamity coming that's ... (loud sucking sound from his lips) ... woooooooooo ... it's just soooo different ... it's ... ya the earthquakes are coming and the ... I believe there's going to be some big ones soon."

Honestly, won't you think the Frog's God would warn us and give people a the date of the earthquake at least.

New & Improved Kool-aid Kid said...

This person who posted above talks sense.

Anonymous said...

LOL @ 8:38,

You just said what some zombie denied..."Jim says the end of the world is coming." Don't you understand our disdain for you all. If the end of the world is coming you don't need Jim's silver sol, iodine, buckets of food, tents, generators, watches, vitamins, wheat buckets,........AND YOUR MONEY!!!!

If the end of the world is coming Jim doesn't need a pool, condo, lake home, new car, designer clothes, Lori's house, new roads, Tabernacle, amphitheatre, botox, plastic surgery, vacations, new cameras, sound studios, Masters Commission, campgrounds, bathrooms.........AND YOUR MONEY!

If everything is crashing and money is going to be worthless, then Jim should quit asking everyone to send it to him. What does he need all the above for if it's just going to end up being destroyed!!!

Think zombie, think...I know it's asking a lot out of you after all these years of not exercising the brain muscle. You need to jump on that trampoline more, maybe the blood will start flowing and go to the brain. Do what you can to get that thing going again! Until you can do that I suggest going back down to that underground bunker, you will be safer there and so will we!

Anonymous said...

There is nothing new happening in the world. There have always been earthquakes, famine, war, rumors of war, floods and plagues. I agree we're living in the "end times" but there really isn't anything unusual in history happening.

As for Jim predicting natural disasters and terrorist acts, would have been nice if he had told everyone *before* they happened. Like when he had a national audience on CNN's "Larry King Live" in 2000. If I remember correctly, Jim received his revelation of "31 things that will come to pass shortly" in 1999.

Anonymous said...

AMEN!!!! Anonymous @ 9:08

Kool-Aid Kid said...

Further to my last post concerning Bakker's earthquake chat with his God. Let me ask you, if your God spoke to you don't you think you'd know the time of that conversation?
Jim said on his tv show it was:

" this night " Jim, the show is being taped in the afternoon. Are you prophesying that this happened in the future?

"the last two" Now it's two not one night Jim?

"last night" Okay we're back to only one night now.

"the night" Not too specific on this on at all.

"snort" A classic way to end a message from your God. Classy Jim.

Anonymous said...

The junkman is one of those guys who thinks he's going to live forever. It is fine to be frugal but this guy goes overboard, nickle and diming everything. I bet his idea of a vacation is to mosey on down to the park and feed the pigeons. I futher bet this guy is loaded and when he croaks will leave everything to the state, if he outlives his wife who, if she inherits everything, will marry another guy that'll live like a King off of Junkman's stash of cash. I've seen this scenerio about a dozen times. Junkman's a sucker!!!!

Good Deal said...

You can buy the complete Junkman's set of DVDs for $50.00 on Jim's Homepage. Not a bad deal considering what you'll save.

Anonymous said...

I am a naturopath (and no, I am not making that up) and I am of the impression that Bakker is selling products that contain colloidal silver. If that is the case, then I warn people who buy it that they need to talk to a knowledgeable person in the natural health field about the potential dangers of ingesting colloidal silver. I know that in at least one nation, it has been banned from consumer use. It has caused kidney problems and, in some cases, a strange illness that causes permanent discoloration of the skin. I personally occasionally use CS when I have a cold or infection, but VERY CAREFULLY and in small amounts. I take it very seldom. Bakker should not be selling it to the mass market if he is. There is potential for many uninformed people to be made ill by it.

Anonymous said...

To the above^^^. Does or is it good for the immune system?

No exaggeration said...

On the earlier shows, Kevin used to "chug-a-lug" a whole bottle, like it was malted milk, that could not have been very wise. He would put the bottle up to his lips and down the entire thing in one gulp.

Anonymous said...

First of all to the boring, bleeding heart liberal soccer mom anon 10:07am,I believe the commenter of 9:22/9:36am was referring to an episode where the masters kids were discussing sms language, and technology with Jim and Lori. James started talking about how the hashtag is used in twitter and how he likes to tweet #Jesus to show everyone how much he loves Jesus. Lori then said "hash like you smoke?" DO YOU EVEN WATCH THE GDMN SHOW? NEWBIE:P

Word on the street is that Jim has been talking about buying some land in Guyana.

Anonymous said...

@1:55- It's true, read the same thing on his website. What do you suppose he is planning to do all the way in Guyana, isn't that in North Central America?

Kool-Aid Kid said...

Anon@155pm&Anon@238pm

The first zombie is hired as the coach for the moronside soccer team and the second can be the geography professor. But no, wait ........ your BOTH moronside students so that can't work. Sorry.

the watchdog said...

LOL- touche!! KaK

Anonymous said...

Pastor Bakker has hosted Doctors associated with the Silver Sol, why haven't they said it is to be used in moderation. I think they would say something about the hazzards of over use.

Craig said...

LMAO@4:11. Anyone on that stupid show is fake, who are these phony doctors? The only thing real associated with jim bakker is the fraud that he performs.

Ron said...

I'm just a little bit behind schedule here. Still cropping photos, so the finale will be done either late tonight or tomorrow mid-day.

"Dr" Gordon Pedersen, the Silver Sol quack, is not a medical doctor. Funny that was recently been mentioned, because my upcoming post covers that very thing.

Whoever it was that said they emailed me, I didn't get anything.

To be clear, foodbucketfanpage@gmail.com is the correct email address for contacting me.

As I said earlier, this is how I will post from now on (with Blogger profile). Any other comments using my name should be regarded as purposeful deception on the part of Jim Bakker's Master's Media 'prophets'.

Anonymous said...

Wow - the narcisistic ego of this phony Pastor is in full view for all to see. The fear tactics regarding the East Coast being wiped out is outrageous! There are no checks and balances - he's allowed to say all this crazy fear-inducing "prophesies" without anyone questioning him? I'd like to sell a bridge in Brooklyn to all the mindless sheople who buy into this nonsense.

Those poor young adults being forced to sit there on set and nod like trained bobbleheads at the appropriate moments and look like they're interested. Kevin, having a little age on the young adults, often looks disgusted and revolted by the ridiculous claims of the phony. And Bill Ballenger, when the camera showed him sitting in the audience, also looked dismayed and disgusted by the histrionics of the elf. I wanted to watch yesterday's show to count the times the elf interrupted Lori, but honestly couldn't stomach more than 5 minutes before I fast forwarded due to extreme disgust by the ridiculous claims. What a ego maniac and self-obsessed phony the elf is! And I must admit I'm dismayed and disgusted also with the people who buy this fake food - just stock your pantry with canned goods for an emergency - they will last a long time. Stupidity of the American public never fails to amaze....

Jessica said...

The Bible says "believers are to pray without ceasing" but Bakker thought it said "Sell without ceasing".

When Bakker said God speaks to him in the middle of the night (REALLY?)I have to crack up because God speaks to me too. He told me the next time Bakker writes on someone's face...he will visit the second plague on Bakker. The first plague is obvious....frog.

Tanya said...

Bakker says what is convenient for him at the time, and will also say that God told him, if that helps.

Jim's given a few different reasons for being sent to prison - during the Rabbi shows Jim added another possible reason.

I found the reason (one day in prison for every Sabbath that Jim did not rest) interesting because: (a) it was a new one, (b) Jim's claim was exactly what the Rabbi was talking about, and (c) Jim said God told him this.

So very convenient... I can only imagine Jim's twisted thinking: the Rabbi is talking about the Sabbath and the consequences for not resting, I'll say God told me that same thing when I went to prison... everyone knows I actually went to prison, therefore this will prove God actually speaks to me, and then I can tell people things, say that God told me, and sell more stuff.

will not donate said...

I will no longer donate to Morningside..........I WILL BE INVESTING IN IT!! Check out the new generator the Pastor will be premiering, that is the money maker of the future. It was standing room only in theaudience when saw yesterday's show on the TV. Even you folks have to admit great things are happening there. Jim will be showing some of his old PTL footage so we all are in for a treat in the near future, those were the good old days, good times. Joe C. unless you can get a bunch of folks to hold signs with you, you're going to look like a kook out there alone.

Anonymous said...

People with concerns about the claims the doctor, Jim, and Lori are making about Silver Sol, sleep bands, potassium iodide, etc should contact the Trinity Foundation:

http://www.trinityfi.org/investigations/alert_abuse.html

Kool-Aid Kid said...

Anon"investor"@828am

"I will no longer donate to Morningside"

Now that's a good old zombie. I'm proud of you. ;))

"..........I WILL BE INVESTING IN IT!! "

Ohhhhh no!!! A sudden "moronside" relapse has sent you into a deep zombie state again. There was so much hope for you but it is gone now. You poor stupid zombie.

"Check out the new generator the Pastor will be premiering, that is the money maker of the future."

Yes, and I'm more than sure there will be cheaper and more efficent ones coming out that will outdate it. Invest all you want but remember, The World Is Coming To An End you silly zombie.

"It was standing room only in theaudience when saw yesterday's show on the TV."

That's because oversized zombies and walkers take up too much room.

"Even you folks have to admit great things are happening there. "

No I don't.

"Jim will be showing some of his old PTL footage so we all are in for a treat in the near future, "

... but no footage of the Frog being taken to jail though right?

"those were the good old days, good times"

.... of robbing people of their money.

"Joe C. unless you can get a bunch of folks to hold signs with you, you're going to look like a kook out there alone"

Never heard of a billboard zombie? Billboards say things BIG.

Brother Dortch said...

Good afternoon everyone!

I would like to respectfully take exception to the poster two responses up @8:28 in his response which reads like it was obviously written by JimBob himself. The large crowd in the audience they are referring to had absolutely nothing to do whatsoever with the selling of that "fuel-less generator". It just so happened, on the day that generator was introduced by Bakker on his show, the crowd was larger than normal due to the fact that the day was set up, in advance, to be "The Return of Tammy Sue."

Both Lori and her Mom and other staffers, along with Grandson James, knew about this, in advance, and they all nearly blew it when Jim heard rehearsal singing in one of the condos above Grace Street and felt the voice sounded a lot like Tammy Sue. I am sure they sold this return of Bakker's long lost daughter to each and every person who attended that day and convinced them to show up strictly for that reason. But, as usual, things are twisted out of proportion when they get written about by Bakker supporters and now I will let you all know what the real truth is.

People started arriving that day at 10:00 a.m. Shows used to be taped at 10:30 a.m., then were moved to 11:00 a.m. That is, if they are on time and they are never on time. They also were not on time that day either.

In fact, according to Jim, himself, the show taping almost did not happen on that day at all. Why? Jim stated that his blood pressure was up and his nerves were acting up because he had just spent the morning arguing, shouting, and yelling with someone on the phone. He announced on the show he did not even want to come out and tape any shows at all. While he would not say who he spent the morning shouting and yelling to, he did happen to mention, in the same breath, that the devil is coming against him in his desire to buy Morningside from the present owners. Could it be possible the bank will not give this felon a loan for that many millions and it is upsetting Jim? After all, when you collect Social Security and are dependent on it to live, as Jim also announced on a prior show, and your take home pay is only $400 a week, maybe the bank is weighing these factors and does not feel as though Bakker is a good credit risk.

Finally, at Lori's urging, this show did eventually get taped with some unknown guy whose first name was St. John and this guy is somehow connected with the fuel-less generator. Frank Davis, of Food For Health, is the chief investor, if not owner, of the generator that Bakker is selling. And, on that day, sell is exactly what Bakker did! With the large crowd present, and Bakker having no knowledge of the fact that Tammy Sue was upstairs and waiting to make her surprise appearance during the second verse of Kevin Shorey's song, when she would open the doors behind ole' JimBob and come out singing, Jim proceeded to go on for literally hours (at least four or more) about this generator. He went on so long, in fact, that people were literally walking out! After a late start and four-hours of this nonsense, Bakker was losing his audience and losing them fast.

By the time the day's taping was completed, Jim and Lori made an on the air announcement thanking what few audience members remained with them and saying that:

SOME OF THEM HAD BEEN SEATED THERE FOR A TOTAL OF SEVEN STRAIGHT HOURS!

That is exactly right. Seven-hours sitting there and nearly all the audience could not handle that time frame (Can you blame them?) and walked out.

So, the next time either Jim, himself, or one of his stooges comes here telling you how advertising a generator can fill up Jim's audience, please remember my posting and ask yourself if "The Return of Tammy Sue" for the very first time in eight-years may, just possibly, have had a little something to do with any of those folks being there!

I'd sit with my back to the wall. said...

Some of those members of the audience looked "disturbed", I don't mean angry disturbed but crazy disturbed. Was it bus day at the local State Hospital (Criminal Section)????,,,,,,"Spooky"!!!!

Anonymous said...

Did anyone else notice that Jim was going on and on about all his appliances that he plugged into the generator - big TV, Ipad, Blu-ray... that's quite a bit of technology for someone that never seems to understand it and lives on $400 a week.

Tanya said...

Brother Dortch - do you know, I was just thinking yesterday how repetitive Jim is in his shows. In the shows in my area Jim is going through the 7 angels - if I had a dollar for every time Jim said "trumpeted" in the past few TV shows, I could go out for a fancy dinner. Or, perhaps the "younger generation" could make a drinking game out of it - "pick a word, let's pick 'trumpeted' - every time Jim says "trumpeted" drink a shot!"

If that is how repetitive the TV shows are, and filming can go on for 7 hours - I cannot even imagine the torture of being in that audience.

Anonymous said...

Jim is allowed 400 but Lori and Jim live on many times that amount. That 400 is Jim's "chump change", money for lottery, booze, snacks that sort of stuff. "Play money", "feel good money".

Anonymous said...

@11;10.. HA!! Billboard!! How long do you think an anti-bakker billboard will last here? This is bakker country!! We are loving, peaceable God fearing people. But, we don't like to be pushed and taunted and made fun of, we take our Religion seriously. This is God country.

Brother Dortch said...

"The Return of Tammy Sue" taping occurred on Thursday, March 8, 2012and there were no shows (except the one previously mentioned) taped during her entire one-week visit there. She had arrived the night before, on Wednesday, March 7, 2012, and was secretly swept into an upstairs condo, until she made an appearance on the show the very next day. It was feared that if Kevin Shorey made an appearance at Sissy's condo and rehearsed with her, Jim might possibly hear it and the surprise of her visit would be exposed. Instead, Shorey would go on to call Sissy on the phone and explain to her the key of the song as well as to hold a mini-rehearsal by having both him and her sing to each other on the phone. That was the only practice each of them received in singing together. The name of the song was "The Blood".

As most of you know, Bakker was nearly in tears saying he had received a word from God and was going to prophecy that Sissy would indeed visit Morningside and would indeed sing again. This word from God was later confirmed, during the March 8, taping, to actually be Tammy Sue (who I didn't know was "God") when she stated that she had told her Dad, on the phone, that she had assembled enough new material and songs to record a brand new album. Indeed, the two had had a one-hour phone conversation the week before Sissy came to Morningside.

Upon her arrival at Morningside, the web site was immediately updated and a brand new Tammy Sue program was scheduled to be taped that following Tuesday, March 13, 2012. After advertising this program, in advance, for some reason, the program did not go forward and was cancelled. Because of the fact that at least five new shows could be edited from the incessant ramblings of Bakker during the March 8, 2012 SEVEN-HOUR YAWN FEST, a one-week vacation was taken and absolutely no programs were recorded during that next week. After arriving at Morningside the night of Wednesday, March 7, 2012 and appearing on her Dad's show the next day, Tammy Sue quickly departed exactly one week later and left Morningside on Wednesday, March 15, 2012.

For those who may be wondering: Yes, Tammy Sue is still friends with her girlfriend, Dana, and mentioned that her and Dana had spoken on the phone since Sissy had arrived at Morningside. Others of you may recall that, during year one on Bakker's new show, it was Tammy Sue, Lori Bakker, and Tammy Sue's girlfriend, Dana, that got into a huge fight which caused Sissy to disappear completely from her Dad's how and not return for eight years.

Bakker is now boasting that there is a recording studio, as he put it, "just down the road" from Morningside and, unlike most people who simply rent studio time and move on, he now wants to purchase the studio and own it outright. An EXCELLET INVESTMENT in these last days and times--a recording studio to record your daughter's album!

Brother Dortch said...

Please allow me to correct my typo by saying that Tammy Sue left Morningside on Wednesday, March 14, 2012 and not the 15th as I stated above.

Tanya: Seven hours is a mighty long time and now you see why nobody was left even though the return of Tammy Sue was supposed to be such a wonderful event. Jim basically ruined it with his selling of Frank Davis' generator!

Kool-Aid Kid said...

Anon "engineer" @ 1256pm

How many Bakker Moronside zombies does it take to destroy an anti-Frog billboard?

Twenty. One with an eletric chainsaw and nineteen to figure out how to start the generator.

Brother Dortch said...

Kool Aid:

While that is indeed a good one, I must give credit to Joe C. for one of the finest Morningside jokes I have ever heard.

Q) What is the best pickup line ever used at Morningside?

A) "Nice tooth!"

ROFLMAO !!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Betcha Joe C. has heard that one addressed to himself many, many, many times. Too much free "take home" slices of Dino cakes.

Craig said...

@12:56
You are not religious towards God and his teachings or you wouldn't be a follower of the heretic bakker. Soon he'll be selling coffins and telling you they are personal doomsday bunkers and you stupid zombies will buy them. You'll have yourselves buried in them and await the apocalypse. Meanwhile, jim will buy more stuff and build more stuff with the money he's conned you out of.

Baker is not welcome here! said...

@12:56 WHAT?????!!!!!

BAKKER COUNTRY!! NOT!!!!! I live in the area...this is NOT Jim's country! For every person that likes Jim, there are 10 that hate him and wish he had never come here!

I know some people from Morningside, when we first met them they wouldn't admit they lived there. Not all of the people at Morningside are senile. Some have seen the truth and are sorrow they moved there. Many others have moved out of there but still live here in the area, we hear their horror stories. Jims country sounds like living hell and certainly not Gods country!

Do you really believe that you are loving, peaceable, God fearing people? Would Susie Ruiz and her girls agree with you? How about the many others that have moved away from there because they were harassed and abused by you loving people! You don't like to be pushed, taunted, and made fun of. So why do you do that to the good people that move out there that aren't like you all out there? Guess you people don't care for people who are true christians because they are so unlike you! You God fearing people don't fear Him enough, the folks that have moved out of there are Godly people, God will repay them for the evil done to them! The consequences will be on you all! What is wrong with you people at Morningside? The stories I have heard are of horrendous abuse. The behavior of the people of Jim Bakker Ministry and Morningside village is more in line with people of a cult with occultic practices. The stories make me wonder what "religion" are you all!

7777 oh said...

All the world religions were or started as "cults", Christianity, Hebrew, Islam, and even the athiest choice Buddhism. Cults are not a bad thing as long as they don't get too nutty. If Jim's preaching is a seed cult, well that's not a bad thing in itself. Stop using the "C" word to shock, you are all hypocrites cause this here place is a pretty good example of a cult itself.

Anonymous said...

7777....

Jim Bakker's cult is not a good thing. They say they worship God but they don't! The behavior at Morningside is demonic!

Craig said...

Kool Aid Kid. Has the history professor position been filled yet? I think the 7777 just applied for it. Although 7777 is admitting to being a member of two cults, I don't think that should prohibit him or her from being appointed to the faculty.

Admin. Hall said...

Putting Craig and the Kool-Aid kid in any administrative faculty filling position is like putting the Nutty professor and Bozo in charge of a Nuclear Power station. We know better then that and only assign professionals.

Anonymous said...

Admin hall:


LOL at you. We know how nuts you all are out there. If they released Charlie Manson and his girlfriends they could all move to Morningside and fit right in. And they are seniors now too! Manson was also teaching his family about a coming apocalypse also. He called it Helter Skelter. Sounds like he and Jim would get along really well!

Kool-Aid Kid said...

Craig,

Admin Hall, although stupid, is probably best in the moronside power generator bunker. Admin Hall will maintain and test run backup power for Jim Bakker's condo in the event of blackout conditions from End Days events.

Grandma Maxine said...

Joe C. What was the meeting about? Do you plan to have another, is that possible? Any details would be interesting.

Anonymous said...

I am told that the people at Moronside French kiss squirrels. JimmyBob taught them how. Run, furry tails, run!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

@4:44...Well anon guy, who probably is the Kool-aid kid, you can french kiss my butt.

Craig said...

@Admin hall
So what qualifies one to be professional by morningside standards? What kind of degree does a professor need to possess to instruct the students? What are the minimum ACT or SAT scores of the students admitted? I don't expect a response since we all know it is a fake school with no qualified teachers.

Craig said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

I know a slick trick that Jim might have pulled if he couldn't get anyone to give him credentials. When you start your religious not for profit organization, the first step is drafting letters of incorporation. The govt. will not recognize an organization as a tax exempt not for profit unless it is incorporated. One section of the letters of incorporation includes the functions of the organization. If it is a religious organization, it is understandable that one of the functions will include ordination and licensure of appropriate candidates. What makes an appropriate candidate is not spelled out. My ex, who was almost as slick as Jim, had trouble getting credentials so the first thing he did after setting up his own organization was to credential himself.

Anonymous said...

The ONLY reason anyone would criticize others, (Weather you admit it or not) is because there is something about that person that YOU ARE JEALOUS OF!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...


Beware! We will all answer to God for all of the words we speak!!

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